Apr 29, 2024
Work by Jules Muck in Palm Desert.
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Work by Jules Muck in Palm Desert.
Bicentennial Man (1999)
Bicentennial Man is science fiction for people that don’t like science fiction, don’t understand what robots are, and don’t want to be challenged. It teases many thought-provoking topics and then barely scratches the surface on any of them. Why dig deep when it can instead rely on clichés and cheap tricks?
In 2005, the Martin family home is introduced to their new robot helper, "Andrew" (played by Robin Williams). Somehow, a defect in Andrew’s programming allows him to innovate, learn, and evolve. As the years pass, Andrew becomes much more than a household appliance and embarks on a journey to become human.
You'd assume the film would ask questions like “What makes a human human?”, that to spark deep questions, it would take something decidedly not human and give it the ability to feel. That sounds hard, so what if - instead of a robot - Andrew was a silver man, complete with eyebrows and facial expressions? You instantly know he's going to gain sentience and will develop a Pinocchio complex. Whew. Can you imagine if Andrew was wholly inhuman, like a grey box on wheels claiming it wanted to be considered our equal? That might've been hard.
The film fails from the beginning by introducing two stories, neither of which it commits to. The first is the love story between Andrew and the Martin family. The second is the robot's quest for humanity. Does that first element add anything to this 200-year-plus tale? No, but how else will the dummies in the audience understand that he's human if he can't have sex with a woman? The android can enjoy music, make friends, create art, and eventually becomes indistinguishable from a human due to extensive upgrades. It’s just a cheap trick.
This picture forces its conflicts. You listen to the arguments used by the World Congress for why Andrew can't attain "man" status and it holds no water. Bicentennial Man doesn't even try to expose the prejudices of human beings towards different classes or races. No one could leave the film upset or wondering how they'd react in this scenario because Bicentennial Man never actually explores the real difference between man and machine. The reason I don’t consider my computer to be a human being isn’t that it’s made of plastic and metal, or that it doesn’t need to eat or go to the bathroom. It’s not about it being built instead of born, it’s about the fact that my computer can’t think or create original ideas. It can’t relate to human emotions because it’s a machine. The people in this movie would disagree with me. It’s not an injustice, it’s just bad writing.
That's all sci-fi stuff. These sort of questions probably won't occur to most viewers. Even so, this movie isn't great. Bicentennial Man is a drama-comedy, but the drama is manufactured and crumbles under scrutiny. The comedy? it’s lame. Andrew is shocked when he hears about how humans reproduce - like that's never been done before. Predictably, we also get the usual jokes about him not understanding humor, turns of phrases, or human emotions. We've seen that a thousand times.
The love story is banal. Not only because there's no chemistry between the leads but also because you can see every development coming from a mile away. The social stigmas they must "overcome" are shallow, the physical differences non-existent. We never see what this case does to the world, or how other robots react to it there are hardly any robots in this movie.
The worst thing about Bicentennial Man is that it's not immediately bad. It sucks you in with obvious injustices, what appears to be a torn romance, and a man's quest to be declared human. There's even a poor lonely dog that wants to be adopted. It's so cheesy and earnest most will think it deep. Give Bicentennial Man a long hard look and you’ll recognize it for what it is: countless missed opportunities. (On DVD, March 25, 2016)
(2/2) “...When my father left, it was then always nice to watch Home Alone again, knowing that he had arrived safely back in New York. In general my father would be gone for about a year or sometimes a year and a half. My mom and I first visited him in 2001 right before September 11th. Which was crazy because I stood in the Twin Towers in the summer of that year. My mom was really worried when we saw the attack on TV, because he worked close nearby. Luckily my father was unharmed. Eventually we moved to the US in 2004 and that’s when our family was finally together again. To me this film represents that even though our family was apart during this time. We’re still together in some form or way. I was a little bit ‘home alone’, because one person was sometimes missing.” – Dan Ungureanu. ————————————————— Photo and story by Feargal Agard ———————————————— I met some cool people at @uvaradio check them out. ———————————————— #hofa #humansoffilmamsterdam #amsterdam #macaulayculkin #homealone #straatfotografie #Joepesci #Humans #chriscolumbus #Johnhughes #netherlands #streetphotography #fotografie #photography #cinema #humansofinstagram #humansofny #instacinema #instagood #humansofamsterdam #newyork #fotografie #homealone2 #photooftheday #nederland #tvseries #filmwave #lostinnewyork (at Amsterdam, Netherlands) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuPohuLFiJY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=gbib0u2xmmc4
‘Kate’ #lowbrowchristmas #gremlins #christmas #illustration #lowbrowart #chriscolumbus #art #gizmo #stripe #dickcherry #getadick https://www.instagram.com/p/BrO7kvdF-Jj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=87hugdlk82ma
Hey everyone! The latest Episode of my Saturday Morning Cartoon Retrospective show is up and I wanted to share it with you all. So sit back, ready yourself with a bowl of your favorite cereal, and take a look back at the history behind one of the most interesting and fondly remembered cartoon in CBS' Saturday Morning Line-Up: GALAXY HIGH SCHOOL! https://youtu.be/DbxCicFfvRY #galaxyhighschool #chriscolumbus #acceptableinthe80s #80scartoons #saturdaymorning #saturdaymorningcartoons https://www.instagram.com/p/BqRhMCLFVMx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=k8psu9sklmbm
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001)
I distinctly remember how big a deal the Harry Potter films were when they came out but the years have made me think of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Or Sorcerer's Stone depending on your region) as my least favorite of the franchise. Watching it with an 11-year-old has renewed my enthusiasm for the film. It's a lot of setup but this introduction to a world of magic and wonder is destined to endure.
