The Unbreakable Pot
Howdy, I wrote some nonsense. Take 2k words of the Links trying to break a pot that won't break :P
Fic under the break (WARNING, it's pretty long,) or, if you wanna read it on Ao3, here's the link
Please enjoy :)
It began with a simple request. The heroes found themselves in Legend’s Hyrule, where they met up with Ravio, who had, once again, moved into Legend’s house while the veteran was off adventuring.
None of the heroes would forget the shriek that came from Legend when they stepped into his house only for a purple rabbit hood to pop up in front of him. Ravio apologized for the startle, but that didn’t stop Legend from grumbling about it. Especially when he saw how his house had, once again, been transformed into a shop.
It only got worse when Ravio asked a favor of them. “It’s my bracelet, you see… while I was making my way here I was ambushed by these awful moblins. I got outta there lickety-split, but not before I realized they had nabbed my bracelet!” The purple-clad merchant collapsed to his knees and gripped the bottom of Legend’s tunic. “You must get it back, Mr. Hero, or—uh—Mr. Heroes. Please, you must! I can’t get home without it!”
“Alright, fine,” Legend said, pushing Ravio off of him. “Did you see where the moblins went, at least?”
“Oh yes, yes,” Ravio replied, popping back to his feet. His rabbit hood fell over his eyes, and he pushed it back up with a toothy grin. “I followed them to their camp. They’ve holed up in the Eastern Palace! Quite clever, if you ask me.”
With their destination secured and some well wishes and preemptive “thank yous” from Ravio, the heroes set off for the Eastern Palace. Legend led the way. Fortunately, it wasn’t far.
They found the camp of moblins in the palace just as Ravio had said. In fact, they were just in the entrance chamber. Four of them. One of them had Ravio’s bracelet—a golden band with a purple jewel. It tossed the piece of jewelry up and down, up and down, snorting in laughter to its buddies.
The heroes didn’t waste time. It didn’t take them long to realize the moblins were black-blooded, but being able to double up on each moblin made it easy enough work.
Many slashes and some close calls later, four moblins poofed into clouds of smoke, leaving Ravio’s bracelet behind. Legend plucked it from the dusty floor of the palace and stuffed it in his adventure pouch.
“Let’s get out of here,” he announced.
As they made their way to the exit, Wind veered off to the wall and scooped up a ceramic pot off the ground. “Victory smash!” he exclaimed, before throwing the pot down with all his might.
The pot bounced and rolled a few paces away, perfectly unharmed. Not even a scratch on the spiral pattern painted over its orange exterior.
All nine heroes watched the pot slow to a stop. Warriors broke the quiet with a snort. “Gotta throw it a bit harder than that, sailor.”
“I did throw it hard!” he argued. He started after it, but Hyrule beat him to it.
“Not hard enough!” he exclaimed. He raised his sword high over his head, jumped, and brought the blade down with a loud cheer. His sword bounced off of the pot, and the sudden resistance had the traveler staggering back. He landed on his bottom.
“What,” he deadpanned.
Legend laughed. “Geez, didn’t know you two were that weak.” He picked up the pot and proceeded to chuck it at the wall as hard as he could. It ricocheted right back and smacked him in the face. He reared back with a cry, and even as the pot fell to the ground, it did not break.
“Demon pot!” the veteran yelled, pointing an accusing finger. The pot, naturally, did not reply.
Each of the Links tried throwing the pot. It did not break. Wild even tried jumping onto it, only to slip right off of the rounded surface. He would’ve landed flat on his head had Twilight not caught him.
“Outta the way!” Wind called. Both he and Hyrule had their massive hammers out.
The heroes skirted aside as the teens charged with twin war cries. They swung their hammers up, over their shoulders, and down onto the pot with devastating force… only to bounce right back. Wind’s hammer went flying out of his hand, spinning through the air and nearly taking Sky out.
“Alright, that’s it,” Legend snapped. He scooped up the pot and marched outside. The rest of the Links hastily followed, some of them fearing what the veteran would do next, the rest excited and curious.
Legend had set the pot down onto the stone platform before the dungeon entrance. He procured his fire rod. “Step back,” he said dramatically. He turned to the pot and leveled the tip of the rod at his target. Once the others had moved back some, he activated the rod.
