#catarinalec

[oikyskau]

― Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

[goldenalec]

In the minutes that had passed after Catarina had left the loft, Magnus found that he couldn’t stop touching Alexander. He was afraid to look away, as if Alexander might stop breathing if Magnus looked away. The image of him, lying on the dirty ground of the alleyway, his own arrow buried into his chest - it burns itself into his mind. It cuts through him, along with the feeling of blinding fear, and of helplessness that had poisoned him as he’d realised that he couldn’t do anything to help him.

It was a terrifying feeling. To be utterly and completely helpless in the face of Alexander’s life slipping away.

Alec’s healed hand rests on the couch between them. The skin is still pink around his wrist, and slightly swollen, despite Catarina’s best efforts. As he shifts to face Magnus, the collar of his shirt falls to the side, exposing a bit of the white bandage that covers the slowly healing wound on his chest. Magnus’ stomach twists itself at the sight of it.

“Magnus.” Alec’s voice is soft, and gentle. The one Magnus has only ever heard when it’s directed to him.

Turning to look at him, Magnus runs his gaze over Alec’s face, taking in the line of worry that creases the skin between his eyebrows. He wants to reach out and smooth it out.

Alec cocks his head to the side, regarding Magnus with an expression he can’t quite read. A second or so passes before Alec is standing up, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. He glances at Magnus.  

“Come on. Get up.”

Magnus narrows his eyes at him. “What are you doing?”

Alec doesn’t answer, eyes trained on his phone while he holds out his free hand to Magnus. He turns to look at Magnus expectantly. Magnus sighs and takes his hand, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

“Alexander. What are you doing?” Magnus repeats.

“I,” Alec pauses, smiling when soft music begins to play from his phone. He places it down on the coffee table and wraps an arm around Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer until he’s flush against his chest,  “am dancing with you.”

Magnus is lost for words. It’s been so long since he last did this, since he’d told Alec late one night, in a conversation that had carried on for hours and hours in between silk sheets, that dancing was one of the few things that brought him peace, and calm.

One of them, because the other is currently holding onto him like he never wants to let go. And it’s love that Magnus sees in the soft crinkles that surround Alexander’s eyes when he smiles at him, the gentle caress of his fingers against his waist that make him feel like nothing’s wrong. Like nothing is too much, too painful, that couldn’t be eclipsed by this moment.

“Your arm.” That’s all Magnus can manage to get out, through the emotion settling itself in his throat.

“My arm is just fine.” Alec says softly, pressing his lips gently to Magnus’ forehead.

It’s the simple melody of acoustic guitar that surrounds them, wraps them in an inexplicable warmth that feels like nothing could ever break it. Magnus’ eyes sting with the promise of tears as he wraps his arms around Alec and lets himself be pulled closer. He places his head in the crook of Alec’s neck, and just breathes, breathes in everything that makes him whole.

“Thank you.” The words that escape him are so soft, like a breath, that he’s not sure if Alec even heard him.

Alec’s arms tighten around him as they move slowly to the music. It’s nothing beautiful; not a display of skill or talent, but it means the world to Magnus. He could stay like this forever.

Alec’s breath plays gently over the skin of his neck. A breath that might not have been there, if Magnus had been but a second late. The mere thought of it shakes him to his very core.

“I almost lost you today.” he whispers, in a voice that seems so unlike his own.

A soft sigh escapes Alexander’s lips. He presses closer, and kisses Magnus’ neck. His stubble tickles the skin of his neck, and warmth spreads from that spot. Magnus lets himself feel the beat of his heart, lets himself feel the warmth of Alec’s skin.

He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive.

“You didn’t. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I love you.” The words fall from him immediately, like a knee-jerk reaction. As if they’re always waiting on the tip of his tongue, waiting to find their way to Alexander.

Alec pulls back then, so that he can look at Magnus. He moves his hands from his waist and brings them up to his face. Magnus lets his eyes flutter shut for a moment, before turning his head to press a kiss to Alec’s palm. Alec’s thumb comes up to collect a tear that had escaped Magnus’ eyes.

He didn’t even know he’d started crying.

“I love you too.” Alec says, eyes soft and gentle, “So fucking much.”

He drops a hand from Magnus’ face to hold onto one of his. His fingers intertwine with Magnus’, and his gaze falls to their clasped hands.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is strained, “I’m so sorry.”

Magnus’ brows furrow together, “Why are you apologising, my love?”

“You gave up everything for Jace. For me.”  

