I love the Dodds okay. I know what's coming but I love them.
Like, Chief Dodds strolls on day 1 all "omg pick your battles you don't know politica Benson" within 1 case is all "omg Olivia you're the best" (ends up taking her to events and cheering her into Lieutenant status after Tucker told her to do it - THIS WOMAN HAS IAB AND HER CHIEF AT HER BACK OKAY)
Meanwhile, Dodds Jr is all "omg doesn't she know the pick your battle rules?" Whole Fin is just like "lol this is Olivia Benson she'd fight all of NYC for a victim haven't your heard?"
I just love that both of them are immediately in a "wait this isn't how you play this game how could she?" And then immediately back her as well. Like yeah, Chief Dodds still bosses her but that is his job he wants her to climb and do good and we see that.
We get told "they want someone they can trust as your sgt" but then Dodds Jr blatantly tells Olivia "my dad said I'm here to help you with " - 1PP may wanted someone they trusted but Dodds went "bet my son is trusted" and put him there so he could learn, grow, and HELP her as well in the process.
Just... I love the fact this family that is clearly a raised in it family took one look at this woman who is pushing boundaries and not playing politics by anyone's comfort and went "yeah, we back her"
Source: @erenu Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Read it on AO3
Mike Dodds was in love. He had never been in love before, but he was now. Saying “I love you” to Sonny had been a little like losing his virginity: suddenly he had done something irrevocable and wonderful, and he wanted to do it again and again, as soon as possible. He couldn’t tell Sonny often enough, couldn’t adequately express the depth of his feelings for Sonny. And he was surprised at the effect his declaration had on Sonny. Of course, Sonny loved Mike and was naturally elated that his love was returned. But it was more than that. Sonny, who battered constantly at Mike’s defenses, always asking him to share what he was thinking and feeling, who frequently accused Mike of being afraid to claim his own desires, seemed jubilant that Mike had trusted him with such a precious confidence. And yet, it wasn’t enough. Sonny wanted more. And, just as he’d feared, Mike wanted to give it to him, even knowing what it would cost.
Lying together on the couch in Sonny’s apartment, work clothes in a rough circle around them where they’d landed after being feverishly torn off, Sonny and Mike were tiredly debating what to order for dinner. They were hungry, but they were exhausted after a long day and some fairly athletic sex.
“I wish we were at your place,” Sonny sighed. “We could just run down to the Korean place next door.”
“We’d still have to put clothes on.”
“I guess, but it’d still be easier than ordering in.”
“You know, that reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Mike said, stiffening a little. It was something that, before falling in love with Sonny Carisi, would never have occurred to Mike. Even if it had, he wouldn’t have said anything, for a host of reasons. But everything was different now.
“Hmmmm?” Sonny sleepily asked, not moving from where he lay on Mike’s chest, his lower body between Mike’s legs.
“I wondered if you might want to… I mean, I…” He ran his fingers through Sonny’s hair, something he loved to do. He thought Sonny was gorgeous with his hair styled, but Sonny with his hair a mess, or naturally falling over his forehead without any product in it, touched Mike in a place he hadn’t even known existed.
Sonny lifted his head and looked at Mike. “What is it?”
“I love you.”
“I know,” Sonny’s eyes sparkled and he gave Mike a smile reserved for him alone. “I love you, too.”
“And I want to spend all my time with you.”
“You do.”
“Yeah. I do. Which makes me think, maybe you might, um, want me to move in here. With you.”
Sonny sat up. The smile was still there, but something had changed in his demeanor. “No,” he said.
Mike could feel his heart stutter and then stop.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Sonny continued. “I will move in with you tonight if that’s what you want. It’s what I want. But not here.”
Mike frowned. “Why not?”
“Because I know what you’d do. You’d move the few clothes that aren’t here already into the closet, and maybe bring your guitars, and that would be it.”
Mike blinked. “Yeah… That’s pretty much what me moving in would look like. Wouldn’t it? What’s wrong with that?”
“Everything! You would move in here and just blend yourself in. Everything would still be all me. Because that’s what you do. You just… go along. Your apartment, it’s like your life, Mike. There’s none of you in it. And if you moved in here, there would be none of you here, either.”
“This again.”
“Yeah, this again. Did you ever wonder why I’m always asking you what you’re thinking? What you’re feeling?”
