My December Experience: How I Found My Purpose
Ever felt like you’re just drifting, moving from one day to the next without a real sense of purpose? I’ve been there too. This is the story of a turning point, a moment that changed everything when I least expected it. Along the way, I discovered something I’d been missing, a piece that put everything into perspective.
Curious? Dive in on my December Experience, and maybe you’ll find a bit of inspiration for your own journey.
December 2023, this was a stage in my life where I didn’t really care about what I was doing. I was just mindlessly going through each day without any clear goals, trapped in a depressing cycle of waking up, eating, sleeping, and repeating. I tried setting personal goals like working out, eating healthier, and building better habits, but I was too exhausted and unmotivated to start due to academic demands and time constraints.
The question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” forced me to reflect deeply. It stirred my immense fear of the future and reminded me of my insecurities. I know we're still young and that there’s no need to rush, but it bothers me that I don’t have a positive outlook on my own future. Ironically, I resist change and avoid setting goals, not because I don’t know how to start, but because I’m afraid of change. So, I continue living on autopilot, without clear goals or purpose.
Then, my mom, who works abroad, came home for a two-month break. I hadn’t felt this much joy and warmth in a long time, and I cherished every moment with her. But even her presence didn’t give me a clear purpose or motivate me to set goals for my growth. I was still living mindlessly, weighed down by a persistent fear of change.
It’s not that I haven’t tried to change. I have, but my attempts often left me feeling worse. Two months ago, I started a diet and felt good initially, but eventually, I broke it and started eating unhealthy again, telling myself, “I deserve this.” It was always one step forward, two steps back. This cycle of setbacks made me afraid of embracing change.
One thing that kept me going, despite having no real goals, was the desire to make my parents proud. I thought good grades might be my purpose, but achieving them brought only fleeting satisfaction. I realized that living solely to make others happy wasn’t fulfilling. I wanted a purpose that would bring happiness to both others and myself.
It was my birthday, people say your birthday should be the happiest day of the year, but ironically, while everyone around me was celebrating, I couldn’t feel happy or proud of myself. I spent most of the day alone, scrolling on my phone. My mom even asked, “Why didn’t you invite your friends over?” I just replied, “They’re busy,” even though it wasn’t true because it was just the beginning of Christmas break, I just didn't want them to come, I didn’t want anyone around to remind me of how worthless I felt.
That was when I realized I needed to make changes for myself. I couldn’t keep living like this if I wanted a brighter future. I wanted to feel proud of myself, even if just once. This realization became my turning point, my motivation to set a goal for personal growth.
At the start of Christmas break, I had two weeks to try to improve myself, even though I was uncertain where to begin and still afraid of change. I started a diet, worked out, slept better, and initially, everything was going well. But soon, I felt unmotivated once again, and sensed the feeling of déjà vu, where I'd take one step forward, two steps back. Once again, I felt lost.
I convinced myself I was trapped in a self-made hole of fear. Every time I tried to escape, it felt like reality pulled me back. But as I kept reflecting, I felt that something was missing, a piece that might be my way out. Then, I realized that the missing piece was God.
Throughout my self-improvement journey, I hadn’t really thanked God for my efforts. I focused only on myself. But now that I knew what I was missing, I began to pray and thank him for everything he has given me. During my prayer, I felt an urge to go for a 10-km walk. I wasn’t sure if it was a sign from God or just a random thought, but I decided to do it.
It was December 18th, and the weather was perfect for a walk. I didn’t fully understand why I was motivated to go, but I went anyway, thinking it wouldn’t be a wasted day. I kept walking, and after 4.6 kilometers, I still didn’t feel proud—I just wanted to get it over with. At the 5-kilometer mark, I noticed that it was beggining to get dark, the sky was clouding over and I decided to head back home, but I had no money on me, so I picked up my pace.
Soon, it began pouring rain, and I couldn’t find any shelter. Most were either closed or crowded with people and stray dogs. So, I ran. Our house was still a kilometer or two away, but I kept running, soaked and freezing. Dogs barked and chased me, but I kept going, running as if my life depended on it.
Eventually, the rain slowed, and I stopped running, still a few minutes from home. I was shivering and drenched, but I continued walking. Then, it all hit me. I understood why I was on this walk. I realized that God was helping me find my purpose, and at that moment, I discovered it.
In the middle of the street, I laughed out loud, ignoring the strange looks from people around me. I didn’t care about being soaked or cold, because for the first time, I felt truly alive. Running through the rain, I felt like I was living life at its peak. Finally, I was happy with myself
And this was my December Experience, at this stage of my life, I've finally accepted and embraced change. I feel genuine happiness within myself, and most importantly, I have found my purpose. Let this blog be a reminder that whenever you feel stuck or worthless in life, one of the most powerful ways to find clarity is through talking to and praying to God. God guided me in my search for purpose, and now I have found it and felt it.
(P.S: if you wanna know what my purpose is, I suggest to you to scroll back up and read the first letter of every subheading except for the introduction and conclusion :vv)
