I do some reflection once in a while, and this is something i felt i had to stop my studying for.
I was just thinking about today, and many times we just feel like giving up, after feeling so stress up, thinking about the things that we do may not be worth it, and why do we actually hold on for so long when we could have just given up?
I was at my lowest. The very lowest with all these studying, when i thought "i can't even bring myself to teach my own class children properly, am i even fit to be studying all these?", and suddenly my class child, and her meimei came over to play with me. While i was waiting for my friends to finish their rehearsal, after children church. And then i was just playing along, and as i played, i was thinking that the playing made all these studying and basically stress worthwhile.
I don't know how to explain it, but it actually does. Its all these children's playfulness that keeps me going, that keeps me living, that tells me "don't give up, don't give up. At the end, it'll be worth it. If you don't find it worth it, its not the end yet".
The more i type, the more i have to reflect, and be thankful for.
Honestly, i was just about to give up. I was about to skip this whole coming weekend of church, just because i need a break from people. But the people aside, there are just so many other things that are so worth it.
Children ministry. Even though the workload is crazy. (i must admit, im not doing as much as the leaders, and i really admire them how they actually manage it when i can't even strike a much balance at this time. Really must rely on God's strength more). But i really honour the fruits of the labour. I know recently i've been so stressed up sometimes i scold the kids, and i think the kids secretly hate me.
Though they say hi and all,but yeahhhhh. idk to follow them up next year, but i have this feeling they might not want. what i think may be for their own good may not be the exact case, and i think they.... yeah.
okay, negative feelings aside, i see how children actually play with me before and after children is such a joy, even if it can be painful. even if they might avoid me because im scary. But i try, i try to avoid them. And i see how parents approval of playing with them... is such a blessing to me.
I mean, i really hate relating to parents in terms of this. and i know in the working world, especially in the education industry, parents ain't very easy. its true, they ain't.
Okay, i probably shouldn't digress that much too, lest i have not enough time to really start studying.
The joy and playfulness of the children's faces really helps. Especially when it comes to siblings. I always love to play with my class kids, and their siblings at the same time. Because other than knowing the child, you get to know the family as well. and it gives a good bonding experience.
i was just reminded how when i first step into CC, i took this batch of kids for about 3 years. And one of the kiddo, (who actually never said hi to me before), suddenly say hi to me at my saddest and recovering-from-stress time. Okay, he is strangely my usher's brother, reuben. YES. of cos i know the kid before i know my usher, but thats besides the fact.
HAHAHAHAH then i teased him say "I WANT TO HEAR YOUR SINGING AGAIN HOR". hahahaha. but jokes aside, yes, he really never said hi to me before. so my first reaction was, "wow, why you suddenly say hi to me" as i was leading the way for my class. No, don't get me wrong,
my reaction wasn't the kind that " i don't want you to say hi to me next time", but more of the "do that more, i love it, i was just shocked" kind. Not just him, but i remember him better,
like my other kids do say hi, or at least make eye contact, i do really :). And surprisingly, i do take some of their siblings now, which really make me see how they really have grown,
and as they move on to youth next year, when i see them there, i really hope to see boys and girls serving and worshipping wholeheartedly :). It's really a joy.
The theories and the paper works are tough, but its the practicality and all that makes it so worthwhile.
Okay, i guess its enough said for the night? HAHAHAHA. i need to really get back to studying now so.... TEEHEE
