HOW HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS ACT WHEN THEY’RE DRUNK
CHARACTERS: theodore/ draco/ cedric x f! reader
CONTENT WARNING: drinking
A/N: if you have any hc suggestions, send them in my ask box. uh. also. if you have sent in a request for my celebration event, i’m working on your trust. school’s just been a howler and my plate’s quite full at the moment.
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
THEODORE
- drunk off smirnoff because he kept getting iced
- malfoy would be an absolutely dickhead and keep having theodore look behind things
- “oi nott, look behind the sofa”
- “theo, baby, no, he’s trying to get you to drink. you’ve fallen for it ten times,” you would try to stop it
- of course your already waved boyfriend would hop onto the sofa and look behind it
- “god, what am i going to do with you,” you would sigh when theodore’s sprawled in your sitting room, passed out
- you would kneel down by him and rid him of his clothes so he was just in his pants
- you’d wipe him down with a warm towel and change him into his spongebob pyjamas (which you had to swear you would never tell anyone about)
- before you could stand back up to toss his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, theodore would grip onto your wrist lazily
- “hm, you’re the bestest girlfriend ever. always taking care ‘f me”
- stupidly sheepish grin and hooded eyes and all
- “bestest, you say?” you’d tease
- “yeap, i have the bestest goodest girlfriend in the whole wide world, and she’s mine. i love you”
- he’d jut his lips out in a cute pout, “kith?”
- and how could you say no to that?
DRACO
- he’d nick the finest scotch off his father’s liquor selection and bring it back to your flat
- “that’s enough, don’t you think?” you would asked when draco’s on his fourth pour
- “i don’t get drunk,” the cocky asshole would scoff
- sure enough, after downing the glass, draco was hunched on the glass dining table, leaning his head and arms against it
- “y/n…?” he’d drag your name out, “baby…?”
- you’d push the duvet off your lap with a sigh and walk into the front room to your very much drunk boyfriend
- “yes, draco?”
- “my head hurts, and the light’s too bright, make it go away” he’d wave his arm in the air to signal at the windows
- “that’s the sun, draco, i don’t think i can just ‘make it go away’”
- ‘ugh’ he’d cover his face in his hands
- you’d force him to down a glass of water and drag him into your bedroom to rest
- “where are you going?” draco would quickly sit up and look at you with puppy dog eyes when you would leave the room
- “to get you more water”
- “nuh uh, stay here,” he would pat your side of the bed
- drunk draco was a clingy draco
- “what’s the magic word draco?”
- “pleaseeeee”
- “the magic word was hippopotamus, but i’ll give in just because you’re so adorable”
- “‘m not adorable,” he’d cross his arms and frown
- “whatever you say little love”
CEDRIC
- it was christmas dinner and you and cedric were hosting
- cedric and your family came over for a roast dinner and some puddings
- you exchanged presents, hugs, and kisses and the guests had left
- you had never seen anyone gotten drunk off mulled wine, but you guess your cedric was just special that way
- he was a lightweight since he did not drink often
- “baby!” cedric would yell for you from the front room
- “huh? yea?” you’d run from the kitchen, where you had been cleaning up, and to where cedric was, worried he had gotten his drunk self hurt
- “c’mere,” he would beckon you over
- “gimme your hands,” he’d reach for your wrists which you would willingly let him have
- he would hold you wrist in one hand
- “you’re under arresht,” his drunken-lisp making you giggle
- “for what, officer?” you’d play along
- “for shtealing my heart,” cedric tried his best to put on a stern face
- “oh dear, and what is my sentence?”
- “you hav’ to giv’ me a hundred kisses right now”
- “right now?” you’d try to pull your hands away but his grip would not relent
- “yeth, or you cannot leave”
- of course you had to serve your sentence, and so you would place a peck on cedric’s lips
- “you’ve gots to count ‘em,” cedric whined
- “two,” you lean down to place a second kiss on his lips
- and so, that was how your christmas night was spent. counting the one hundred kisses you had to give your dear old boyfriend
CHARACTERS: muggle! modern au! theodore/draco/cedric x f! reader
CONTENT WARNINGS: just me and my inability to write a fic without profanity
A/N: this is definitely a self indulgent headcanon to soothe my big q soul. anyway, i may start posting headcanons since they’re a much more casual type of imagine rather than a full fanfic
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
THEODORE
- he’s most definitely a clubs streamer
- and he’s the type to yell whenever he opens fifa packs on stream
- and he yells so loud
- god he yells so damn loud whenever he opens a stinky pack
- ‘FUCK’
- ‘SUCK YOUR MUM’
- ‘SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK’
- his vocabulary of profanities span the same five words
- *throws the controller on the floor*
- “hey babe? could you go on amazon and get me a new controller?”
