Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:1-5)
We believe that Jesus came to atone for our sins. We repented and declared that He is our Lord and Savior, for He alone has the power to give us a new life. He says He is sovereign, He is the Creator, the Designer of all things made. And this God loves us and purposes everything towards His glory, and with it, our good. Jesus Christ is our confident hope of salvation.
Faith
With these things in mind, we hold on. We hope that He will fulfill His word. We remind ourselves of His faithfulness, even when our senses fail us. This is the tricky part, really, where the line is drawn, where God has to make space for humanity's free will. There is consent! All things considered, do we continue to live as His followers?
Peace
The struggle may be felt daily, sometimes a little harder to get by than yesterday, but after deciding to side with God and not our own or this world, we almost instantly feel and have this. Peace. And not the kind that's phlegmatic in nature. Jesus' presence does not take away reality. He provides 'more' perspective; He makes the more important, the more powerful, the good, visible. There is harm in the world, but also there is God who is able. He brings us into that place of undeserved privilege, as the verse says.
Rejoice
You can then be enthusiastic of life. At this point, nothing seems to stop us from bringing praise to God. How can the evil of this world fight against the Lord who forbids their ways? They cannot speak and move without His permission. The creatures who constantly nag you to sin, to lose your faith in God, to continue in despair, now can be seen as who they really are: weak and powerless. We are enabled by God to really take in the wonders of this life. We can be grateful for what we have and have not. We can look forward to the future with brightness because we know that our God will be there just as He is today. Nothing now can bring us down for all things are purposed and repurposed for His glory.
Endurance
We still live in a fallen world. As we've said earlier, the reality involves the good and also the bad. We do not dismiss it's existence, but only uses it for our gain. Trials will not be our ruin. This is our moment to prove to God and the world that our faith is true. Going through hardships, we share in Christ's suffering. By this time, we are able to see this as privilege, not our undoing anymore.
Character
This is probably the most neglected part of this cycle. We may not gain anything visible out of our sufferings, but for sure we will build character. This is the part where the Holy Spirit imbues Himself to us that we develop something permanent. The Holy Spirit makes us less of our old selves, and more of Christ. He produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) We are now eager to follow God wherever He leads, so we seek Him in His Word and prayer. We remember Christ as our confident hope in salvation, and we bring Him honor and praise.
In the circle of Christian life, the Holy Spirit is in attendance. He fills our hearts with His love (Romans 5:5) He controls us (Romans 8:9). He convicts us of our sin, of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment (John 16:8). He does not speak on his own but will tell you what He has heard. He will tell you about the future. (John 16:13). He bears witness about Christ (John 15:26). He prays for us (Romans 8:26). He is our Advocate who never leaves (John 14:16).
Write this letter to the angel of the church in Ephesus. This is the message from the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand, the one who walks among the seven gold lampstands: "I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting." —Revelation 2:1-3
While John wrote this, we have to take in mind that this message is directed to the angel/messenger of the church in Ephesus, from Christ himself. But first, what kind of church are they? Who are these people and what is the premise of this commendation?
Paul instructed Timothy:
"When I left for Macedonia, I urged you to stay there in Ephesus and stop those whose teaching is contrary to the truth. Don’t let them waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God." —1 Timothy 1:3-4
From here, we can figure the struggle they were facing: false teachers. And look! In His message in Revelations to the church, the Lord commended them for their hard work. They know how to identify good and evil, truth and lie. They have pursued purity, and they remained faithful to God's Word.
And then, we get to God's warning:
"But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!" —Revelation 2:4
I noticed that there are many different phrasing to this verse. The version that I always use is NLT, but in some versions, it's "first love", or "the love you had at first." In NLT, there's a footnote that in Greek, it says "You have lost your first love."
What love have they lost? The sermons I hear always talk about the zeal they had for ministry. They are not as passionate as loving God as before. Probably was. However, we should also consider Paul's letter to the Ephesians.
"Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God." —Ephesians 1:15-17
In the first chapters, Paul refreshed their faith by writing how Christ saved us, both Jews and Gentiles, and are called to be in one body, as He is the head. Then, we get to his real mandate: as they grow in their love in God, so should their love for their neighbor. Paul summons up that the point of the Gospel is not purely for intellectual discussions. The outcome of right doctrine should be loving one another and the pursuit of harmonious living. We see decrees on how to keep relationships holy: husbands and wives, servants and masters, parents and children, and as one church.
From these, should we concur they have lost their love for God? They were being praised for their faithfulness, though. "You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting." The original Greek word used for love in Rev. 2:4 is ἀγάπην (agapēn), which means goodwill, affection, benevolence, charity. In their pursuit of holiness and purity in doctrines, they have failed to obey the Lord's commandment to love others.
Let's hark back to Paul's letter to Timothy,
"The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. But some people have missed this whole point. They have turned away from these things and spend their time in meaningless discussions." —1 Timothy 1:5-6
"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." —John 13:34-35
The loss of its testimony is directly related to the loss of brotherly love. Love for one another was not only commanded by our Lord, it was to be an essential element of their witness to the lost. —Bob Deffinbaugh
Preaching about losing passion does not sit right with me personally. Did Christ really complained that they're not doing more for him? Is that Christian living? Do these things bring us closer to God? To his church? To the lost? (Do we even have an idea how we are perceived by those who do not subscribe to religion?)
"Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches." —Revelation 2:5
Now that we have put things in proper perspective and established our goal, we can reflect. Have we put others in expense as we follow righteousness? How have we dealt with people we disagreed with lately? Is living in harmony and peace still important to us? The love of God is what separates us from the world. Do we still manifest it? While there are disagreements we can only leave to God to restore, I believe hostility should not be found in us.
We are God's children. We should be intellectual and strong in our convictions, but also good with words and merciful.
Supposedly, I have a church event to attend to, but had to work earlier too and it's exhausting, it's also really hot...I wanted to rest first. I had a couple more hours to sleep before I prepare.
Just in time, I woke up, but didn't leave my bed.
These days, well, ever since I left that church, I consciously avoid everything beside Sunday services and small group meetings, especially anything that involves leadership and discipleship. It's not that I hate those things, or do not support it. I believe churches should be well-versed in those areas. It's just that I've done that for more than a decade of my life. While it surely improved my ways as a Christian, it also took a lot from me: time, relationships I could've had, energy I could've spent somewhere else.
Now that I'm working even on weekends, I lose more time to take a Sabbath, to take a rest from everything that demands my presence, to just take a break. The weekday commute is also way worse now that everyone's back in their offices. What could've been an hour now extends to a regular three-hour journey from my office to home. I'm constantly on revenge bedtime procrastination.
I guess it's my control issues. Or maybe I'm not yet ready to invest again, to hope that this time, it's all worth it and I won't need to leave.
Every day, I remind myself that God is good, He is in control, and that He loves me. But sometimes, knowing better does not make you feel better. Anxiety doesn't erase these facts though; they remain true to me no matter how miserable life feels like. It's just hard to function when you have no will to continue anymore, and you have no idea how to fix it. I barely have leads on how and where it started; I just know I can't do this any longer.
“The reality that everyone possesses a limited “friendship bandwidth” also has implications for local church dynamics. As a pastor, I find that people desire close friendships with their church leaders, and this is a very good thing. But no one can maintain a large number of biblical friendships while also maintaining their quality. The pastor who displays a spirit of Christian love toward church members—while maintaining actual biblical friendships with a relative few—probably isn’t engaged in hypocrisy or false sentiment. Most likely he’s just doing the best he can with the time and capacity God has granted. Church leaders are just human beings trying to communicate something of the perfect love of God to people with whom they will, as a practical matter, never be able to form a close personal bond. Give your leaders the grace to occupy that difficult role, and enjoy the spirit of Christian fellowship it engenders.” — The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes
My folks and I were told we’re too exclusive; friendship circles should be inviting people in, like, let them enjoy the benefits of it, too.
The thing is, at that time, we were all struggling with something we can’t easily disclose to anyone, and we’re not sure if others are going to be accepting of it and journey with us. To be able to be transparent about your good side, bad side, and filthy-as-hell side is not common among people, and in friendship that close, it’s an essential.
