A Letter to Athos from His Lover
(Because the amazing @capitaineathos wrote a thing for me, my character Maddie had to respond. Love ya, dear.)
My dear Athos,
That I have slept four nights without a disturbance should be of more comfort than it is. Instead it is a reminder that you and the others are so far away. There is only a skeleton contingent left in the garrison to perform daily maintenance tasks. I believe Constance and I have cleaned the infirmary more thoroughly than it has ever been cleared before. It is a harsh reminder that all is not right.
It is too quiet, too still. I expect every moment to feel your arms around me, your breath at my ear, distracting me from my work. I brace for it, I wait for it, but it doesn’t come. Then I am reminded of where you are, my darling, and I wish to forget. I pray to any god that will hear my prayer that you return to me safely. It is, of course, the prayer of all partners and lovers and wives of soldiers, to have their men home safely to them, but it is not a prayer I have ever offered before. Not before you, my dearest Athos.
I find myself reaching for you in the night, our bed too cold for just one. I look for you in the garrison, I listen for you in the courtyard, I expect you every minute to be at my door, watching me like I am the most beautiful creature the gods have ever put upon the earth. How often I have rebuked you for saying such things, though now I would welcome them, for it would mean my beloved is home.
Make no mistake, my love; I do not begrudge you your soldier’s life. I understood what I was accepting in loving a Musketeer; indeed I had resigned myself to it long before I knew you returned my love. I accepted that I would have to be near you, touching your skin and tending your wounds, without a word of my feelings for you. I did not hide them well, as you know. I do not think it was more than a week before Aramis’ teasing began. But when I learned you felt for me as I did for you, I allowed myself to hope.
I am a marked woman, Athos. I have been since I was barely out of my youth. You have remarked the scars on my neck before, and I know they bother you with memories of the one before me… Were it not for Treville, I believe I would not have been allowed to remain with the Musketeers. I doubt very highly that a heretic would have been tolerated. Yet at the garrison, I do not feel judged or unwelcome, and even less do I feel it in your arms.
My dearest love, you complete something in me that I did not know needed completion. Were all of France against me, I would feel safe if you were by my side. I miss you so terribly and want nothing more than to see you ride into the garrison, safe and sound. I have paused many times in this letter to watch the horizon, believing I heard the sound of hooves approaching.
Please come home soon, my Athos. I have loved you for ages, and I love you more every day. My heart is with you until you return.
Always and forever,
Your Maddie