#olivia benson

[quotefeeling]

You’re a fighter. Look at everything you’ve overcome. Don’t give up now.

Olivia Benson

[cabensonsgirly]

I Will Leave The Light On

Olivia Benson x reader

Content: William Lewis, ptsd, trauma, reader helping support Liv through the recovery

Wordcount: 1439

You remember what it was like that first night after you and your colleagues had rescued Olivia from the run-down house where Lewis had held her captive. Even that first afternoon was difficult, having to watch as the people at the hospital poked and prodded her as they took pictures of the torture she had suffered at his hands, taken pictures of the blood splattered on her face from her assault on his unconscious body. There had been this far away look in her eyes, like she is no longer witnessing the life she was living, but instead watching it unfold from some foreign third-person perspective. Detached. It wasn’t to be unexpected; you hadn’t thought that she would be able to bounce back to her usual confident self so quickly. And she hasn’t. But that first night was the toughest. It was hard to bear witness to the once self-assured woman left to be nothing more than a shell, a ghost of who she once was, and all because of some man with a grudge.

You had to keep all the lights on in the apartment while Olivia was staying with you. Her apartment was still a war zone; remnants of fingerprint dust and the evidence of the assault still littered around the place. You would clean it in the coming days with the help of your colleagues, but only while Olivia was attending her psychology appointments for she didn’t want to be left alone otherwise- too raw, too on edge to actually believe that Lewis couldn’t get to her again. She believed if he doesn’t know where she is, he can’t find her so she’s safe. Safe, which is how she would have been had you gone home with her that evening. But that doesn’t matter now, what matters is that you keep those lights on to stop the shadows from looming and being threatening, from towering over her in the corners of the room, on the chairs with clothes piled high on them. You had folded most of that washing by now, trying to minimize the amount of things that could be misinterpreted in a fatigue heavy haze. Anything to help her nervous system relax, to let her be in a state that she can just breathe without stifling the sound to make her seem quieter, smaller, less there.  

You could no longer walk up behind her and loop your arms wordlessly around her waist as you press a tender kiss to the back of her neck. You made yourself more known, announcing your presence when you enter a room so as to not startle her. When she wasn’t at work, she would keep herself wrapped in a blanket for security as she curled up on the couch to watch some mindless television to keep the noise in her head at bay. To keep his voice, his poisoned words at bay so they could no longer taint and torment her in his absence. Seeing her curled up on the couch to make herself as small as possible broke something in you, and selfishly part of you wished that you and your colleagues had left Olivia to beat that monster of a man into a coma that he wouldn’t wake from. But you didn’t, because you knew that the defense would spin it in some way to make it out to just be another case of police brutality. And Olivia was not that kind of person, she is not that kind of person.

So, what you do now is sit on the edge of the couch, a small distance between the two of you so you don’t assume she is welcoming of your touch on her thigh like you once used to do. How you’d gently squeeze it or just rest it there where she’d then rest her hand atop of your own. A small gesture that grounded the two of you after a long day work, a reminder that despite, or maybe in spite of, the cruelty that the world fills itself with, that there is love hidden away in private moments at home.

It took nearly two months before she reached out for you again. You had stayed up late one night to catch up on some DD5s that you had put on the back burner, and you nursed a soothing chamomile tea to help ease the frayed nerves from work. Olivia had gone to bed just after seven, having poked the food around her plate for the better part of ten minutes before deciding she wasn’t that hungry. While the lights were left on, you had dimmed the ones in the bedroom so it wasn’t as obtrusive when trying to fall asleep. You never left laundry hanging over the back of the vanity chair, nor did you leave the walk-in wardrobe open; little things to minimize her anxiety.

You finished the last mouthful of your tea before you called it a night. You pushed the dining room seat into the table after you got up, then called out to Liv, “I’m gonna turn the main lights off now, okay? The doors and windows are locked.” You went around the lounge and kitchen and turned the lights off before you went to the bedroom. You left the hallway light on and the bedroom door open before you started to undress. Once you were in your pajamas, you got into your side of the bed. You turned on your side to face Olivia where you then rested your hand on the bed in the gap between the two of you. She opened her eyes to look at you, the corners of her eyes creasing as she smiled slightly at you. That little twinkle in her eye had started to return, and while it wasn’t always there, it had come back whenever the two of you would lock eyes.

