Is Your Hair Brush Full of LOST Hair?
WARNING: DO NOT OPEN ANY OF THE LINKS IN THESE EMAILS! This is SPAM, people!
From: Restore Lost Hair [email protected]
Original Email:
Is Your Hair Brush Full of LOST Hair?
Revolutionary Formula Could
Regrow Your Lost Hair...
A Weird Doctor In New Jersey Was Forced Out Of His Practice After He Discovered A Billion-Dollar Secret He Wasn't Supposed To Know.
He accidentally discovered the natural ingredient that can reverse hair loss and restore a full head of hair in just 60 days.
Over 8,757 people have already tried it, but I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers jumped to over 20,000 by next week!
Click here to read their stories and make your own formula at home.
Make sure you watch the presentation until it's over, because the end will blow your mind!
See The Mind Blowing Video Here!
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44 Main Street, Douglas, South Lanarkshire, U.K.
My Response:
Dear Restore Lost Hair,
Thank you for writing me about male patterned baldness. I must admit, however, that I am blessed with a glorious quaff of german irish glory, and so, sadly, will not be needing your services at this time. I know, I know, it’s a gift and a curse. Quite frankly, it would be easier to pull off my Lex Luthor impersonation with less dome blanket up top. Oh well, the things we suffer through in life.
I do have a question for you regarding your, um, informative message. Why would you need to brush your hair if you are bald? Also, how was a Doctor in New Jersey forced out of his practice for “discovering” a process to reverse hair loss? I mean, you said right there that it was HIS own practice! Come to think of it, why wasn’t he supposed to know the secret? Why are we even calling this a secret? It’s not like he discovered the location of Donald Trump’s secret all migrant sex dungeon, though I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten an email about that too, come to think of it. Who would force him out? The multi-billion dollar wig making industry? Do they have a giant man dressed in Chewbacca styled wigs as their enforcer?
Speaking of Chewbacca...
Did you happen to see the new Star Wars movie yet? OMG I felt like what horny old generation xers must feel when a new Miley Cyrus video debuts! I really think JJ Abraham did a really wonderful job. I mean, I laughed, I cried, I ignored the fact that I was surrounded by more middle-aged virgins than I ever thought could exist in a single state! Oh man, I really loved that movie. I don’t know why I’m even sitting here at work writing an answer to you and your shiny headed clientele when I could be molding a dummy of myself out of paper clips, Elmer’s glue and shredded printer paper so that I could go see Star Wars again! Hmmmmmmmm
You know what? I need to start a “project” right now. So I’ll just sign off by noting that you also once tried to sell me some “Off Grid Power” thing a while ago. So, I don’t know what’s going on in South Lanarkshire, UK, but I suppose you somehow got the impression that I am not only bald, but also sitting in the dark and crying about it.
Anyways,
May the Force Be With You, (now where’d I put that damn glue?)
Fox