#chelsinks

[chelsinks]

god please tell me how do i reinvent myself | anxiety shakes my bones and loneliness has a way of rooting itself inside of me and never dying | god tell me why the lonely doesn't die even though i want to | tell me why it is hardest to breathe at night | god please tell me why the sunlight scalds my skin | is it because i am laced with constellations and my flesh is born from the moonlight | god tell me how do i reinvent myself when all that happens when i try | all that happens when i try is nights spent catching tears in the palms of my hands and cutting the stardust from my skin | is it possible for the broken to repair themselves into someone new | god please i am asking for a friend.

reinventing yourself from the broken pieces (a guide for when you want to die)

[chelsinks]

There is a story inside of me waiting to come out, stardust pouring from the open wounds in my wrists that were carved with a knife. Words and tales are trapped inside my shaking form. I am made up of my mother’s trust issues and my father’s inability to love, and while she has very few friends, he has the habit of never texting back. I have no friends and I never text back, and I wonder if my parents were the reason for the insecurity that has suffocated me or the hands that push me under the waves. I say I’m scared of suffocating but I am more scared of drowning in my sadness. Please don’t leave me here without a life jacket but please do not fish me out, I won’t ask for you to save me but I also won’t save myself.

i don’t want your help but i won’t help myself