A torrent of blazing fire burst from the magical weapon with a loud fwoosh! It engulfed the pot entirely. The Links cringed back from the sudden influx of heat, all except Legend, who grinned in slightly manic victory, and Wild, who whooped and laughed.
With a flick of his wrist, Legend halted the flood of fire. The flames flickered away, revealing stone scorched black, and, in the center—
“WHAT?!” Legend shrieked.
The pot sat completely unharmed.
Hyrule shoved Legend aside and, with a snap of his fingers, called down furious bolts of lightning. It crashed into the pot with flashes of blinding green, the force of it flinging the pot across the platform. It wasn’t even scratched.
Upon seeing that not even his thunder spell worked, the traveler buried his face in his hands with a defeated whimper. Wind patted his back consolingly.
“Let me try something,” Sky said, shouldering his way to the front of the group. Despite his polite words, his face was set in fierce determination. He raised the Master Sword over his head. The legendary blade began to glow as he gathered power.
Some of the Links leaned in. Surely, surely the power of the goddess would be enough, right? This was the power that made even the dark shadow flee in fear!
Pale light coalesced along the Master Sword. Once it reached its peak, Sky let the strike go with a shout of effort. A beam of shimmering light shot from the blade, rolling across the platform like a glowing saw blade. It careened right into the pot, sending it into the dungeon wall. It whacked into the stone and fell back to the ground. The Links held their breath.
The light faded. The pot was perfectly fine.
Pure devastation fell over Sky’s face. He looked down at the Master Sword as if he didn’t even recognize it.
Wind, seeing how discouraged his companions were starting to become, took it upon himself to rile them all back up. “Let’s try hitting it all together!” he said. “All at once!” He grabbed Hyrule’s arm and dragged him to one spot, saying, “Traveler, use your crazy lightning again, and veteran,” he grabbed said vet and yanked him next to Hyrule, “use your fire rod again.”
He went about each of the Links, placing them in a half ring around the pot. Four grabbed his Cane of Pacci. Twilight and Wild got their bows out with bomb arrows at the ready. Time and Wind grabbed bombs, passing one off to Warriors as well. Sky readied another Skyward Strike as Hyrule and Legend prepped their spell and fire rod, respectively.
“Okay, on the count of three,” Wind announced. He hefted his bomb. Everyone else readied themselves. “One, two…” They set their sights on the pot, which sat innocently a good distance away, completely unaware of the wrath it was about to receive. “THREE!”
Across the land, in her place in Hyrule Castle, Fable suddenly felt a distant rumbling. When she looked out the window, she saw a dark plume of smoke rising up from the Eastern Palace.
“What in Hylia’s name was that?” a nearby servant cried.
Fable decided she didn’t want to deal with mysterious explosions. It was a good day; she wasn’t going to ruin it. She calmly turned from the window and returned to her book. “An earthquake,” she said simply.
At the Eastern Palace, nine Links coughed and hacked the smoke from their lungs. A thin layer of soot covered their clothes. “Okay,” Hyrule wheezed. “That—that should’ve done it!”
Using his gust bellows, Sky blew the smoke away. The ground was cracked and scarred black, chunks of stone missing entirely. The pot, in all of its stubborn glory, somehow stood upright, completely unharmed.
Cries of outrage and grief exploded from the Links. Time remained completely silent, his face dark. “Enough is enough,” he muttered. Those near him glanced his way with wary eyes. When the old man got serious, it was something to be feared.
From his bag, Time procured a mask. It was an item he had sworn to never use again for fear of its ultimate power. He raised it to his face, his single eye pinned onto the pot. “You have forced my hand,” he growled.
A great flash of light swallowed Time whole. The Links staggered back. When the light faded, it revealed a monster of a warrior—white hair, an armored tunic, and a huge, double helix great sword. Two pupiless eyes, white voids brimming with power, settled onto the pot.
The Fierce Deity raised his massive sword. The rest of the Links gaped in open-mouthed shock.
With a horrific cry that would make Ganon tremble in fear, the deity leapt into the air and swung his sword down with thunderous strength. It crashed down onto the pot with all the force of a war god. The ground shook, knocking Wind, Hyrule, and Wild off of their feet. Dust plumed up around the blow, only adding to the layer of grime coating all of their tunics.
