Could you write a Caine x reader where reader is new to the digital circus and in this first days they struggle to fit in and get really quiet sometimes and tired very quickly, specially after adventures and when questioned they try to explain to Caine that everything feels too much, the colors, loud noises, interactions with new people. The reader is trying to enjoy the circus but they are autistic and the constant stimulus is causing them to shut down and they been feeling bad about it and like their brain just doesn't work right...you know, like they are *defective*. I just feel like Caine would be able to relate to that part.
Did I see too much of a old version of myself in the AI character with self esteem issues? Perhaps. I just want to hug him and tell him he is not alone.
Im so sorry this actually took a decade to finish, i dont have experienve writing autistic characters so i hope this isnt horribly inaccurate and thank you for this ask cause caine needs a buddy💔💔
You were quiet. Quieter than Gangle was when Jax had smashed her happy mask, quieter than Pomni in her first few days in the circus and most definitely quieter than any newcomer to ever enter. It struck everyone as a little odd, but nothing crazy, perhaps you were just adjusting to things.
After an adventure, not even a particularly grueling one, you were almost completely exhausted. Ragatha tried her utmost to make you feel welcome but your uneasiness was a glaring fact to everyone there. Everyone was sort of thrown for a loop on how to approach you. Ragatha remained positive, Zooble and Pomni attempted casual conversarion, Gangle was too anxious to approach, Jax found you boring and Kinger was there. There was one exception however.
"My, my," Caine zipped towards you, "you look rather tired my boisterous blueberry! I don't think todays adventure was that exhausting..." he mumbled the last part, but you were close enough for you to pick up on it. You opened your mouth to answer.
"I--"
"Hup! How rude of me! You're still tired!"
Caine smacked the side of his head and stuck his tongue out with a little 'duh!' sound before quickly teleporting you into a therapy room of some kind. Your eyes quickly dart around, the teleporting was always terrible for your head.
"Now, what seems to be the problem?"
He popped in a notepad and pen all the while staring intently at you like you were some sort of bug he wabted to analyze. It was endearing along with uncomfortable to be looked at in such a way. You wring your hands together uncomfortably.
"I...don't really know how to explain it..."
He hums and writes it down, "Take your time! Or don't!"
You wonder what exactly he wrote since you didn't really say anything substantial. You take a deep breath, if there was anyone who'd understand a humans struggle in fitting in you doubted it was the AI ringmaster, but at best you wouldn't feel embarrassed. You exhale and try your best to gather the thoughts that had been clouding you from the day you entered. He stares at you expectantly.
"It's-- well I'm trying to enjoy it here," Caine shifts in his seat, "the effort you put into the adventures is very, very obvious but ah, it's...loud?"
Okay. So you don't loathe him nor his adventures. Just that they are loud. Mhm, yup, Caine totally gets it. He will never admit he's out of his element so he nods along, albeit with hesitancy this time, "Loud...yes...I understand completely but just to make sure you understand..."
He gestures for you to continue, "Loud like the colors are so bright and there is always something going on and there's never a moment of peace where I can just stop and hear myself, like the constant of-- of things happening is too much to process and I can't keep up," you pause to even our your breathing and not cry in front of this guy, "and I feel really bad about it cause it's like my brain isn't working so I sort of feel--"
"Defective?"
You look up at him with widened eyes, "Yeah...yeah defective..." it felt a little unbelievable that the person that understood how you felt was an AI of all things. You had to give him credit for that. For some reason though he seemed to mirror your desperate look of trying to make someone understand.
"I..." he began, the notepad long forgotten, "think I understand. Not quite getting it. Or fitting in. Or being good in general."
You blinked in surprise. Caine was weirdly good. Almost as if he's felt like this before. Inadequate. Not enough. Overall a waste of space and oxygen.
"That's sort of it. Yeah. Do you...feel that way too?"
Caines eyes snapped to yours, as though suddenly realizing he's nearly pouring his heart out to you, metaphorically of course, he has no heart!
"Uh! O--of course not! I am fully capable and not at all lacking in any way shape or form!"
You frown. He was covering up. This was your therapy session but you felt an unexplicable urge to get him to realize how similar you two were. Well, not that similar, he still liked the loudness of things after all, but you felt a sort of camraderie had formed, "Caine, you feel like you're just not enough right?"
He simply stares at you. You take that as a sign to continue, "That sometimes, maybe I really am the issue. I can barely hold a conversation with anyone here before getting so tired and just wanting to leave. I can't immerse myself into the adventures to forget everything. I just...can't do what everyone seems to be able to do so flawlessly. As if it's second nature, an instict. That I completely and utterly lack at--"
"No!"
He zooms to grab your shoulders tightly, hands shaking all the while, "It can't be that! Maybe we're not defective. Just-- just different in...the way we function."
His voice quieted down from its initial panicked volume. You gently pried his hands from you and held them in yours as though they were fragile glass, "We?"
"Oh," he quickly realizes his wordinf was basically an admission, "uhhhh, therapists do that to make sure their client feels safe! Yeah! That's why I did it!"
For the first time since you've entered the circus, you genuinely laughed. His adamance against realizjng your similarities was depressing but he went about it in the silliest way possible. Of course he did, he's Caine.
"Wowza, you laughed!"
The pure glee on his face from the fact that it was him that made you smile in such a lovely way was missed by you entirely.
"Is it okay if I don't go on the adventures?"
"What! You can't--"
You placed a hand up, "And instead we just sit together?"
"Oh."
"Maybe in a less colorful room too? In silence, or small conversation. Maybe not all the time. But...whenever we need it. Cause we're not alone."
You look up at him hopefully. It only takes him a milisecond for his resolve about his adventuews to crumble.
"Whatever makes the members happy I shall oblige!"
He bows deeply and you smile again. He quietly pumps his fist at this double victory. Triple actually, he bad officially found a friend in you. Who would've thought that the quietest and loudest would've found such a friendship?
the most recent chapter of bee-utiful is so good but oh my GODDD does it make me sick (in the best way). caine going full yandere and still trying to manipulate bea into staying with him... damn. i'm holding out for a happy ending, but GOD. you're such a good writer omg
WOWIE I’m touched— thank you!!! I don’t feel like a good writer most of the time, so I appreciate it!! Thank you to everyone who’s gave all this juicy love for the latest chapter. You’re all sweethearts, thank you <3
needa kiss caine. needa seem him all embarassing and blushing after kissing the top of his teeth. needa watch him glitch out before he asks for another one.
lowk needa make a multichaptered fic where caine goes looking for reader but just always barely misses her and starts losing it to the point he starts dreaming and hallucinating idk idk 👀