Orphaned Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) has been raised by his cruel aunt and uncle (Fiona Shaw and Richard Griffiths) and is constantly bullied by his spoiled cousin Dudley (Harry Melling). When Harry receives a letter inviting him to join the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he learns he belongs to a hidden world of spells and incantations that welcomes him. Aided by the gentle giant Rubeus Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane), the boy learns all about potion-making, wand-waving, ghosts, enchantments, and makes some friends-for-life (Rupert Grint and Emma Watson). As the school year progresses, the students learn of a sinister force who aims to steal a valuable treasure hidden inside Hogwarts Castle.
While the story uses familiar elements, like magic wands and flying broomsticks, Harry Potter introduces us to a rich world full of enchanting characters, locations, and concepts. Thankfully, Harry is on the same page as we are. This means the exposition is delivered in an organic matter but there's so much to learn it can feel as though the plot is sitting on the side, waiting for us to get ready before it can actually get going.
It's not such a bad thing, however. Every saga has humble beginnings. You won’t mind the time taken to learn everything. From beginning to end, you're reminded of The Neverending Story and similar childhood favorites. All of the colorful creatures, the lively characters, and mythology form a world that stretches as far as ours. You see Harry and Hagrid walking up to the Wizard's bank in Diagon Alley. Your mind swarms with questions. Why are the pillars so crooked? Are the vaults so packed with valuable artifacts they've upset the foundation? Has the structure been twisted by break-in attempts and strange defenses to thwart them? Maybe the architecture's this way to accommodate the wide array of creatures and characters who routinely walk through those doors. Perhaps wizards just don’t need to worry about structural integrity when a series of powerful, long-lasting sorceries will ensure he building stays upright no matter what. The art direction, the costumes, the set design fascinate your inner child. It only gets better once the titular Philosopher's Stone gets involved.
Inside all of these eye-popping locales, we meet likable, memorable characters. Some are drawn with broad strokes but here, it works. The Dursleys adopt Harry and proceed to treat him as a burden. It invokes the books that delighted me as child: James and the Giant Peach or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When someone's bad, you instantly hate them. When they're good, you wish you could sit through any class with them at your side. Within Harry's close circle of friends, we find three-dimensional people with faults and dreams all their own. No matter how old or young, you connect with them.
Before you get too excited, know the child performances are fair but not terrific. They benefit greatly from the veterans who surround them. Director Chris Columbus directs everyone well but it's often a workmanlike adaptation. The words from J.K. Rowling's novel are not often played with or creatively interpreted compared to the later films. It's a humble beginning to a series that's sure to become essential viewing and a favorite for generations to come. For the world it opens up and the joy it unleashes, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is a special movie. (On DVD, June 13, 2015)
Nine Months (1995)
Nine Months is so bad it'll have you gunning for a vasectomy. It’s a nightmare disguised as a romantic comedy. I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, but I had an ominous feeling as soon as I saw Tom Arnold's name in the opening credits. Even that funny thing my knee does couldn't prepare me for what was ahead.
Samuel (Hugh Grant) is happy as can be. He’s living with his beautiful girlfriend Rebecca (Julianne Moore) and he didn’t even have to put a ring on her finger or anything. Life is awesome until she tells him she’s pregnant.
This film is a smoldering crater. It's irritating and predictable. The characters will fill you with such rage that'll make you reach inside your TV, wrap your fingers around their necks and squeeze until they fall dead. It should be enough to say that it’s a comedy without laughs. Unfortunately, I’m not sure you'll be convinced without evidence, so here we go.
The movie begins on the wrong note by introducing us to the main characters in the film and in doing so, convincing us that children are the worst thing ever. Just take a look at the first few minutes of this movie. Sam is living in a nice apartment, he drives a fast car, he’s got a smokin’ hot redhead of a girlfriend and a great career. He's happy at no one's expense. Suddenly, his romantic afternoon with Rebecca is ruined by the Dwyer family: Marty (Arnold) and his wife Gail (Joan Cusack) Dwyer. They're the worst parents in the world, the kind of people that will make you hate children. Their spawn are rude, loud, obnoxious, have no manners or concept of personal space and have a knack for showing up whenever they're not wanted. It goes too far because the parents are even worse.
A significant portion of the film follows Sam as he grows increasingly nervous. Will the couple still have the same life as before? Will they remain interesting people with dreams and ambitions of their own, or will they change into an annoying couple who can only talk about their children? You know the ones; the parents who believe their children can do no wrong; that everyone wants to hear about Timmy’s latest mediocre achievement and that pity anyone without spare sets of kidneys running around the house. Those people are called the Dwyers and you hate them.
What’s even more infuriating is that all these reveals about the nightmare children can be are cheated away. For no reason whatsoever, the people at the beginning of the movie and at the end are completely different. Not because of character development or experience, but because the plot is badly written and demands they change.
My rage only exists because I made it through the whole ordeal. While watching Nine Months I felt powerless and weak. I witnessed Sam acting like a buffoon, coming up with elaborate, idiotic lies for no reason and wondered how he became a child psychiatrist. I saw Tom Arnold walking around, being obnoxious, yelling at people, beating up whomever he pleased for no real reason and I thought to myself “how did the human race make it this far down?" I couldn’t even crack a smile at Robin William’s character, which I thought was needlessly crude and once again, not funny. Even my man Jeff Goldblum couldn’t raise my spirits.
Only once the credits had finished could I express my hatred for this film. It’s not even that it’s that bad, or offensive, it’s that there was no reason for this movie to be made. (On DVD, January 22, 2015)
Chris Columbus regrets Trump's Home Alone 2 cameo, calling it a “curse.” Trump demanded the appearance to let the crew film at the Plaza Hotel. Would you cut the scene today? 🧳🎬