X Factor Boot Camp verdict: Let’s be honest, there are only a handful of potential winners here
We can all pretend there are hundreds who could win but it’s obvious already who’ll still be on our TVs when we’re popping the doors on our advent calendars
Never THAT one Cheryl! (Picture credit: ITV)
If you watch the angst and listen to the soundbites from the judges, you’d think choosing the contestants for the Six Chair Challenge - for the uninitiated that’s like the fancy version of sitting in one of those ‘please give up for people less able to stand’ seats on the bus and looking around nervously every time new people get on - was the hardest decision anyone has ever made.
Was it though? Was it really?
Because watching on Sunday night, there are a few contestants whose Polaroids should have gone in a separate pile marked ‘NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION, STEP AWAY’ - the gap between them and the group below felt as wide as the flares on Simon’s bootcuts.
If this guy isn’t in the final we’re storming out. In shoes less giant than Sean’s probably though because that would be tricky (Picture credit: ITV)
Kiera Weathers may not have impressed Simon, but I can’t take my eyes off her (my ears are heavily interested too) and the same goes for the incredible Charli Beard. How cool is Charli Beard? I’ll add to that list current show favourite Louisa Johnson and Monica Michael (woah Rita, you win on categories, you win), both of whom stay in your mind long after they finish singing and you go off to make your ham sandwiches for work tomorrow.
No pressure Louisa, but you are the favourite so... (Picture credit: ITV)
Charli Beard, one of our standouts (Picture credit: ITV)
Monica: former enemy of the six chair challenge (Picture credit: ITV)
Current status: good, predicted future status: brilliant (Picture credit: ITV)
Mason Noise won’t win but should stay around to bring joy and look like - nod to Louis Walsh - a pop star and I suspect Josh Daniel can be brilliant, although his Boot Camp audition was only good.
After that, any of those Polaroids could be chucked into a bin/ given to a Cowell minion to chuck in a bin, because even though there are some cracking voices in there, they’re not going to win. You could never critique Che Chesterman’s voice but everything else has to be in place too and unfortunately I am already wincing at the efforts to give him a quirky haircut in the makeovers and his awkwardness in Big Band Why Is This Still Happening This Is The Oldest Idea Ever Week.
Extra points for the jumpsuit, Kiera (Picture credit: ITV)
There were lots it was super-easy to weed out, far easier surely than it should have been in Boot Camp week. Some guy called Gem whose presence Simon seemed justifiably baffled about until you remembered that Simon chooses who goes to Boot Camp. Andre whose dance moves said to me ‘jeans too tight, slight chafe situation going on’, Papasidero’s ‘exhibition’ which involved him trying to yank his top off so desperately it was like he’d just got off a plane in a heatwave wearing cashmere and come on, it’s too late in the process for us still to be entertaining the Olly Murs tribute act guy. Others sang well but just didn’t sparkle or stay in your mind.
Even Fourth Power - one of those acts the show is obsessed with and being touted as the best girl band since Cheryl herself took part in one - lacked the I-want-to-dance-right-here-on-my-sofaness of the first performance and despite the efforts of X Factor with Anton’s He Was A Backing Singer, What A Tragedy narrative (It’s a pretty nice job guys! He wasn’t down the mines!) he’s never felt like a genuine proposition for a winner.
The winner, surely more than ever, is obvious already. Seann Miley Moore looks less like an X Factor winner than an American Idol one and what I mean by that is iconic, like a superstar, so very, very excitingly non-blah. There is no way Seann can be Coldplay-songed into a middle-of-the-roader; no danger that by week five he’ll end up in well-pressed trousers singing Emeli Sande. And for that giant blessing - not to mention his skills with a strong lip - I champion him.
