Author's Note: Hi all! It's been a while and I really wanted to get back in the swing of writing n' whatnot, so here is my humble offering lol 🖤 I still haven't been able to get these two off my mind and I wanted to take a stab at a structured headcanon post! I hope you enjoy 😎
I ain't gonna lie, this is just me talking about dick 😅👀🍆💯🔥
Warnings: NSFW and 18+, y'all know the drill by now
Content Warning: VERY specific gendered descriptions of anatomy and bodies
Chilchuck:
It’s easy to want to start with the ‘cut vs. uncut’ part of the Greater Dick Discussion but I feel like for half-foots it’s kind of a toss up and really depends on upbringing or personal preference. Making it race-based is kinda iffy for me, but it’s so easy to come up with a dichotomy for certain ones (dwarves being primarily uncut and the tallmen being cut). I imagine Chilchuck being cut for the convenience factor since that’s what I have the most experience with.
Chilchuck’s build is very lanky for his kind. It’s mentioned in canon that he’s one of the taller half-foots, so I like to imagine he is SLINGING…although he’s much more a “grower” than a “shower.”
When flaccid, it doesn’t get in the way or cause much distraction, but when he’s hard, he cannot hide it whatsoever.
Lengthwise, he’d be sitting at a solid 5 inches.
The tip of his cock is a bit more pointed and slender going down, while being relatively average at the base. He’s got a prominent curve to it as well.
I REALLY like (aka I’m obsessed with) Chilchuck pairings that have distinct size differences, so that size for him would be pleasurable no matter who he’s paired with, without it being seen as too awkward or unrealistic
He’s a big fan of rough blowjobs and face-fucking. He’s itching to get to that precipice as quickly as possible.
His fingers would expertly wind their way through your hair as he took hold of your head to thrust into. Although you wouldn’t choke him down, he’d still find ways to make you sputter and gag around his cock as he drives his way in and out of your throat.
In regards to grooming, Chilchuck is no animal, but he’s definitely a “what you see, is what you get” kind of guy. Whether he’s unkempt ultimately depends on whether he has a steady partner. (And YOU KNOW he’s got the salt and pepper look going down there too).
Laios:
Laios is cut and has a pretty pink round tip. His length shows regardless of whether he’s turned on or not. He’s big enough to have to adjust himself frequently throughout the day.
When hard, Laios is about 7.5 inches and is on the thicker side.
He’s slightly curved and has some prominent veins down his shaft.
His dick is very reactive during sex. It’s leaking, twitching, and making itself known pretty quickly. (It’s very easy to get an actual, LITERAL rise out of Laios.)
(Horrible headcanon, I know) But everyone in the Touden party has probably seen Laios erect at some point because he gets very excited at inopportune times and pops boners. Obviously, he’s not going to expose himself to just anyone, but it’s best not to draw attention to it when it does happen.
His favorite kind of attention to get is soft and slow, but he’s either quick to release or desperate to get your hands and body elsewhere before it’s all over too soon.
His sensitivities will cause him to cuss and ramble under his breath, but praise you all along the way.
Laios loves to melt underneath your touch and craves body worship. His favorite is having your mouth kissing his cuts and scars and your hand slick with spit against his cock.
He drools during sex as well, totally lost in the feeling to notice it trickle out and onto you.
Because he shaves his face regularly in canon, I also see Laios taking great care of his pubic grooming when it’s convenient for him during his travels. He’s great at keeping everything nice and tidy down there.
End Notes: Life has been super crazy for me lately and I'm just happy things are settling down to a point where I can write again. I've (clearly) been doing a lot of daydreaming at work and it's so nice to get all the words out again...I think I wanna start reading more too!
I'm always an ask away if you ever wanna talk about fictional men or gossip 🖤
Minor edits will be made if I find any mistakes and constructive criticism is always appreciated! (Just don’t be an ass about it 👀)
Credits: Dividers by @/cafekitsune, Cover art from the Delicious in Dungeon Manga, eggplant was something on Canva bc I can't afford to pay Adobe so I can photoshop these teehee
Headcanoning Chilchuck as Polish is so funny. It starts off real smooth like. He created a union, he's working class, he's had Enough of this shit. That's all there already. Next. He was growing up when Solidarność was founded. He knows Wałęsa. He was a kid during stan wojenny. His favourite past time is bitchin'. He drinks Soplica. He listens to Bajm when he gets drunk, sings along when he gets REALLY drunk. He loves a good zapiekanka or a big serving of pierogi. He has his favourite ketchup and mayonnaise. He's willing to fight anyone with a different opinion about them. Whenever May rolls around he whips out the grill.
