#ch michael

[textsfromthefahc]

Ray: Okay I’m gonna need someone to explain the hand in the fridge Ray: Ry?

Ryan: The one by the milk or the one in the pickle jar? Ryan: Scratch that. Pickle jar doesn’t have a hand.

Michael: Jesus fucking Christ, some of us keep actual food in there.

Ray: Thaddeus Ryan Haywood. Ray: Why the fuck is there a hand in our fridge?

Ryan: I needed to keep it safe. You all have mini-fridges in your rooms anyways.

Ray: True, but not the point. Ray: Just. Warn a guy next time maybe?

Ryan: Honestly my job here should be warning enough. Ryan: I’ll put a note on the fridge.

Ray: preciate it.

[textsfromthefahc]

Michael: ray yyy7 Michael: rayyyyhbles

Ray: Raybles? That’s a new one Ray: Where are you dude?

Michael: km out for ebevvvies wi th gavijn Michael: hes an ideiot but esoemtimes he amkes sensee Michael: am i makign sense rayyy?

Ray: Yeah, you’re making sense Ray: I get what you mean about Gav - smartest dumbass I know, really Ray: Everything okay?

Michael: nto reaflly Michael: ive ebeen an iditot Michael: more thann gaagvin evebn

Ray: ...What did you do?

Michael: icant telll yo u thnigs whe n immms ober Michael: we’ev beent doign this stupid ffucking daance for solong Michael: i jstu wish i coiudl stop being an idot and tel lyouu

Ray: I mean we’re both idiots in our own ways, so Ray: What do you want to tell me?

Michael: cna i coem overr? Michael: canwe maek otu a klittel bti and thenn you remidn me to telly ou somethging imrportat in teh meorning ?

Ray: You just said you can’t tell me shit when you’re sober, dude. Ray: Look, come over. Ray: I’m not saying we can make out and forget whatever you wanna say but just. Ray: Get your drunk ass over here and cuddle me, asshole.

Michael: yayyyy rayy xxxx

[textsfromthefahc]

Jack: Jeremy, I got an idea!

Jeremy: You have my full attention~

Jack: Come meet me in the garage, you’re gonna love this.

Jeremy: On my way.

Jack: Alright guys, quick now. Gavin, you’re in charge at the homefront.

Michael: Alright, I have him cuffed by one hand in the back of the AH mobile.

Jeremy: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK Jeremy: WHY THE FUCK AM I IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR

Jack: Alright, guys, it’s time. Operation Fashion Disaster is a go.

Gavin: Just tell me what you need me to do!

Jack: Gavin, you figure out his closet. Burn it again if you must. Jack: Michael, we’re taking Lil J shopping.

Jeremy: JACK YOU’VE BETRAYED ME! I THOUGHT WE HAD A FASHION FRIENDSHIP!

Jack: There’s nothing wrong with black and brown leather!

Geoff: Young love.. I remember the days…

Jack: Careful, or your tux might end up Suddenly Pink.

Michael: Sorry Lil J, you’re an eyesore.

Geoff: That tux is worth more than your life you tiny miscreant!

Jack: Ugh. Geoff. Just go direct Gavin as he sorts out this mess. Or something. Jack: Jeremy, this is an intervention. We took a vote. Makeover time.

Jeremy: I am an unwilling participant. But fine. I better come back looking like a God.

Geoff: God of dwarves maybe >:{D

Jeremy: Love you too, Geoff.

The Jeremy Fashion Makeover Saga - Part 2 (1)

[textsfromthefahc]

Jack: How’s the homefront looking, Gav?

Gavin: Bloody boring. You lot should have taken me with you.

Jack: But I don’t trust anyone else to have a lick of fashion sense D:

Gavin: Have you SEEN some of the atrocities in here Jack Gavin: My SOUL hurts

Jeremy: I can still read this, you know.

Jack: You’ve gotta be strong now, Gav. For all of us. Jack: I believe in you.

Gavin: I’ve made it into the inner wardrobe….everything's orange and purple...I feel weak Gavin: Light….fading Gavin: fabrics….irritating and gaudy Gavin: I may not make it out alive

Jack: Geoff can you check on him? Feel free to send me pics of his suffering.

Geoff: On it mom. Geoff: Jesus this is an inordinately large wardrobe! Geoff: How is it ALL orange and purple!

Jeremy: Fuck you all. It’s my image!

Michael: Didn’t anybody warn you not to get too attached to your image when you started doing criminal work?

Gavin: I've been murdered by your lack of fashion sense.

Jeremy: Look you all have your things. Let me have mine!