“Not everything.” Magnus says, because his everything is standing right in front of him, “Not you.”

Alec shakes his head slightly, like he’s at a loss for words when Magnus says things like this. Magnus forces a smile onto his face. Alec has had enough pain for one day.

“I’m fine, Alexander.” He tries with all his might to keep his voice from wavering, “I’ll figure something out.”

A pained look finds its way into Alec’s eyes. “You don’t always have to be so strong.” He whispers. His thumb runs gently over the curve of Magnus’ cheekbone, “I know how much your magic meant to you, Magnus.”

He should have expected it. Alec has always had a knack for seeing beyond a façade, no matter how carefully constructed it may be. He’s a protector. And Magnus feels the weight of everything that had happened sink into his shoulders. He feels the lack of the familiar thrum of magic under his skin, feels the sickening emptiness of the well inside him. Everything is hollow.

“I don’t know what to do.” Magnus confesses, voice choked, and then he lets himself fall apart, lets himself sag and release the tension from his shoulders and lets Alec hold onto him, lets him help him pick up the pieces of what’s left of him, “I really don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll fix this. I promise.” Alec’s voice is resolute, unwavering, “I’ll move heaven and earth to find a way to fix this.”

Alec’s eyes are fierce, strong, like everything about him. It’s just one of the endless things about him that Magnus commits to memory. Alec loves deeply, guilelessly, with every part of his heart. And Magnus lets himself be enveloped by that love, lets himself find the strength he needs to overcome this in Alec. In the man who feels like he was the universe’s gift to Magnus, for anything good he’s ever done in his life.

Magnus loves him like he’s all that’s left in the world.

Alec’s fingers touch the corners of his unglamoured eyes. They flutter shut of their own accord. Magnus had forgotten about them. That they’re out in the open for all to see, now. He feels exposed. Like a nerve.

Nothing, however, could prepare him for the surge of emotion that takes over him when Alec leans forward and presses his lips gently to each eyelid. All the breath leaves Magnus, and his hands come up to clasp Alec’s wrists. And he’s the only real thing in the world then, Alexander Lightwood. The only thing keeping his head above the surface of the water.

“I promise.” Alec whispers then, and the conviction lacing every syllable tugs at something in Magnus’ chest

What did I do to deserve you, Alexander?

“And in the meantime,” Alec continues, a playful smile finding its way onto his face as Magnus opens his eyes to look at him, “I should probably train you.” His fingers run gently down Magnus’ sides, leaving a trail of blazing warmth in their wake. “You know. For self-defence.”

Magnus raises a brow at him, unable to wipe his own smile from his face, “You just want to see me in tight training clothes.”

Alec’s grin just gets wider as he shrugs, “Can you blame a guy?”

Magnus lets out a laugh, and wraps his arms around Alec’s neck before leaning forward to kiss him.

“Anyways, magic or not,” he whispers against Alec’s lips, “I’d still kick your butt, Shadowhunter.”

Alec’s eyes narrow playfully. “We’ll see about that.”

It’s moments like this that make Magnus feel like the world had really found its way into his palms with Alexander. Like there was really nothing that he couldn’t conquer with Alec by his side. The answers to everything seem to lie with the man in front of him, the man who looks at him like he’s all that matters.

Magnus kisses him then, lips lingering, feeling his breath and his heartbeat align themselves with Alec’s, until they’re two halves of a whole that seemed like the universe itself had willed it into existence.

We’ll make it through. You and I.

[lesbianfr0gs]

“Catarina, I need you here, now!”

Magnus threw his phone to the floor, his fingers shaking too much to hang up the call and his mind too occupied to even think about anything else. Not when Alec was laying on the ground in front of him, one of his own arrows sticking out of his chest.

His breath was ragged and slow, his eyes squeezing shut every so often from the pain he was feeling. His palms were clammy from where Magnus held it tight in his own. His skin was growing pale, sweat beading at his hairline from where he desperately hung onto life.

And all Magnus could do was sit there, and watch as the love of his life was slowly dying. His hands twitched with the need to summon his magic and make Alec feel better. But he couldn’t, there was no magic within him to summon, there was nothing he could do but hold Alec’s hand and stroke his cheek through the pain.

“Alexander, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Magnus’ throat clenched shut at the sound of Alec’s ragged and strained voice. He should be comforting Alec, not the other way round, yet Alec didn’t want to stop, always wanting to make others feel better, even if he was hurting. “If this is- is how I go. At least I saw your face. I know that you- you are safe.”

