hey, do you read fic at all? i was wondering if you had any recs, i feel like i don't see you interact with fic a lot on here! i love your stories, so wondered what are your favorite authors too :]
Hello! The short answer to this is yes, but it comes with the caveat that I haven’t read much lately, primarily because I have no time but also because now that my characters are getting more and more fleshed out with every fic, reading other fanfic feels like my members are cheating on their OCs 😕 (I read this really good Namjoon fic where he met the reader at a party, and spent a whole week imagining Namjoon cheating on Kaya with that Y/N and it kind of killed me)
Having said that, I still do read fics when I can, definitely those that don’t interfere in my head with my OCs. I’m joining collabs and book clubs as much as I can so that I read more; but in the meantime I’d love to recommend some of my favourite fics and authors to you and any other readers:
(Please read the warnings on each fic before proceeding)
1. Poetry of the Stars by @jjiimin: This is the best fic I have read my entire life (barring one legendary series in the HP fandom - iykyk) and I honestly have nothing else to say about it. Riley has unfortunately deactivated her Tumblr account but I’m so glad I got to tell her how incredible her story was before she did so, so this is my number one. It’s 25K+ words iirc and was one of the first fics I read in the fandom and I just read it all in one go because I couldn’t stop.
(Also a favourite is Irresistible by the same author but I unfortunately don’t have a link to it)
2. @sahmfanficbts: There’s no fic mentioned here because I recommend Sam’s entire masterlist. She’s one of my all time favourite authors in the fandom and I have read and will read every single BTS fic she ever posts. Every fic is so immersive and every character is so deeply developed that they just stay with me and I find myself thinking about them at random times. Just beautiful, fantastic writing.
3. The Rich Man’s Crochet Club series by @kpopfanfictrash: Funny, quippy dialogue is my absolute favourite thing and this series has some of the best combination of humour and heart. Shanna’s works are pretty popular so you may have already checked this one out but I’m gonna recommend it anyway. (I remember coming on anon to gush about it because I was shy af, but I absolutely loved it, Shanna :))
4. Four Seven Eight by @jiminrings: This is the one I’ve read most recently and I’ve had it in my drafts since then so that I don’t forget to write a review because it deserves a great one. So here’s my apology to Hannah for taking so long to do it 🤓 but this is an amazing series, full of angst and hope and has my recommendation for sure.
5. For The Crown by @chimknj: I don’t read mxm fics, particularly mxm smut, but there was no way on earth I was going to pass on this one. Gina and I share an obsession with A Song of Ice and Fire (and I mean OBSESSION - we talk about it 24x7) and the premise of this fic was so compelling and so exciting to discuss that the only thing better than that was actually reading it. The way Gina has written this - I was transported to Westeros instantly. Everything is subtle and nuanced and I found myself connecting with every single character (also Kingsguard!Namjoon was not something I knew I needed). Idk if she’s planning on writing future parts but if she is… fuck, I’m so excited I can’t even talk about it.
6. A Silent Heart Still Beats by @akinnie75: This is another fic I have in my drafts because its review deserves my entire attention. It deals with some difficult topics but is so sad yet hopeful. The OC is such a beautiful character inside and out and this doesn’t usually happen to me with fics, but she actually changed my life and taught me how to rise above, be compassionate and forgive. I won’t give away anymore but this is just a gorgeous, gorgeous fic.
7. Just Practice by @lamourche: I can’t BELIEVE I’ve finally found this fic again!!! I read it once and then lost it (now I realise it’s because the author has seemingly removed their masterlist) but I’d commented on it from my main blog. It is one of my favourite fics of all time: it reads like a college indie movie or like a Sally Rooney novel. I was crying at the end but I couldn’t even put my finger on what it was which just meant that it was the entire vibe of the story rather than a specific scene. It breaks my heart that I’ll never get to read this again but the author has all my appreciation and gratitude for writing it.
These are some recs off the top of my head that have stayed with me and I’ll probably add to this if I think of more. A huge thank you to all these authors for their wonderful work - and thanks to you too, anon, for the question. It felt great to go back to old fics and give a shout out to such talented writers <3
Okay, but like reader noticing Niragi's bad eye sight and being like "Niragi, please put on the glasses!" and he just goes 'No! they'd ruin my look!" lmfao (also my phone is in another room and I'm too lazy to go get it to message you about this lmao)
LMFAO Gi please!! 😭😭 This it the funniest thing ever, cause I can totally imagine him pulling some shit like this. And is a hard thing to do, having the eyesight of a mole, so kudos to him ig.
— PAIRING; Jimin x Namjoon | — GENRE; fluff | — DISCLAIMER; mentioning of blood— Wordcount; 2,4k | — written with @cassiavioletblue
Jimin carefully smoothed down his new cheerleading uniform. He was very glad that they accepted him immediately after he did one of his old routines. They also didn’t have as much male cheerleaders as they had at his old school, so they were really happy to get him. And yet he would have to get used to the new uniform. It was bright red and white and the shirt he was wearing was a little tight. Maybe he should get a size bigger, just to be sure.
As he had been looking down on his shirt he almost ran right into one of the basketball players and he could only snap his head up in time before they would have collided.
“Oi, watch it, pretty one!” The basketballer took a hold of his arm and Jimin’s other hand came up automatically, landing on the guys muscular chest. “Wait - I don’t know you!” Exclaimed the guy, as if it was a personal affront to him that he had run into a cheerleader he’s never seen before.