“Biblical friendship between two Christians requires them to practice an unusual level of transparency. But the very prospect of having to be that open can lead many of us to conclude that we don’t even want to try. The reason for this reluctance is simple: we fear the repercussions if we are actually honest about our struggles.” — The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes
You don’t have to be friends with everyone but find your tribe. 🌻
Wow. I’ve been MIA since September (I think), and I have lots to blog about. I see some tagged posts; I’m sorry for not responding. Please let me make it up to you, guys.
The reason for my absence was a boy’s love series: Gaya Sa Pelikula (Like In The Movies). I was on stan Twitter for months, and I have been learning so much about queer representations. The experience made me reevaluate my faith. It’s stronger now, I’m much more compassionate, and it changed me in so many ways.
This is an accountability post. I’ll fix my schedule to make time in writing about it.
My being employed situation has become complicated, but basically, I was out of job since March. My savings is starting to deplete, so I decided to look for other opportunities. For a month, no employer has even checked on my resume. It’s understandable, though. We’re all in a tight situation due to COVID-19. I don’t know anymore what the future holds for me, but I continued to hold on. Even though I’m crying inside every day, somehow I believed that there’s something brewing behind all of this. I knew God is up to something; I just don’t know when it’s going to happen and what it is.
Eventually, I got tired of looking at Jobstreet for any possibilities, but I opened my laptop and checked again last Saturday, and there is one new job ad. It ticks everything I’m looking for nowadays: responsibilities I can manage and do in the comforts of my home. Obviously, I’m sold. I applied and shut down my laptop. Hours after that, I got a phone call from Virginia, US. I didn’t answer it at first; I was so skeptic with overseas calls, thinking the other person at the end of it might be trying to hack me. Then I remembered the earlier job ad I applied, so I answered at the third call. Surely, it was that company and they’re in need of programmers urgently. I haven’t worked for months and so I’m starting to forget what I do for a living. I asked if we can do the interview Monday, and she accepted.
Oh man. I can’t stress enough how I was before the interview. I’m walking around the house aimlessly thinking different scenarios in my head, dreading that I might fail this one. The offer is too good that the thought of not making it has scared me more. There was this failed interview once with the company I dreamed working at a couple of years ago, and I think that traumatized me. What’s worse is after that initial phone call, when I was about to use my few remaining time to review programming manuals, my laptop decided to not wake up. Thankfully, it powered up eventually, but hours are wasted already.
I spent most of my time for the next two days reviewing, and only a little retains in my head. It’s hard to learn programming without actual coding. But I have to manage, or else.
My anxiety got to a point where I asked people to pray for me, even my public chat group here on Tumblr. I was stunned when I started feeling at peace even in the midst of being nervous. It was so amazing how their simple prayer of concern worked wonders for me. I realized that my reviewing is just my way of regaining control over the unforeseen future. Suddenly, the urge to read more just stopped. I slept early the night before.
Yesterday morning was the job interview. My boss is from the States, and since she asked how I am, I told her frankly that I’m feeling uneasy. She wants me to feel calm. She started talking more and telling me stories about her and the company, which helped me a lot. The technical questions are more of a simple definition of terms, or whatever is your take on the subject. The questions are just a handful. Maybe that’s why I quickly stopped reading that night. Thanks to the prayers uttered for me, my body must have got the signal from God that I won’t need that much reviewing anyway.
The interviewer said that as long as I’m willing to learn, she’d be glad to join their team. She saw that I graduated cum laude in college, and took that as a hint that I’m a hard-worker and achiever like her. She offered me the job, and I got hired! All in one day. I remember that quote from someone I look up to: “Your turn will come.” If something is for you, and will be good for you, God will give it to you. Maybe this is why, for weeks, I haven’t received any calls from any employer. I have to endure that whole month waiting to get this job.
God is tricky most of the time, but I always love His way of doing things. Truly, He is still good and faithful.
To end this very long narrative, I want to say goodbye to the things I’m going to miss:
The air conditioner in our office. It contributed a lot to my acne getting better. Now that I’m working from home, and possibly in daytime, I may not get that almost clear skin anytime soon. Maybe if I earn enough, eventually, I’ll buy us an air conditioner here in our living room, but that would still rack up our electric bill, and I’m not happy about that.
