#celibacyblues

[charismablu]

Awww I just realized yesterday the 15th marked 10 years I’ve been celibate. I don’t know whether to be happy and be proud of myself or just cry!!! 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😢😢😢

#celibacyblues #damntimeflew #imkindaoverit #kindawannathrowthisassforarealone #kindadontwannabebothered

[charismablu]

#🎧 #JillScott - Celibacy Blues #celibacyblues #music #myjam #rnbmusic #theblues

[paraphraze615]

What I'm not getting today... #AbstinenceBlues #CelibacyBlues #SingleBlues #NowPlaying #BirthdaySex #Jeremih #Mood #MoodAF #MoodMuzik #BirthdayKing #BirthdayBehavior https://www.instagram.com/p/CBtLfqKgLjF/?igshid=1ljny4zt3og34

[endyedesonnews]

Former Catholic Priest weds his girlfriend. #EdesonChurchNews #catholicpriest #catholicpriests #hisholinesss #pope #catholics #catholic #celibacy #celibacyblues #celibacylife #akwaibom #akwaibomstate #akwaibomweddings #akwaibomayaya #nigeriawedding #nigeriaweddinggallery #nigeriaweddingpictures #nigeriamarriage #naijawedding #naijaweddings #naijaweddinggallery #naijaweddingskillingit #churchwedding #churchweddings #priesthood #sundaypicture

[purspektivz]

Celibacy Blues: Better Is The End

Last night I had an unexpected end to my journey....

Someone I have known for some time now. 

Someone I didn’t think would be the one to unlock the box.

The usual daily text conversation. Talks of art, photographs, television shows and sarcasm. Then two words......

Come. Here.

Two words. One surprised face. And one compliant woman. 

I drove with a mix of nervousness and anticipation. A friend. An exercise buddy. Partner in sarcasm. Shocked me with two words.

Come. Here.

And I shocked myself with my lack of hesistancy to run out to my Saab walking on the back of my Nike Air Max and drive to his Bronzeville flat. 

The mixed feelings as I parked and sent a text to open the door. 

I walk in and nervous jokes are passed and then he looks at me and asks me to follow him. 

The slow attention to detail then the commencement of an ending. Pauses in thrusts to whisper......”are you OK?” He knew I had been waiting. He knew I had been holding back to search myself. So, as he entered again and again, he asked for reassurance and permission. So much passion yet so much care. The feeling of his strong black arm sweeping my entire body close to him and the rest that came after the failed attempt to watch a post-copulation film. The tightness of an embrace and lips that swept my forehead in intermittent sleepy kisses. The morning awakening with jokes and disbelief. Physical re-engagement. More playful conversation. Separation. Continued texts. A brief visit to drop off an Apple Watch left by a bedside. Jokes about a next time.

No regrets. No regrets involved. 

The end of a physical journey.

The continuation of a spiritual one. 

[purspektivz]

Celibacy Blues: This Head of Mine

So this morning I woke up and I did not want to get off of my couch. Hell, last night I could not make it from my couch to my bed. I just pulled a throw over myself and decided to make that the place where my head lay. I had finished a speaking engagement earlier that evening and all I had on was my button up, camisole, some draws and my make up. 

I woke up this morning not wanting to move off that couch but forced myself into a eucalyptus bath. Once I finished, I mixed some Jessica Simpson perfume lotion and coconut oil and rubbed it into my skin and.........just sat there.

I just sat there.

Butt naked on the couch. There was a movie on and I decided to just sit my naked ass right there and watch it. I even took a picture of my bare, oiled up legs and helped myself to Instagram. 

Then my eyeballs motioned up towards my hair. 

The more I let my hair grow, the more symbolic it becomes to my journey. When I was a young girl, my father was a pastor - a very strict man who believed in the no make-up, no pant-wearing, no shaving of the head philosophies of the devout Pentacostals. We were not allowed to shave our hair and a woman’shair was her glory. The longer the hair, the better. My mother was a fair skinned woman with locks that seemed to flow with the wind. When I got older, right before I went off to college, I shaved the SHIT out of my head. It was my act of rebellion, my acknowledgment of freedom and my stamp of identity. Since then, I have let my hai come and go. I have let it grow to my shoulders and then shocked the masses with a swift bald cut just for the heck of it. I have had perms and colors galore. At the moment, it is in a short, curly TWA. My current signature style - shaved-to-the-scalp sides and back and with a crop of hair at the top hasn;tbeen on my head in months. I am allowing my hair to grow and have decided to let it change with the shift in this journey I am taking my body and spirit on. I battled today and sent a couple of texts to my barber. But I won. I shall sweat my head out tonight in a heated yoga session and make peace when I am ready.