“I am so very sorry, too.” Jimin exclaimed and raised an eyebrow as he looked up the player. Men in sports were always a dangerous species for Jimin. Most of them were too arrogant and for a moment he thought nothing much of the one he stumbled into. That was until their eyes met. His heart stopped for a second, when he opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t utter any words. He had expected anything, but not this level of handsomeness. Jimin had seen a few players before practice and none of them had peaked his interest slightly, but this one. This one… He prayed to whatever deity there was that the man in front of him wasn’t dumb or arrogant, as he crossed his fingers behind his back.
“Who said I was sorry?” Namjoon chuckled. “Who knows when I would have gotten to know you if you didn’t ran into me just now. I’m Namjoon.” He held out his hand which was a little difficult because they were still a little too close together for that “And you are?”
Jimin ignored the little teasing for the fact that he had gotten to know the other’s name so fast and stepped away to shake his hand. “I’m…” He was about to tell Namjoon who he was, when someone jogged beside the taller player, making Jimin let his hand fall. “He, Joon…we’ve got to warm up!” He eyed Jimin from the side, gave him a friendly smile before pulling Namjoon along with him on the field. The other player was much smaller than him, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he jogged back and Jimin squinted his eyes to see the name written on his back.
Namjoon turned as best as he could in Yoongi’s hold, “Bye then, mysterious nameless beauty! I hope we meet again soon?” He tried to make a little bow as if they were in a Shakespearean play but it almost made him stumble into the next bench. He was positive that he would see Jimin soon, definitely at their next game because all the cheerleaders would be there. And he couldn’t wait for it.
Jimin startled, when Namjoon had so bluntly called him ‘beauty’ blushing furiously on the spot and then the boy had the audacity to be so cute and stumble into the bench. Jimin was gone. Cute? Handsome? Clumsy? A little bit of arrogance, but he’d be fine with that. It was kind of hot sometimes. He shook his head at himself, not understanding what has gotten into him as he’d thrown his morals right overboard the moment a handsome man stumbled into his life. Literally. Jimin turned around fast, trying to calm his rapid beating heart and his cheeks from turning even redder as he pressed the back of his hand on his skin, trying to cool it down. He needed to concentrate; he had a lot of training to do to get the choreography right as fast as possible. It would definitely keep his mind off things, Jimin reassured himself.
But it didn’t.
The encounter with the handsome basketball player was stuck on his mind 24/7. Somehow he had found out that he was close friends with the captain, Yoongi. They were always around one another, not even parting ways in the library where Namjoon was mostly studying while the other was asleep. Jimin had tried to be subtle to find out a few things and yet, no one seemed to really know who Namjoon was. Which was making it even harder, for the other’s not to get suspicious of his sudden interest in the tall basketball player. Apparently he didn’t liked parties, was definitely single and didn’t sleep around. And yet, he had lots of confidence, had amazing grades, was doing speeches and enrolling for student counselor the third time in a row. He was everything but arrogant, Jimin had to give him that and his heart only jumped higher. He didn’t go out for fun, but rather stayed inside with his group of friends. And it only intrigued him more.
He was just gone for the clumsy man with the broad chest. And yet, their days seemed to be so different from one another that whenever Namjoon waved him from afar, it was Jimin who got pulled aside and away from him. Training kept him busy and whenever he was done, perfecting the steps it was already dark outside and it was only him left in the gym.
He really wanted to tell him his name.
“Jimin, are you ready?” The voice shook him out of his daydreams and Jimin quickly nodded in a sign that he was and rolled his shoulders back. The game was about to start, and he needed to nail this. Jimin had only a week of perfecting all the choreographies and he wanted to show that he’d do it with absolute ease. But he was nervous. There were many people watching, as it was an important game and for an entirely different reason: Namjoon was on the field and would see him too. Maybe he would get the chance tonight, after the game was over and he could finally tell him his name.
Before the game they always talked about their game plan and then hyped each other up and Namjoon enjoyed it alone. He loved being part of a group that held so closely together, almost like a little family. When he stepped onto the field he was perfectly ready and concentrated - or so he thought. Because when he glanced over to the cheerleaders there was Jimin, stretching his body. He had found out the other’s name pretty quickly, being popular as a basketball player had his advantages and he couldn’t wait to let that beautiful name roll off his tongue when they spoke next time.
Jimin could feel his eyes on him. He just knew that he was watching. It was like fire burning on his back and so he leaned over, making sure to give him a great view before he came up slowly again.
When the music began to play, the dance team was cheering as they ran onto the field to give the audience a great welcome and hype everyone up. Jimin was fully in his element, smiling and showing off his flexibility while he was dancing. Nothing else mattered in this moment when he was dancing and Jimin was living it his all, ending the dance with him pulling up his shirt and a wink towards the audience.
Namjoon’s mouth went dry when Jimin showed off like that and suddenly it was hard to swallow. The younger was lean but when he pulled up his shirt a little Namjoon could see how defined he was. He must be really into this sport or really careful what he put in his body. Immediately his thoughts wandered off, contemplating what else Jimin would ‘put in his body’. He wasn’t quite sure yet if the other was interested in boys, but he really really hoped that he hadn’t misinterpreted the others looks last time they spoke and that Jimin really had been flirting and hadn’t just been really friendly towards him.
“C’mon focus, Joon. You can drool over the new kid whenever we won this game.” Yoongi pushed him onto the field, knowing it would shake Namjoon out of his thoughts as he stumbled after him.
