Jun 8
When you lwk skip PE everyday
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When you lwk skip PE everyday
dee and charlie start an onlyfans
i love chardee cos every time theyre left alone together they get weird and lez out
The episode where the gang make dresses is the ultimate chardee episode for those with eyes to see
need them both hello who said that
waitress/dee iasip fic
There was a visitor to the bar late that sweaty summer evening. The air conditioning had gone array earlier that day, Charlie sat on the floor in front of the door, air conditioner parts scattered all around him. When the door opened, he looked up to see The Waitress, otherwise known as Nicki.
“What are you doing here?” Charlie asked, unimpressed. See, this last year and half in therapy, on medication and in and out of inpatient care have helped Charlie. Charlie regrets ever knowing the waitress, really. He regrets everything. He sees that now, and the shame is almost unbearable.
“I came to talk to you.”
“Listen–i, I’ve been expecting this conversation,” Charlie says as he stands. Nicki looks confused.
“No, I don’t think-”
“No, you want to come here and tell me what a piece of shit I am. Well, save it, I already know. I’m working on it, okay?” He explains, stepping behind the bar. Not pulling out a beer like he wants to to respect her recovery.
“Thats not why I’m here.”
“Why, then?”
“I came to ask,” she pauses, organizing her words, “What made you stop?” This catches Charlie off guard. He needs a minute to think.
“I- I, uh,” It takes him longer than expected to answer. “Dennis and Dee got me into therapy. In my first hospital stay, I met a girl who- uh, explained it to me. I- she told me not to contact you to let you know I was stopping. To just stop. So that's what I did.”
“What did she say that got to you? What did she say that I never could?”
“Thats what therapy helped me understand. It couldn’t come from you, i’d never…i would never take no for an answer, if it came from you. But having someone who felt like a peer explain how much it hurt, helped me feel that empathy I was missing,”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.Huh. So why are you here, do you miss me?”
“Do you still love me?” This was the question he dreaded. Because yes, of course, but also no, and he never really did.
“Therapy helped me learn the difference between love and infatuation.”
“Well, look at you, mr. therapy man, learning so much in therapy, too good for me now, huh?”
“Nicki, thats not-”
“No, no! I get it!”
“Cmon nicki, Of course I love you! There, okay! Are you happy!” There's a long pause. “I love you like- like- a person. A beautiful, wonderful person. But never as a lover.” the words skid like ice past his teeth.
“So…as a friend?”
“Yes! Yes, as a friend. But i- i know I've done too much for us to ever be friends and i- i;m learning to be okay with that.”
“Thats- actually why I’m here. I, uh, have been getting my life back on track and…I realized I was missing something. You.”
“You…want me in your life?” This is the most and more than he could ever ask from her.
“Yes. in a friendship capacity. No stalking. If we are going to be friends, there has to be boundaries-”
“Boundaries! I’m learning about those too! Sweet!”
“Right”
“Well, hey, it’s hot in here, and like, we closed the bar hours ago, how about we hang out now?”
“I- i guess that would be fine.”
‘Cool, cool, your place or mine? Or we could get something to eat?”
“Uh, geez charlie, I don’t know I-”
“I was supposed to swing by deep on my way home, you wanna come?”
“Oh my god, i really hate her I-”
“Hey, cmon, it’ll be fun, then I'll drop you by your place and go home myself, how about that?”
“I uh- i don’t really” she stammers, “I’m not comfortable with you knowing where I live. Yet.
“Understandable, totally understandable.”
They catch up on the way to Dee's apartment and it’s actually pretty nice. Charlie even makes the waitress laugh a few times. She missed this. Missed having friends. It’s been so long. Since highschool or right after.
“Wait so, you are like, dating dee?”
“Well, No, not really, it’s more like-”
“So you're just sleeping with her?”
“Well, yeah kinda, we kiss and stuff too but really it’s me and dennis that-”
“Woah, woah, Dennis is gay?” Charlie gives her an insane look.
“Dennis has never been straight, Nicki.” He says in a serious tone.
“Huh. I would have never guessed.”
“If you think that's crazy, wait till I tell you about Joyce!”