“Because you’re Sonny Carisi, and that’s what you do.”
“No! I don’t do that with anyone else. I do it with you because I want to know who you are. But it’s like pullin’ teeth with you. I feel like, when I ask you what you think about something, you’re actually surprised that you can have an opinion. Like, it never even occurs to you. And then you have to figure out what you think. It’s worth it to me. The more I know you, the more I love you. But I wish you were as interested in you as I am. Does that make any sense?”
“No. Can we go back to talking about dinner?”
“Look, all I’m sayin’ is I don’t want to live in my place, where you also happen to live. I want to live in our place, Mike. A place where I can be when you’re not there, and still feel you. I love you, and I want as much of you as I can get. So yeah, I want us to move in together, but you have to move in, too.”
“All right,” Mike sighed, pulling Sonny back down onto his chest. “I know I’m not the most forthcoming person on the planet. I don’t even know what a guy like you is doing with a lump like me. But I’m trying. OK?”
“I know you are,” Sonny smiled and kissed Mike’s chest. “And how ‘bout I tell you what a guy like me is doing with a lump like you.”
Mike could only smile at the ceiling and shake his head occasionally as Sonny told him, in great detail, what he loved about him.
Eventually, hunger drove them to order dinner, and a concern about dry cleaning bills drove them to pick their suits up off the floor. They had a lot of arms and legs when it came to sitting around Sonny’s tiny kitchen table, but they actually liked that they could sit with their legs touching, and touch each other whenever they chose. Although he was sitting very close to Sonny, both of his legs in as much contact with Sonny’s as possible, Mike felt himself begin to drift away from the conversation once his immediate hunger was satisfied. Sonny, being Sonny, asked him about it.
“Havin’ second thoughts? About moving in together?”
“No,” Mike answered firmly. “But I am thinking about what it would mean. In the cold light of day, I don’t see how we’re going to be able to make it work. You know the squad is just pretending not to know we’re together, and Liv’s starting to have a hard time ignoring it. It’s only a matter of time before she has to do something.”
Sonny was quiet for a long time, and Mike could tell that he was thinking about Mike had said. They ate in silence as Mike waited to see what Sonny would say. Finally, he took a breath and began.
“Seems to me like it’s time to deal with SVU. We always knew this moment would come. I mean, when we were first together, it wouldn’t have made any sense to say anything. But things have changed.”
Mike felt a little ill, hearing it said out loud. He no longer kidded himself that he was going to somehow get Sonny out of his system. He wasn’t. He was in love with Sonny, and making plans to live with him. Whenever he thought about the future, he pictured Sonny in it. He was happy. This, with Sonny, was what Mike wanted. And he couldn’t wait to tell everyone that he had won the love of this beautiful, perfect man. OK, maybe perfect was a bit much, but Mike was in love. And now here they were. The point at which, for Mike’s dreams of a future with Sonny to come true, everything had to change. And it was not going to be easy.
“Yeah, things have changed. Which means more things are gonna have to change. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. And I’m ready to leave SVU for you.”
Mike started. “Wait, what? You’re not the one leaving SVU. You love it there. You’re the one who’s staying. I’m the one who’s leaving. Which is not gonna go over big with my father.”
“How’s he gonna feel about you and me?”
Mike winced. “He’s gonna lose his shit.”
“He knows you’re gay, right?”
“Doesn’t have a clue.”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now?” Sonny’s shock was evident in every aspect of his expression and in the way he sat up and back, away from Mike.
“Never wanted to deal with it. I figured I’d tell him if I ever fell in love.”
“Holy shit, Mike. I thought you said you were out everywhere but work?”
“And with my Dad.”
“So what are you tellin’ me? You wanna just leave SVU and hope nobody at the NYPD notices we have the same address? Keep hidin’ who we are? What we have?”
“Not hiding, just… Not broadcasting.”
“Well, what if I wanna broadcast? Once we don’t work together anymore, what’s wrong with broadcasting? I love you. I’m proud of being with you. But maybe you don’t feel the same way?”
“Shit, Babe, you know I feel the same way. But you also know I’m more… private about things.”
“There’s private and there’s in the closet, Mike.”
“Don’t do that. I’m trying to navigate some pretty significant changes in my life, you know? Can you be patient with me? Let me do it one step at a time?”
