HOW HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS ACT WHEN THEY’RE DRUNK
CHARACTERS: theodore/ draco/ cedric x f! reader
CONTENT WARNING: drinking
A/N: if you have any hc suggestions, send them in my ask box. uh. also. if you have sent in a request for my celebration event, i’m working on your trust. school’s just been a howler and my plate’s quite full at the moment.
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
THEODORE
- drunk off smirnoff because he kept getting iced
- malfoy would be an absolutely dickhead and keep having theodore look behind things
- “oi nott, look behind the sofa”
- “theo, baby, no, he’s trying to get you to drink. you’ve fallen for it ten times,” you would try to stop it
- of course your already waved boyfriend would hop onto the sofa and look behind it
- “god, what am i going to do with you,” you would sigh when theodore’s sprawled in your sitting room, passed out
- you would kneel down by him and rid him of his clothes so he was just in his pants
- you’d wipe him down with a warm towel and change him into his spongebob pyjamas (which you had to swear you would never tell anyone about)
- before you could stand back up to toss his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, theodore would grip onto your wrist lazily
- “hm, you’re the bestest girlfriend ever. always taking care ‘f me”
- stupidly sheepish grin and hooded eyes and all
- “bestest, you say?” you’d tease
- “yeap, i have the bestest goodest girlfriend in the whole wide world, and she’s mine. i love you”
- he’d jut his lips out in a cute pout, “kith?”
- and how could you say no to that?
DRACO
- he’d nick the finest scotch off his father’s liquor selection and bring it back to your flat
- “that’s enough, don’t you think?” you would asked when draco’s on his fourth pour
- “i don’t get drunk,” the cocky asshole would scoff
- sure enough, after downing the glass, draco was hunched on the glass dining table, leaning his head and arms against it
- “y/n…?” he’d drag your name out, “baby…?”
- you’d push the duvet off your lap with a sigh and walk into the front room to your very much drunk boyfriend
- “yes, draco?”
- “my head hurts, and the light’s too bright, make it go away” he’d wave his arm in the air to signal at the windows
- “that’s the sun, draco, i don’t think i can just ‘make it go away’”
- ‘ugh’ he’d cover his face in his hands
- you’d force him to down a glass of water and drag him into your bedroom to rest
- “where are you going?” draco would quickly sit up and look at you with puppy dog eyes when you would leave the room
- “to get you more water”
- “nuh uh, stay here,” he would pat your side of the bed
- drunk draco was a clingy draco
- “what’s the magic word draco?”
- “pleaseeeee”
- “the magic word was hippopotamus, but i’ll give in just because you’re so adorable”
- “‘m not adorable,” he’d cross his arms and frown
- “whatever you say little love”
CEDRIC
- it was christmas dinner and you and cedric were hosting
- cedric and your family came over for a roast dinner and some puddings
- you exchanged presents, hugs, and kisses and the guests had left
- you had never seen anyone gotten drunk off mulled wine, but you guess your cedric was just special that way
- he was a lightweight since he did not drink often
- “baby!” cedric would yell for you from the front room
- “huh? yea?” you’d run from the kitchen, where you had been cleaning up, and to where cedric was, worried he had gotten his drunk self hurt
- “c’mere,” he would beckon you over
- “gimme your hands,” he’d reach for your wrists which you would willingly let him have
- he would hold you wrist in one hand
- “you’re under arresht,” his drunken-lisp making you giggle
- “for what, officer?” you’d play along
- “for shtealing my heart,” cedric tried his best to put on a stern face
- “oh dear, and what is my sentence?”
