#ceoalpaca

[minniepetals]

When you adore someone and can't describe them into words is frustrating 🗿. Most gonna say that you lie. But anyway I want to drop by and say hi but I saw some asks from annons and I need to ask/say something too

"Trust is hard to earn but is easy to break. One wrong mistake would lead to another just like you guys falling into a trap that got created by the people around you yet you forgive them but not the person you hold close to heart. Love and affection aren't the same so ask yourself if you love them or not before asking them to be your partner."

"Call someone else a monster while you are no better."

So, my question is:

How would the boys react once they know the truth? (The truth untold lol)

The truth about Y/n disappear 10 years ago. Would they feel guilty not to be there for her when she need them? (But the again she has her reapers that stay loyal)

I ask too much, now I will disappear too cause 👀 busy busy busy 😔

Ps. Hiii and how are you doing today?

spoilers: they're going to care about y/n again before i give them the reveal so it's going to hurt them even more; knowing the person you love had gone through so much while you were also part of the reason why they had to return to that environment and potentially made their journey worse when you could've been the reason to prevent it all.

on the other hand, hoseok will also hurt immensely. i can't save him from the pain, it's just inevitable. the reveal will also be something that isn't spontaneous -- like, the boys aren't going to find it out from an enemy suddenly speaking out of turn or a reaper not being able to keep their mouth shut and suddenly reveals it in the heat of the moment. no. the reveal will happen on y/n's own accordance. she'll make the decision on whether they're worthy to know about it or not. she'll be the one giving the reveal to them and not anyone else.

and i think that's important because all of this pertains to y/n so if anyone should reveal the truth of things then it's y/n herself and not just because it was in the heat of the moment or the boys find it out themselves. it will be y/n saying; you've earned (a bit) of my trust, here are the things that happened to me.

the reveal will also include the reapers, not just bangtan. because it's going to start from the very beginning, from when y/n was younger. no one, not even yuna, knows about y/n's life when she was younger, so the reapers themselves will also come to find out about more things than they know now

i spoil you guys too much with all these spoilers lmao but have fun with the information

[minniepetals]

Her pain and suffering are eating her alive and yet the boys still didn't take notice. But I can't blame them either. Y/n keep everyone in the dark, and I believe not even Yuna knows the truth dark past of Y/n life. Despise she was the first and the only reaper Y/n trusted aside from the others.

The chapter almost made me cry but I can feel their hurt. And now Namjoon finally figured that she didn't kill his Brother. Little did he know, what else is in store for him.

It's easy to say than done. It's easy to lie than, to tell the truth, and get hurt again. It's easy to let them hate you so they wouldn't feel guilty when something happens and it might take your life away. So I understand why she wants to keep people in the dark and hide her past until she feels ready to open up. Because I would do the same. Even if it is selfish even if I have to hurt people, it's for their sake.

They don't hate each other but just feel angry, and betrayed by each other. Others don't understand your pain while you don't understand theirs. Despite suffering from the same thing.

~~

Short up from your alternative universe about Y/n having a little brother. The brother might help her to cope with the pain and she won't hurt that much but then again there can always end up the same way despise the way you choose it.

regarding y/n's past, the life she lived before meeting the boys, before the marriage and before the divorce, before meeting yuna and her becoming her first loyal reaper, no one but y/n knows.

it's been said in small bits that if and when y/n does ever talk about her past, she always speaks in vague terms without ever revealing anything. y/n isn't one who will ever say anything outright, who will give anyone a whole storyline about what happened to her because she doesn't believe it to be worthy and it's also to protect herself as well. she has a lot of repressed memories she'd rather not reawaken. going through that broken stage itself caused her a lot of her memories to deteriorate and even now, she doesn't recall a lot of what happened when she broke, when she stopped putting in the effort, when she stopped smiling, and that's why she says only yuna remembers because yuna was there to see it all vividly happen right before her eyes. y/n on the other hand can only remember vague pieces and the general gist of what happened.

same case with her past (before meeting the boys and the reapers). she knows her perpetrators, she knows the gist of what happened, though a lot of her memories has been forcibly repressed and that's her mind's way of protecting herself. knowing everything, remembering every detail, can really hurt her a lot more than she's hurting now, hence she keeps her memories locked away

and as for the little brother, i feel like i probably would have taken cmar up a different turn were he to be real and existed in the cmar universe. but for now, this is what we have and we're certainly hurting a lot haha 💗

[minniepetals]

Okay, it would indeed be surprising if you didn't talk about angst. Well if someone ever asks me what hurt me the most would be your cmar story.

You sure know how to play your cards right.

lmao i love playing around with what i can do with cmar since there's sooo many options 🤭

[minniepetals]

I saw your post.

I click.

I read the tags.

I close my eyes.