“Whos joy-”
“Hey! We’re here!” Charlie ignores her questions on the way up to Dee's apartment, regretting having brought up the topic. He’s very selective about who he introduces Joyce to.
After a few rounds of knocking, Dee opens the door. “Hey, woah- waitress? Why are you here?” The waitress turns to leave.
“Her name is Nicki, Dee, please, okay? We’re better than that, right?” Dee reluctantly nods.
“Nicki, please just- give her a shot.”
“Okay, I’ll give her one more chance but the next time she calls me the waitress, I’m leaving, charlie I’m serious.”
Once they are sat down at the apartment, and Charlie's shakes have started to set in, he makes a request.
“Look, I gotta drink, alright?” And holds out his hand for proof. The waitress gives a nod of understanding. “Okay, dee, you got any beers?”
“Yeah, in the fridge and hey, bring me one too,” Dee was already comfortable when they arrived. Wearing only a white shameese and fuzzy slippers. Nick is sitting in the chair away from Dee, who was on the sofa next to Charlie. Dee was trying to ignore her. Like Charlie, Dee had been in therapy. For much longer, in fact. And after all these years, she has gained an elementary understanding of why she is the way she is and does the things she does. And that better understanding, of herself and others, has caused a lot of shame and guilt. Remorse and regret. She hated her therapist for opening her eyes to it and she hated herself even more.
When Nicki looked over again, something sharp panged in her chest. Charlie and Dee were kinda close and laughing together. They looked cute. The feeling was so strong it made her look away. Nicki was familiar with jealousy. She was jealous of people who had their lives figured out early, she was jealous of people who could drink without going off the rails, she was jealous of people who knew who they were and weren’t ashamed to say it. When she looked at Dee and Charlie, she couldn’t deny, she was jealous.
She cleared her throat and they gave her their attention, “So uh can you explain like, the nature of your relationship?”
“Well-” Charlie started before being cut off by Dee.
“It’s your basic polyamourous open triangle situation.”
“I still don’t-”
“Hold on,” Dee says, putting her beer on the table and getting up from the couch, “I’ll get the chart,”
“Yeah, get the chart.” Charlie adds as she leaves the room. The waitress has a confused expression. “She’s getting the chart.” Charlie reiterates. A quick moment, Dee returned wheeling in a large paper chart.
“Okay, so” She began.
“Actually, Dee, can I explain this time? Because i never get to explain and-”
“Fine, yeah, explain,”
“Okay, so, this is Me.” He pointed to his name in a circle at the top of the chart. colored lines went from his name to dees name and to denniss but not between dee and dennis. “And as you can see, I am in a relationship with Dee and with Dennis.” He pointed at the lines.
“What do the colors mean?”
“Well, this key at the bottom tells us, Black means closed relationship, green means open, and red means a separate, third thing”
“Right, okay,”
“So you can see, me and Dennis are in a closed relationship, now for us that means-”
“Dennis can’t sleep with anyone else but Charlie can.”
“Right, thank you, dee,”
“Woah, how is that fair?” They both look at her, confused.
“Well, because-”
“Because we made up the rules, we decided what's fair and everyone agreed.” the waitress silently nods, beginning to understand.
“Right, okay, and me and Dee are in an open relationship. Now, mac-”
“Wait-”
“Nicki, please, stop interrupting okay? This is going to go a lot faster if I can just get through it. Me and Mac aren’t in any kind of relationship, EXCEPT when it’s me, Dennis and Mac. We do bang on occasion. Mac has his own relationships and hook ups, which is why his name is circled in red. And frank, well , frank isn’t involved in any of this.”
“Well, charlie sleeps in the bed with frank, thats why theirs a dotted line,”
There's a pause, they look at her expectantly.
“Oh, oh, are you done?” they nod. “Okay so, who's Joyce?” Charlie bows his head, really having regretted bringing it up.
“I don’t think-”
“Joyce is Charlie's girl name.” Dee blurts, taking a swig of her beer. Charlie looks at her betrayed, to which she just shrugs. “What? She asked!”