“I’m callin’ bullshit. This isn’t about changes. This is about Mike Dodds not wantin’ to own who he is and what he wants. Mike Dodds bein’ one guy at home with me, and a totally different guy at work, and probably a third guy with your father.”
“That isn’t true…”
“Lemme ask you this, Mike. What, exactly do you want?”
“You know what I want, and you’re refusing to see that it’s not as easy for me as it is for you. I’m about to shit on everything my father wants for me-“
“You know what, Mike? I don’t give a fuck what your father wants. Your father has nothing to do with what I’m asking you. I want to know what you want. I understand that he matters to you. I understand that he affects what you do. But I’m not asking what you’re gonna do. I’m asking what you want to do.
“I want you. I want to be with you.”
“Why is that so frightening to you? Why are you so scared to even acknowledge what you want? You are entitled to your own opinions, you know. It’s not disloyal to want something different than what your father wants for you.”
“I’m all he has.”
“Then let him have you. The real you. You’re not fucking Pinocchio, Mike. You’re already a real boy. Do you think he wants a miserable puppet? And if he does, what kinda father does that make him?”
“That is so fucking easy for you to say. Your father has other kids, a wife. And he thinks the sun shines out of your ass. My life isn’t like that.”
“No, your father’s life isn’t like that. And we’re talking about your life, Mike’s life. You got choices. You just won’t make ‘em.
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be Mike. I want you to live for yourself. Not for your father. For you.”
Mike leaned both elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands, his fingers buried in handfuls of his hair. He heaved a deep sigh. “I don’t think I know how to do that.”
“Well, you can start by telling your father who you are. Stop making him love a son who doesn’t exist. Give him a chance to love the real one.”
“And if it destroys him? If he never speaks to me again?”
“Then those are choices he made. And you’ll still have me.”
“I always thought that I’d tell him if I ever fell in love. Just… give me some time to get used to the idea.”
Now it was Sonny’s turn to sigh. He leaned forward and put his hands on Mike’s arms. “I know I’m pushing you. I’m not doin’ it to be a dick. I’m doin’ it because I want to build a life with you, and I’m not willing to be your secret. But I understand you need time, and I’ll try to be patient. For what it’s worth, you know you’re not the first guy who ever dreaded coming out to his parents. And he won’t be the first dad who had to deal with it.”
Mike and his father had dinner together once a month. Sometimes they went to a restaurant, but tonight William had said that he wanted to cook, which is how Mike found himself standing before the large picture windows that gave onto his father’s beautiful view of the city. He had poured a little more bourbon in his glass than he might normally, partly because his dad only drank the good stuff, and partly because he was anxious. Sometime soon, everything between him and his father were probably going to be very different.
“I was impressed, Dad. Carisi knows his stuff. We got a confession out of a guy not a lot of people could have got to.”
“Well, who’s to say that was Carisi? You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Not on this one. This one was all Sonny.”
William Dodds was wearing an apron over the shirt and slacks he’d worn to work. He’d removed his tie and unbuttoned a few shirt buttons. He stood behind a very large kitchen island that separated the well-appointed kitchen from the dining room. William Dodds loved to cook, and he knew he was good at it. The walls of his kitchen were a deep cranberry red that created a warm, masculine environment with the dark cherry-wood cabinetry and beige-toned granite.
Mike had seen his dad look like that a million times in his life, making dinner for them and talking about what Mike was doing in school, and later his career. This was a favorite discussion spot for them. Always had been. Right now, William was looking at Mike with a somewhat pedantic air.
“You know, Son, you’ve mentioned Detective Carisi several times tonight, and I just want to caution you, he’s your subordinate. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a subordinate can be a friend. It’s all fine until something goes wrong, and then you need to be able to make the tough decisions. Not to mention plausible deniability.”
Mike snorted. He couldn’t help it. Things were so much more complicated than that, and Mike could no more forsake Sonny to save his own skin than he could fly.
The dinner was pleasant enough, but Mike noticed something he’d never felt before. He felt as though he had a secret. In all the years since he’d figured out his sexuality, he had always thought it was kind of like masturbation. It wasn’t exactly a secret, it was just something you didn’t talk about. But now there was Sonny. Now it wasn’t just Mike’s sex life. It was Mike’s life.
