Through the Dark (ao3)
When the ravens attack the library, Cassian suppresses every violent instinct he has in order to give Nesta what she needs. For @cassianappreciationweek day 2. (Title taken from the Hurts song The Crow)
A frozen hand takes your breath away as she leads your soul through the dark. You know that she came to break your heart but oh, when she moves you fall in love again.
It was the stuff of nightmares— the kind that had Cassian stalling, the breath torn from his throat.
He’d heard the bell ringing - a desperate peal through the city, a strangled call for aid - and he had dropped everything and took to the skies, rushing for the library beneath the House of Wind. Each ring echoed through his skull, setting his heart pounding, and he didn’t know why, couldn’t explain the dread that pooled thick in his stomach, but as he unsheathed his sword and slipped into that quiet, calm place ready for battle, Cassian felt his every nerve stand on end, every instinct bracing for something.
It was second-nature, the battle-calm that settled over him, an instinct carved into his bones. It was a low thrum, a steady beat, the sound of the bell fading as his focus sharpened, narrowed, but even though he’d entered that library ready to fight and defend, nothing in the world could have prepared Cassian for her— for the sight of her, pale and shaking. All his centuries of training failed, every lesson learned forgotten the moment Nesta stumbled from the darkness, fear carved into the planes of her face as she reached for him, her hands outstretched in a mockery of the way he’d always dreamed she’d one day reach for him.
Terror widened those silver-blue eyes, and Cassian felt it mirrored in his own veins as he lurched forwards, her fear ratcheting through his own chest as he reached her, looking her over, searching desperately for injury as his hand curled tighter around the hilt of his sword. He’d never dropped a weapon in his life, never, but—
Nesta stumbled once more, almost crumbling, and Cassian had to keep a punishing grip on that sword in his haste to get to her, to catch her before she fell. It took everything he had, and still— Nesta gasped, and the sword slipped from his hand, clattering to the stone floor as she crashed into him, sending every instinct he had into free fall. She collided with his chest, her fingers curling into his leathers, and gods— something was wrong, so wrong, and Cassian’s heartbeat thundered in his ears, even as the length of her pressed against him, her legs shaking as she sought to stay upright.
“Nesta,” Cassian bit out, and though his voice held firm, he had to work to keep it from shaking. His hands encircled her waist, the fabric of her dress whispering through his fingers as he bunched it in his palms, gripping her as tightly as he’d held his sword. She braced her weight on him, and his heart began to pound in earnest, the sword forgotten, because mother above, he’d spend so long wanting her in his arms, but not like this— never like this. Her breath caught in her throat, a broken sob as she fought for breath, and as her hand trembled against his chest, Cassian knew his grip was the only thing keeping her standing, the only thing that made her steady.
And in that quiet place inside his mind, the battle calm he knew so well…
It splintered.
It ignited.
He burned, a wave of fury coursing through him that threatened to level the entire mountain as he heard her heart trip, as he felt her shudder. He was practically vibrating with the force of it, his siphons alight and pulsing, the breath leaving him through tightly clenched teeth. One hand slipped down to her hip, pulling her closer, and he almost snarled, almost growled because—
He couldn’t bear it.
Her fear, the way her heart beat against her ribs so hard he could hear it, like the rapid fluttering of a bird’s wings. He couldn’t stand it.
But Nesta drew in a deep breath, trying to form words, and somehow Cassian reeled in that rage, that terrible, terrifying fury. Because she needed him calm— needed him to be able to take a fucking breath and help her.
“Nes,” he said again, his voice a shade softer even as he urged her to tell him what was wrong. She only shook her head, still trying to find her voice, and though only a handful of seconds had passed since she had emerged from the darkness, it felt like hours. Felt like days.
Cassian knew then that he was going to slaughter whoever - or whatever - was at the bottom of those fucking stairs.
“Feyre,” Nesta managed at last, her voice strained, frantic. Her knuckles turned white where she gripped his jacket. “Hybern— Feyre’s down there— I—“
A chill skirted his spine, and slowly, heartbreakingly slowly, Cassian placed a hand atop hers and uncurled her fingers from where they tangled in his leathers. All he’d thought about for months was how one day he wanted Nesta to wind her hands in his clothes, and yet here he was, pulling back. But there was no time to waste, not if Feyre was down there in the darkness, but even as Cassian knew he ought to be racing down to the lowest levels, he couldn’t make his legs move. He couldn’t leave yet— couldn’t turn from her.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
Nesta looked behind her, at the darkness that cloaked the lower levels of the library.
