No matter how buff you are, he's buffer
He'll put you in air prison
Lifts you up by your hips into the air
"Haha. You are like a tiny Chihuahua"
He wouldn't mind if you're vegan or vegetarian
But he'll definitely tease you about it
"Mi amor, you are skin and bones"
He'll chuckle as he pinches your sides
He loves to hold you in his lap
He suddenly lifts you up and uses you as a weight
Please.....you have to be the brains in the relationship
He will confidently finish your quote
"Si, and France is Bacon"
You don't have the heart to correct him
He will carry you on his shoulders and parade ou to the other Mayan gods
"This one is mine. Hahahaha"
You better know spanish cuz this man will say the most raunchy things and he'll never translate for you
"Mi amor, me pones tan caliente. Te follaré bien esta noche"
None of the other Mayan deities will tell you what he said
Loves playing into the Elder God/Devotee dynamic
"You speak boldly for a mortal"
He acts like you asked him to donate his kidney
"I suppose I must please my worshiper every now and then"
He immediately pulls you in to pepper your face in sloppy, wet kisses
His tentacles explore your face
He pulls away, leaving you with a slime coated face
This man does not know how to cook
He will definitely kick the oven apart if you don't stop him
He'll "allow" you the honor to cook for him
Make sure you make a show of serving his plate or he'll act bratty
He'll cross his arms and look away from the plate
"I smell an offering but don't hear one, mortal"
You sigh as you pinch the bridge of your nose
You wonder if the Japanese restaurant down the street will pay good for some fresh calamari
You decide it's easier to give in to your boyfriend
"Here is my offering to you.....oh great one"
He digs in like you starve him
In bed, he'll cuddle you like he's doing you a favor
"You should be honored. Most have gone mad from being this close"
Obsessed with the 80's. Duh
He will teach you how to play his Keytar
It doesn't matter if you suck
He just loves sharing his favorite things with you
He's always draping his jacket over you when it gets even one degree colder
He's a reptile, so he loves to cuddle up to you. Leeches off your warmth
Unless you're made of ice, you're always gonna be warmer than him
"Damn baby, you're a furnace"
He holds you tight and sways you around
He will 100% bellow like a gator
You can't tease him about it
Don't let him carry you bridal style
He'll lift you to his chest and press his fingers into your belly like he's playing his keytar
"Beewowowowow. Hehe. You play pretty nice babe"
