#chain problems

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

This is a memorial post for my favorite crown, which I lost today when it fell off my head and into a river while I was on a bridge :\ R.I.P. Crown

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

the problem with ppl being Moderate level friends from school is that you cant actually have conversations with Moderate level friends because everything they know about me is only approximately 4% of me

its easier to become friends with people you dont know and learn about each other or to know someone for a long time and never have to explain 

in between is just hard like ‘we are friendly and we like each other but there is no real course for me to tell you about my childhood history and somehow lack of background just rules out a lot of #realtalk’

anyway if you want to be friends you should like, ask me questions and get to know me or something

[warningoutoforder]

so, for anyone who doesn’t already know this, i’m going through some things right now, including academic/future-related stuff as well as personal and mental health barriers. there’s also a lot of people in my life who i’m not regularly interacting with, largely because i don’t have the energy at this time to consistently reach out to people, and they aren’t reaching out to me either.

the lack of social support and fulfillment is negatively impacting my life and, obviously, doesn’t help my already tenuous ability to function and improve. i don’t currently have the capability to aggressively pursue and reform relationships. so i’m putting this post on all my social media:

if you intend to be a consistent part of my life / believe we have a long-term friendship and want that to continue, please say or show so. a lot of people don’t contact me anymore, and whether that’s because of their own stuff or lack of interest, i don’t know, and can’t tell. moderate friends and acquaintances are their own thing, and don’t lose status from lack of contact because they’re moderate; but if you have any kind of significant investment in maintaining closeness with me, i need confirmation of that. otherwise i am forced to assume that it’s not a priority, and for my own sake need to put it aside.

i don’t really care how you make contact; you can message me here, or text me, or instant message, or whatever. i value everyone who comes into my life but i can’t keep wondering whether or not i can rely on someone, whether or not we still have a friendship, et cetera. i dont have the mental resources for that right now.

thanks in advance,

chain

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

so, for anyone who doesn't already know this, i'm going through some things right now, including academic/future-related stuff as well as personal and mental health barriers. there's also a lot of people in my life who i'm not regularly interacting with, largely because i don't have the energy at this time to consistently reach out to people, and they aren't reaching out to me either. 

the lack of social support and fulfillment is negatively impacting my life and, obviously, doesn't help my already tenuous ability to function and improve. i don't currently have the capability to aggressively pursue and reform relationships. so i'm putting this post on all my social media: 

if you intend to be a consistent part of my life / believe we have a long-term friendship and want that to continue, please say or show so. a lot of people don't contact me anymore, and whether that's because of their own stuff or lack of interest, i don't know, and can't tell. moderate friends and acquaintances are their own thing, and don't lose status from lack of contact because they're moderate; but if you have any kind of significant investment in maintaining closeness with me, i need confirmation of that. otherwise i am forced to assume that it's not a priority, and for my own sake need to put it aside.

i don't really care how you make contact; you can message me here, or text me, or instant message, or whatever. i value everyone who comes into my life but i can't keep wondering whether or not i can rely on someone, whether or not we still have a friendship, et cetera. i dont have the mental resources for that right now. 

thanks in advance,

chain

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

Anyway my doctor got my lab results and says nothing's wrong with me, again I wonder how long it will take this time to venture a guess on what's wrong

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

things i have to do this week:

- meeting with director of services for students with disabilities - meeting with some guy at the office of student life to talk about rooming for spring break trip - OHE new member edu and big-little reveal - fill out my ballot and send it in - meeting with professor - halloween stuff - sleepover and apple hill trip with krista - counseling workshop follow-up appointment  - infinite assignments and readings  - finish and mail commission 

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

anyway so its looking like i may have to cancel my birthday plans 

which i guess will just lead to another birthday falling short yet again 

idk im tired of not really having my One Good Day a Year yk 

every other holiday tends to be painful or draining so its pretty much left up to the one day devoted to Me but  doesnt tend to work out that great 

idk its petty but im bummed ig

[adhdronanlynch-archived]

okay so like

the grad assistant for the professor for the class in which ill be doing teaching fieldwork like, hooked me up with this person in norcal who teaches at college and is also nonbinary and uses gender-neutral pronouns in the classroom, so that i could ask for tips and experiences and stuff which is Awesome

and they sent me this long e-mail in response to my reaching out

which is also Awesome

only like

its a fucking five-paragraph essay with big blocks of text and im like oh no........ hey..... buddy... pal...... my friend.......... i forgot to mention... that im also adhd..