i remember back when making val, i was anxious i'd mash up an idea of val that had similarities too close to those i wrote with because of how familiar i'd become with theirs. normally i don't follow or engage with 'duplicate' muses until i feel like i've got a solid voice and idea that i'm confident in. and i was so nervous about this that i tweaked how i wrote him very deliberately to not step on toes, and that was by leaning harder into how neurotic he is, lean into how his emotions scream than whisper, and heavily experiment into how violently he can whip between intense, emotional states and just as quickly move on from them.
and had i not pushed himself to explore other sections of him i didn't see a lot of and stayed into this more sexy and seductive side - one, i think i would've been writing a lesser version of someone else's interpretation of a character rather than forming my own interpretation based off canon and my own ideas, and two, i love exploring val's emotions and his psychology, how things make sense on his mind as he feels them and how not all or even most of his actions are entirely malicious.
and i love writing a character that makes me turn my head and gives me emotional whiplash. in one thread valentino is mocking the sexual assault of angel's best friend to his face, and it was a moment i'm so disgusted and replused by him that it's just there is nothing human in this monster
fast forward to a different thread where he's visited when he's sick and while the dramatics were up, he's fully aware he's difficult to be around, that people often choose to be around him as little as possible, and with angel not having to come into work it'd be a perfect day to fuck off - but instead angie decided to go check on val and that meant something to him, touched something in his rotten, black, rancid heart. that for a moment it wasn't a narcissistic ego telling him how amazing he is to make him feel secure but someone he knows he's crossed lines with, someone that should get out if they could get out, someone that should run. val felt chosen in despite of everything he knows and believes about himself.
and that i was able to feel bad for him, that he's lonely, and how deep his insecurity with bonds goes and how it's compensated by appeasement to some and high control to others. and man that's what i aspire to evoke in others, that CONFLICTED feeling i got to uno reverse on myself.
he's just becoming such an interesting character in the confines of my skull and i wish i had time to write him more ( but i'm taking a trip to visit RP FWIEND in may so i gotta crunch )