It was an important game and a make it or break it situation. But they were good; and the other team stood absolutely no chance. They were up by a few points, playing them perfectly and yet, Namjoon couldn’t help but let his attention slip over to the young man a bunch of a times as he jumped and cheered for his team. It made him eager to be even better and to show off. And Jimin liked it. He was biting his lip, when he noticed the glances, his heart beating with excitement.
When the final minute hit the clock, the audience was on their feet, screaming and drumming their feet to motivate the teams. Jimin and his team were doing a little routine on the side, making sure to keep the audience as energetic as it was right now.
That routine included Jimin doing the splits at one point and Namjoon, who was sneaking glances every now and then when he thought that no one saw was totally transfixed. how could someone be so flexible? And where exactly did he put everything when he was sitting with his legs out like….
He heard the yelling of his teammates too late, but just in time to turn his head a little so the ball hit him full in the face. Luckily (for his pride) he didn’t fall but he stumbled, and he could feel immediately that his nose had started bleeding.
“Fuck!” The curse only made it worse because now he had also blood in his mouth. He was glad when the game was stopped, and someone helped him to the sideline even though his cheeks were flaming hot from embarrassment. His team would never let him live this down. And even though his nose wasn’t broken it still hurt a lot. “Can someone please help our hero here so that he doesn’t bleed all over his shirt?”
“Oh my god,” Jimin could hear the girls around him screaming in utter shock, when he saw Yoongi passing the ball to his teammate who wasn’t looking at all. He had whipped around and he was up on his feet in a matter of seconds, when he saw who had been hurt. He didn’t care as he pushed away someone to get closer. “Get me some fucking ice,” Jimin called out pointing at the waterboy as he hovered over Namjoon, taking a tissue that someone held out for him. “Are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you feel like it’s broken?” Without thinking about it, Jimin soothed over Namjoon’s hair and cupped his cheeks. “Here, just try and breathe, okay? The med staff will be here in a second. How did that even happen?” Jimin couldn’t help but chuckle, making sure that Namjoon was keeping his shirt blood-free as best as he could.
Namjoon blinked.
That wasn’t how he had expected their next little chat to be. He had tried to impress the other - who must now think he was a total doofus. “No, it’s not broken. I’m.. I’m fine. I was just… distracted.”
‘By you’ was what he quickly swallowed down.
“Boys, can you please get in the medic room? Here’s some ice, don’t mind if it smells a little like soda, it’s the best I could find in a hurry.” Their teacher gave them smile that wasn’t quite right and Namjoon understood. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ll get myself cleaned up and then I can come right back.”
“Yeah sure.” Jimin rolled his eyes but was happy when the medics took over and helped Namjoon backstage and into the medic room to do a quick check up. Jimin didn’t leave his side, keeping in the back as they took care of his nose, making sure it wasn’t broken. “All good,” They nodded towards the athlete and then at Jimin, before leaving again.
“Here, drink a little. Don’t worry about the game, Namjoon. You’ve already won. They can’t get enough points to beat you anyways. It’s just a few minutes left. I’ll stay here with you if you want and keep you company. They can do the last choreography without me.” He held out a bottle of water for Namjoon to take, before pointing at his shirt. “Do you want me to try and get the blood out?”
“Oh, uhm, yes, that.. would be nice.” He swiftly slipped out of his shirt, holding ti awkwardly in his hands. “You don’t.. have to do this you know. I mean, I’m glad you’re here but.. I don’t want you to miss your dance. I don’t think any of the other boys can do the split like you.”
Jimin hadn’t thought much ahead but wanting to help Namjoon somehow when it dawned on him the minute he pulled his shirt over his head that he would need to be shirtless for him to clean out the blood. He stood there frozen, eyes glued on Namjoon’s abs for awfully long seconds, before finally snapping out of it.
“D-don’t worry,” His eyes flickered down again as he grabbed the shirt and put it aside, before grabbing a tissue and wetting it with lukewarm water. There was still blood smeared on his face although the bleeding had stopped. “Sit down, please.” Jimin said softly as he stepped in between Namjoon’s legs (trying not to think about that fact) and carefully dabbed at his skin. “So…you saw my split?” Jimin raised an eyebrow at Namjoon (before his eyes flickered down to his chest again – seriously, how the fuck does someone have such a sculpted chest? It wasn’t fair. It. Was. Just. Not. fair.).
“Yeah, it’s.. I mean.. if I’m honest it was the reason why the ball hit me. You can be pretty distracting.” He chuckled when the other’s eyes widened. “And I really, really hope I don’t make more of a fool of myself right now but if the way you just looked at me indicates anything then… you might be interested as well? So if that’s settled how about we go out and check if there’s more than just physical attraction between us. You know with you being new I could show you the hot spots - or the places no one else goes to so that we have some privacy. Your choice. If… you want to, that is.” He awkwardly avoided to smile at him because he was pretty sure there was still blood in this teeth.
“You’re pretty forward, huh?” Jimin giggled, feeling his cheeks blush under the attention. But he liked it too much already to say no. “If you can guess my name, then I’ll be yours.” He leaned in a little to tease Namjoon, wiping over his cheek with the tissue to get rid of the last bit of blood.
“Oh, no, I’m just thinking about my team - and myself. I’m pretty sure Yoongi will murder me if I let myself get distracted like that by a pretty cheerleader again. So, you’re doing a good deed and preventing murder you see?” He joked, making Jimin raise his eyebrow at him, wondering if his head had gotten any injury as well. Happiness flared up inside of him that felt even better than winning his game. “Oh, that’s a difficult one!” Namjoon grinned, wondering if Jimin had an idea that he had found out his name already or if he would really let him guess.
