hiii would you write some headcanons for carmy x reader who’s been in a really shitty relationship before (you can elaborate on that however you’d like) ?? if not that’s totally fine!! thank you either way! appreciate you!
a/n: thank u so so so much for ur request, i've never written headcanons before so i hope this is sort of what u had in mind. i once again feel immensely honored that yall trust me with writing pieces like this, as i completely understand this type of scenario and am by no means a stranger to it myself. as a fellow survivor im always happy to write carmy as a comfort character for others who need might it. to anyone currently struggling w these types of things, 800.656.HOPE (4673) is the number for RAINN an organization that specializes in SA/abuse, and my dms r always open if anyone ever needs help locating more resources i am here and always ready to be there for anyone who needs it requests updates: if u requested just know its being worked on, im getting through all of them one by one and feel free to keep sending them in (i do other fandoms too so feel free to ask outside of the bear), thank u all so much again
content warning: implied history of abuse
Carmy may be demanding in the kitchen, but such is the unfortunate standard of the industry, in every other area of life he subscribes hard to that soft life stuff, he’s not looking to rush you or himself into anything.
Sex? He doesn’t need that. Not unless you want to. Otherwise? He’s all good, he’s set. He just wants to spend the time he has off with you in whatever way that might be.
He does enough yelling at work when he gets home his voice is all rough and quiet and he’d never dream of raising his voice at you anyways, you’ve only ever really truly seen him get agitated at someone other than himself once and it was when he was trying to parallel park in a spot that was most definitely too small for the car, and even then, he apologized profusely, which just made you laugh.
He doesn’t press for information, he’s never been one to ask too many questions, he’s just happy to be there, but when you do open up, when you’re ready to, he sits and listens, and he doesn’t just listen, he cares. He genuinely hears it and registers it, he saves it and remembers it for later.
Despite being in the same city as your ex, he never brings you anywhere your ex used to. There was one time when he did by accident because it had never been mentioned before and it haunts him to this day. Sometimes you just wake up and turn over in bed and you’re met with him just staring at you, wide-eyed, and he goes I’m so sorry, and you’re like Uh, what for? and he’s literally just apologizing for that same thing for the 100th time.
He knows what it’s like to have to walk on eggshells around those you love, or at least those who are supposed to actually love and care about you, so he understands. He knows what it’s like to live like that, he knows what it means to carry it, and sometimes he still struggles too, but you both understand each other and just try to get through it together. For him, this relationship is just as much about stability as it is about actively growing and changing for the better together, and he will be forever grateful for this.
He’s incredibly cognizant of any potential reminders of your past relationship and will always do everything in his power to prevent you from needing to be exposed to them.
He loves deeply. He cares deeply. You don’t need to worry if he loves you or not, if he might just up and leave at random, he tells you before you need to ask. He acts in a way such that you don’t even feel a need to ask. His love is in his gaze, it’s in the way he squeezes your hand on walks, it’s in the meals he cooks for you, it’s in that light night glass of water he gets for you…To be loved by him is to be adored, cherished. To be loved is to be known, and he knows you better than anyone.
He doesn’t just go around sharing information that isn’t his to share but he does make it a point to make others aware of things to be aware of when you come into the restaurant, or when you spend time with others. He curates a safe space for you with the same love and attention to detail that he sends each plate out with, such is the advantage of being in a relationship with a professional chef.
He can tell when you’re having a particularly bad day and he’ll either stay home from work to be with you and make sure everything is okay, or take you in with him. When you go into work with him you sit in his office and are intermittently brought food/desserts throughout the night, and it’s kind of the dream. There’s also already a setup of sorts for you for when you come, there’s like a blanket rolled up in the corner of the office for you if you want it and you get all comfy in the chair and pull up Netflix or Hulu or something on the computer and chill out.
He constantly reminds you that the things he does for you he does because he loves you, because he wants to, not because he expects anything in return.
The first time you ever kissed you were incredibly nervous. It’s not that you suspected Carmy was a bad guy or anything like that, you were more than certain that he was a great guy actually, you met him through Richie and if there was anyone’s opinion who you trusted, it was his, but there was this little part in the back of your mind going off like an alarm bell. It was telling you he would want something more, that he’d demand something more, but he picked up on this, he saw your expression change the second you both pulled back and he immediately said ‘I, uh, I kissed you because I- because I thought you wanted to, and I, I’m sorry I didn’t-’ you cut him off instantly and were like ‘oh, no, sorry, that’s not it, it’s just…’ you found that you couldn’t bring yourself to finish the statement, but he knew. He could see it on your face, he frowned, and said, ‘I kissed you just to- to kiss you, nothin’ more to that.’ You couldn’t begin to explain the weight that you felt lift off your chest at that moment, in fact, you were so happy that you could, well…kiss him. So you did.
