I was always curious what Chika was thinking after the revitalization concert. So the below is kind of fanfic but tightly connected to manga.
Sorry for mistakes, Im not English native ;) hope you'll enjoy it.
After the concert
"What has happened today? How did this come to this? ... What's happening to me?! ... "
The quick steps did not bring him the intended relaxation.
"Still this morning ... a few hours ago ... even before this concert ... everything was fine ..."
Kudou finally reached his aunt's place and stopped in front of the door for a while. Honestly, he didn't really feel like talking to her, because everything that was going on in his head right now was somehow her fault. Yes! It was she who made him buy flowers. She forced him to wear this way... (as it later turned out quite rightly), but if it weren't for that ... maybe this wouldn't have happened!
How did he manage to hold himself back at all?! That smile of hers, that face radiant with happiness as he handed her a flower ... He had never felt such a strong urge to embrace someone. What a completely unknown feeling... How much he wanted to keep this view only to himself….
"Aah! If it wasn't for this concert ... if it wasn't for this flower! ...."
Unexpectedly, the thought flashed through his mind like lightning.
"Are you sure?" At the flower shop, he said: beautiful and cute ... "Who says that about a friend ?!" Kudou grabbed his head in disbelief and pressed the handle.
Fastly but without a word, he entered the apartment. Isaki was sitting on the sofa with a book in her hand. When she saw her nephew step in the doorway with a vague expression on his face, she decided to suppress her usual spiteful comments and just waved a hand in greeting. However, she could not deny herself this little pleasure so she discreetly watched him and squinting from behind the book's cover. Something has happened. Apparently. When Kudou returned, he did not look for food, he did not throw off his suit with disgust (as she expected), he was avoiding eye contact with her ... finally he unfolded the koto and started practising. However, he played with such energy that Isaki, used to the sound of the koto in her apartment already, opened her mouth with surprise this time.
"Hohoho ..." she smiled to herself contentedly covering her face with the book. "At last..."
Kudou definitely did not share her good mood and if he could only know why Isaki is smiling so broadly, he would probably turn into some kind of explosive.
Fortunately, he didn't notice anything.
He decided to play. And understand. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. AND WHAT HAPPENS FURTHER WITH HIM?
What did this story with the concert begin with at all? Ah yes, somehow the day before yesterday Houtsuki called in the evening and invited him to a concert organized to celebrate her return to the successor position. He was very happy then. Because of her, of course! After everything she had been through ... he couldn't refuse. He didn't want to refuse. He really wanted to hear her performance ...
But there was something more than that. They had argued earlier that day. The Fluffy doll (as he called Kazusa) as "thanks" for helping with some pervert from the subway, told him that he and the whole club mean nothing to Houtsuki - because she doesn't tell them about the most important things that happen to her.
"Bam, bam, bam" just thinking about that conversation forced him to play harder. "Fluffy and unbearable girl, she started this mess!".
But there was something to it, after all, Houtsuki didn't tell them something important! She hadn't told it to him ...but, seriously, why should she? Then why was he so upset? Why did it hurt him so much? After all, they are classmates and clubmates. Nothing more. There was no obligation to explain everything to him.
True, Kudou admired her talent and skills. It's also true that he thought Houtsuki trusted him more than the others ... but actually why?
"Bim bim bim!" Kudo tugged the strings tighter.
"Was it already then? ... no no, I just thought that we were friends and she appreciated us .. that our opinion counts ... my opinion counts .."
Chika shook his head, wanting to contradict himself ... and felt his face turn red ...
He reproached her this day. For the first time in his life, he reproached someone ... and it was her ... But... not only that she was hiding something, but also this day she turned as soon as she saw him avoiding eye contact. After that, she had some grudges that he didn't want to say something and ...he just couldn't stand it. But... but…why? It was so unlike him. Normally he would ignore situations like this ...
He felt lousy after this conversation, but she didn't act right then either ... "Why was she so angry? She said she wasn't mad, but she was. Why did I feel so hurt then? It would have bothered me so much if was it about Hiro? "
He made a mistake in the notes. Kudou gritted his teeth, scratched his neck nervously, and began to play again.
Isaki patiently pretended not to see anything, although her smile was so wide that her cheeks were starting to ache. Fortunately, the book allowed her to keep up appearances, although one God knows how much she wanted to ask ...
She wasn't stupid. When Houtsuki called Chika that evening his was speaking with so gentle voice by his phone, that Isaki at once understood that this is not call from the guy. And when he told her about the invitation he just received, Isaki was already sure that somethig is in the air...
Kudo was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice his amused aunt, even glad that the usually curious Isaki doesn't ask about anything today. He was still brooding on the day when he said Houtsuki to his face, "Even you don't tell us everything." Words followed by silence.
