Studio Talks- Bang Chan
word count: 1,235
Note: just something i wrote after watching one of his lives that got me emotional lololol
You're sitting on your couch, in your living room. Watching a t.v show in the dark, In your PJ's. A pint of ice cream in your hands. *ding* your phone screen lights up. You pick it up and read the notification *찬이 의 "방"🐺Ep. 13 has started* You look at the time knowing it was late, but not exactly how late *11:30 p.m* You groaned wondering why he was up so late. So you texted him [To Chris 🐨] |why are you up so late? I see you on VLIVE| [From Chris🐨] |I could ask you the same thing. I couldn't sleep :( swing by?| [To Chris🐨] |I couldn't sleep either. I'm marathoning. But sure. Coffee and chicken?| [From Chris🐨] |Tea actually, but Yes Please 😁| [To Chris🐨] |omw be there soon| You put on some pants and one of his hoodies he left a long time ago from when they all came and cheered you up one night after a break up. He never asked for it back, despite seeing you wear it multiple times. You drove over to the JYP building and walked into the studio floor. Asking what room he was in. The guard told you and you thank him and gave him coffee and a piece of chicken and he smiled at you and said that you're too nice for the world. You knocked on the door and Chan turned and said "AH STAYS, LOOK WHOS HERE!!" you were well liked by them. Sure there were a fair amount of the sasaengs and haters. Jealous of your friendship with Chan and the boys. But. To be fair. You'd known Chan for years. The rest of the members you met only because of him. But everyone welcomed you, knowing how sweet you were. Taking the best photos of the boys. Interacting. Taking care of the members constantly. And most important to STAYS, making sure Chan and them got enough rest. So you walked in and waved. Shyly sitting down "Ah you're still going? I can come back later. I don't wanna interrupt your guys time with him" Comments flooding in "NO STAY WITH US" "AYYE SHES BACK. STAY!!!" "YOU'RE NOT INTERRUPTING. WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN WE LOVE HIM" "SHARE THE CHICKEN AND YOU CAN STAY" He looked at you "STAY have spoken. You're stuck here" So you stayed. Reading comments to him, both of you responding. Listening to music. Talking about the past. Letting STAYS know about some embarrassing moments from his childhood "guys one time he got scared because a goose was chasing him around a pond for his sandwich" You left for a brief moment to go get more coffee, because you needed a refill and you wanted to give him time with fans alone. He truly adored the personal time with them. You came back and he was ending his Live so you waited out the door. "ah she's not back yet. I'll tell her you said good bye. Thank you STAY for spending time with me. Bye STAY. Bye bye baby stays haha" and he smiled and turned off the camera. You walked in. "Ahh you're back.” "I think you're just running off pure adrenaline at this point Chris" "you're probably right" he laughed "you need to sleep" "I know... But it's hard. I think too much at night. You know me"he said, playing with the lid of his coffee smiling softly. You just sighed. And you talked about what he was producing. He showed you some songs him and Changbin wrote for the next surprise 3RACHA mixtape. You always admired their work. The messages in their songs. The issues in the world. Mental illness. Loneliness. Things other idols were too scared to talk about or not allowed to. He talked to you about how he wants to have his own studio. Just his. To work in. To design and decorate. How he can't wait to do a world tour. Go everywhere to meet STAY. In person face to face. You talked about your dreams. Your schooling. How you wanted to travel. Help others around the world. Learn different languages and cultures. You talked about intimate things. Like the act of sex. Not in a sexual context. But the action of being vulnerable. Naked. Not just physically. But emotionally and mentally. You talked about books. Music. Old memories. You guys laughed together. You loved seeing him like this. So happy. His eyes scrunching up and his mouth wide open, giggles falling out. He told you about how he felt lonely at night. When it was dark, in the room he shared with Binnie. Staring at the ceiling in the silence. While everyone else throughout the dorms was asleep. How he knew he had you, and STAY and the members. But he can't help but feel alone in those moments. How Sometimes he wishes there was someone he could hold and love. And you felt sorry for him. And you related. It was hard for you too. Living practically alone. Your roommate always out with her other friends, or boyfriend. Sleeping over at his apartment. Sometimes for days. You felt lonely in those at night too. You hadn't been in a relationship for maybe almost 2 years. Not even really dating. Maybe a date or two. But nothing went anywhere. And as for Chan, you knew after he joined JYP that he couldn’t. He was too busy. You looked up after spacing out. He was crying. His head held down. Tears silently and slowly falling. You got off your chair and kneeled down in front of him. "Hey hey don't cry Channie" "why do I feel this way? I don't understand. Why?" He whispered "it's ok. It's okay to feel this way" you took his face in your hands "Look at me Chris" And he looked up to meet your eyes "I hate this feeling. Feeling empty. Especially when I have so much to be thankful for. Isn't that shallow of me?" he looked angry at himself "Chan stop. Don't say that. You're one of the most hardworking caring people I know. This feeling will go away soon. And I will help you through it. I promise. No matter what or when. You're not shallow. It's ok to feel empty and lonely. Especially being an idol. It makes things allot harder. But I know you can do this. You won’t feel like this forever" you reassured. "Now stand up" You both stood up. He looked at you. Tears streaming out faster from his eyes. And you took him into your arms. Your heart breaking at his sobs. His repeating of the words "I don't understand. I don't wants to feel this way" he held onto you tight. Sobbing into your shoulder. You stroked the back of his head. Tears streaming down your own face "I will always be here for you. No matter what. No matter when. You're my best friend. And I'd do anything for you. I love you" you choked out "I love you too" he whispered And you stood there holding each other until god knows when and you guys went back to his dorm. The boys sound asleep. You led him to his room. Made sure he fell asleep and you slept on the couch. Too tired to drive home. Besides, you wanted to be there for him in case he still couldn’t sleep. LOLOLOL THIS A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT AND TOOK A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION THAN I INTENDED SORRY. I'M HURTING. YOU'RE HURTING. LOLOL OOPS