Do you ever just sit back and picture everything you want your life to look like? Please someone relate because I can’t be the only one. I think about how I want my wardrobe to look like, what I want my hair to look like, the confidence that I surely do not have but want, and then I get sucked down and laugh at myself. I have none of it and yet I want it. And I want it bad. Maybe it’s my crippling depression that holds me back, maybe it’s me just thinking about how it will never happen for me. But why not? Oh that’s right… because I’m lazy and broke which means I can’t live the life I want. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. But hey, I’ve gotten better recently, still not where I want to be but working towards it. At least that’s what I tell myself until I just roll back over and watch a few more hours of tiktok.
For the past few years when people talk about what they are good at, their hobbies, or describe themselves and I just think “wow that must be nice to know that about yourself”. Recently, I have been getting out of that headspace and actually finding things I enjoy besides sitting in my bed, watching tv, and stuffing my face. I love plants, new to the plant game, can’t say they all make it, I like to read, attempt to make some edible food, I started making hand knitted blankets, and I have a dumb retention for pop culture. Like to the point where my friends don’t understand how I know as much as I do. I read something once about why Demi and Nick aren’t friends anymore and 2 years later I can tell you all the available details as if I was Switzerland between them. I look at Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner and think about how great of a couple they are more times than I would like to admit and I take personal offense to anyone who tries to bash Miley. Why do I let pop culture take up the most amount of space in my brain? I mean it’s there and never stopping so if anyone wants me to talk about it for money, please reach out. I listen to podcasts that do just that and just think the whole time, wow I would be a great addition to this or I would be great friends with these people, but yet I bet most of their listeners think the same exact things. So here I am, writing about my jealousy of people who get to do things that I think I would be great at but don’t have the followers, the money, or the confidence to pursue. I have the trauma to be funny, the pop culture and tv show watching knowledge, and I’m easy to get along with so I would be good at being a relatable podcaster but just haven’t had the opportunity or the guts to do anything about it. Maybe no one will see this post, maybe I’ll be the newest podcaster at Barstool. Hopefully, but probably not. But I’m finally doing something besides sitting my ass in bed doing the same shit on a different day.