“But fate is in my favor today I guess, or maybe it’s the god of basketball who is pleased by the bloody tribute I just offered him, because there’s a tiny little voice who tells me that there’s only one name you could be called…” He waited a little too up the tension and could see Jimin holding his breath.
“I’m glad I got hit by that ball, today, because it means we’ll go on a date now, Jimin.”
It makes him want to crawl right out of his own skin, sweat beading on his forehead immediately after he wipes it off with the back of his hand. He took off his jacket as soon as he was seated and only asked for a glass of water when a considerable amount of time had passed.
Now his date is an hour late and Namjoon feels like crying.
He bites his lip and pulls his phone out, deciding that he’s going to tell Yoongi what happened since it was his brilliant plan to set Namjoon up on a blind date for Valentine’s Day after all. Namjoon, of course, didn’t want to open himself up to the opportunity of seeing someone new when Yoongi first brought it up but then he saw Seokjin posting on his snapchat about plans with his new boyfriend and Namjoon called up Yoongi before he knew what he was doing.
Yoongi responds to his message almost immediately, cursing out his friend with a lot of expletives and angry red emojis Namjoon can’t help but chuckle at. At least Yoongi won’t try convincing him blind dates are a good idea again.
Namjoon regrets agreeing to the date now, but he doesn’t start hating himself for it until Seokjin of all people walks through the restaurant door with his boyfriend, Jeongguk, in tow. Namjoon hunches into himself, holding the menu up over his face to hide, hoping that Seokjin won’t notice him. His hair is blonde now after all and he’s wearing a new shirt that Seokjin has never seen before. Seokjin definitely shouldn’t recognize him.
Of course, Seokjin does and before he knows it, Namjoon is forced to smile up at his ex who he sometimes still misses in the middle of the night and pretend like everything is absolutely fine.
“Hey, Namjoon!” Seokjin grins. “You on a date right now?”
Namjoon nods before he can stop himself and hides a wince as Seokjin’s smile grows. “That’s awesome! I’m happy you’re putting yourself out there, Joon-ah.”
“Ah, yeah. Me too,” Namjoon murmurs, mentally berating himself for his choice of words. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Order pick-up,” Seokjin replies as he shoves Jeongguk towards the counter. “Go get our food, brat!”
“Hyung, you promised you were going to pay,” Jeongguk whines in return but goes willingly up to the counter anyway.
Seokjin shakes his head at him as he leaves, turning back to Namjoon with a bright smile. “He’s such a baby.”
Namjoon nods, hoping his smile is kind enough to not be interpreted the wrong way. “The babiest.”
“So, where’s your date?” Seokjin asks.
“He’s running late,” Namjoon bites out, unable to hide the frown on his face as he looks down at his phone again. “I’m sure he’ll show up soon.”
Just as Seokjin is opening his mouth to reply, his smile fading as the seconds tick by, the pink-haired waiter that had kept hovering around Namjoon’s table pulls out the seat across from Namjoon and sits down with a smile on his face. He no longer has an apron on but still wears the all-black outfit he had underneath the apron with silver jewelry now adorning his neck and ears. Namjoon is too surprised to react until the waiter opens his mouth.
“Namjoon! I’m so, so sorry I’m late. My shift was supposed to end an hour ago but then a rush came in and I had to stay a bit longer and then I got caught in traffic, but I’m here now. You didn’t wait long, right?” the waiter rushes through his explanation, the lie spilling perfectly from his plush lips.
Namjoon blinks, only spurred into action when the waiter clears his throat and stares pointedly at him, his head tilted subtly in Seokjin’s direction. “Oh! Hi, I didn’t wait long, no. It’s fine.”
The waiter smiles brightly at him, his eyes curving upwards to smile with him and Namjoon is instantly entranced.
“Guess he didn’t take long after all,” Seokjin pipes up then, his grin from before spread across his face again. “I’ll be going now then, Joon-ah, but it was nice seeing you again. Happy Valentine’s Day to you both.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Namjoon says back, waving as Seokjin turns to join Jeongguk at the counter before he fixes his gaze back on the waiter. “Thank you.”
The waiter shrugs. “Your ex, right? You had that look on your face.”
Namjoon nods, taking a sip from his glass of water before he responds. “Yeah. We broke up months ago and he’s already seeing someone else ー one of our mutual friends, actually. I didn’t expect to see him here.”
“I could tell,” the waiter says with a nod. “Your date stood you up?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon confirms quietly, eyes downcast. “I didn’t want to go on this date in the first place but being alone on Valentine’s Day didn’t really seem like a good idea. You didn’t have to do this but thank you.”
The waiter only smiles though, leaning back and getting comfortable in his chair. “It’s not a problem really. My name’s Jimin. Yours is Namjoon, right?”
He nods, eyes fixed on the menu lying flat in front of him. “Is there any way I could repay you?”
Jimin picks up the other menu and flips through it, nonchalant as he says, “Sure. You could let this be a real date between us if you’d like. My shift just ended and I’m hungry.”
Namjoon blinks up at him in surprise, feeling his face flush when Jimin looks up from the menu to smile at him. “That’d be fine with me.”
I'm Shining Moonchild and I'm here to show my identity to @chimknj as her own Secret Bunny!!! (😉)
Here is what I've been working on for you!! It's not much, but I hope you like it!! I always draw landscapes and buildings and this is one of the few people I've ever drawn, but I couldn't pass the opportunity to give you Namjoon in some kind of way, so here he is!!
