#chameleonism

[sodapressingpuns]

loveseat!

Loveseat- Describe your ideal house

a small cozy house with a loft and lots of natural light!! alternatively id also like to live in a dumpster  

[arriistotle]

hey rat king,, it's ur bday??? happy bday n hope u have a good one!! 8)))

thank you!!!!! <3 ily

[arriistotle]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

LOVE U ♡

[arriistotle]

10, 21, 32, 33!

hehehe tyty ♡ 

10- game you were best at in p.e.?

probably floor hockey 

21- obsession from childhood?

the movie grease and lego star wars games

32- top five favorite vines?

babe what is it im reading harry potter, is this music?, im a WHORE you idiot, My Close Good Friends, my mom said if i dont get my grades up shes not gonna let me get my tetanus shot next year

33- most used phrase in your phone?

comin in hot

[ooo-cn]

I wish there was a better way to post... unfinished thoughts?  sketches?  Gah, and I hoped tumblr would be the solution to this...

WAIT, am I actually also worried about investing/being vulnerable with ANYBODY??? What???? THIS IS STILL A PROBLEM?????????

Okay Cina, first things first:  Can you overcome the potential mental rip of being willing to invest in Jordan (or at least not rejecting his ideals) and also invest in Luke as much as you’d like to?

(is it really possible that the answer has been obvious, but you just haven’t seen it??)

So why would such a mental incompatibility occur?

Break-

Skip a few steps:

YES THE ANSWER WAS SO OBVIOUS THANK YOU

If I am not a chameleon, if I synthesize rather than mirror, then I can invest in any group of people that I desire to without rejecting any group merely because I invest in a separate group.  

If I mirror, then I reject anything that the person I mirror rejects.  

However, I’M AN IDIOT BECAUSE OF COURSE I DON’T HAVE TO MIRROR OTHERS AND I DON’T EVEN WANT TO MIRROR OTHERS SO DUH CINA YOU WANT TO BE A SYNTHETIC BEING INSTEAD OF A CHAMELION ANYWAYS SO JUST WORK TOWARDS THAT.

SO: I’m back to the same question that I was at before.  How am I consistently synthetic, rather than merely imitative?

Specifically, why is this helpful in this instance?  

Because if I invest in one person over another, then I MAY end up rejecting one.  But if I do, it will be because I feel that I am incompatible with them and therefore, wouldn’t want to invest in them, instead of wanting to invest in multiple people, but having to choose one over the other.  Is this really flipping obvious?  Why are these connections so difficult to make?

JORDAN WHY HAVEN’T YOU MESSAGED ME BACK YET???

new thought:

I WANT TO BE INSPIRED! I WANT TO FEEL URGENCY, NOT BECAUSE OF IMPENDING DEATH, BUT DUE TO THE ANTICIPATED JOY OF MAKING BEAUTIFUL ART.

I think focusing on the fear of death too much will likely lead me to fear too much- to pick actions based on low risk quantitative works that I can put into the world.  Perhaps this is the end of my desire to learn how to code…

[faiblesseicietailleurs]

It hit me as you walked up to me with cold air encircling your hot breath and your black cape billowing that this is the boy. Nothing else compares I realised and knew in the deeper regions of my liver. And they were right. A taste so sweet would flood me with heat that both dazzled and dizzied. But would leave me on the frigid borders of a hallow nothing. I feel that vapid now, with the borders of the room and my mind closing in on me. No hand to hold as I fall into that dark contemplation that ensnares in this life of exhausting chameleonism.