When the dust faded, the Fierce Deity lurched back, stunned.
The pot stood unscathed.
“A fearsome enemy,” the deity gasped, horrified. “I can not aid you in this.”
Another flash of light. When it passed, Time was back, the mask in his hands. Both of the old man’s eyes were blown wide, jaw dropped in utter astonishment.
“Okay, okay, so physical attacks won’t work,” Legend muttered, beginning to pace. “Any and all physical damage is null and void.”
Wild raised a hand. “What about emotional damage?”
A beat of quiet. Time turned onto the champion and clamped his hands on his shoulders. None of the Links had ever seen such a look on the old man’s face before: pure desperation.
“We will do whatever we have to,” he stated, voice low and intense. “That pot is going to shatter.”
What followed was a torrent of curses and swears that would make the goddesses faint. The Links yelled every foul thing they could think of at the pot, jabbing fingers in its direction and pouring out all of their hatred and frustration.
Wind’s voice drowned out the rest. “Bilge-swilling son of a baboon! Stumpy-legged artichoke! Break your peg leg off in a porthole! You bilious blue blistering barnacle! You scurvy dog! Filthy scuttlebutt! Twist your hook you flea-bitten gizzard and die!”
Legend threw his hands up. “Are you cussing it out or are you putting a spell on it?!”
“I’d like to see you do any better, Pinky!” Wind shot pack.
Legend’s face went red. “Pinky?!”
Four noticed that Sky hadn’t joined in on the swear-feast. “Sky, did you want to try?” he asked tiredly. He gestured at Legend and Wind, who had devolved into full-on arguing, ignoring Twilight's attempts at getting them to stop. “We could use the help.”
Sky’s cheeks flushed. “Oh, uh—sure,” he stuttered. The other Links hushed—even Legend and Wind. None of them had ever heard Sky curse before. Not even so much as a “dang.”
Sky stepped up to the pot. He inhaled.
What came out of the skyloftians mouth no scholar would ever dare to put to paper. It wasn’t curse words—no, it was far worse. Words dark enough to make Demise wither. They poured out of Sky without pause, without faltering.
By the end of it, Twilight, Warriors, and Four were stark pale. Wild and Hyrule had tears in their eyes. Wind’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Active tears poured down Legend’s cheeks, and he planted his face with his hands with a full-body shudder. Time put a hand on Sky’s shoulder, his own vaguely trembling as he said, “please stop.”
Sky blinked in surprise. Then his gaze, and the others’, fell onto the pot.
The pot, which had not even a scratch.
“Mr. Hero?” Ravio’s voice called up the stairs. The merchant’s rabbit-hood popped up, followed by the rest of him. Huffing and puffing from the climb, he paused as he took in the sight of the Links. Once he noticed Legend’s tears, alarm came over his face and he rushed across the platform.
As he did so, his boot glanced across the pot’s side. The slight nudge sent the pot teetering. It rocked back and forth, back and forth, before gently rolling over onto its side.
It promptly shattered.
A hush fell over the Links. All eyes were riveted on the dozens of ceramic shards that used to be one perfect pot. None of them spoke a word. Then—
Pandemonium.
Legend and Wind collapsed. Wild doubled over, howling with hysteric laughter. Hyrule and Four fell to their knees. Time stood there blankly, as if all thought had vanished. Twilight scrambled to the pile of shards and cradled them as if he had just lost his first born child. Sky fell to the ground and started bowing to Ravio, who barely had time to react to the hysteria before Warriors grabbed him by the shoulders.
“How did you do it?” the captain demanded, eyes wild. “How? Was this you? Was this all just a sick joke?!”
Ravio, of course, had no idea how to reply. When Warriors didn’t get any answers, the captain crumbled to his knees and buried his head in his hands.
Ravio stared down at him, then at the rest of the Links—at the dust and soot covering their clothes, at the scorched ground littered with cracks and holes, then, finally, at the pile of ceramic shards.
“Oh dear,” the merchant said. He planted his hands on his hips. “I feel as though I’ve missed something.”