"We parted then without a word and only her phone broke the silence ... that's how it was .."
Kudou tried with difficulty to glue together the events of the last few days, to which he did not attach so much importance yesterday, but the resulting image terrified him more and more.
He had to admit to himself that the call from Houtsuki had scared him a lot. Not that he was afraid that she would yell on him or something like that, but a phone call in the evening ... it was something that only people close to each other do, people who trust each other ... he felt surprised, embarassed and ... happy at the same time ... he was going through this argument badly, but she too felt so bad that she had overcome her pride and called to apologize. So, she did take him into account. How incredibly nice was to hear her shy voice then….
"No! Enough!" Kudo frowned.
Bam, bam, bim, bem!
He will not imagine that they have anything more in common. Not. Are they friends? He thought so. He guessed he's allowed to think that? Maybe he is an idiot with a regrettable past: a hooligan who suddenly wanted to equal a real genius ... Kudou did not consider himself extremely talented, but he felt that as far as the koto was concerned, he was closer to her than the others in the club ... and that she noticed it and .. appreciated. She: his absolute authority, always so strong, brave, decisive, and sometimes as extremely weak as a defenseless child in his arms ...
"How am I different from this subway guy?!" Kudo felt he was losing control of his thoughts. He hid his face in his hands.
The gesture did not go unnoticed by a vigilant Isaki. Although she was glad that her problematic nephew was experiencing the most beautiful emotions in the world, knowing his past, she was afraid of his running away from his own happiness.
"Chika, are you okay?"
His aunt's voice disturbed him and at the same time became the signal for evacuation.
"Sure! Bathroom! I'm going to take a shower!"
He quickly put the instrument in its case and ran to the bathroom. Isaki, observing his unusual spontaneity and clear embarrassment, did not know whether to laugh or wring her hands.
Kudou jumped into the shower, hoping it would help him cool down a bit.
Nothing of that. The desire to have HER close to him did not leave him. Suddenly a memory struck him: when he was carrying her to bed, unconscious from her high fever ... He then spent the whole night with her, trying to cool her temperature. Thinking carefully about it, they didn't even like each other at that time. He did what he thought was right and would do it for anyone in need, and yet .. something changed then. This strong, proud Houtsuki then laid helpless, powerless, involuntarily stripped of her secret, left to the one whom she had shown contempt more than once. Oh, how ironic ... It was then that he saw her loneliness and pain, so much like his loneliness and his pain. Alone, without family, without anyone close ... relying on someone else's help, for which she did not dare to ask.
And then he wanted to help her. A pure reflex of a sincere heart. Because he knew how abandonment hurts ...
"But then I didn't think of her the way I do today ... I knew she was pretty, but it didn't impress me at all ... I've never thought about..."
Even mentally, he was afraid to name what he wanted to do today.
So when has it all changed? When did his hands begin to walk toward her unknowingly?
Kudou lifted his face and the water was hitting his forehead, pouring streams over his face. He stood there for a moment, remembering subsequent situations.
She remembers grabbing her arm voluntarily when Kazusa wanted to take her to his club. She looked surprised but didn't object. They stood close then, but it was only a clubmate. Back then she was his authority, but always only a clubmate ...
Then, when he caught her, as she nearly fell on the cupboard, stumbling over the koto… it was weird. They were both surprised by the sudden closeness, Houtsuki's face flushed with a scarlet blush, and he was just worried if she wouldn't be scared of him too much. He cared about her opinion then and did not want to offend her in any way.
"And what was I supposed to do then? Let her get hurt? I had to stop her with my own body, of the two wrongs it was better for her ..". Now that he thought about that moment, he felt his face turn hot and it was by no means a matter of hot water.
What happened next? There was a competition… their first competition as a club. They prepared as best they could and everything was lost, for a moment of inattention. He sprained his wrist saving Houtsuki, who in turn covered the koto with her own body. As usual, he saved everyone and sacrificed himself. And when Takinami urged him to quit, Houtsuki (unaware of his hurt) told him that his sound was important ... She told him what he most wanted to hear, that he wasn't superfluous, that he couldn't be replaced, that his absence would be noticeable.
He smiled at the memory.
Shortly after that, it was he who unknowingly said something so important to her that she stopped to thank him and show her gratitude.
Suddenly he straightened up and opened his eyes.
"That's when I almost patted her head ... if it wasn't for Sane, Mitsu, and Kouta ..."
He rested his hands against the wall, bowing his head:
"It is impossible…"
The bath lasted longer than usual, and on a normal day, Isaki would probably chase him out of the bathroom, but today she decided not to disturb him. Apparently, Chika had a lot to think about before she fell asleep tonight.
The incident...