— GENRE; fluff, light angst | — PAIRING; Jimin x Namjoon | — DISCLAIMER; mentioning of alcohol | — Wordcount; 4,8k | — written with @cassiavioletblue
He was in love with him. For some reason, he had wormed his way into his heart and mind and Jimin just realized how close he was to losing his soul completely. But it wasn’t like he wanted it to stop, nor that he was able to control it anymore; he loved the feeling of falling. And Jimin found himself getting pulled towards him again and again, as if his heart couldn’t beat without being close to him anymore. Jimin never felt like this before, always keeping his distance, too scared to get hurt - but somehow, this was different. What had started out as something rational and physical, had slowly turned into more.
At least for him.
The rules were clear though. It was his fault after all; he made up the stupid rules. No sleepovers, just sex and physical attraction. Nothing more. But his rules had unraveled slowly and his need to be in his arms was so much stronger than he could will it away. The fateful night, when Jimin had stood in front of his door, crying his eyes out because he had failed a class not knowing where to turn to he knew he was done for. They didn’t even had sex. He was just holding him tight, kissing his neck and cheek and telling him that he would be okay. And he felt okay.
Everything felt better when he held him.
Jimin had kept his eyes on him all night, watching him flirt and drink with his friends while he kept his distance, when in reality all he wanted was to go over and plant himself on his lap. He hated it to pretend to not know Namjoon too well, when almost everyone knew by now. Not necessarily that they were a couple, but that they had sex. More than once. And Jimin was tired of trying to convince people that there was nothing between them, when his heart was yearning for the handsome man. But someone like Namjoon, wasn’t really interested in someone like him, right? He was smart, while Jimin was only good at one thing and Namjoon was kind, while Jimin rather kept by himself. Namjoon had never given him a sign that he wanted more than what Jimin offered him, so naturally Jimin kept his feelings bottled up. He didn’t want to ruin what they had, when it meant so much to him. Jimin straightened up, when he saw him moving, walking over to him, his heart skipped a beat. Jimin reached out the moment he was close enough and let a hand delicately brush over his shirt.
“Want to take me home?”
Namjoon had watched him most of the night throughout the party. He had tried not to but it was a habit he couldn’t break; watching Jimin, wondering how he was, thinking about their nights together. It was obvious that Jimin wasn’t feeling well, at least to him. To everyone else Jimin’s smiles might be convincing. To be honest, the way he was telling jokes or was being his flirty self while participating in all of the drinking games would have fooled him as well about a year ago. Not anymore though. He knew him too well by now. He saw the crease in his brow and the way the corner of his mouth was turned down whenever he thought no one was looking. He saw the way Jimin drank too quickly, too hastily for it to be purely out of pleasure. And he knew the expression in the youngers eyes that wasn’t quite hidden between Jimin’s half smiles and charades. Jimin was sad or stressed or both. And so when the other asked him to take him home it didn’t came as a surprise and Namjoon was relieved that it was Jimin reaching out because he still wasn’t sure how much he was allowed to push the other. As an answer, he placed his glass aside and quietly reached out for Jimin’s hand, casually intertwining their fingers.
Saying no to him wasn’t an option.
Jimin let himself get pulled along, trusting Namjoon to bring him home and making sure he’d forget everything but his name.
It was the moment they reached his home, in the elevators when Jimin couldn’t hold it back anymore and no one else was around to see more than just their hand holding. He couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t quit kissing him as he wrapped his arms around him.
Namjoon was stumbling out of the elevator, trying to fish for his keys while his lips never left Jimin’s. They only parted for a few seconds, but Jimin’s hands were already unbuttoning his shirt. A few more steps until they were falling onto Namjoon’s bed. Jimin landed on top of him with a giggle, bodies still joined as he had his arms tightly wrapped around his waist.
Namjoon was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, his lips full and ready to be devoured, his lashes fanning against his skin. He was just so god damn hot. And the heat in his eyes caught him, driving the breath from his lungs in a rush. No man had ever looked at him like this – raw, sexual need mixed with something that he couldn’t figure. An aching sadness swelled inside his chest. If now was all he had, he would take it.
He wanted Jimin so badly, in this moment and every time the younger let him have his body. Namjoon had thought that the heat would fade, that the fire might simmer down and die out after he’s had Jimin in his bed for a few times and satiated his hunger but it only grew every time they were with each other.
He couldn’t get enough of Jimin.
He had mapped every inch of his skin with his lips, had touched him everywhere, kissed Jimin so often that he felt the feeling must be stored in his brain forever but the second they broke their kiss he needed to feel it again and again. He felt like he was starving and Jimin was the only thing able to satisfy his hunger. Luckily he was allowed to show the other how much he wanted him because ‘lust’ was what they had agreed on. Sex and carnal desire, nothing more. Too bad that he’s always had difficulties to stick to stupid rules.
“You’re mine now.”
The rare rough honesty of his words shook Jimin; if the words would be coming from any other man he would have been turned off, not now – not with him. Namjoon made him feel vulnerable, letting him have him in ways he’d never imagined. He had to breathe, trying to concentrate back on the physical only. Sex with mind numbing orgasms was the only thing they had in common and he’d better get that stupid idea out of his head. So, he let go, letting himself fall again.
The climax washed over Jimin in an explosion of feeling that had him screaming his name and sinking his nails into his shoulders. He rode it out, Namjoon’s sweet release filling him up and Jimin smiled. This right here was what he wanted to feel forever, the blissful connection with him.
And only him.