Jack: Oh, we will let you have yours. On heists. When it’s appropriate. Jack: I will not have my eyes bleeding on off-hours, too! At least I know to mix it up.

Jeremy: ...Fine.

The Jeremy Fashion Makeover Saga - Part 3 (1) (2)

[textsfromthefahc]

Jeremy: I do not approve of this.

Jack: But Lil J! You look amazing :D Jack: [sends file_attached:img051120174]

Michael: He’s being a whiny bitch about his hat. Michael: We may have to let him keep it, guys.

Jack: The hat is the least offensive item he owns Jack: I say let him fight to keep it so he feels accomplished and we get rid of the atrocious rest.

Jeremy: I feel weird. This is weird. Jeremy: Also the hat is special. Don’t diss the hat.

Jack: I’m not dissing the hat, I’m dissing everything else.

Jeremy: Look I feel ridiculous. Do I have to try all of this on?

Jack: Yes.

Jeremy: ...Fine.

Jack: I don’t know why you’re complaining. This suits you. Jack: [sends file_attached:img051120175]

Jeremy: ...Does it really?

Geoff: Lookin sharp J

Ray: Seconded. Looks great

Jeremy: Thanks. I don't feel as bad now… not that I don't trust Jack.

Jack: Could have fooled me :-P

The Jeremy Fashion Makeover Saga - Part 4 (Fin!) (1) (2) (3)

[textsfromthefahc]

Michael: Okay. Cut the shit. Michael: You all know we can see what everyone’s playing on Steam, right? I get a notification every time one of you opens the fucking game. Michael: So which Daddies did you choose.

Ray: #yolo Ray: Robert and Mat

Ryan: Hugo.

Jack: Only Craig so far, but goshdarn that Damien guy is cute. Jack: Also, anyone else notice that Hugo sounds kinda like our Ray?

Michael: I knew I wasn’t going crazy!

Jeremy: I totally macked on Brian. No shame.

Ray: ...Really? Ray: Not gonna lie I’ve paid zero attention to Hugo so far

Jack: Yeah! No wonder Ryan went for him first :-P

Ryan: He’s an intellectual! My next choice would be Damien.

Michael: Well, I went for Rob and then Craig on my second playthrough.

Geoff: This is dumb, who makes this stupid shit! Geoff: …. Geoff: Robert.

Jeremy: Of course, Geoff. And I like Brian! He's sweet.

Jack: No one went for Mr. Married Whitebread huh.

Ryan: I didn’t trust him. And his kids are freaky.

Jeremy: I mean, eventually. He just wasn't my first pick.

Jack: ...I feel you. #needthatachievement

Gavin: I uh. I already got him. And Brian.

Michael: I feel like this probably says something about us. Michael: But it was just a really fucking good game, so I don’t care.

Gavin: I just wanted him to not have to worry about losing his baby all the time Michael!

Jack: Somehow, I feel like you’d be the most likely to lose a baby irl, Gav.

Gavin: Jack! No! I've never lost a baby in my life!

[textsfromthefahc]

Jeremy: Let it be known that I’m about to benchpress Ray and that Ryan’s our witness.

Gavin: Wait wait wait let me get there to film it!

Jeremy: Sure thing. It’s gonna be impressive as fuck.

Jack: I want the video later, Gavin. And at least one still for the family photo album.

Jeremy: We have a family album?

Gavin: Of course we do you pleb. Also eta 5 min don't start without me

Jack: It is my pride and joy :-)

Ryan: Start moving, I can’t stop them.

Jeremy: I’ll wait for you, Gav.

Gavin: Almost there!!

Michael: Shit, I’ll be right there too.

Jeremy: Come on, I wanna prove I can do this!

Jeremy Bench-pressing Ray Saga - Part 3 (Fin!) (1) (2)

[textsfromthefahc]

Jeremy: Hey Ryan, you seen updog?

Ryan: I haven’t seen anything but our victim in a week.

Jeremy: I swear it was around here. I bet someone’s seen updog.

Ray: I have

Jeremy: Ray! Please, I need to show Ryan updog.

Ryan: I swear to god if you show me one more stupid, irrelevant video, you won’t have thumbs.

Jeremy: It’s not a video, it’s just updog.

Geoff: It never works Lil’ J, don’t even try!

Ryan: What never works?!

Jeremy: Updog.

Michael: Fucking christ, not this again.

Jeremy: Come on, Michael, there’s nothing wrong with updog.

Ryan: But there’s something wrong with you, apparently. Ryan: That’s not even a word!

Jeremy: It is! It’s updog!

Ryan: I almost fell for it. Ryan: I work with kindergarteners.

Jeremy: Look it was worth a shot after buttfor.