- “i just got you a new one last week?”
- “…i broke it”
- you obviously roll your eyes at him but hesitantly open amazon on your browser, “ps5 or xbox?”
- “xbox please and thank you”
- sometimes he’d be streaming at 2 in the morning and you’d be trying to sleep
- theodore would be cheering from scoring a goal when he’d get a whatsapp message from you
Whatsapp now
baby: shut the fuck up or you’re sleeping on the sofa tonight
- theodore would apologise to his viewers and then lower his voice, not wanting to risk having to deal with the wrath of a sleep deprived you
- ‘shit, sorry boys, the mrs is trynna sleep, i’ve gots to end stream soon’
DRACO
- now i’m going to be different with this one, and make you the streamer instead
- you’re sitting in your pink secret lab gaming chair, courtesy of your boyfriend of course, and doing a ‘just chatting stream’
- your viewers knew about draco, you having mentioned your boyfriend numerous times before, but none of them have seen what he looks like
bf face reveal, when?
- you thanked the user for the bits and read the question aloud.
- “sorry lads, no can do. big bossman draco’s got a proper job unlike your girl here, so he can’t show his face. but he’s really handsome!!! i promise you!” you chuckled.
- coincidentally, draco knocked on your door and you warned him that you were streaming before he let himself in
- your desk was adjacent to the door so draco could walk-in without being seen
- you muted your mic and looked up at draco
- “made dinner. it’s your favourite”
- he placed the plate in front of you, his hand and arm in view of your camera
- “ooh, yummy, thank you,” you cheesed, taking his hand and kissing the back of it before draco left your room, closing the door behind him, and letting you get back to streaming
did you see his watch??? bossman draco’s got Ps bro
just googled his watch and can confirm it’s worth more than my year’s rent
- “hey, i told you lot bossman draco’s a proper job.” you winked at the camera.
- “anyway, look what he made me! it’s cod and rice, everybody say thank you bossman draco.”
- chat erupted in echoes of ‘thank you’s
- “i don’t know if draco will ever do a face reveal but if you look him up he defo has a linkedin or something. just don’t be odd about it if you do, thank you!”
- draco had always been supportive of your twitch career, being your number one fan ever since your first twitch stream
- when you were starting out, and had no more than 100 viewers per stream, you would let self doubt eat you alive and worry that twitch streaming was not for you
- but of course bossman draco would never let you feel any little than amazing about yourself
- and so he would gift you 500 subs for absolutely no reason because money was expendable for that blonde donny
- all in all, you were grateful for your ceo boyfriend
CEDRIC
- oh our little minecraft player
- “chat! it’s valentine’s day soon and i’m gonna build her a giant heart and asking her to be my valentine!”
- chat erupts in awhs and whatnots while cedric grins happily
- he spends hours, and i mean hours, on the build
- “chat, you can’t tell y/n okay? it’s a surprise”
- of course chat promises to not reveal the surprise
- cedric had even muted the words ‘valentine’ and ‘y/n’ on your twitter account just so that if anyone did tweet about it, you wouldn’t see it in your timeline
- “hey y/n? come on my stream today?” cedric asked while you were having breakfast
- ‘yea, of course. what’s the occasion?’
- ‘chat says they miss you’
- cedric settled into his set up and pulled you to sit on his lap, pressing a button on his stream deck to change his starting soon banner to his intro
- ‘hi!’
- you waved to the camera and greeted the fans
- ‘chat, tell y/n how pretty she looks today’
- ‘thank you for the compliments! but i think my jumper’s really helping my look’
- you stood up so the viewers could see cedric’s mercy that you were wearing
- ‘where did you get that lovely jumper from y/n?’