The tags are scaring me. I wonder what you had put in that chapter now. Is it a boom of suffering or a nuke of suffering?

I'm not ready for it and I never will be. Each time read a new chapter of cmar. It open the wound again. So 🥲

Guys buckle up, with this rollercoaster, we gonna go through an ocean. 🙂🥲 Minnie is scaring us with the tags again. Help!

listen...at this point, if i ever say anything that isn't angst, ya'll should be surprised cuz cmar will have you going thRU it. i feel like once i get to editing, things will get even more intense cuz right now i just have the gist of a lot of things so once i get to fixing up words and adding in more words, oop, be prepared 🤧

[minniepetals]

I'm back to spamming your ask box and a whole text-

I was rereading the whole cmar chapters and boy do I hurt myself there. Biting my lip and holding in my tears is just painful. No matter how much you reread it, knowing the plot already. You gonna suffer again like the first time you read it. And boom more questions popped into my head.

But this time imma let you surprise me with what you got up in your sleeves for us readers that suffer each chapters-

°^°

Btw. What did you put into your writing that got me so hooked up and addicted to your stories so much??? I'm sorry but whenever I go read other stories from other writers I somehow end up on your page over and over again-

I mean the other writers write good and amazing too but there is something with your writing that I can't seem to walk away from- (it's not a bad thing but I really wanna know what you put in your stories-)

aww that's honestly so sweet bub. i for one have no idea what makes my stories interesting for you guys to keep coming back but hey, that sounds like an addiction that won't hurt anyone haha (well besides your own hearts and heads trying to figure out what the frick is going on and how the story will progress and how i'll keep breaking your hearts and how y/n's gonna heal and how the boys will redeem themselves amongst other things...)

[minniepetals]

If I begin honestly, cmar is an angst story that gives comfort in some way. Even if it is filled with angst, pain, suffering and ect but it still does give you that feeling that you are never alone and the story does somehow embrace you whenever you read it.

It shows that even if you're suffering there is still a way for you to keep walking on the thin ice plate. And you describe the emotions in each chapter so perfectly. I love the way it goes slow and takes time for y/n to recover from all the damage that has happened in her life.

I can't wait for the next cheaters and everything that will unfold later..

"villains aren't evil just broken" - (from who idk)

Remind me of came Y/n and of course namjoon too in some way.

aww, i'm glad cmar's been able to give you guys comfort. it does give me a lot of comfort as well -- it's like that meme this is my comfort character but they've never had a day of comfort in their life lmao

but cmar's been able to help me let out my repressed emotions since i don't cry about my life so i gotta shed tears over movies and books and other people's lives. it's funny how sensitive i am but when it comes to my own self, it's easy to keep the tears in haha.

at the moment for cmar, i'm having a hard time trying to put in this one specific scene because it means a lot but i also gotta write in other stuff before it and that other boring stuff can hopefully come to mean well without it sounding as if it's just a filling for that scene

also can't manage to get my words right without wanting to discard it because so far there's been like five discarded drafts so far and i hate it 🫠

[minniepetals]

Welp, replied to you newest post..

It seems that you love to put your y/n into suffering (at least you didn't kill her off, like that one drabble *cough* would you smile for me *cough* ) and you also love to put your readers on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and suffering-

Make us cry an ocean. If our tears could be sell, we all would have been a billionaire or maybe even trillion or more who knows.

listen that one drabble was not my fault. someone requested it aight? i would never kill off my y/ns willingly.

i like hearing you guys screaming and wailing and suffering tho, it's fun seeing the reactions each time i post something after crying over my characters -- *insert that meme* it's like a reward 😙

[minniepetals]

When you get a little bit of view on the other side of the story, it hurt so bad.

Both are hurting and add acid to their wounds even more.

Namjoon says hurtful words to Y/n so that she can easily leave them and hate them rather than making herself feel like she is not good enough.

While Y/n do the same to namjoon, uses his brother to make him hate her just so it is easy for him to walk out of her life also.

They hurt each other more than they know. I feel like there is no hate between them but just anger.

"To not see eachother anymore no matter what the circumstances are."

Just so they both can heal but the damage that was already done will still remind. Just like a broken glass that you try to fix but it will never look the same as before.

I'm crying I swear, I was reading it on my way to my school. My tears won't stop falling even if I finish reading it. My poor heart couldn't take the damage but still managed to finish it.

Perfect as always Minnie! You make the story comes to life somehow (to me.)

thank you so much! and you describe it so perfectly because yeah, they never hated each other (between namjoon and y/n) but they've always gone through such lengths just to push each other away. it's kinda messed up on both their parts but when someone hurts, they tend to do things that hurts the other party and i hate that i have to write some realistic things but it needed to be done for both of their character growth 🥲