#check please headcannons

[siriuslyarrogant]

Jeff 'Swoops' Troy

-Lived in Minnesota till age 5

- supported the Minnesota North Stars (as much as someone under 3 can; his family were very dedicated)

- moved to Edmonton then and grew up there

- Everyone at school thought it was weird that he supported Dallas and not the oilers

- drafted by the Aces in 2010 (age 20) round 1, 7th overall

- RW

•Birthday - 14 Feb 1990

•He is biromantic asexual

-Totally made out with Holster at some point at world juniors

-But like also had a really nice girlfriend his last year in juniors

- spent an extra 2 seasons in juniors

--- All Star Game 2012

Jeff age 21 drunk of 3 beers (lightweight)

"Fuck him. He's too fast and too kissable"

Arthur Dickenson who had sat on the couch next to him, hoping Jeff was to drunk to speak

"I get you dude"

One is about Parson, the other Anderson

---

- First cap he got was form his aunt (from Cali) and it was for the LA dodgers

- As a result he spitefully hated baseball all his childhood and played basketball in summer

- First jersey he owned was Micheal Jordan's (that's a BB player from the 90s right?)

• Age 27 - after 9 seasons with the Aces - in the 18/19 season - he gets traded to the Wild

- His grandparents on mothers side still live there and come to his first game with the Wild

- He gets them seats at the glass and waves at them

- After the North Stars moved to Dallas his family supported them until 2000 when the Wild joined the NHL

- His dad is from Cali and met his mum at the U of Minnesota

[aceinhyperspace]

Ngozi missed the chance in Year 2 to show the Haus during the Boston Winter of 2015. The worst winter in recent memory. The time all of us trembled in terror as the whole region fell apart. The trains shut down. The subway broke (which is less surprising considering the trains don’t run on time when its 75 and sunny outside). There was no parking as two lane roads became one lane roads bordered by walls of snow. Consider, for a moment, 109 inches of snow from a blizzard a week for four weeks.

Because its snowing right now, I absolutely need people’s headcannons for the Year 2 Crew in the snow.

Some of mine inspired by actual people I know and events I witnessed:

Being from Montreal, Jack is completely unfazed by the snow. What is Jack fazed by? New England drivers who cannot for the life of them just DRIVE. Jack has the worst snow-fueled road rage out of the entire Haus- if any of them spoke French, they’d be shocked by the profanity coming out of their captain’s mouth. Jack is banned from driving once there is more than 3 inches on the ground, regardless that he’s the best snow driver.

Holster almost always takes over, because Ransom’s anxiety can get bad on the road in snow. Holster suddenly becomes the Buffalo Mom Friend, who double checks whether you have jumper cables and extra coats and flashlights and bottles of water in the trunk and refuses to start the car before everyone has a seatbelt on.

Surprisingly, Bitty is usually the third choice of driver. Not because he has experience in snow, but because he drives calmly and cautiously in an environment he doesn’t know. Also, he can drive stick shift and Dex’s truck is the hardiest snow car out of all of them.

Speaking of Dex, he turns into a hibernating creature once there’s more than a foot of snow on the ground. People are surprised by this, but his excuse is that all good northerners know when enough is enough. Also, his family usually closes up shop in the worst months. He’s found in a ball of blankets with his computer in Bitty’s room for the entirety of February.

The other frogs hide out at the House as well, with Chowder and Nursey building a full sized blanket fort around the green couch. Chowder loves the snow for about the first 2 weeks, then he’s absolutely done with it getting the worst cabin fever. Nursey, in typical NYC fashion, just goes about his business as usual, with complete disregard for the snow. This leads to his having more bruises from falls than anyone else in the Haus.

Ransom is used to the snow, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. He’s a summer weather guy, through and through. He can be found glaring at it suspiciously from the very first soft flakes that excite the rest of the house. A month into it once everyone is sick of it, Ransom is the one telling them I told you so, as he makes mugs of tea for the entire team. He’s the only one who doesn’t catch a cold the entire winter.

Now, when Samwell doesn’t cancel classes on some really nasty days (because Samwell is a private school and can do whatever they want), Ransom and Holster are the first ones up, planning ways they can get out of classes. “Okay bro, you stand on top of the library and push snow off the edges.” “What for bro.” “If one of us gets injured, they have to cancel classes because of dangerous conditions.” “Genius, man. Genius.” “Now how do we get to the top of Founders?” “I’m expecting both of you at practice tonight.” “Jaaaaaaack, this is for the greater good!”

Shitty and Lardo are attached at the hip, so much that people notice she’s coming out of his room every morning. “Lardo, you stayed over too?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about bro. I just got here,” She says every morning, very clearly having just exited Shitty’s room. At some point people stop asking.

Lardo is also the resident snowball fight champion. When people ask her how she got so good, she gives them a flat look and answers, “You’ve never defended a parking space saver in Dorchester, have you?” She’s also the reigning snowman making champion and shoveling champion, and… well you get the idea. If there’s a competition, Lardo usually wins.

Shitty, though he usually loves the snow, cannot handle the stress of finishing his senior year in the middle of the “goddamn snow-pocalyptic vortex.” He’s the first one to try clearing the front of the Haus with a snow blower. Holster is convinced that if they had a flamethrower, Shitty would be using it (he tries to find one on craigslist, but unfortunately they’ve all been bought by the end of January). So he’s usually face down on the kitchen table, surrounded by stacks of gender theory books. As people come and go from the Haus, they always stop to give him a hug. He needs it.

Bitty is frankly thrilled to have so many people around. If there’s anything that Bitty loves, it’s excuses to procrastinate until he can procrastinate no more, and with classes cancelled and deadlines shifted, he can focus on what’s really important: marathoning the Golden Girls with the rest of SMH. At least until Jack drags him to the library wrapped in 10 layers of clothing to finish everything he’d put off.

Bitty is also constantly fielding calls from his mother every couple hours. “Dicky, honey, did you get the coat I sent?” “Do you remember what I said about keeping cans of nonperishables in the cupboard?” “Do you have enough flashlights? Blankets?” “Dicky are you staying off the roads?” “I just saw on the news over a million people lost power! Are you okay?” “I read online that if there’s a blizzard, you should wrap a rope around your waist and attach it to your front door so you won’t get lost. Do you need me to send you some rope?”

((Note: These are all things my ‘so Southern she’s South American’, mom called daily to ask me. And still does every time she sees the temperature drop below 40.))

Bitty is always the first to suggest take-out. At first people are shocked, but he puts them in their place quickly, “Do you know how much food an entire hockey team puts away on a daily basis? Too much! If you’re not going to the dining hall, there’s pasta in the cupboard.”

Which leads to weekly arguments about whether it’s appropriate to order take out in inclement conditions. Shitty: “We shouldn’t be supporting businesses that put drivers on the road in unsafe conditions!” Holster: “They’re already out, bro! I just saw the Dominos guy drive by.” Bitty: “Well we can always call the store to see if they’re delivering.” Shitty: “It’s still not right!” Lardo: “I have a 20, we can just tip them super well?” Shitty: “Jack put down that phone!”