- ‘cedplayz.shop.com’
- cedric placed you back into his lap as he opens mincraft and enters his world
- he put his hands over your eyes and only let go when the entire heart could be seen
- ‘awh ced’
- you’d squeeze him tightly in a hug and tell him that you’d love to be his valentine
- safe to say chat had clipped that and it was the only thing on cedric stan twitter for whole week
HOW THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS ARE IN THE KITCHEN
PAIRINGS: draco/ theodore/ cedric x reader
WARNINGS: none, unless you count my incessant use of profanities in everything i post
A/N: remember when i said i was back? yea, i lied. i’m sorry, i’ve been in a slump recently and the only thing i can actually put in ideas into writing are headcanons so i’ll be posting them for a while.
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
DRACO
- please, this donny has absolutely no idea how to turn the fob on for the absolute life of him
- he’s spent his whole life having house elves cook for him, what makes you think he would know anything about culinary
- but after hermione granger had become minister and set all house elves free, it was time for you to teach him how to cook
- you didn’t grow up posh like he did, so you definitely had the upper hand when it came to cooking experience
- you had purchased him an apron from homesense and forced him to wear it
- ‘i look stupid,’ he’d jut his lips out
- ‘oh trust me lovey, it’s not the apron’
- ‘hey!’
- you decided to start off easy, well, easy for you
- ‘right, lovey, all you have to do is fry up an egg. simple as that’
- he would look at the fob dumbfounded and nearly set off a gas explosion
- ‘we have wands, we can do magic. what’s the purpose of any of this’
- but your glare was enough to get him to shut up
- he’d yelp with the egg would splatter oil out of the pan, ever the one for dramatics
- finally, after what felt like ages, he would plate the egg on a plate and place it in front of you
- the egg was burnt around the edges and the yolk had broken when he was trying to break the eggs into the pan
- ‘go on then, have a bite’
- you would reluctantly taste a small piece while he would anticipate for your reaction with hope in his eyes
- ‘well? how is it?’
- he had put in so much effort into the egg that you just couldn’t tell it to his face that it tasted absolutely rank
- ‘it’s…good! different, from what i’m used to b-but, good’ you would give him two thumbs up and an extremely forced grin
- he would be so overjoyed but your response that he would not realise that you had spat the egg out into a napkin and tossed into the bin
- and of course he would be so over his head and think his cooking was fantastic
- and frankly, it wasn’t. it tasted like shit.
- ‘y/n! i made you some glazed chicken and sprouts’
- you would’ve just gotten home after a long day at the office and the last thing you wanted was to try your boyfriend’s horrendous whip up
- ‘oh…thanks, lovey,’
- you would saw through the cardboard-texture of the overcooked chicken and take a bite
- ‘mm, it’s good, like mum makes it’
- ‘really?’ he would cheese and push the plate closer towards you, inviting you to finish the plate
- and you know what? finished that plate you did because you would do anything to put a smile on his face
THEODORE
- he would beg you to let him help out in the kitchen
- you were trying to bake a spiced cake to bring for family dinner
- ‘please, i just want to help’
- ‘fine. but you’re my sous-chef. i can’t have your aunt thinking i can’t bake, especially after last month’s disaster of a crumble. which by the way, i haven’t forgiven you for’
- what happened last month you may ask?
- well you had spent all afternoon making the best damn apple crumble you had ever made
- it was all going well till you were seated by the dining table and you dished up your pudding
- and who would’ve though that the crumble tasted salty
- ‘oh, well, you see. you were saying how you halved the amount of sugar the recipe recommended, and well, you know how much i love sugar so i decided to add some more when you weren’t looking, but i guess i put in salt instead’ theodore would smile sheepishly while ducking his head to prevent a slap to the back of it
- you swore you had to hold yourself back from stabbing him with the fork in your hand
- theodore’s aunt always had something to say about your cooking and you were sure theodore’s mistake would result in you not being able to ever hear the end of it for the next month
- ‘it’s not my fault sugar looks like salt…’ he would grumble when you gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night
- i digress
- ‘i’ll just stand here and you tell me what to do. i won’t touch anything unless you tell me to, promise.’
