#chipostz

[thecornchipz]

cant stop imagining what it must be like to be in a supervoid.

where light never passes through but you can always feel the faint of it, Light, so delicate, so fragile it could just break. you never truly touch it- you cant,it isnt in your nature to feel that warmth, but when there is a light,dazzling and gleaming and dancing. you cant help but follow its movements, sing its song of love and warmth. it feels like home, it feels like life,like purpose,like hope- and you're enamored by it, this firework of possibilities, these sparks of adventure, these swimming colors that mix and weave into waves- into oceans of what could be. you could drown in it, this feeling, you'd never resurface. as quickly as it enters these empty fields you walk, like a fleeting shadow, like a momentary wish, you watch it shoot by you- that light, hopeful light, is gone. its off to where it actually belongs, where its true destination lies. and you stand there, for a long period of time. you dont know how long, frozen there in your lack of warmth, lack of anything. you've been here a long time. you dont know what you feel, you dont know if you can, its all so fuzzy. you lie down in these fields where light never passes through. you hold your chest and feel shards- they're old, theyve been there for a long time, vacant- cold and dim. Light, you reminisce, light so delicate- so fragile it could just break. you wonder if you'll ever feel it again, you wonder if it even matters. it never stays.

not that i would know ofc !!!!!!!!

[thecornchipz]

Swansongs

[thecornchipz]

WAKES UP IN A COLD SWEAT

one of these days im gonna make a fictional encyclopedia like those ology books, or faeries of the faultlines, or codex seraphinianus- but about shapeshifters. on everything i love i will.

[thecornchipz]

★★★★

An interactive 3D visualization of the stellar neighborhood, including over 100,000 nearby stars. Created for the Google Chrome web browser.

[thecornchipz]

rhrhrh *sound of chewing through bone*

RHRHRHRHRH RHRHRHRHRHRHRH RHRHRHRHRH

[thecornchipz]

[Entry #1]

i know it's my fault, as it often is- that i am the way i am.

i chose this. i chose survival, i chose to be free, i chose to do what i please, i chose to be the guardian.

the only cost is to share. maybe all the troubles i've endured would've been avoided if i was just a crumb more generous. maybe.

cramming the broken into one little body and expecting anything less than disaster is a bit of a stretch though.

it was MY body, it was mine. it was my love to give. those were my stories to share. those were my experiences to have.

but no. you just cant help yourselves, can you?

it's always you who seeks forgiveness in martyrdom. you who rips the wings from your own back to turn the feathers into quills, so you can write novels about how much you wish for freedom. "you will never be pure again" yet you feel its better for others to take from you til not even the maggots have anything left to feast on than to accept that there's care for you that you think isn't deserved. you'd have me dead before you accept forgiveness.

it's always you who never self disciplines. you who never stays satiated for too long cause all you know how to do is take and take and take. you who's so proud, so above everyone and everything else, it's all just your playground yeah? are you finally happy? do the ashes from all the bridges you've burned twinkle like freshly fallen snow? will you still have warmth when there's nothing else to cinder? will the echoes of your laughter keep you company in the deafening quiet?

it's always you who is needing. you who serves no purpose, but still you want for people, like some clingy dog, people to finally understand something like you. you who sees glorious sunlight and cant help but fly toward it, as if you're deserving, as if there's anything you can put your trust in besides yourself. as if there is any home left for you. i suppose nature will take its course on the hopeful.

it's always you who is distant. you who's in love with passion yet flee when it's pointed your way. you who is so disgusted by the idea of being wanted. is it fear? that after all this time, after the coldness from the abyss you damned yourself to took all the warmth from your heart, that there is now something new to lose? that there is now something that stirs those shriveling little feelings you swore you had stomped out? that it only takes a gentle touch for those walls to be laid to waste? for you to be so vulnerable? so weak? so easy? "not again" right? must be a trick? there's gotta be a catch, right? "nothing in life is freely given"? is the thought of finally feeling safe with another too gracious of a gift for someone like you? "Surely, surely." and yet another opportunity slips through your claws like the beach's sand. it's better this way, safer.

always this, always that..

you give too much of me away. you take too much for anyone to stay. you trust too much til i get hurt. you hurt too much for me to trust myself.

just for once, i just want to enjoy a life i never got to live. for once i want to wish for anything other than to be laid back in those forests roots. to wish for anything other than the peaceful decay i've denied myself, so that you all could have a chance at a life NONE of you seem to even care for.

gods. what could i have been if i didn't do it? could i have been lovable? tolerable at least? would i have loved creating instead of cursing everything i touch and make to dirt and soot? would there be a moment i look into a mirror and see someone i could be proud of? or recognize? could the warmth finally reach me?

i'd want it to, even if it burns. i'm so cold. i feel so fucking cold i feel nothing nothing always nothing there's nothing left cause you all keep fucking taking every little joy and every little sorrow from me-

just once i want to be seen as real. just once i want my personhood to be respected. just once i want to be something more than the empty doll that preforms. to be more than the mask you all toss when it's not needed. to be more than the shadow specter of this mosaic vessel.

i want to LIVE. i want my LIFE BACK GODFUCKING DAMN YOU-

[thecornchipz]

anywho

[thecornchipz]

*lays on floor*

yall ever think about sn 1054 and how we thought it was a guest star but it was actually just light from a supernova that took over 100 years to reach us and that if we were any closer to the blast radius we wouldve been taken out.

do yall ever think about what planets couldve been in the blast radius? do you think we couldve had neighboring planets with life? maybe unlikely but we wouldnt rlly know gang,cus it wouldve all been wiped out oTL and that is bumming me out !