- “you hav’ to giv’ me a hundred kisses right now”
- “right now?” you’d try to pull your hands away but his grip would not relent
- “yeth, or you cannot leave”
- of course you had to serve your sentence, and so you would place a peck on cedric’s lips
- “you’ve gots to count ‘em,” cedric whined
- “two,” you lean down to place a second kiss on his lips
- and so, that was how your christmas night was spent. counting the one hundred kisses you had to give your dear old boyfriend
I'm so sorry to hear you've had a bad day, deary. How about the thought of Theo and Draco taking such good care of you after a bad day. They just keep bringing you tea and snacks in bed and then spend hours taking turns eating you out. Then you fall asleep with a movie or maybe some elaborate charm they've come up with to show you the changing night sky overhead.
ugh yes, they take turns with their heads buried between your thighs as you look up at the magic stars and galaxies they've created, pulling on their hair and moaning. they're so sweet, kissing your soft skin between orgasms, helping you drink tea to stay hydrated even as your mind starts to melt away
it originally annoying you when u first started dating but when you realised it stemmed from his insecurities your perception changed
We all know Draco is actually v insecure abt himself and about his reputation so when he saw you with other boys his mind immediately went to how they would be so much better for you
This made it difficult as you had friends that were boys where your relationships where 100% platonic however it scared Draco because he saw them as possibilities for you to have a better future
One time he took it a little too far when he told one of your guy friends to stop talking to you if he wanted to keep breathing which resulted in the two of you having a massive argument
You both felt guilty for the way you reacted so when you talked it out it was all okay and you understood why he was acting that way and you made him understand that he was the only one for you
When this was resolved you had to admit you enjoyed toying with him a little knowing that he knew you were playing around
Like when you were at parties you would “accidentally” dance a little too close to other guys and act a little flirty
This lit a fire inside Draco and OH MY GOD WHEN I TELL YOU THE ANGRY SEX THAT CAME AFTER
But like angry in the way that he wanted to “teach you a lesson” not in a bad way
During the year that Voldemort stayed at the Malfoy Manor Draco learned how to become one
To his surprise he was a snake, and not even a big one like nagini, but a smaller one and not venomous
So if everything became to match he would turn into his animugus form and curl up in a pile of blankets or on top of his pillow
When the war was over he still changed into his form, but now to escape the people who despised him. That ex death eater Draco Malfoy didn't get punished for his deeds because Harry Potter spoke up for him
Eventually when he is slithering around in his snake form, he comes across Potter
Who surprisingly hasn't lost his ability to speak parseltongue
So Potter takes him home and makes him a nest after asking Hermione how to take care of a snake
And Draco can't find it in himself to turn back in his normal form.
Because Potter takes care of him and loves him and talks to him. While when he is human everyone just hates him.
Eventually ofcourse the truth comes out when they're out in the forest, it's one of their daily activities cause Hermione said it is good for snakes to have the earth under their belly sometimes
But this time they're attacked by a rogue death eater, one who has escaped the authorities
And so Potter battles him, but the other is too strong. So Draco changes in his human form and with the element of surprise he overpowers the rogue.
Soon the aurors come and take the rogue death eater in and take both Draco and Harry for questioning
When that's done they're both free to go and without a thought they start talking. Cause Harry is just used to talking to his snake and now it seems Draco was his snake so now he is talking to Draco
And this way they become friends and eventually boyfriends and they adopt a pet snake together
CHARACTERS: muggle! modern au! theodore/draco/cedric x f! reader
CONTENT WARNINGS: just me and my inability to write a fic without profanity
A/N: this is definitely a self indulgent headcanon to soothe my big q soul. anyway, i may start posting headcanons since they’re a much more casual type of imagine rather than a full fanfic
read cedric/ theodore/ draco fics here
return to the headcanon masterlist here
THEODORE
- he’s most definitely a clubs streamer
- and he’s the type to yell whenever he opens fifa packs on stream
- and he yells so loud
- god he yells so damn loud whenever he opens a stinky pack
- ‘FUCK’
- ‘SUCK YOUR MUM’
- ‘SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK’
- his vocabulary of profanities span the same five words
- *throws the controller on the floor*
- “hey babe? could you go on amazon and get me a new controller?”
- “i just got you a new one last week?”