“Nesta,” Cassian pushed, not letting an ounce of panic leak into his tone. He felt it though— gods, he felt it. Usually so level headed, he felt panic as he looked at her, a feral kind of urgency that had him wanting to bolt down into the darkness. Not to save Feyre. No— Rhys would fucking murder him if he found out, but no. Cassian’s urgency didn’t come from a desire to protect his High Lady. It came from a ruthless desire for vengeance, the need to spill the blood of whoever had made Nesta Archeron tremble.
Nesta pulled back, wrapping her arms around her middle. She looked down, eyelashes brushing a bloodless cheek, and she looked so fucking vulnerable that every part of Cassian’s being revolted, rioted, determined to exact a brutal revenge on whatever had made the fiercest woman he’d ever met so listless. Her shoulders curved, her lips were pressed tight together, and Cassian almost roared, the sight of her so subdued so abhorrent that he already knew it would haunt him. His lip curled, cold and unforgiving violence pulsing through his veins as—
Nesta shivered, the breath she took rattling in her throat.
And suddenly Cassian felt all of that terrifying urgency bleed away, replaced by a different need altogether now, one far less violent but no less vital. He softened, swallowing and burying every ounce of rage as gently, so gently, he curled a finger beneath her chin and urged her face up.
“Nes?” he asked, his tone softer, quiet. “Are you alright?”
She didn’t move, didn’t speak. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, her sharp tongue buried beneath some kind of depthless terror, and as she turned her face to the winding stairs, to the gaping darkness that swallowed the bottom levels of the library, Cassian’s hand shot out, his palm catching her cheek, turning her back towards him, back to the light.
“Eyes on me sweetheart,” he murmured, holding her face between his palms. Her eyes met his, and for the first time Cassian felt like he could breathe, like he’d been suffocating all along, all these years, and now, only now, could he fill his lungs, only when his hazel met her silver blue. It was something fundamental, something elemental, and gods, as he scanned her face he felt something inside pull tight, something fall into place.
“That’s it,” he whispered, brushing a thumb over her cheekbone as her eyes remained fixed to his. He heard her heartbeat start to slow, his own beating in time as the rapid rising of her chest began to ease at last. “That’s it.”
He didn’t let her look behind, didn’t let her attention drift. His world suddenly seemed to centre on her, and it didn’t matter what was happening at the bottom of those stairs, didn’t matter what would happen in the moments and the seconds beyond this, beyond his next few heartbeats. All that mattered was this, her eyes on him, her hand wrapped around his wrist as his palm lay flush against her cheek, her heart starting to slow as he brought her down from the peak of her panic.
“Feyre,” she whispered after a moment that felt like forever.
Cassian nodded, his hand falling from her cheek as her heartbeat evened out, her shallow breathing growing deeper.
Feyre— right.
He should get to Feyre.
He bent to pick up his discarded sword, swallowing thickly as his hand closed on the hilt.
“Rhys is already on his way,” he said, and though he knew he should leave, should be racing for his High fucking Lady, Cassian was still unable to move. Instead, his palm once more found home against her cheek.
“Tell me you’re alright.”
“She needs help,” Nesta countered, her voice cracking.
Cassian felt his heart stutter, and it broke some kind of spell on him, had him coming back to his senses as reality came crashing back in. He nodded sharply, grimly, and even though only a matter of moments had passed since he’d entered the library, it felt like an eternity. He looked at her again, the woman who he’d once sworn to protect, and nodded once more.
“Stay here,” he said, brushing his thumb once more across her cheek.
He didn’t know why— why he needed to touch her. It wasn’t like she was… anything to him, not really. There was an attraction there, one that had him longing to know what her skin felt like beneath his hands, but beyond that? She only ever snapped at him, and he’d only ever tried to rile her.
But it didn’t matter. Something in him had begun to keen when it saw her anguish, some part of him that hadn’t been able to bear her pain, her terror.