Mike gulped down the rest of the excellent wine William had served with dinner and refilled both their glasses. He wasn’t drunk, but he was a little buzzed. Maybe buzzed enough to do this. Maybe.
He pushed his plate toward the center of the table as his father did the same. Their postures were identical as they took up their wineglasses and leaned back in their chairs. Some of their best conversations had happened right here, at this table, in these positions.
“That was amazing, Dad. You always were such a great cook. Thanks.”
William laughed. “What’s with the nostalgia?”
Mike hesitated. “Um, I just… Dad, you know I love you. It’s been just you and me for a long time. You’ve always looked out for me, and you only want what’s best for me. You’ve worked hard to help me get where I am. I know that. And I appreciate it.”
“Oh, boy. You’re about to tell me something I’m not going to like.”
“Probably.”
“You don’t want to stay at SVU. OK, we can deal with that. It’s a little early to make the jump to the Joint Terrorism Task Force, you might have to…”
“That’s not it.”
William’s features registered his surprise. “Then what is it?”
“Dad, I…” Mike stopped and took a long drink of wine, then a deep breath. “This is really difficult, and it’s probably going to be hard for you to hear. Please remember what I said. I love you. But I’ve been lying to you for a long time. About me. About who I am.”
Mike looked straight at his father.
“What does that mean?” William asked, intrigued, but relaxed.
“It means, Dad, that… I’m gay.”
William didn’t miss a beat. He laughed dismissively. “You’re not gay. What, maybe you had some sort of fling – I don’t want to know – but that doesn’t make you gay. You’re not.”
Mike, knowing his father well, had expected this. “Dad, I am. I’m attracted to men. I have sex with men.”
“Stop it, I don’t need the details.” William made a pushing away motion as he stood and began to clear the table. “You’re not gay. You’ve dated a hundred girls. Carol Fleisinger. You dated her all though high school.”
“Yes, I did. Even had sex with her. I thought I was bisexual for a long time, and I tried to just ignore wanting men, and date women. But it doesn’t go away just because you want it to. Eventually I could admit to myself I was bi, but even then I had a pretty strong preference for men. I didn’t want to be gay, Dad. But it’s not something you choose. It’s something you are. And I am.”
At the kitchen counter, William slammed the dishes into the sink. Mike wouldn’t have been surprised if at least one of the plates broke. William whirled around to place both hands on the island between the kitchen and the dining room. “No, you’re not! Why would you even say something like that? Are you trying to sabotage your career? Is this about me? Are you trying to lash out at me? Is that what this is?”
“Dad.” Mike remained seated at the table, trying with his body language to make his father understand that this was Mike’s truth.
“You’re not gay, Michael. You’re not. And you better not be telling anyone you are, because you’ll ruin your life. Is that what you’re trying to do? Is this some last-ditch effort to go back to your pipe dream of playing in a band? You’re a little old for fairy tales, Son.”
“It’s none of those things, Dad. It’s just the truth. It’s who I am. And I’m telling you because you deserve to know the truth, and not have me pretending to be something I’m not.”
“Bullshit.” William turned back and began to rinse dishes and shove them angrily into his dishwasher.
Mike said nothing, giving his father time to process what he’d just said. Giving himself time to process it. He tried to keep his expression open, not angry or ashamed, not anything. He willed himself to stay calm.
Eventually, William came back over to the table and took a drink of his wine, but didn’t sit back down. His expression was a dark mix of anger, frustration, fear, and something Mike could only interpret as disgust. “So you’re telling me that you’ve been having sex with men. How many men are we talking about? Is it, like, just a few, or… No, no, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m just trying to get a sense of what you’re telling me here.”
“I’m telling you I’m gay, Dad. Yeah, I’ve had sex with women. I like women, too, just nowhere near as much as men. For me, women are… OK. And much more convenient in public. But they’re not what I want.”
“In public! Are you telling me you’re planning to go public with this? For fuck’s sake, Mike, why don’t you just take a chainsaw to your career?”
Both wineglasses empty, William snatched Mike’s from the table and strode back into the kitchen.
“Since when?” William kept his back to Mike, but Mike understood what he was asking.
“Since always, I guess. I don’t know, I thought I was bi for a long time, maybe I am, but I prefer men, and I’m in love with a man.”
