#chokeonmyrage

[tinabubbiebella]

🔥🤘🏻🦊🤘🏻🔥 Happy Birthday to... #Aggretsuko #AggretsukoIsMySpiritAnimal #RageOn #ChokeOnMyRage #TomorrowIsANewDay #HBDAggretsuko (at Manteca, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHR9oLmHWn2awnhSSJmAkwaGZadUpiB7jzvE_40/?igshid=18euyeagrxe7o

[frankincenseisnotamonster]

The Idealist

Deets:

Today is the day we scream.

“Choke on my rage”! Thats one of the lines I have been thinking about a lot from this show that I am loving right now called, “Aggrestsuko”.  It’s basically a show about a sweet red panda dealing with her 9 to 5 and to cope she sings death metal at a karaoke bar after work! Without giving too much away the main crux of the show is Restsuko, the protagonist balancing her timidity with a need to be “metal til she dies”. Restsuko gets angry, but its not always okay to talk back to the boss, so she finds ways to release her frustration lol.

I feel, similar to Restsuko. I deal with a lot of unchecked rage and aggression for a lot of reasons: being treated unjustly, others being treated unjustly, CAPITALISM URRGGGHH, THE PATRIARCHY AHHHH, government stupidity and lack of efficiency, people not listening to you because you’re a woman, people not taking you seriously because your black. The list goes on.

In learning to play guitar I want to work with a particular anger that I experienced in the past. I believe my anger and frustration was due to “attention violence”. Reverend William Barber II, used this term to describe what happens when we have political discourse, but never mention a significant topic like, the poor for example.

My attention violence in the past was an attention I gave to superficial things like level of attractiveness  particularly for the male gaze. I gave attention to boys who didn’t want attention, attention to an idealized and unhealthy version of romance. I did this for a long time unconscious of it, and in the midst of my run in with guys became conscious of my anger about it. All those wasted years! Thats a kind of violence towards things I could have been doing like learning guitar or organizing, or being more socially responsible and learning about human right violations around the world!  

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

So needless to say I still experience anger. I get mad at myself for, “attention violence” if you will. But I hope checking in on my values can remedy this. They look something like this, because I am perhaps foolishly an idealist :

In my moomin journal from a year ago what I set out to do was check, my values, my motives, my thoughts. For those who can’t read my chicken scratch it says:

guitar= self-investment

self-investment= skills that benefit others

skills that benefit others = connection

connection = joy, love &community

joy, love, &community = I change

I change = the world changes

Its idealistic and maybe mistaken, but I think I’ll let it speak for itself, my values. Because you have to live them right to see? Sometimes I feel like a hermit.  Playing guitar and performing that gets me out physically and out of my head. I hope doing this will take me in directions to be more helpful to the community because I need change and society definitely does. And mostly,  just for me is the fact that I don’t really want to choke on my rage lol.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fun fact about guitar practice:

I learned my first cover song! Right now I am focused on strumming patterns and the variety of strumming patterns needed for different songs. So progress is happening even if it feels slow to me, but I am impatient! I want to work hard though because a good friend and mentor said this about my guitar battles , ”Well I guess you want to do some shredding practice too, since the battle is around your birthday and it would suck to loose right? like you’d want to smoke'em around your birthday”. HECK YES.

Hasta luego folks! Until next time. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Reference stuff

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9aefBm0dyY&t=16s

https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/

Frankincense stuff 

https://soundcloud.com/frankincenseisnotamonster

https://www.instagram.com/frankincenseisnotamonster/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2DcdB6FeBl2fjxl7-oevhA