Kudou suddenly remembered how a completely innocent conversation before the school festival had almost led to an accidental kiss and the biggest crisis in their relationship. Of course, he hadn't planned it. He hadn't thought of anything like that at all. He apologized, she took the blame, and… she cried.
He grimaced.
"Did it hurt her so much? Am I so repulsive to her?"
He remembers how much her reaction hurt him. After the unfortunate competition they lost because of him, for some reason, a friendship began to develop between him and Houtsuki, mutual respect that Kudou valued above all else. And all of that was suddenly lost because of… a stupid accident. The girl's tears, just seconds after his lips touched her eyebrow, chilled him completely.
And then those long days of avoiding him, looking away, trembling with fear as he appeared next to her ...
"It was unbearable, and it happened to me after the accident ... and if she knew what I wanted to do today ..."
He felt a cold shiver run over him, alternating with a strong wave of heat that flooded his face. Oh no, he won't let that happen! "No matter what: I won't let it happen again ... no matter what, I won't touch her!"
He got out of the shower, took a towel. It was warm in the bathroom, and he felt creeps all over his body.
The thought of losing her friendship to THIS was terrifying.
Easier said than done ...
He had once touched her hair or stroked her head somehow reflexively, without thinking, ... (what was that?!)
Her reaction was obvious ... although she wasn't offended so long like the first time..,
"Is there something wrong with me? I've always despised guys reaching out to every pretty girl. I've never hurt any woman ... So many times I defended Houtsuki. Like at the festival when some idiots used to hit on her in the school cafe. Why only with her do these mishaps happen? ?! "
He scratched his neck, changed into his pajamas, and began brushing his teeth. Only then did he see his reflection in the huge mirror (apparently Isaki loves to look at herself). His face was red (probably a bath), his eyes were shiny (probably with water), and his eyes were lost.
"It's clear I admire her. But I thought I had it all under control ... I'm such an idiot ..."
Kudou sighed heavily and opened the bathroom door.
"I'm going to sleep!" he informed when he met Isaka's scrutinizing gaze by chance.
No, he won't be able to talk to her today. Today it is like an open book from which my aunt can read whatever she wants. And he doesn't want to share something that he doesn't understand himself.
Hastily he unfolded the mattress and hid under the covers.
Isaki shook her head in resignation and decided to let go again. But only today. The sight of Chika in this state was a completely new experience for her and unexpectedly put her in a great mood.
Kudou turned to the wall. Sleep did not come. There were, however, more memories from the last year.
The moment when in a trembling voice, almost through tears, she told them about her exile… and then the day Takinami proposed a track for the national qualifiers. She was so agitated .. so desperately advised against this choice. He immediately sensed that her family situation was related to this melody. He remembers how in the blink of an eye he decided to help. During a break, he downloaded the song to his cell phone and ran to look for Houtsuki. He knew that although everyone at the club loved her back then, no one would have had the courage to talk to her about it. And he just couldn't do anything. He knew this piece .. he knew how much pain and screaming there was in it. If her heart had screamed that then, how could he have left her alone now?
He remembered her timidly asking him what he thought about her piece. The fact that she wanted to know his opinion, despite the recent incident, was extremely important to him. Despite the accident, they were still able to work side by side. And she wanted to know HIS opinion and took it into account ...
Did IT start then? Had before…? Or later?
Preparations for the eliminations were very intense for everyone in the club. They spent practically all days with each other. And they became attached to each other ... and more and more.
Then he decided to ask her about her story. He admitted that he wanted to know her heart, her emotions, her experiences ... all for the sake of the performance, of course ... When she told him about everything, he felt even deeper compassion, understanding, and ... attachment..again.
He perfectly remembered the relief he felt when they fell into embraces with their mother. How much he enjoyed her happiness ...
Kudou frowned and squeezed his eyes and his hands tighter on the pillow. In each memory, Houtsuki had a very special place where .. he put her himself.
From the first days of the acquaintance: even when at first she seemed to him the most arrogant human being he knew, something in her gaze, words intrigued him enough to look at her closely. And when he heard her sound for the first time, she became an unquestionable authority for him. No wonder her performance made such an impression on him. After all, she is truly talented… however, there was something else. Her notes pierced him right through, reached the depths of his soul, touched his heart, astonished him. As she played, he felt like a helpless creature in the embrace of her sound.
Kudou opened his eyes. It was dark. Isaki was already asleep.
He was tired. The crowd of thoughts was like a roller that crushed him over and over again until the truth came out of him. He tried to defend himself for a moment: "It's only temporary, it will pass to me." But then he saw the image of her stepping onto the stage during the concert. Proud, beautiful, and charming ... and then her smile, which made him disillusioned.
Not only for the first time in his life but also very deeply ... he fell in love.