“Right here, sweetheart,” he added as he turned from her, heading towards that darkness. Before he plunged down into the depths of the library, he gave her one last look, taking in those silver eyes that made him weak. They steeled him, strengthened him, and as he descended, delving deeper into the heart of the mountain, the only thing Cassian thought of was her, and when he swung his sword…
It was her name that echoed on his lips.
***
Rhys had ripped out the hearts of the king’s ravens.
The blood had pooled in the spaces between his fingers, slicking his palms, but when Rhys had asked Cassian to take Feyre home, the youngest Archeron had refused, drifting to Rhys’ side and curling her fingers on his forearm, on the still-pristine fabric of his jacket. Cassian had hesitated, but Feyre had shaken her head, remaining exactly where she was, holding onto Rhys as the blood of those who had attacked her dripped slowly to the floor.
Cassian looked at that blood, watched it stain the floor, and felt a part of himself grow frantic, raging, longing to rip out hearts too. He wanted to bloody his own hands, to feel his skin thick with the lifeblood of the ones who had tried to hurt Nesta, to take her away from him. Need had pulsed through his veins, more coldly livid and terrifyingly brutal than ever before, a fury thundering through him that was a rival only to Rhys’ murderous rage. His siphons were burning, all that killing power looking for an outlet, and if Rhys felt the need to shed blood, then fucking hell, so did Cassian.
He didn’t understand it, didn’t know why the thought of Nesta being chased through the dark had him suddenly willing to decimate this entire mountain, bring it crashing to the ground, but—
There was something else, too.
A counterweight.
Something softer but no less urgent, no less forceful. Something gentler, but still enough to bring him to his knees.
Beneath that maelstrom of rage, that chasm filled with fury, there was a pull, calling him back up to the top of those winding stairs, where Nesta waited alone. He wanted to feel the blood of the ravens on his hands, wanted to let loose every ounce of the mighty power that gathered inside, but it was no match for the part of him that needed to see her safe, needed to erase the fear from her eyes. There was a part of Nesta that needed him to check the urge too, needed him to be there beside her, and even as he stood in the deepest part of the library, he could swear that he could hear her heart, calling to him through the darkness.
So as as he heard the last of the ravens’ breaths die, he left his High Lord with his High Lady and flew back to the top, where Nesta was still waiting.
“Feyre,” Nesta said as soon as she glimpsed him. Cassian nodded.
“She’s alright. They’re gone, sweetheart,” he said, and as he stepped forward… She looked like was about to collapse. Her hands were shaking. Cassian took her fingers in his, and she looked… dainty, compared to him. “They’re gone.”
Still, she trembled, and it wasn’t just a need to spill blood that was tearing him apart now, it was a need to stop that trembling, to ease her pain. He offered her a weak smile as he wrapped his palm around hers.
“You need a drink,” he said softly, tugging lightly on her hand. “Come.”
“No,” she answered, looking over her shoulder. “Not without Feyre.”
Cassian’s face softened. “I know sweetheart,” he said gently. “She’s with Rhys, and as soon as they’re done down there, I imagine they’ll both need a drink too. Let me...” He trailed off, swallowed as he felt his heart pound. “Let me take care of you.”
She turned her face to look at him, blinking in surprise, but where he’d expected a barbed retort, some sharp words, there was nothing. Nesta looked at him, and her fingers started to tremble all over again.
Cassian’s soul ached, but she let him lead her to the doors, let him take her up the steps into the main House. He took her to the House library, set her down in a comfortable leather armchair, and asked the House for a glass of brandy. Two appeared on the low table set between the sofas.
Suddenly, he was filled with an overwhelming need to make sure she was alright. It was insistent, a straining in his chest that almost hurt, and Cassian somehow wasn’t thinking of anything but her. He wasn’t even thinking of the monster at the bottom of the library, too focused on the way he wanted to fall to his knees, to look into her eyes and beg her to tell him she was alright. But he didn’t know how to start— so he knocked back his own brandy, and asked, not for the first time, “Are you alright?”
Nesta was silent for a moment, and Cassian half thought she wasn’t going to answer, but she drained her glass, her face contorting as the burn eased down her throat. “You already asked me that.”
Cassian plucked up the bottle the House had left behind, and walked over to her to refill it. She looked up at him, and there was gratitude in those eyes, the ones that were usually so ferocious. He forced himself to smirk, even though every piece of him grieved.
“And I’m asking again,” he shrugged.
