#celestial mongo

[celestialmongo]

***CELESTIAL-THINN***

hiii, my name is mongo

i used to be celestial-thinn - i've been t'd so many times lol but i'm here now

this is just a little digital diary for me and my silly little thoughts :3

tw: 3d, sh, general mental illness

i have had disordered eating habits since as young as 11, this ain’t my first rodeo ;) starting over again because i fucking let myself go and have gained like 20lbs 🤢

here r my updated stats

age: 26!

height: 5'7" // 170.2 cm

hw: 280lbs // 127kgs | bmi: 43.8 - 2018

Iw: 159.8lbs // 72.5kgs | bmi: 25.0 - 4.13.25

sw: 179.6lbs // 81.5kgs | bmi: 28.2 - 3.9.26

cw: 167.8lbs // 76.1kgs | bmi: 26.2 - 6.15.26

ugw: 125lbs // 56.7kgs | bmi: 19.6 (for now)

gw1: 175lbs // 79.4kgs | bmi: 27.4 - 3.28.26

gw2: 165lbs // 74.83kgs | bmi: 25.8

gw3: 155lbs, gw4: 145lbs, gw5: 135lbs, etc

lost: 12.0lbs // 5.4kgs // 6.7% bodyweight ✨

to go: 42.9lbs // 19.5kgs ☹️

[mongodiary]

i woke up pretty sad today

i ate last night & wish i hadn’t, for obvious reasons but also because i could have gone longer

i want to be hospitalized. it’ll be a while since i’m so overweight, but i want to be validated. i need some time off and for people to take me seriously.

that i’m doing all this and doing it well despite being so sick

i want to be validated

[mongodiary]

damn i went just about 50hrs into a fast and when i ate i could hardly finish my meal, i was so nauseous

i am so sad and such a shell of who i was

[celestialmongo]

fuck it

i think i’m actually just gonna start journaling here, i have access to it all the time and it won’t be locked in my brain.

the breakup was hard. i’m trying to get through it but it’s one of the hardest things i’ve had to accept in a long time. i didn’t eat yesterday. my husband and i have never been further apart and it’s really hurting us.

i didn’t eat yesterday.

i wanna talk it out but what is there to say? i am broken and sad and weak and tired. i keep hoping for something drastic to happen so i can get some rest but nothing changes. i took time off and nothing changes.

I don’t know what i need. maybe a break from this life. maybe i need to let my husband go. i need to get help and get better. i don’t want to, really. this is comfortable. nothing is scarier than change.

nothing changes.

I don’t know what i need.