William didn’t move from where he stood at the sink, but turned around to face his son. “You’re in love?”
“Yeah,” Mike smiled and gave a little laugh.
“With a man.”
“I’m in love with a man.”
“Does anyone know?”
“We haven’t said anything, but I think the squad knows.”
“Wait… it’s someone in your squad?”
“Dad, let’s deal with one thing at a time-“
“Well, it’s not Olivia, which means it’s a subordinate! Mike, for fuck’s sake! You could get canned for this! I should can you for this! And I’m guessing it’s Carisi, he’s queer as a-“
“Do NOT finish that sentence!”
“So it is Carisi.”
“Yes.”
Now William came out to the dining room again, standing menacingly over Mike and gesturing with his arms.
“So Carisi put you up to this. That filthy little bastard! Well, he can kiss his career goodbye. He’s a dead man walking, he just doesn’t know it yet. I’ll-“
Mike stood and held up a hand. “Dad, this isn’t about him. It’s about me. And you can’t touch him without destroying me, too. You know that. I’m his Sergeant, which puts him in a way better position than I am. Whatever the Department does to him, I’m gonna get worse. So you got a choice to make.”
“Oh, it’s made. He’s going down. And if he takes you with him, so be it. And that’s what you’re calling love? He makes me sick. I’ll see he burns for this! And you! You sit there and tell me… I’m done. I can’t look at you anymore. Get out. And you can expect to turn in your gun and your shield in the morning, along with your friend Carisi.”
“Dad, please. Don’t do something you can’t undo. Give yourself some time-“
William started to cry. In all Mike’s years, he had never seen his father cry. He felt stunned and sick and what he’d done.
“That faggot Carisi seduced my son! That repulsive sick fuck put his hands on you-”
“Dad, whatever you say about him, you say about me. I’m the repulsive sick fuck. I seduced hiim.”
“Get out! Get out! I’ve had enough of this! And you won’t drag me down into your filth. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll be in the Chief’s office. Count on it!” His voice broke as he said that, and he turned his back on his son, going to a bar cart he kept in the dining room, and pouring a hefty shot of bourbon. His shoulders were hunched, his head hung low. Mike could see that his father’s hand shook as he held the decanter and poured.
“You know where to find me.” It was all Mike could think of to say before lifting his jacket from the back of the dining room chair and leaving the apartment.
This was far worse than he had allowed himself to imagine. He’d imagined the shouting, the name-calling, even being banished from his father’s life. But it had never occurred to him that his father would go so far as to destroy his career, if only because of the damage it would do to his own. Even if Mike could have conceived of him doing such a thing, he could never have formed the idea that his father would try to destroy Sonny’s career as well. Sonny would probably survive, although he’d be damaged goods for life. And it would be Mike’s fault.
He hadn’t even had a chance to tell his father that he planned to leave SVU. He supposed it didn’t matter now that he was about to be drummed out of the NYPD entirely. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He thought about going back to his father’s apartment and begging him to leave Sonny out of this, to focus his ire on the person William was really angry with. But he knew that was hopeless, and likely only to make things worse.
He walked the miles between his father’s apartment and Sonny’s. He berated himself for his utter failure to handle his love for Sonny with anything resembling grace. He’d seen Sonny, yanked him into his bed, then just blithely followed his dick’s lead in starting a relationship, regardless of his complete awareness of the potential consequences. And now he’d gone and fallen in love, and the consequences were even worse than he’d feared. Worse, much worse, Mike’s recklessness had hurt the man he loved in ways he might suffer from all his life. And it was too late to change any of it.
Summary: Sometime after your fiance, Mike Dodds, passed away, you decided to make the huge decision to move out of New York, with the purpose of getting away from all the memories you’ve had with him in the city to help you heal. Your father-in-law, Chief Dodds, isn’t to keen on your sudden move.
A/N: I’ve been having this idea ever since Mike’s death, and then this one episode in S18 based on the gif above. And watching the newest episode was the final push needed to write this. And I’ve also been wanting to write for Sonny and Mike himself, so let’s see where the future will bring me!
