#carkrash

[carkrash]

i don’t know how i feel about Having Children but i’d like to name some things

som gud names:

guillermo

javier

ximena

hayley

august(ine)

[carkrash]

sometimes I’m okay w being left in read, we didn’t have anything to talk about anyway but sometimes I’m

like WHY CANT WE JUST KEEP TALKING WHY DO YOU HATE ME but i often forget to reply or get exhausted at the mere thought so i’ve given greater grace in the past year or two. I’m still really bad at texting. am i wrong to want my friends to be chill w that?

[carkrash]

i started seeing this guy and I’m known to be a serial-monogamist so I’m terrified I’m just gonna build up his character and fall in love with him. he’s also a decent dude? kinda. he’s sweet but i don’t want to fall in love with him and i don’t want to be a dick either. i don’t want to end this either! i just wanna go slow. i think i can do that? i barely see him too :( but i like that he’s busy! it’s just with that absent time i can just build him up. if we actually date i fear i may acquire real feelings for him. i’ve always wanted to be his friend at least so there’s that but I’m always scared of other people’s intentions thinking I’m gonna get fucked over for caring but people prove their earnestness time and time again and we have to each other. every time we’re together he’s brought up sex and we’ve gotten close, building up each time until we were actually close enough to but tears were a part of that process. (don’t fall in love with him.) i’ve only seen him four times over three months (beach, lot, cruise, park). i don’t like texting so we don’t talk much which is good. don’t fall in love with him. he said sweet things. he thinks of me—I’m cool, funny, reasonable, have good ideas, and the sex is good. he’s happy to see me. he held me while i cried (he caused it). i can’t tell if he’s just telling me what he thinks i want to hear. or if i just want to like what he says. it’s fair. at most what he said is fair. it doesn’t feel like he’s lying. but he’s a scorpio there’s definitely more to what he’s sharing, that’s fair though! he’s not my boyfriend he doesn’t have to tell me his life and he tells me enough that it makes sense. i don’t think he’s outright lying. and that’s okay. i’ve read his birth chart. he’s a good guy on paper. and realistically sure yeah he’s rough (not dangerous “rough,” more like dumb), but he’s pretty smart. he’s just some dude. but he’s sweet. but he’s a dude. i just think he’s gonna disappoint me.

[carkrash]

no because i would kill to touch you rn

[carkrash]

listening to new-to-me love songs and it doesn’t sting like it used to

[carkrash]

tik tok said that there’s three versions of yourself: the one you know, the one others know, and who you actually are

but there are a lot of bitches so there’s a lot of versions of me just there

not only That but there’s also dream me’s whom exist in other universes

and all the other me’s that have come to fruition one way or a nothing in other universes

fucking Freaking

and this is the me i am ?? fucking freaky

[carkrash]

i don’t think my ex will take me back unless i fr write an album about her and fuck she’s so right though and regardless i think i have to write an album about her to be okay

if she doesn’t kiss me at least I’m gonna be really sad and hopefully someone else will give me the warmest hug when blowing out my debut album release cake candles

[carkrash]

you Fuck sh*ne d*wson but he did something with “living for it!”

actually i don’t even know if that was him but i remember him saying that in a video so association but points because dead is actually very low vibrational but sometimes it fits ya know. sick. that’s sickening. hell yeah. living that for. LIVING FOR THAT. dying is Not cool. it’s actually v sad and severely fucked up. take a bath. go on a walk. see a park w a pond. write a letter to someone you hate. write one to your future self. write one to your past self. live for something. yourself is enough. you only really have to be enough for yourself. and eventually your people will recognize how fucking enough you are and you’ll be good. i love you.

live más.

love más.