#cantfeel

[ithisatanytime]

(²yer bby)

[i-m-a-wallflower]

She told me "don't worry", no more

[optimisticpersontheoristus-blog]

why do I have to always be the one stuck with the shitty relationships where they don’t care about me. People tend to leave me and fall out of love with me as soon as i open up to them or feel like they have to be with me because of my past. the one person i thought loved me is growing so distant from me, and one day he wanted to have a “break” and even he said that its not going to be a break because he’s still going talk to me everyday and then he told me how much he loved me and that he still wanted to be with me we just needed to take sometime apart to gain back yourselfs that we lost, and that was true, but what he did to me after was completely heart breaking and i dont know what i want right now because he completely took my heart and smashed it on the floor.

i was on his phone when he was going to have a shower so i started reading his and is friends messages and what my boyfriend wrote was completely heart-breaking. he told his friend we broke up and that he wanted his friends friend Sarah to hook him up with some of her fucking single friends!!! like what the fuck!!!! i just wanted to scream at his face how much i fucking hated him, but i didn’t and i should have. and then i was cuddling with him on the couch as he fell asleep in my arms and so i was paying on his phone and then his old friend camilie messaged him and so i went to see what she said and she didn’t say anything important so i seen that she saved all of there messages and i seen that he told her that he wont be lonely that night and then he send her pics of girls that he met on a dating app .

it broke me and then i went into the room and started packing my shit because i just wanted to go home because i didn’t want to be with him anymore not after he lied and told me that he only messaged his friend Matt about his friend Sarah, and I’m pretty that hes still going behind my back i don’t know my guts telling me not to trust him because if hes okay with doing that then what else is he willing to do. I’m also pretty sure that his friend Camilia thinks he’s single because every girl he’s talked to he’s never once manged to tell them that hes in a relationship with someone. 

i don’t know what to do anymore because he hardly talks to me anymore, it’s kinda like I’m just his second thought. i don’t feel important to him anymore, i feel like i lost him for the past 2 months, and hes the reason why i canceled my sweet 16 party because i don’t what to have it, i don’t to do anything anymore i don’t even want to go up there for the summer because i don’t want to become more in love with him then i already am,because there’s no way I can look at him the same anymore. I’m tired of having my heart crushed by people I thought loved me.   

[you-got-time-use-it]

08.03.2017 #1

She asked me yesterday: “What’s up with you lately?” Like she doesn’t know.

1. You and her are getting on my nerves with your behaviour. You act like everything is on it’s place. Like you can’t do that. You act like we’re “best” friends, but I see how you act when I come at your place or you’re at mine or even when we go to get some coffee. I see it. I know I’ll never have that something you like you have it with her and believe me I got over that but sometimes it still hits me.

2. My other friends are shit. One is constantly complaning about everything. He sees bad in everything. He’s not bad person but I can’t take it anymore. I can’t listen to him that he’s not setisfied with anything.

3. The other one is constantly busy. She doesn’t have time for me at all. She alway talks about how we’re gonna get drunk and get high and have a good time. But I’m not the priority. There’s always something that comes in between. Like we talk on the phone about everything. She’s really an open minded person but I can’t do it anymore.

4. Last but not least. Someone who I really love and she has special place in my heart moved an ocean away. And how do you expect me to act? Lately we weren’t close but still. It’s diferent if someone lives 15km away or 10K km away. I’m happy for her but still I miss her. Alot.

5. Things at home. I can’t even begin. We might lose our apartment. I can’t let myself get to me becouse of my mom. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom. She’s the most beautiful person in my life. In every way. But we can’t finish any conversation withou fighting.

And when I go out or I get stoned, only then I can forget a little bit about everything.

Everything lately is too much. I don’t know how much I can keep inside. Every fucking day I cry myself to sleep. Or even worse. I feel like crying every fucking moment.

Anyway I just wanted to write this. Becouse I don’t have anyone who can’t trust.

[cannotrevive]

Everything aches But not really

[scarymonsters-nicespirits]

I don't want to let you inside my head, you will run away. It's dark, cold and scary with no light.

-A

[miabateman]

I just want this to stop

I fell into this depression that I can't seem get out of and the sad thing is, no one can help me, and myself won't either. Either way I have myself which I have no choice but to save because its not just me anymore....