- you would then pass the recipe over to theodore to get him to take out the ingredients from the cabinets while you busied yourself with preparing the pans and stand mixer
- ‘what the fuck’s star anus?’
- you would stop what you were doing and stared at him as if he’d grown a second head because yea, what the fuck was star anus?
- you would walk over to him to peer at the recipe book only for it to say ‘star anise’
- you would sigh and rub you hand your forehead, ‘anise, my love, it’s called star anise’
- you would pick out the small bottle off the spice rack and wave it in front of him
- ‘well that’s not my fault! who names something that has a similar spelling to anus!’
- ‘my love, you truly are something else,’ you would kiss his clothed chest and chuckle into it before returning to preheating the oven
- the first spiced cake had turned out horribly since theodore had mistakenly given you baking powder instead of soda
- luckily, you had planned for this so you had enough time to bake a second one, albeit after you had scolded theodore and forced him to stand in the corner of the kitchen and do nothing but watch
- ‘sorry y/n. love me?’ he would childishly whine while you placed the second cake into the oven
- ‘love you’ you would reluctantly say back and peck him on the lips as you walked past him
CEDRIC
- oh cedric’s a mummy’s boy through and through, so obviously he’d spent quite some time growing up helping his mother in the kitchen
- he is marvellous at cooking and honestly, is there anything that this man cannot do?
- expect breakfasts in bed every. day.
- ‘good morning, gorgeous’ you would awake with feather light kisses to your cheek
- cedric would hold out a tray to you with fresh cut fruits and a stack of perfect american pancakes
- if cedric were to find out there was any foods that you craved, expect to be well-fed and craving-satisfied instantly
- cedric had once admitted that he wasn’t too fond of cooking, but seeing your face light up whenever he served you a plate of your favourites was worth it
- seriously, does this man have any flaws?
- sometimes, when you were feeling it, you would join cedric in the kitchen
- such times led to fits of giggles and small food fights
- ‘gorgeous, look here,’ cedric would call out to you and you would turn your head to the side to look at him
- and as you turned your head, his batter coated finger would poke into your cheek, leaving a smear of mixture in its wake
- ‘that was a dirty move,’ you would eye cedric
- and you know what, maybe you weren’t too mad about it since any food fight would always end with you and cedric in the shower together
HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS AND THEIR SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS
CHARACTERS: theodore/ draco/ cedric x f! reader
CONTENT WARNINGS: sex (no explicit details just literally the word sex and talking about it)
A/N: if you think you’re old enough to read this shit then it’s up to you. at the end of the day i can put nsfw and mdni warnings up, but you should be responsible for what you consume on the internet. that said, there’s no smut here, i just say the word ‘sex’.
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
THEODORE
- he’d title the playlist ‘fucking my gf’
- he’d be into rap and all that so i’d think he’d want to listen to those while having sex too
- theodore would defo blast this on his speaker when you’d have sex
- the song has to have a high bpm too bcus god knows this man fucks
- his sex playlist would look something like this:
heartless remix - the weeknd ft. lil uzi vert
biebs in the trap - travis scott
the hills - the weeknd
dark knight dummo - trippie red
DRACO
- he’d name the playlist ‘fuck bitches get money’
- of course when you found out about the playlist you looked at him 🤨, like really?
- he’d say sorry and say he just did it for the playlist
- you made him apologise to all the women in the world
- anyway, draco’s into kinky fucking shit
- his dream fantasy is christian grey ceo type beat
- and so of course his sex playlist is just songs off the fifty shades soundtrack
- draco likes car sex.
- trust him in that he’ll have this playlist playing in his bentley while he absolutely goes down on you
- it’d look a little bit like this:
worth it - the weeknd
heaven - julia michaels
i don’t wanna live forever - zayn and taylor swift
love me like you do - ellie goulding
CEDRIC
- our dear boy cedric is into slow sex
- he likes it rly passionate so he can take his time
- so obviously, his go to sex playlist is of songs which are sensual and slow
- he’d have it playing at a minimal when he makes love to you
HC: Cedric telling Cho his feelings at the yule ball, and they had their first kiss when she told him that she felt the same way. They were both good kissers, even back then.
Oh man I think things have gotten way hotter than just kissing after that Yule Ball eheheheh but YES hell yes.