You got in a minor fight once and he stayed calm the whole time, voice even, hands pinned to his sides, it only lasted for about an hour before he left the apartment briefly and then returned with flowers, snacks, a bag of groceries, and an apology. You ended up having a very fancy movie night complete with Michelin star level cooking, by the end of the night neither of you could even remember what the fight was about.
This is unrelated to the overall point but I want to note that he named a dish after you once and he was like you want me to like, rub this in anyone’s face? and you were like omg Carm, no.
Carmy frequently finds himself getting angry in the shower or on his way to work or in his quiet moments taking inventory in the walk-in because he just can’t fathom how anyone could ever give you anything other than their best. He doesn’t think he’s the best, he’s never felt like he was, he’s never believed himself to be, he still doesn’t, but goddamnit, he knows he tries his best and he can’t fathom not at least trying.
Carmy can not only set boundaries, but respects them too. He never demands an explanation, never pushes further. If you say “no” well, that’s it, that’s the end of the conversation. If he picks up on a change in tone, anything, he doesn’t interrogate, he just notices, slows down, softens his tone, gives you space if needed. He always notices. He always meets you where you are without asking why.
He’s very affectionate, I mean, he loves you very much, but he’ll never assume; his affection is always offered, never assumed. A hand hovering for a moment before it touches, a question in his expression before he slowly leans in to kiss you, and if you reach for him, he’ll come right to you.
He tries his best to make things special for you always, even the ordinary things. You’ve explained to him in the past that your ex had oftentimes made the ‘basics’ feel like you were asking for too much, so Carmy goes out of his way all the time to remind you that you deserve the basic things and so much more every single fucking day. He’ll fold your laundry and slip a note in the pocket of your favorite jeans, plate leftovers for you while he’s at the restaurant, peels your oranges before plating them and bringing them to you, bring home that new dessert they’ve been perfecting at work, after all, maybe beauty isn’t really found in the grand gestures or the big moments, but in the ordinary things which are noticed and tended to with a deep care and attention that can only truly come from real love.
He doesn’t just think, he asks, by this I mean, Carmy thinks about and knows just how sharp his voice can get under pressure sometimes so at home he will always overcorrect, always ask, always check himself. Low, even, calm, mid-conversation he’ll pause, ‘I’m sorry- I didn’t sound harsh just now, did I?’ and if you shake your head it’s like you can visibly see the tension leave his body.
He will always offer you reassurance without pity. If you say “sorry” too much or start to shrink back or retreat, he will always just murmur something like ‘Don’t be, you’re good- you’re more than good,’ and squeeze your hand lightly. He doesn’t dramatize your hurt or ever make a big deal out of it, he keeps your environment steady, always treating you like a person first, addressing the things you are doing as opposed to the things that were done to you, if that makes sense.
He makes time for you intentionally without you needing to ask, he makes your healing a priority and part of his rhythm without even needing to think about it. If you’re having a bad night, he’ll cook dinner next to you in the kitchen while you talk (or while you don’t), if you’re feeling anxious and restless, he’ll drive you around the city with the windows down until you feel better. He never tries to ‘fix’ it nor does he try to treat you as someone who needs to be ‘fixed’, he just adjusts his pace to fit with yours.
Cooking is his love language. It’s always been a little bit of a hard thing for him because while it’s something he did like at some point and it is something he’s genuinely good at a lot of the joy got stripped away from it as the years went on, trauma replacing it, but you’ve helped him to really bring the joy back in cooking. He files away in his head every comfort food or favorite you ever mention, every snack you reach for, and he always has it for you before you can even think to ask.
The first time you cried in front of him you apologized endlessly like it was something shameful, but he just frowned and shook his head, a careful thumb brushing against your cheek and said “Hey, don’t. Do not apologize for that- not with me, not ever. You’re safe here, alright? Always safe here, never gotta- never have to worry about that with me, swear to god,” and you had always felt good about Carmy, but that was the moment that really solidified it for you.