“Your girl name?-”
“Yes! Yes, okay, it’s not that weird! Alright, sometimes i dress up in a pretty dress and a blonde wig and-”
“And she likes to get plowed and do weird, lesbian shit.”
“Hey!”
“What?! You know i’m into it baby,” By this time, a blush is burning up Charlie's entire body. Nicki is absolutely taken aback, trying to take all this new information in. after a long moment, she speaks.
“I- i had no idea you were all so liberal with your g-gender and sexuality,” Dee and charlie start to grumble.
“Okay, well, don’t-”
“Don’t call us liberal, cmon-”
“No! I just meant-” All of a sudden, she gets kinda shy, “Your all so open and free with yourselves, its- its kinda inspiring.”
“You know, it took us a long time to get here.” Charlie says, relaxing back on the couch.
“Oh yeah, ages,”
“So, sorry, just one more question- Why dee and dennis? Like, why both?”
“Well, due to the fluid nature of my gender, I like to feel both masculine and femine. Dee helps me feel masculine and dennis helps me feel feminine.”
“Okay, charlie, cmon, it’s not that simple-”
“She doesn’t need to know the details.” Charlie stopped her, disappointing nicki who desperatly wanted to know the details.
The three stayed up talking for hours. Sharing history and lore about themselves and the rest of the gang.
“So, I was actually born a girl and-”
“Woah, really?”
“Yeah, and I transitioned early, my mom was super supportive because she always wanted a little boy. Then, in highschool, i started kinda you know, experimenting and-”
“Yeah, but it took him like, 20 years to come out as trans in any way, masc or femme.”
“These things take time, dee, you wouldn’t get it,”
“No, i wouldn’t, i realized i was queer in college,”
“And you didn’t tell us until you were 40.” charlie
“Okay, so maybe I do get it.” dee
“Wow, i- its amazing you all found each other." nicki
“Eh, not really, i mean, queer people tend to gravitate towards each other,"
“Yeah, it’s like, pheromones and shit,”
After a long while of talking, explaining, apologizing and reflecting together, Charlie has to go home.
“I better be getting out of here, Frank is going to freak out if i’m not there in the morning,”
“Okay, see you tomorrow,” Charlie waves goodbye to nicki, thanking her once again for giving him another chance to be in her life, and lets dee lead him to the door, leaving with a quick peck on her lips.
That leaves dee and nicki in the apartment alone together. After a minute, nicki tries to leave.
“I should go too,” She says, while gathering her things. Her cigarettes and lighter.
“No! No, it’s so early it’s only-” dee glances at her phone. “Midnight. Thats- thats still early, we can-” SHe tries to get her to stay, desperate for a friend as well. Nicki, seeing this, decides to stay. They watch some of an episode of law and order before her curiosity gets the best of her.
“So, joyce-” she says, trying to play coy.
“You wanna know the details, don’t you?”
“Oh god, so bad,” She blurts, moving onto the other side of the couch with dee and propping herself up on her elbow.
“Okay, well, joyce is really cute, really shy and super sensitive, Honestly, charlie really doesn’t bring her around enough.”
“What do you two do together?”
“When Charlie said i help him feel masculine? That's not always true. When it’s me and Joyce, she’s totally the girl,” Dee says, almost giddy at the memory of it.
“Well, you're both girls.” Nicki says, want obvious in her voice.
“Yeah, we’re both girls, that's the best part,” They stare at each other for a pregnant second. Nicki, for the first time tonight, lets her eyes drift over Dee's body, then hover back up to her lips.
Before either of them can process what is happening, the space between them is closed and Nicki is mounted on top of Dee.
This was the beginning of something beautiful.
okay aaaahhh i'm so nervous i'm about to post one of my its always sunny fics. it's abt dee and the waitress, but also about charlie and the waitress building a new friendship and about the weird polycule shit the gang gets up to. there are mentions of alcohol and i might make this more than one part idk yet. i don't really wanna write smut idk so i wasn't sure how to end this one tho it kinda just ends :////
Style test 03, ended up a 2/9 it’s nit really my favourite tbh, and I don’t know why their faces look like American Gothic…