Jimin fell against him in tired exhaustion, lips softly leaving kisses along Namjoon’s shoulder as he tried to catch his breath. Again. Back to the physical. Jimin closed his eyes, his rough hands moving down his back and Jimin could no longer deny how right this felt. Normally, Jimin was quick to make a joke or talk about something that would distract them from how intimate this were. Namjoon knew people who were sticking to the ‘friends with benefits’ thing as well and when he had talked to them they had reacted surprised that Jimin and him even kissed. He was glad they did because… he couldn’t just have sex without any feelings. He had thought he could keep his heart out of the game for a while and even that had turned out to be a lie. But sleeping with Jimin and not kissing him or touching him was impossible. So he took what he could get, staying with Jimin afterwards for as long as the other would let him while never directly suggesting anything further. Jimin was calling the shots in this. Because if it would have been up to Namjoon he would have asked Jimin a long, long time ago to be with him for real. he wouldn’t thought. He’d never betray Jimin’s trust like that. Jimin had asked for this to be a clear and easy thing with no feelings involved and even though he hadn’t been able to fulfill the second part of his promise he would keep it nice and simple. He would be what Jimin needed for as long as he needed it. Nothing more. Because he rather was able to take part in Jimin’s life as a distraction, some way of amusement than never being able to kiss him again.
Jimin felt like crying, his heart was aching from all the emotions he felt and tried to cover up when right now and right here it was so hard to pull away. His fingertips soothed over the back of Namjoon’s neck, as he kept in his hold and even though he was getting cold and was starting to ache.
“Can I stay for the night?” Jimin’s voice was barely a whisper, his heart beating into overdrive. He had long thrown the rule overboard not to stay over with Namjoon. He had always done it before, never felt the need to stay with anyone longer.
But it always came back to him. With him it was different.
“I…I don’t think…I can…walk h-home.” Jimin quickly tried to come up with something rational. “I’m too drunk and…tired.” It was just a mumble, as he closed his eyes, hoping that Namjoon would let him stay one more night.
“Sure.“ Namjoon made sure that it didn’t sound the way it made him feel: a little weak, a little hopeful and a whole lot of pure bliss that he knew would stay for as long as Jimin would be in his arms. “Will you let me clean you up before we sleep? You’ll thank me in the morning when you won’t wake up sticky and dirty but clean and fresh.” He chuckled, tracing over Jimin’s hip where their heated encounter had left their marks - and lower, where there was still his cum between Jimin’s thick thighs. It was a shame really, to wipe it off but he loved the few occasions where Jimin let him clean his skin in the shower and how domestic it felt to sleep under the covers together, in a clean, warm bed with changed sheets and damp hair.
It somehow had turned into a routine, whenever Jimin let him and tonight he did. He trusted Namjoon fully to take him into the bath, while he barely could keep his eyes open, leaning against his chest tiredly. His hands on his body felt too good, like the sweetest massage after a rough night of sex. It was perfect.
Namjoon was perfect.
“Thank you,” Jimin fell into the bed, the second Namjoon was done with change of sheets, leaving his clothes behind and simply enjoying the feel of the softness against his skin. “Don’t make me wait,” Jimin pursed his lips into a pout as he reached out for Namjoon, not caring about how whiny he was sounding right now. Sometimes he couldn’t help but let the wall around him fall for a few moments and he was tired, needy and aching to be with Namjoon.
“I’d never.” The fond smile stole its way on Namjoon’s face all on its own and he was glad that Jimin was too sleepy too catch up on it. It was getting harder to pretend there was nothing but the physical between them after a hot shower and lazy kisses and his hands soothing over Jimin’s wet skin. The younger had leaned his head against his shoulder, trusting and so soft and all Namjoon had wanted to do was to hold him and never let him go. His chest ached from how difficult t was right now to swallow down all the ‘I love you’s’ that wanted to spill out when Jimin was with him like this but he made sure to keep his lips sealed. Jimin should feel safe with him. he wouldn’t push his one sided love on the other just to make himself feel better. Carefully, he slipped into bed with the other, his arm sneaking around Jimin’s small waist. A quiet sigh escaped him when Jimin melted against him as if they were lovers and Namoon allowed to hold him throughout the night.
“You’re wonderful,” Jimin mumbled sleepily, hiding in the crook of Namjoon’s chest, where he could perfectly curl into his hold. He was so vulnerable and if he wasn’t careful, Jimin knew he would slip but he could never survive his heart breaking. And yet, sometimes he couldn’t stop the words that were out before he could take them back. Not in moments like these, where he felt so safe and secure. “Youre sculpted by the gods, I’m pretty sure of that.” Jimin slurred tiredly, yawning in the process before letting sleep just take over him completely .
Namjoon chuckled. They compliments were bittersweet because as much as he was glad about Jimin liking his body his heart was aching for something else. “I’m glad they sculpted something you enjoy.” He answered, placing a little kiss on Jimin’s forehead because the other looked so sleepy that he was sure he would let this little weakness slide. He was so scared of the moment when Jimin would fall in love with someone, not with someone’s body but them as a whole and he would have to watch Jimin be in love the way he was longing for the younger himself. But until then he would try to be as happy as he could with what he could get. And sleeping by the younger’s side for one whole night was as close to perfection as it could get.
…
The next morning, Jimin woke up, when the sunlight was mocking him and he blinked his eyes open, trying to shield himself with a cushion. He realized only then that Namjoon was gone already. His heart ached painfully, drawing a gasp from him, Jimin sat up to look over to the night table. But there was no note. Sometimes, previous lovers left him a note telling him they went to the gym or to study and thanking him for the night. But there was nothing. Jimin got up from the bed, holding the blanket tightly around himself like a dress as he searched for his clothes, wondering where he had thrown him the night before, when the soft sounds of pots and pans reached him. He stilled, furrowing his brows in confusion.