“God, I never realized I had so much stuff in here,” You groaned, putting in the last articles of clothing inside the very last box, sealing it tight and labeling it ‘clothes’ with drying black markers, “I really do appreciate your help, Will. I can’t imagine having to go through all of my things alone in such a short time.” William Dodds looked up from his own box, finished just in time with his fair share of items to pack as you finished yours.
“It’s not a problem, (Name),” William said, carrying the very last box and moving it to the door for better access, “I’m always happy to help you around.” He squatted down to make sure every box was secured tightly, and you used that moment to take in his appearance for one last time, as this might be the very last time you’ll see him.
He looked calmer, less rigid and formal than his appearance as Deputy Chief Dodds. But in your apartment now, well, soon-to-be-sold apartment anyway, he was just Will. Just a kind, caring father-in-law who cared about you as if you were his own daughter. William got up from his crouched position and gave you a lopsided grin, and you had to quickly look down because the pang in your heart struck out of nowhere, when the time you spent with William was full of smiles and laughter. Because that grin in William’s face was much like Mike’s, and your heart still aches at the tiny hints of Mike inside William. Who were you kidding? He was Mike’s biological father, of course they looked alike.
William seemed to notice the sudden frown and pulled you back to reality with a delicate tap to your shoulder, in which you quickly gave him a reassuring smile, as William’s grin faltered to a look of concern painting his face.
“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” William asked, slowly guiding you by the shoulder to sit on the couch, “I mean, I could help you find a job. There’s a lot of opportunities in New York, (Name), and you don’t have to travel miles away to just get a job.” The older Dodds was clearly still against your sudden move to Los Angeles, even after hours of helping you pack your things. You nibbled your lips, unsure of how to convince him of what you heart needed to do to heal, that it wasn’t just about the job.
When you were about to speak up, William raised his hand and spoke first, “I know, I know. Me putting things that way isn’t helping you have a smoother leave. But (Name), as selfish at it sounds, you’re the last person I have that’s a reminder of Mike,” He heaved a breath, and now you’ve just realized how his eyes started to glass over, “I love you, just like I love Mike as my own. Your presence here is kind of like a reminder that I still have a piece of him here, like somehow a part of my son is still here with me. That’s why it’s been hard for me to let you go, (Name). I’d do anything for you to stay, but deep down I’ve already known your heart is set, and there’s not much that I could do to convince you otherwise.”
You stared into the eyes of the father of your deceased fiancé, and the brown eyes that were just like Mike’s was reflecting just as much pain as you were feeling. When Mike died, his death had somehow ended the lives of two other people as well: you and his father. In the hospital room, William and you hugged each other as if your life’s depended on each other’s grip, crying and sobbing and begging that the scene that laid out wasn’t real. Because in fact, you both loved Michael Dodds so much, and his death inevitably turned both of your lives upside down, crushed both of your hearts in a way that seemed to have caused permanent damage.
But he hasn’t understood why you wanted to move so far away from him. It sounded unreasonable for him, he could’ve helped you search a job in New York so that you two can stay close and heal together. But it wasn’t just about a job, it was a whole new purpose of life that drove you to move. It was like reading a book, your time in New York has come to an end for now, and you’ve got to move on to the next chapter.
“Wait here.” You whispered to William, and he nodded and watched you go your room. Coming back with a small, white box with the same colored bow on top, you handed it to him, “It’s sort of a parting gift from me, for you to remember me by while I’m away, also to help you to keep Mike close by. I intended for you to open it when you’re back home, but I don’t think it could wait until then. Open it now, please.” Calloused fingers slowly undid the bow and opened the box, and William’s breath hitched when he saw what was inside. The strong man you’ve known for years started to tremble when he saw the photo on top, of Mike smiling gleefully, the happiness in his eyes caught perfectly by the camera.
So you carefully took the box from his hand, took out its contents, and laid out the photos of you and Mike on the coffee table, looking as joyful as ever around various places New York. They were mostly close-up photos of Mike smiling, grinning, and laughing, but you slipped some photos of you and Mike together, just because anyone can clearly see how much love Mike’s eyes held in those photos.
At this moment, understanding seemed to dawn into William, as he glanced at every picture of Mike alone, or the two of you, having the times of your lives as you enjoyed every moment in the city. You’ve been with Mike for five years, there was bound to be many memories stored in photos. And those five years you spent with Mike were to create new memories around the city, and William understood your pain now: you see Mike in every corner of the street. When William finally glanced at you, there was a bittersweet look in your face, but your eyes were also fighting to hold back the tears like him.