His voice was tired, rough around the breath that he couldn’t seem to find. And his words, they felt like a knife in Magnus’ chest. He wasn’t going to lose him, he couldn’t.

“No. No, it’s too soon. It’s too soon for you to leave me. I love you so much, Alexander, you can’t leave me. Please, stay with me, I love you.”

Magnus was helpless to stop the tears that were falling down his cheeks, the sobs wretching at his chest, his heart aching. Alec leaned up, with the last bit of energy that he had, and wiped away the tears on Magnus’ face.

“I love you too, Magnus Bane.”

And then his arm fell back down, too weak to hold it up. And his breathing slowed. And then his eyes slowly started to shut. And Magnus sat and watched as the life slowly left the only man that had ever loved him in a way that changed his views on what love should be. He watched him slowly fade, but their eyes never left one anothers, taking in the last of each other.

Magnus was too focused on the dull hazels that were looking up at him to notice the portal that had opened in front of them. All sound was a hum in his mind, nothing mattered but the way that Alec smiled weakly at him. It wasn’t till he was pushed away from holding onto Alec’s face, that his focus was ripped away from the love of his life.

His eyes skimmed over to Catarina, watched as her magic pulled the arrow from Alec’s chest and in his daze he grabbed it, the cool metal a reminder at how close he was to losing Alec. Catarina fought to keep him alive, applying salves that she had conjured with one hand and using the strongest healing magic she knew with the other, not letting his breathing stop. He watched as Catarina did the one thing that he couldn’t do in that moment. She was saving his life.

And when her magic stopped, and she slumped down breathing heavy, she looked at Magnus and nodded her head. “He’ll be okay.”

And a wave crashed over Magnus, the shaking and the sobs took over him as he reached to take Alec’s hand as the life rushed back through his veins. The colour was slowly bleeding back into his cheeks, and his skin was warm under Magnus’ lips as he pressed a kiss to his head.

It would take a while, Alec still needed more care, and he would need help to be back to full strength when he did wake up. But Magnus was going to be there every step of the way. All their fights and differences were insignificant to him now. Alec was going to be okay.

They were going to be okay.

[magnuslightwoodbane]

I slept for 11 hours, how you doin 🌈 (pls also compliment my babes @alecsgideon, @highwarlockofhell and @maiababerts)

i slept for a combined total of 8 hours over the weekend and then last night i slept for 12 😂😂

@alecsgideon​ - already done, here’s some more love for you!! 😊

@highwarlockofhell​ - hhhhhh ur url is making me think about how powerful magnus is and that’s my favourite thing to think about so thank you 😂 uhm so this is probably the best place to own up to it but a few months back i sent u an anon telling you how i originally followed u bc i’m a useless bi and ur super pretty, and that i’m glad i’m a useless bi bc it means i follow you so uh. hi that was me and i still stand by it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

@maiababerts - aaa it won’t let me tag u but i can’t believe i wasn’t following before!! your original content is fantasticcccc and forgive me being shallow but ur very handsome 😍 i wish u the gayest of weeks ahead

@catarinalec - hello u are a ray of sunshine!! everything you write is a joy to read and everytime i visit your blog i die in the best possible way, bc of the great content (and also a lil bit bc of that picture of quincy 👀👀)

blog compliments!

[lesbianfr0gs]

When Magnus heard a light tapping at the door, he knew who it was immediately. Not just by the way that he would knock, but the fact that he and Alec had a date that night. Magnus smiled as he walked over to get the door, shaking his head at the fact that sometimes Alec would do this, would formally pick him up for their dates instead of just walking in.

When he opened the door, he was met with a sight. Alec wasn’t looking at him at first, preoccupied with the bouquet of flowers that he held in his hand. Which made Magnus’ heart flutter even more because not only was Alec looking the way that he was, he had also bought him flowers. But Magnus’ attention was taken from the bouquet when Alec looked up at him, and he was caught by his eyes, and the twinkle that was sparkling in them.

His eyes were framed with round tortoise shell glasses, making the brown of his eyes stand out clearer and making Magnus want to drown in them some more. His hair was artfully messy, and Magnus knew that he had spent a good while trying to make it look that way, only for it to be ruined later when Magnus would undoubtedly run his hands through it.

He was dressed smartly, the collar of his white shirt still tucked under the collar of his grey sweater, and the shine on his shoes was easy to catch on to, a clear change from his usual combat boots. Alec had put in the effort for this date, like he always did, and Magnus loved to take it all in to appreciate how handsome his boyfriend was.

