Bye bye my Choukie
This year didn’t end the way I imagined, but honestly, it didn’t even begin that way either. I started the year broken, both figuratively and literally, having just recovered from a health scare that affected my spine and left me bed-ridden for the last 3 months of last year. I was stuck in a job that drained the joy out of me, surrounded by an environment that felt hollow and misaligned with who I was becoming. No matter how hard I tried to leave, grow, or make it work, it slowly became clear that this was not where Allah wanted me to stay. So, I decided, let this be the year I finally gave dating a fair chance. I entered a relationship that became a beautiful distraction from a life I had always wanted to escape.
While it was happening, I didn’t realize how much work I was doing on myself. My focus had shifted away from pressuring myself and moved toward the relationship – something that felt safe at first but wasn’t. But without noticing, I grew through it. I became better physically, mentally, emotionally, and even professionally. I found the courage to quit my job with nothing lined up, and less than a month later, I landed another one. I learned how deeply I can love, how much I’m willing to give, and where I need to stop. I learned to trust my instincts – the quiet voice that tells me when something isn’t right. I learned that I’m beautiful inside and out. I learned that my vulnerability is my greatest strength, and that unhealed hearts sometimes try to belittle what they don’t know how to hold… and I learned not to lose myself in their confusion. I learned that I am brave, and that leading with my heart is not something I need to unlearn.
And above all, I learned that Allah has always been there guiding me gently. I found Him in both light and darkness, even in moments where I felt too ashamed to look up. He met me with acceptance, peace, and love – lifting me every time I thought I couldn’t rise again.
There was a moment when I believed I had lost everything. I feared I would have to start over, that the life I had tried so hard to escape would come rushing back to consume me once again. But when I finally stepped forward, I realized I was standing in a different world. One where I’m at peace, content, and already whole. I have a family I can depend on, friends I can trust, and Allah.