Without thinking about it further, Jimin tapped out of the bedroom, blinking against the bright light, when he saw the breakfast table and freshly brewed coffee greeting him.
“H..hey. You’re awake?” It sounded more like a question and Namjoon swallowed hard against the nervousness that was starting to close up his throat. He had woken up early and after he had soaked up as much of Jimin’s warmth as he possibly could he had gotten up to get a glass of water… and then he had thought that he could make breakfast and that maybe Jimin would stay and eat some of it if he acted casually. However Jimin didn’t look happy but simply confused and he had his clothes in hand and some sheets wrapped around him as if he was ready to get dressed and go back to his own life and Namjoon felt like something was pulling the rug from under his feet. “Don’t mind me, I’m just keeping myself busy here because I couldn’t sleep any more. You don’t have to sit down and eat breakfast if you don’t want to I can make you some coffee or.. or you can make it yourself if you want to be… quick.” Casual. Non-committal was the aim, he reminded himself. He was totally acting cool.
“Y-you…you made breakfast…f-for me, too?” Jimin couldn’t believe his eyes. Namjoon had never made breakfast for them before. Sometimes they drank a coffee together, before parting again to go on and meet at night eventually. Jimin’s heart was beating hard against his chest, his hands began to shake as he tried to not show how close he was to crying. This was all he wished for but could never have. He wasn’t made for this. Namjoon was too good for him. People like Namjoon, didn’t care about making breakfast for people like him? Right?
Jimin’s world seemed to spin and he felt dizzy.
The tears in his eyes blurred out the scene in front of him and he let go off the pile of clothes, to hold on tighter to the blanket, scared that it would slip. “I…I…” The words got stuck in his lungs and Jimin tried to breathe, “W-why are you d-doing this?” He was shaking when his eyes fell onto the little candle that Namjoon had lit and Jimin wanted to scream about how unfair this was, how perfect he was and how fucked up this all was because he was god damn delusional to think he could want him. He couldn’t hold this back anymore. Not like this.
“I…can’t d-do it anymore.” Jimin blinked up at him, a tear flowing down his cheek, “Not like this.”
Namjoon paled. Of course, he had known he should be careful. And now he had done and ruined it because he couldn’t get enough, he always wanted more, more of Jimin, more of the other’s affection. It wasn’t meant for him, not like that. And now he would lose Jimin, all of it because he couldn’t contain his emotions, greedily grasping for more than Jimin was able to give. Strangely what hurt even more was seeing the tear that rolled down Jimin’s cheek and with horror he wondered who Jimin would turn to if he couldn’t come to Namjoon any longer and if he would feel as lonely and lost as he looked whenever he asked Namjoon to take him home in that quiet voice of his that he got when he needed someone to hold him.
“I’m.. I’m sorry, Jimin. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t .. think..” He didn’t. he hadn’t thought about Jimin, about what the other would do if he felt like he was all alone again. He had only thought about himself. Quickly he pushed the pan into the sink with the scrambled egg and breakfast still inside, as if he could make it disappear. “We can pretend I didn’t.. fuck up. Yeah?” He didn’t dare to look at Jimin. He was caught in a nightmare and didn’t know how to break out.
“No, I can’t.” Jimin’s hands were gripping the fabric of the bedsheet tight, wishing now that he had put on his clothes before, because he felt more than naked right now and so god damn vulnerable. But he couldn’t do this anymore. Not with Namjoon being so caring. His heart was already too deep and breaking into pieces. “I fucked up.” He meant it, “It’s…m-my fault.” Jimin chuckled at himself pathetically, blinking up at Namjoon. “Why are you wasting your time for me? I…I know this is just you being so sweet…gosh, you’re always so god damn sweet.” Jimin didn’t know how to explain this, his heart was drumming against his chest and his mind was screaming at him to keep shut. But he wouldn’t be able to. Jimin had known he would break eventually.
“They kept asking me about us. About if we’re dating and I’m tired…I don’t want to tell them lies anymore. I don’t want to come up with shit and watch you flirt with that stupid other guy, who would be so much better for you than I could ever be.” Jimin just blurted it out, everything that was confining his heart right now - he couldn’t hold back. “It hurts so much and…you’re always there for me. It always hurts so god damn much to know I can’t be with you. Because I wouldn’t be what you need. I am so sorry, Namjoon.” Jimin tried to see through the tears, gulping down the lump in his throat. “I broke the rules. I fucked up, because…b-because I want you more than just…that. I think I fell in love with you. I can’t pretend anymore.” He paused, eyes wide when he realized how much he had spilled. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have…” He wasn’t so sure, what he was referring to. Maybe he shouldn’t have stayed that one night, or came over whenever he needed the comfort or wanted to stay again and again and be with him. He shouldn’t have been so greedy.
“You…wait,… what??” Namjoon was stunned into silence. If his tender and stupidly soft heart wasn’t making him hear things then Jimin wasn’t telling him that Namjoon had overstepped their boundaries and made him feel like it was too much. It sounded.. It actually sounded as if Jimin had realized how affectionate he was and had started to enjoy it! His heart flattered in his chest like a tiny winged hopeful thing and Namjoon gasped in shock when the word “love” left Jimin’s lips.