When his eyes drifted back up to Alec’s face, there was an easy smile on his lips as he spoke softly. “Hey beautiful.”

The grin on Magnus’ face somehow took over even more, and he didn’t want to even try to contain it. He stepped forward, reaching out to cup Alec’s cheek, feeling the warmth under his palm as he leant in to press his lips against Alec’s, almost as softly as Alec had spoken.

Alec was the first to pull back, a breath of content falling from his lips before he straightened up and held out the bouquet that Magnus had somehow forgotten about towards him. “I got you these.”

“Alexander, they’re beautiful.” The bouquet was a mix of purples, pinks and blues, all bright and full. Magnus held them up to smell them, eyes flickering up to Alec. “They’re almost as beautiful as you.” Alec’s cheeks reddened, but he didn’t look away from Magnus’ gaze. Instead he stepped a little closer, pointing to one of the flowers in the bouquet.

“Pink rose. They symbolise grace and elegance. Like you when you move, there’s an elegance, a grace to the way that you move, especially when you use your magic. It’s breathtaking to see. And beautiful, like the rose. They also symbolise poetic love. And the love that you make me feel is like all the poems that I’ve read, and even more than that. When I’m with you, I understand what the poets say when they talk about love.”

Magnus’ mouth fell open slightly as he listened to Alec’s words. But he didn’t speak up, just let his boyfriend continue to speak. “And purple roses. They represent royalty, which, well you are. Even if you deny it, you’re a prince. They also symbolise love at first sight and the growing affection between two people. Lord knows the affection between us, and the way I feel about you. And sometimes I think back to when we first met, that was the first time I thought I could truly have love. And well, now I do.”

It was true for Magnus as well. It wasn’t love at first sight, but with Alec there was something, and as that grew and grew, he knew that it was love that was forming for them. Alec then pointed to the small blue petalled flowers, a flower that Magnus knew well. “Forget-me-nots.”

Alec hummed, nodding as he continued. “A lot of people view them as a way to remember someone, but they can also mean undying love. And these, Gypsophila. Also called Baby’s Breath, they can stand for purity, and innocence. But also everlasting love. And purple Lisianthus. They symbolise deep romantic love. All the types of love and way’s that I feel for you.”

Alec didn’t explain further, and Magnus didn’t need him to, because he knew exactly what he meant. Because they meant all the way that Magnus felt for him too.

“Blue Statice, they mean intimacy and deep trust. And there’s no one that I trust as much as I trust you Magnus. And finally, pink Gerberas, they stand for joy and happiness.” Alec looked up at Magnus, a smile on his face. “You make me happy. It’s as simple as that.”

“You make me happy, too.” Magnus’ voice was tight, the words catching in his throat, and he didn’t realise the tears in his eyes till he had to blink them away, laughing lightly from the happiness that Alec made him feel inside.

Before Alec, Magnus had never received many gifts, and if he did, it was rarely from a romantic partner. But with Alec, he was always being spoiled. Alec would bring him flowers, or buy him things that he had seen that he knew Magnus would love. There was never any reason behind it, just to make Magnus smile.

“Alexander, you didn’t have to do this.”

Alec reached forward, tangling their hands together as they stood in the doorway. “I know. But I wanted to. You deserve to be spoiled.”

Magnus didn’t have the words, didn’t know what to say when Alec was looking at him the way that he was. Only three words came to mind, and he hoped, prayed, that it was enough to convey all that he felt.

“I love you.”

And with the way that Alec’s face lit up, he knew that it was enough. His love, their love, was enough. 

[meliorn]

my shrink denied doing any actual tests for illnesses on the basis that i was well enough to ask for testing and that me not crying every appointment meant i was functioning better which is just bull

oh i’m sorry pat, that really sucks :( it’s so fucked up that stuff like that seems to be common practice and even taught to ppl studying psychology

there’s this fucked up “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” mentality that i’ve seen a lot in mental health care. if you’re well enough to ask for help, you’re not sick enough to get it. if you’re too sick, you’re a “problem patient” and that’ll keep you from getting help too.

[lunarsapphique]

catarinalec replied to your post “this show would be so much more entertaining without juice in it, im...”

juice oh my god (he's the green juice of the world dhjd)

ur right facts are facts

[goldenalec]

this is random but you're the only person with a gold icon on my dash and i always get confused between us lol

omg SAME like I’ll scroll to the tags and be like... I don’t remember writing that lmao