- “…i broke it”
- you obviously roll your eyes at him but hesitantly open amazon on your browser, “ps5 or xbox?”
- “xbox please and thank you”
- sometimes he’d be streaming at 2 in the morning and you’d be trying to sleep
- theodore would be cheering from scoring a goal when he’d get a whatsapp message from you
Whatsapp now
baby: shut the fuck up or you’re sleeping on the sofa tonight
- theodore would apologise to his viewers and then lower his voice, not wanting to risk having to deal with the wrath of a sleep deprived you
- ‘shit, sorry boys, the mrs is trynna sleep, i’ve gots to end stream soon’
DRACO
- now i’m going to be different with this one, and make you the streamer instead
- you’re sitting in your pink secret lab gaming chair, courtesy of your boyfriend of course, and doing a ‘just chatting stream’
- your viewers knew about draco, you having mentioned your boyfriend numerous times before, but none of them have seen what he looks like
bf face reveal, when?
- you thanked the user for the bits and read the question aloud.
- “sorry lads, no can do. big bossman draco’s got a proper job unlike your girl here, so he can’t show his face. but he’s really handsome!!! i promise you!” you chuckled.
- coincidentally, draco knocked on your door and you warned him that you were streaming before he let himself in
- your desk was adjacent to the door so draco could walk-in without being seen
- you muted your mic and looked up at draco
- “made dinner. it’s your favourite”
- he placed the plate in front of you, his hand and arm in view of your camera
- “ooh, yummy, thank you,” you cheesed, taking his hand and kissing the back of it before draco left your room, closing the door behind him, and letting you get back to streaming
did you see his watch??? bossman draco’s got Ps bro
just googled his watch and can confirm it’s worth more than my year’s rent
- “hey, i told you lot bossman draco’s a proper job.” you winked at the camera.
- “anyway, look what he made me! it’s cod and rice, everybody say thank you bossman draco.”
- chat erupted in echoes of ‘thank you’s
- “i don’t know if draco will ever do a face reveal but if you look him up he defo has a linkedin or something. just don’t be odd about it if you do, thank you!”
- draco had always been supportive of your twitch career, being your number one fan ever since your first twitch stream
- when you were starting out, and had no more than 100 viewers per stream, you would let self doubt eat you alive and worry that twitch streaming was not for you
- but of course bossman draco would never let you feel any little than amazing about yourself
- and so he would gift you 500 subs for absolutely no reason because money was expendable for that blonde donny
- all in all, you were grateful for your ceo boyfriend
CEDRIC
- oh our little minecraft player
- “chat! it’s valentine’s day soon and i’m gonna build her a giant heart and asking her to be my valentine!”
- chat erupts in awhs and whatnots while cedric grins happily
- he spends hours, and i mean hours, on the build
- “chat, you can’t tell y/n okay? it’s a surprise”
- of course chat promises to not reveal the surprise
- cedric had even muted the words ‘valentine’ and ‘y/n’ on your twitter account just so that if anyone did tweet about it, you wouldn’t see it in your timeline
- “hey y/n? come on my stream today?” cedric asked while you were having breakfast
- ‘yea, of course. what’s the occasion?’
- ‘chat says they miss you’
- cedric settled into his set up and pulled you to sit on his lap, pressing a button on his stream deck to change his starting soon banner to his intro
- ‘hi!’
- you waved to the camera and greeted the fans
- ‘chat, tell y/n how pretty she looks today’
- ‘thank you for the compliments! but i think my jumper’s really helping my look’
- you stood up so the viewers could see cedric’s mercy that you were wearing
- ‘where did you get that lovely jumper from y/n?’
- ‘cedplayz.shop.com’
- cedric placed you back into his lap as he opens mincraft and enters his world
- he put his hands over your eyes and only let go when the entire heart could be seen
- ‘awh ced’
- you’d squeeze him tightly in a hug and tell him that you’d love to be his valentine
- safe to say chat had clipped that and it was the only thing on cedric stan twitter for whole week