“There’s those pretty eyes I love,” you murmured, a small smile gracing your features too. “Did you get the DD5s done?” She asked softly, her hand had moved to rest next to yours, your pinkie touching her thumb.

“More done than they were this morning, that’s for sure,” you answered with a giggle. Olivia had chuckled softly and moved her hand a little closer to yours, her thumb had rested on your pinkie. “Can-” She started, the rest of the sentence tapered off as she looked away, her tan cheeks turned red. “Can you hold me tonight? Please? I miss having your arms around me.”

 “Of course, Liv.” You waited for her to move closer to you; you hadn’t wanted to move into her space, giving her the opportunity to change her mind should she want to. You wrapped your arms around her loosely once she was close enough, and breathed in the smell of her shampoo. You hadn’t wanted to squeeze her or hold her firmly as you feared that would trigger a bad memory of the events that had transpired earlier in the month, but when she had given you a gentle squeeze, your grip around her had tightened just enough to make her let out a soft, content sigh. She had nuzzled her nose against the side of your neck before she pressed a tender kiss to the available skin, “Thank you… For being so patient with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of being anything else, Liv. I’d wait as long as I had to, leave the lights on for as long as I needed to, whatever it took for you to feel safe.” You replied as you pressed a soft kiss to her head. It felt nice having her in your arms; the time that you had shared a bed with her but left a distance between the two of you felt like nothing now, just a blip in a road to recovery that you would do all over again if it meant she felt secure. You had begun to grow fond of the way your hands would rest next to one another in the gap between the two of you, the way her thumb would brush against your finger before it curled around it to hold. Most mornings you would wake up with your fingers laced together. That night she let you hold her would leave you waking up with a smile the following morning, relieved to have some of your Livia back. All you hoped is that one day, you wouldn’t need to leave the light on for her, that the looming shadows would fade back into the nonthreatening objects they came from, but until then, you’d always leave the light on for her.

[svu4015]

Bensler Songs Series (Part 12): “Through the Fire” by Chaka Khan

“I know you're afraid of what you feel

You still need time to heal

And I can help if you'll only let me try,”

[kittyeckersley]

Why didn’t anyone tell me about Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins? I’ve started Law and Order SVU and I love them!

[dcmonblood]

LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT (1999-) S13E08 - Educated Guess

[okay-fuckoff]

Olivia Benson x fem reader

"You're perfect"

8:45 pm, Friday evening

Olivia looks over at you from the doorway, it had been a long day. Cases drag out time, her hair was in a ponytail, her glasses tucked away in her pocket, she was in that white tank top she always wore underneath her suit jackets, and some black trousers still, comfortable, but still elegant.

"You know-" She begins, coming over towards you gently. "Looking won't help, and angles won't change anything." She says, her arms wrapping around your waist gently, her eyes searching yours. "You look perfect." She murmurs, smiling softly, that smile where only the quirk of her lips really happen, but she looks so content, almost proud.

"Did you wanna order in tonight?" Olivia muses, her hand going from your waist to your hair, gently smoothing her finger through it. "You do look really good, almost too good to pass on dinner." She continues.

Her other hand going down to your lower back grazing gently. "It's up to you baby, but no greek food again, I can't do that three days in a row." She chuckles softly, the hand in your hair going to the back of your neck, massaging gently. She pulls back a little after a while.

"And it's on me, no fighting on that one." Olivia gives you a mock scold, her face tightning for a second, but her eyes sparkle gently. "Come on, put that little black dress on, not for me, well a little for me, but mostly for you." She explains, looking you up and down.

"Love you, baby" Olivia whispers kissing your cheek gently and moving towards the doorway to the hallway. She'd be waiting on the couch, probobly looking at her phone, elbows on her knees, leaning forward in that way, the way only she does.

You we're both lucky.

[eo-bensler-ao3feed]

Turnout

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Vij68zv by turtlebass At first, it's just this: first aid and the examining of strange wounds in a sheltered space. They start keeping a kit in the glove compartment, and then a change of clothes in the trunk, too, for when they've been asked to look presentable and have spent the day sweating under their vests.  It's a product of convenience that by the third year of the blue Chevy, they have all but seen each other naked.  Words: 6476, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Law & Order: SVU Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/M Characters: Olivia Benson, Elliot Stabler Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler Additional Tags: Car Sex, Angst?, sorry I still don't really know what counts as angst, Cheating, i don't endorse cheating unless you are elliot stabler in the 2000s, did i mention car sex read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Vij68zv