#chevko's thoughts

[chevko]

I’m watching a bit of Legend of Korra over Mirage’s shoulder and just...

What is with the bondage in this show???

[chevko]

I selected non-binary for the first time in an application today. I actually sat, stared at it, considered it and my feelings on being girlflux, for about ten minutes.

Most of my life, my #genderidentity has been fairly solidly just plain "female". Several years ago, I began having feelings of something else, something different. Something more? Nah, just something... different.

Gender identity wasn't something I really considered until I felt a change. It's not something you can really put words on. "How did you feel this change?" "Where [mentally, emotionally] did you feel this change?"

Honestly, I don't know. And it wasn't until just in the past several months that I realized what I felt even really had a name. I've heard of demigirls and demiboys, but that just. It didn't *fit* my feelings. Girlflux and boyflux are microlabels next to demigirl/boy, but the definition thereof just didn't really sit right with me. So it was "mostly female and a teeny bit. something else". And feelings persisted in a spread I'd call like. 95% female, 5%. Not female? Formless... entity? Is "entity" even a gender identity?

Then when I heard about the girlflux label, saw it's flag, and what it is, I was like "That's it! That's me!" And since then I've also come to tentatively call it "void". I'm mostly female, but there's a teeny bit of me that's. nothing.

Typing out these thoughts, I wonder if it's more like gender null? I'm not that well-versed though.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the application.

I realized that, during that application, my identity has shifted over time more to be along the lines of 80%, 85% female. I prefer she/her pronouns and I like the idea of the occasion "they" peppered in. But I used it to see how I'd feel about it, but it still doesn't fit. Same goes with "it" and "xe". I like the ideas of these pronouns, but they still don't fit quite right.

I wonder how my idea of my personal gender identity will change over the next year, three years, five years.

[chevko]

I'm bored. Want to skate. Want to hang out with friends. Mildly tempted to ask people about hanging at freaking Walmart.

Should probably at least go to the gym, but...

[chevko]

Forgot you could turn off Top Posts. So glad to be back to most recent.

[chevko]

I love hearing the finches argue over the birdfeeder outside...

WHEN THE SQUIRRELS AREN’T HOARDING IT.

Ugh, I need some spicy birdfeed again.

[chevko]

.... No one told me Kickstarter was so dangerous...

Not only have I backed the new Vampire the Masquerade game, but I’ve also backed one bag, another board game, at least three different pins, and maybe one more thing.

[chevko]

... Does anyone else’s betta deliberately fight with the current brought on by their filter? And attack the knob on the heater? Because mine is making me think he’s a himbo :’D And I wanted to name him after a Power Ranger because he seemed super cool and tough as well as pretty AND I WALK IN ON HIM BEING BLOWN ALL OVER THE PLACE AND FLARING AND TRYING TO BITE THE KNOB ON THE HEATER.

(I can’t upload this many vids, so here, have links:)

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/604150072292409405/737466362380681357/Snapchat-1295057009.mp4

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/604150072292409405/737466463975374848/Snapchat-601848695.mp4

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/604150072292409405/737466534594609205/Snapchat-1306067553.mp4

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/604150072292409405/737466601879633982/Snapchat-314042047.mp4

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/604150072292409405/737466671907733654/Snapchat-1010910461.mp4

[chevko]

Not gonna lie. I am cautiously excited for the Animorphs movie.