Coming to terms
There comes a time in dealing with a chronic disease when one feels settled in. The shock has worn off, as well as feelings of desperation, anger and hopelessness. You just need to live and take life as it is for that day. Time spent previously on self-grooming (no hair to wash or pin up) is replaced with scar stretches and massage and jin shin jyutsu (Wha’s that? I’ll explain in another blog.).
And the endless appointments in the upkeep of my health. That part was not quite figured into my head when I signed up for treatment. For the rest of my life, or until I get tired of them and decide that my quality of life is more important than fundraising for alternative treatment or hours spent in the hospital.
I’ve been through a quarter of my chemo regime now. Nine more to go but this time, the ante is upped to weekly infusion. If my blood profile remains in check. Tomorrow I start a new drug, paclitaxel, which according to my K&K mates, is much gentler without the nausea, but nothing can replace the tiredness. It comes with its own bag of other unique symptoms however. Further nail discoloration, bone pain, neuropathy of hands and feet, which could be permanent. Oh and potential allergic reaction. As a hayfever sufferer, I’m a bit nervous about this drug. Allergy is my middle name.
Breath in, breath out.