“Do you…do you mean it?” He just had to be sure, he needed Jimin to tell him that this was real, that the other wasn’t just telling him what he thought he needed to hear before letting him down gently with some excuse of how ‘no matter their feelings they wouldn’t work out and therefore shouldn’t try’. Jimin wasn’t cruel, quite the opposite so maybe this was the youngers warped version of letting him down gently? Because if it wasn’t then… Namjoon didn’t even dared to finish his thought, instead he clutched the counter more tightly, staying where he was.
Jimin casted down his eyes to his bare feet, not able to stand his gaze, feeling too ashamed. “I know it’s just who you are…you’re always so kind…to everyone,” Jimin whispered, raking his hand through his hair in a desperate manner, “And it’s me who made up these stupid rules and I thought it would be nothing more than all the other before. But I was wrong and I tried to deny it but I just want to be with you. And I know it’s not what we agreed on,…not really what you want. And it’s fine, really. Don’t worry about me, please. You don’t have to say anything! It’s my fault anyways!” He gulped heavily, his cheeks flaming from embarrassment. “But I don’t think I can keep doing this and keep my feelings out of this anymore. I’m sorry.”
It stung a little to hear Jimin talking about ‘all the other’ but he would listen to his little speech over and over again if he could, just to hear Jimin confirm that he had feelings for him. It felt like he had held his breath for days and was finally able to breathe again, a heavy weight lifted from his soul. He left his attempts at breakfast where they were and hurried over to Jimin to give him a tight, heartfelt hug. “You don’t have to, Minnie. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner but I was so scared of pushing too far and losing you because of it. So I clung to what we discussed, thinking it was what you wanted.” Gently he took the others sad, tear stained face into his hands, kissing the boy’s salty cheeks. “I’m way past feeling like this is enough for me. I love you, Minnie, have been in love with you for a while. And if you want to, if you really want to be with me, then you can tell everyone we’re exclusive from now on. Cause… you…you would be, right? You don’t want an open relationship? Because as much as I want to be with you and love you openly I don’t think I could take you being with others as well.”
“W-what?” Jimin felt absolutely overwhelmed, feeling Namjoon’s kisses on his cheeks, his gentle touch but it took a while before the words finally hit him. “Y-you’re in love with me?” Jimin could feel his heart swell at the sound of his nickname, that only Namjoon called him and usually hated if anyone else would. The younger was just blinking at him, trying to comprehend what just happened. Namjoon loved him. Had loved him for a long time. How did he never notice? He had no answers to that, and maybe it didn’t matter right now, because he was holding him and if his words were true then Jimin was the happiest man alive right now. “You want to be…with me, too?” Jimin asked carefully again, almost letting go of the sheets while reaching out for Namjoon. “No rules? No friends with benefits? Y-you only want me?” He wiped over his cheek, laughing as he hid his face in Namjoon’s shirt. “Why didn’t you tell me.”
Jimin had been intrigued the moment Yoongi had brought Namjoon into their group of friends, wanting to know more about him and he noticed the physical attraction right away. Friends with benefits was something he always worked well with, no strings attached, just physical and Jimin always thought Namjoon wanted nothing more as well. No one ever wanted more from him. What did Jimin even have to offer except for his body? He’d never felt like he belonged anywhere, because he was always too much. A little too whiny, a little too needy. But sex with no strings attached worked well. He could be needy, without demanding too much. And Namjoon, he was too good for him anyways. Nowhere in his mind, did he even think about the possibility of Namjoon loving him. Maybe he did. In the beginning, but somewhere along the way it had turned into more. Wrapping his arm around Namjoon, Jimin held onto him a little tighter, “Of course I only want you, I never wanted anyone else but you.” He looked up, sniffling cutely, “I just thought you wouldn’t be interested in me…like that.”
“Yes, I want you. I wanted you from the start but you were so quick with those rules and boundaries that I would have never told you how much I wanted to properly date you and be cheesy and romantic with you and take you out to dinner, preferably in front of everyone else so that they would know that you belong to me.” Namjoon had held his wishes and hopes inside for so long that now that he could open up they were spilling right out unfiltered. He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “So, what you’re saying is basically that you wanted to date me and I wanted to get to know you in return but you thought I wouldn’t like you that way so you came up with those rules - which had me thinking that sex was all you wanted. And all this time we could have been annoyingly romantic with each other?” His smile grew a little softer as he gently wiped away the last remnants of the younger’s tears. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you, hm? That’s silly. You’re everything I could ever wish for.”
Jimin bit his lip as he shrugged his shoulders, “I’m too whiny and needy. I pout too much and always want to be closer and be held and…people think it’s too much. No one ever liked it, so I made up those rules. I cut myself from it.” He sighed, “But I wanted it all with you and you always kissed my pout and…I thought you would be annoyed of me after a while…just like everyone else.” He took in a deep, shaky breath, shivering when the blanket slipped a little further down and Jimin chuckled. “Maybe we have to make up for it all now? Be ten times as annoyingly romantic with each other?” Jimin reached up, wrapping his arms around Namjoon while the blanket just held up because he pressed himself so closely against him.
“Absolutely, we do!” Namjoon responded enthusiastically, taking Jimin around the waist and dipping him back dramatically as if they were in a movie, kissing the younger’s nose. “I’ll tell you a secret though…” He leaned in closer, whispering, as if they weren’t the only one in the kitchen. “There is absolutely no way you’ll ever annoy me with being yourself. Because I love you for who you are, all of you, from when you wake up in the morning and blink at me all sleepily until the end of the day when you slip under the covers and cling to me like a cuddly octopus. Including each and every pout and whine that might happen during the day. I love you fully, Jimin. And nothing you do could make me stop.”