The daily commute life. I know, it doesn’t look good, but it gives me that space to listen and/or read stuff. Heavy traffic has been bearable to me, thanks to podcasts and books. Sometimes, I stop at a coffee shop to read more before going home. It has also allowed me to travel daily to and from far places since I work in the city and live in the province. As a geographically challenged person, the commute has familiarized me to major roads.
Personally working with people. Ever since I started working, I’m surrounded with officemates. I’m still not sure if I’m going to like this virtual interaction. We’ll see.
I realized also that this job has given me tons of answered prayers as well. I’m grateful for:
Remote work. It’s always been a dream of mine to work outside the office. Whenever I see those people code at coffee shops, I’m jealous. Hopefully, I’m not working night shift so I can materialize this dream. (I have yet to confirm my actual working hours. Naturally, daytime is the better option, but night shift sounds good too, especially with the heat these days). With this setup, I won’t need to spend many hours travelling back home. I can join my friends who live nearby and hang out with them without sacrificing my sleep. I can even start working out before or after my shift! (crossing fingers for that)
I didn’t compromise my specialization just to get a job. There’re few who offered this job opportunity, and now that we’re in the middle of a global crisis, it’s harder to find one. I was about to give up that time and learn another programming language.
Now that I regained my source of income, I can now finally support my friends financially through their small businesses! This is a major part of my petition for a job to God. I really prayed hard so that I could help out.
I was thinking if this was the “restoration” that God has placed in me for the past few months, but I’m glad if this is it. He truly had given me back what I had and more. I’m thankful that He wrestled with me all this time with this and given me faith to endure the waiting process.
The firm I’m now a part of isn’t a big company, but that’s also a dream of mine. Usually, working in corporations won’t allow you to expand your skill that much. For years, my job is mostly editing snippets of code. It has its own challenges, of course, but it didn’t allow me to grow to my potential as a programmer. I think this opportunity will finally let me do that. I’m scared, obviously, but I wanted more to take that leap.
From my little interactions with the team, I think this is where I can really learn to hone my craft. My goal ever since I graduated is to find a good boss who can teach me. I may have found her. I may have found them.
The firm offers training, all expense paid by the company. This is necessary for me to grow in my career, and I was really upset that my former employer didn’t offer this to us.
Other benefits I’m not in liberty to disclose publicly. Though I have to say this one thing: They might let me travel to our clients from different places around the globe, all expense paid again by the company.
Afternoon today will be my orientation with my supervisor. I’ll be asking things that I have forgotten to inquire yesterday out of excitement. They wanted me to start tomorrow already. Good for me too since I really need to earn money soon anyway. I’m thrilled and fearful at the same time, but ultimately, I just hope I do good at my new job. Wish me well and please pray for me. All glory to God!
Who is at home with you? My mother for now. Due to a family situation recently, my youngest brother will be moving, hopefully soon.
Are you a homebody? Yes! But I hate that it’s scary to go out. There’s still need for freedom.
Any event you are looking forward to that got cancelled? We’re planning to go to Japan with the rest of the family either by the end of the year or beginning of next year. Though it’s too far off, I’m guessing we have to postpone until it’s safe for us to travel.
What movies have you been watching recently? None. I have little attention span these days to watch a full length movie.
What are you doing for self-care? I have a list of things to do daily because, I think, my main thing is being productive. The list contains: Listen to a devotional, read my Bible, read one chapter of a book I’m trying to finish, take Duolingo lessons, and write a blog each day during quarantine.
What shows are you watching? Running Man, a variety show in South Korea. My routine can be too stressing since I need to use my brain and think to do it. This show keeps things light for me.
What music have you been listening to? Mostly Christian bands, particularly songs from Victory Worship and Elevation Worship.
What books are you reading? How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Douglas Stuart and Gordon D. Fee. Also, for my Bible reading, The Chronological Study Bible by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Tagging if you’re up for it! @kelcieblogz @believe-in-beautiful-inspiration @ethereal-princess-of-the-king @everlastingjesus @grace-after-the-fall @stepsofaman @rewbss @holyloved @marcphun @belovedalina