He’s super protective of you- but not possessive. If you run into your ex or a friend of your ex unexpectedly at any point, Carmy doesn’t posture or pick a fight or anything, he just puts a steady hand on your back, checks and double-checks to make sure you’re alright, and removes you from the situation promptly and smoothly. Later, he always makes sure to affirm to you that “You don’t owe me strength in those moments, okay? You don’t owe me- or him, or anyone, anything at all.”
This being said- there are times he’ll get angry on your behalf outwardly, he’s only human, a human who loves you a lot. He’ll rant quietly in the shower sometimes while you brush your teeth at the sink, or mutter curses while he smokes outside, fists clenching around the hem of his shirt because he can never for the life of him figure out how anyone could ever look at you and just choose cruelty, it’s in these moments that you become a point of comfort for him saying things like ‘It’s okay Carm- I love you, but you don’t need to hold it all up, I’m okay, you don’t need to think about it’ or ‘I’m okay Carmy, you’re okay- we’re okay, we’re happy, that’s all that matters, I’m okay now.’
This is also where I should mention that Carmy definitely has his own days- days where everything is too much, days where he sees Mikey everywhere, or hears the words of a particularly abusive head chef just a little too loudly in his mind, or reflects just a little too hard on his parents growing up, he gets unusually quiet, draws in on himself, gets depressed, anxious. You always notice. You always help him out of it. You’re there for each other in the way that only two people who truly understand and know the other person can be there for one another, and you know each other like you’ve always known each other, like you’ve been destined through every lifetime.
And here’s one that you’d never know: When you’re asleep, sometimes he just lies there, just staring at you in the dark, the shape of your outline, the vague details of your face that he can make out, just struck dumb by the fact that you’re here, with him, out of everyone in the world, and that he has the privilege and honor of you feeling the most safe and secure with him. For a man who’s spent the entirety of his life just feeling like he’s never enough, or not stable enough, or just never good enough for anyone, the most beautiful, terrifying, grounding truth that he’s ever known is just this: you chose him, and every day, he’ll spend the rest of his life choosing you back, every damn time.
⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading. Reader can also be platonic or romantic, up to you!
a/n: GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH ✦
SFW🌿
⭑ It was another change at the shop that not too many people were happy about
⭑ “We don’t need no waitress!” Tina retorted, hearing the news
“We’re a goddamn sandwich shop, Carmy!” Richie yelled, his hands raised in the air.
⭑ Carmy only ignored them ... you weren’t just a waiter, but another pair of hands to do the odd jobs. The shop needed an upgrade, and you were a part of that
⭑ You're really good friends with Sydney. Almost like you are both on the same page, same wavelength. Both newbies, trying to discover not only their job but themselves.
⭑ Your place had fallen through during your first shift at the shop, and you were trying not to fall into a panic. ‘What did you expect y/n?’ you silently berated yourself
⭑ Sydney saw it though, the quick look of surprise and fear in your eyes while you were on the phone with the renters
⭑ “What’s up?” She asked while you were walking in from break
“Guess I’m sleeping in my car for the unforeseeable future!” You joked, but not quite hitting the humour part of the joke.
“Your place?” She asked rhetorically and then sighed. “Hey, crash at my place tonight.”
⭑ And then that one night turned into another and another, and before you knew it, she had asked you to stay.
⭑ As a boss, Carmy was definitely on the better part of the spectrum. You had come across some nasty people. Especially in the hospitality business
⭑ And just because some of the workers were initially against you, didn’t mean they were awful to you. Actually, you became really good friends with Marcus and Tina (she became like your work mum)
⭑ Richie was so intimidating, his bravados and vigor, it was a lot. But in ... an impressive kinda way? He just knew what he was doing but that made it hard to figure out who to listen to.
⭑ Living with Sydney made working so much easier; you went to work together, and Sydney practically always made dinner - but in the off chance that you made it, you felt so anxious that she would critique everything you did (she didn’t, she loved that you wanted to make food for her!)
⭑ Marcus always makes you cupcakes, or cookies or cakes
⭑ You got Richie to be friendly by asking about his daughter
⭑ You offered to babysit for Tina
⭑ And you found your flow after a few weeks of being there
⭑ They started to be family, rather than just co-workers
⭑ And Carmy felt like an enigma at times; one second he was there, the next he was gone. Or on the phone, or chasing up produce
