#caramelasspersonal

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

The anxiety I feel right before my ex shows up around my house is serious, talk about womanly fucking instincts. Literally on 3 different occasions in the last two weeks I’ve had horrible anxiety right before he’s come in my vacinity. The first time it caught me off guard because I woke up at home, the place I feel most safe and I was instantly anxious. A few hours later my ex was outside knocking on the door for 10 minutes, trying to peep through windows and shit. He did the same thing a week later (this week). And just a few hours ago I was kind of in my feelings, being lonely and what not, but then I started getting anxious again. Then there goes the sound of his car zooming in circles around my house a couple times, I’d know the sound of that shit anywhere. Then he texted me. First it was a neutral, just checking on you text. Exactly two minutes later it was “oh I don’t care about this shit anymore, I’m just checking on you. I can’t believe you’re doing me like this, I hope it’s worth it.” 15 minutes after that it was “I love you” lol manipulation at it’s finest I guess. I’m proud of myself for ignoring him this long, I’m amazing. But I’m tired of the anxiety. I allow myself to feel how I need to feel, but if that part could just go ahead and pass that would be great.

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

I really want to limit my social media use. Being on tumblr is such a different feel, such a different perception of yourself and the world. I don’t feel warped in some alternate reality and when I tear my eyes from it, it doesn’t feel like I’m readjusting myself back to the real world. Being on IG or FB is like a black hole of shit that is just not authentic at all and it’s like a shock to my brain when I come back to life. Like damn... I really spent an hour scrolling through IG hoes and the shade room only to come back to reality and realize that they don’t even look like that in real life and this is only feeding insecurity as I scrutinize them and then myself and I’m feeding into D list celebrity gossip when these people don’t know me and probably never will. I get on tumblr and feel at home. The things I read are authentic. Funny. Deep. Insightful. A lot of times very different from my own POV. Tumblr is more than just images. No follower count to compare, we all just post shit. And I love it. I feel... Inspired coming to tumblr. Like I stay mostly within SW tumblr because while I feel love and accepted in my community, I know the world doesn’t accept women who think like I do. But I love it. SW tumblr inspires me, motivates me to get my ass the hell up and do something productive, makes me feel like I’m absorbing content that is for me and that really helps me learn and grow. The point is, I’m going to clean up my social media accounts to better reflect where I am right now and where I want to be. I’m going to be more strategic with what I post and just brand myself (and I mean my vanilla self) as the mature, professional woman that I am growing to be. And I’m going to begin limiting myself to playing on IG and FB for like an hour a day at the end of the night. Or maybe even just check it a few times a week. I’m not an influencer, I don’t make $$$ from social media so there’s no reason for me to waste my time on it. I want to use my time to do other things like normal people did back in the day before we all spent 12 hours straight just deep in our phones.

I said all of that and I’m still going to be on tumblr as often as I want lol cause I fucking love it here. And this is my place of peace to vent. So yeah, sorry not sorry when you see me all day everyday.

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

Wow, I’ve missed tumblr so much. I took a long, long break from this lifestyle and my life has changed so much. For the better in some ways and for the worse in others.

Word of advice: never ever ever ever ever stop doing what you love for “vanilla love.” I mean, maybe I should rephrase that, “I” will never ever ever ever ever stop doing what I love for vanilla love. I got a beautiful forever gift out of it, however it’s not for me and I have never felt so far from my true self.

I found myself in heaxing, like it is for me! I was (and still am, just hidden now) a beautiful, bougie, charming, intelligent, ambitious woman with high standards, a lover of all things feminine and deserve the best life has to offer. I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror, I loved the confidence I felt and I felt empowered like you wouldn’t believe. I was being paid, pampered and prospering in life!!

Men are still scum and if that makes me a bitter bitch, so be it. I loved myself so much more when I used men for money and not for love. My year or so as a heaux was the most accomplished year of my life. Anyways, you ladies are probably smarter than me and knew not to fall for your feelings or you’ve already been there done that so I sound stupid but eh, I learned my mf lesson I promise lol.

I can’t quite return back to my previous life just yet as I still have some things to sort out and this virus has scared me to bits, but soon. It’s time to get back to my true self: sweet, spoiled, charming, smarty pants ass, bougie schoolgirl by day and seductress of old men’s money by night. I miss it. I miss me. And I missed y’all.

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

He thinks I’m in my feelings when in reality I’m in my bag.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Good night and sweet dreams.

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

I like to drive to outcalls singing my own personal pussy delivery song. It’s just a remix of the krusty krab pizza delivery song.

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

I use to think growing out your eyebrows was the worse thing to go through, but no sis... no. Not even close. Growing out your lashes? Torture. After 4 weeks I’ve only grown 3 1/2 additional lashes. At this rate I can’t get lash extensions again until 2021.

🤦🏽‍♀️

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

A bitch got approved for her luxury apartment! 🙌🏽

Hardwood floors, granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, recess lighting, vaulted ceilings and washer/dryer included. The one I wanted has a stone fireplace that goes all the way to the ceiling, it’s beautiful. But unfortunately that one isn’t available. Instead my apartment will have a separate den, which I can convert to an office. I’m hoping an apartment with a fireplace becomes available before I move in, but it really doesn’t matter. I’m just so happy I’m moving!

For the first time since I’ve started escorting I’m broke broke lol. I immediately spent all the money I had on the holding fees, prorated rent & security deposit. I don’t move until October. But I’m happy as fuck and now all I have to focus on is saving money to pay for my entire lease when I move in. My car, insurance & phone are paid through December, but I’ll be saving money to pay those through next year as well. I’m basically setting it up so that I pay all of my bills in full & in advance so that I can live my best, stress-free life throughout the year.

I knew August was going to be a great month!! I’m forever grateful for my blessings! 💕

[caramelassandlotsofcash]

I got stilleto nails for the first time last week and while they’re beautiful, the fact that I just scratched a bleeding line in my ass that perfectly aligns with my ass crack is the reason why these will also be my last.