Nesta shook her head, and as she lifted the glass to her lips, Cassian thought he saw her hand tremble still. And he couldn’t help it then— he did sink to his knees, discarding his own glass as he knelt beside her. When she’d drained her second lot of brandy, he took her empty glass and placed it on the side, taking both of her hands in his once more.
It felt right somehow, her fingers against his, and he looked down at them, at the way her touch curled against his. She was shaken, he could tell, and it rocked him to his core.
“They wanted me,” she said quietly. “They came for me.”
Cassian’s hand closed around hers, his grip tight. “They can’t have you.”
There was a moment, a second of silence, and Cassian breathed in deep, the scent of her soothing his frayed nerves.
“I promised to protect you once. Do you remember?” he asked.
Nesta raised an eyebrow. “How could I forget?”
He hummed a little, brushing a thumb over her knuckles.
“So they can’t have you,” he repeated, his voice firm. “Never.”
Her breath faltered, and she said nothing, only dropped her gaze to their entwined hands. Cassian wanted to wrap her in his arms, wanted to hold her until her tremors subsided, and it wasn’t lost on him that the last time he’d been down into the bottom of the library, the monster that lived down there had haunted him for months afterward— for years. He had vowed never to go down there again, and yet when he’d seen Nesta, he hadn’t even thought of the beast. He’d raced down to the bottom, and the only thing that had made the blood drain from his face was the sight of her, the only thing that made his heartbeat ratchet in fear was the sound of her voice, the way she’d gasped in terror.
He brushed the hair back from her face, tucking it behind one perfectly pointed ear. His fingers lingered, sliding down her neck so softly that it was a touch that was barely there. He looked at her— really looked at her. Her face was pale, wan, and her eyes were distant, as though she were still down in the depths of that library. Cassian wanted nothing more than the bring her back up to the surface, so he let his hand drift down her arm until he could weave their fingers together. She blinked, but didn’t stop him.
“They can’t have you princess,” he said again. “As long as I’m alive, nobody will ever come near you again.”
She sniffed a little, and Cassian leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. Soft— chaste, warm. His lips brushed her skin in a kiss that was almost sweet in its innocence, but even though Nesta’s eyes slid closed, her breathing grew no steadier. It shuddered, her chest stuttering as she tried to keep herself together, but even he could see she was just a heartbeat from crumbling all over again. Cassian couldn’t care less. If she fell, he’d catch her. So he simply rested his brow against hers and nudged her cheek with the tip of his nose.
“It’s alright, you know,” he murmured, “if you want to fall apart.”
Nesta let out a sharp laugh, acerbic.
“I mean it,” he said before she could contradict him. “The first time I went down into the bottom of the library I didn’t sleep for weeks, and I swear I had nightmares for a decade after.” He pulled back a little, just enough to look into those eyes. “So it’s alright. Fall apart if you want. I’ll be here to hold you up.”
She faltered.
“Why?” she whispered, her voice so quiet it was as though she feared his answer, feared to ask the question.
Cassian shrugged. “I promised to protect you,” he said once more, hoping that if nothing else the look in his eyes might convince her, might somehow let her know how much of him burned for her. “I meant it, Nes.”
She shivered, like his words had hit an exposed nerve. She’d spent so long building up her walls, making them solid and strong and impenetrable, but Cassian knew what it was to suffer. Nesta had been suffering every day since she’d opened her eyes as fae, and it made something within him ache. She hid her anguish behind her sharp tongue, but he’d never been fooled— he’d seen it, seen through her every time, and as she leaned on him just a little, he brought one arm up and around her shoulders, urging her closer, silently asking her to let him take the weight, to let him hold her up just until she was strong enough to scowl again.
Cauldron fucking boil him, he’d needed to shed blood today. He had needed to slit the throats of the men who had put that fear in those mercury eyes.
But Nesta had needed him - needed this - more.
And when it came to her, there wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t give, nothing he wouldn’t abandon.
As her head dropped to his shoulder and his hand cradled the back of her neck, Cassian knew there was nothing he wouldn’t face for her. Something pulled in his chest, some dim kind of bell ringing in his head as he felt himself heading somewhere so much more infinitely dangerous, but he didn’t dwell, didn’t think. All he knew was that Nesta Archeron was his to protect, and he…
He was hers.
In every way imaginable, he was hers.