“I’ve probably told you a dozens of times already, but Mike really did bring happiness to my life, and I’m forever grateful that I’ve got the chance to know him in a special way,” You picked a picture of Mike, a soft smile playing on your lips as you caressed the picture with so much love, “But, like how you’ve been avoiding SVU because you thought Mike will be there at his desk, I feel that too, Will. I see him everywhere: at this apartment and hogging the sofa to lounge and watch TV, at our favorite diner right across the street while sitting at the booth next to the window, at that one bench in Central Park near the lake, at the Grand Central Terminal where we used to go home together, at Brooklyn Bridge because we like to look at the lights there, and I could go on forever! God, I see him everywhere that it hurts so much, Will. You get it now, right?”
“I do, (Name), I do.” William said, a solemn look gracing his face. Hearing him say it gave the feeling of a small burden finally lifted from your shoulders. William knew that he has to let you go for now if that was the only way for you to heal. Better having you away and slowly piecing your heart together than having you close but you’re being held back, William thought. Mike would’ve wanted the best for you, and this might just be it.
While William was lost in his thoughts as he started to slowly bear your departure, you were silently weeping next to him, caressing the picture of Mike in your hand as the tears flowed freely down your cheeks. He looked so youthful in it, grinning happily into the camera, never knowing that there will be a devastating separation for you both. God, why did he have to leave at such a young age, when the both of you have a lifetime together?
“Hey, don’t cry,” William sighed, finally realizing your current state when a sob escaped your lips. Taking the picture from your hand and gently guiding your head to lay on his shoulders, he wiped the flowing tears on your cheeks with his thumb, “Don’t cry, please. I understand now why you want to get out of this city as fast as you can. If it helps you heal, if it helps you make amends with your past and slowly mend your heart together, then it’s okay for you to go. Mike would’ve hated me if I kept you around, when you could flourish and seek a better life out there.” You slowly pulled away from William, shaking your head while roughly wiping away the tears.
“My life here is amazing, Will, it’s the best that I’ve ever had, but I’ve got to move on to the next chapter, which is Los Angeles. I know that staying here wouldn’t help me move on at all, even though I hated the thought of having to let Mike go. But this pain, this grief, it’s not good for me if I keep it in for a very long time. I needed a way to heal, and I think this might be it, and for that I appreciate you respecting my decision, Will. I really do.” William scooted closer and threw his arms out, and you gladly let him envelope you in his warmth, and you cried for the last time that day as William caressed your hair and whispered soothingly to you.
“Shush, it’s okay, Mike wouldn’t want you to postpone your life because of him, so you go out there and find yourself again. Your choice is completely understandable, (Name),” William’s tone was easing back to normal, managing to croak a small chuckle to lighten the mood, “But don’t you go rouge on me, okay? I’m expecting you to keep in contact with me, and if you disappear so suddenly then the whole LAPD will be looking for you.” You couldn’t help but giggle as well, feeling the sadness earlier slowly seep away to be replaced with a huge sense of relief and feeling so lucky that you have a caring family by your side.
“Yes, of course I won’t! I don’t even dream of not having you in my life anymore. I know I can count on you for anything Chief, you have my back and know that I have yours as well,” Breaking away from the embrace, you stood up and started to walk to the kitchen, “Would you like some tea? I thought some chamomile tea could help soothe our nerves.” William agreed to the offer, and you headed inside to get tea.
William stared back to the laid out photos once more, seeing just how happy his son had been, Mike even looked happier than his own father could make him. He already knew that you were the perfect partner for Mike from the start, not because of what you do or your family background, but for how you made him the happiest man alive, for how the both of you shared the purest love William has ever seen. And although Mike left this world far too soon, at least he was happy once because he’s found you.
“Tea’s ready!” You tenderly gave him the warm cup, and William gladly took it. Taking a small sip and humming in appreciation, William finally looked away from the photos in front of him to properly lock his eyes with yours.
“Thank you, (Name).” From the earnest look in his eyes and the small smile on his lips, you knew William wasn’t just thanking you for tea, he was implying everything you’ve both been talking about. You shook your head, taking a sip of your own and gazing back at him, mirroring his expression.
