#christmascorner

[mycosmicbackyard]

Dark blue and purple divans.

He is gone after that. I don’t know how but it is like I no longer care.

I look around in my beautiful living room. The Christmas decorations are gone, it was supposed to be my safe Christmas Corner, but I delayed it too much, the limit has passed, and I can pretend it to be Christmas still, but nothing replaces the energies of our unity. I can feel the pure and fresh energies of January.

This is when I rise in my antique living room. I raise, and then I start to move furniture I don’t need to physically touch to reorder, but I still do. It feels important. 

I move away many of the sofas, and I make a large opening in the middle of the room. Here, I want some tables in a line. Against the wall, I want even more bookshelves so that people may come and study traveling texts whenever they want.

My feet are suddenly bare, I feel the warm grass, and as I look down, I realize that the tabled area is without carpet. The ones under the sofas have new carpets - it looks like they are glowing in matching colors. 

Above I can see that the glassed roof no longer is there - but so is an oval hole - with a spectacular view to the stars. An energy fills me, the oval area with grass and tables - and now chairs - feels indeed very connected. As I turn around to look at the walls, bookshelves are in most of them, and I get to witness the act of arriving texts. It is marvelous: from nothing they suddenly appear in golden dust.

I walk further out in the room, looking at the area where I want people to appear when they’d like. I breathe in. It looks good. Warm. Inviting. Some lamps shaped as planets and cosmic symbols meet me with a feeling of calmness. 

Yes, this is right.

As I walk towards the fireplace I observe that the furniture look different. Old, antique ones are replaced with dark blue and purple divans. The tables in between them constantly glow. As I come near, silvered dust appears on the top of the table and I gasp as a red cup with golden decorations appears. Inside, I see the light brown liquid, and my heart jumps as the white square appears and gently floats in the liquid.

When the caramelized apple sprinkled with green mint and a little salt appears, the tears stream down my face. When I turn around, he stands there once again.

He smiles. His eyes are proud. His red cape is replaced with a blue and purple one, and he bows at me. 

When he does, I observe how the scepter in his hand sparkles in the top. I want to take a closer look at it.

Cosmic Backyard’s Delayed Christmas Calendar 2017// Cosmic Journey Part 21

[mycosmicbackyard]

Soil to Self-Love.

She holds up the purple book named “Self Worth” - the one that I found in that floating library in space. Something immediately happens inside of me; I crack, hard surface turns to soft, tension to relief. 

“It looks like you forgot this at the table?”

Her eyes glow as she hands it to me. I take it and softly caress the front slowly with my one hand. I try to open it - but it is locked.

“Not yet,” she says, blinking an eye.

I look at it for a long time before I push it against my chest. I want to cry. A dusty feeling of grief reaches the surface. I breathe in slowly. It hurts in my throat. 

One of my most significant crimes has been not... loving myself. All those times I’ve given myself negative thoughts. All those times I’ve cursed myself. 

“For what?” I reply to myself. 

The dark lady nods. She turns around, picks up something and comes back. A cup of tea is placed in my hands. 

I didn’t even react to the fact that a ghostly being could carry anything. After all - this is my mind, and I am the creator. 

Yes - I am. A creator. I look at the cup with the tea inside. I smell it. 

It smells like dry deserts in yellow sand temples and harvest of past, like rainy seasons of praise and the sun, warmth of peace. 

When I take a sip I guess that is what I feel as well: my grief softly turns to a breezing wind with warmth on top - the soft inside of me gets carried away in the wind, it travels to the rays of light - back to the sun. 

I understand that this is a place that I can return to. That this is scenery made by me - for me. A place where I can feel free, relax and let go. I have to remember this for later. 

When I look down in my tea again, a powerful voice comes bursting out from within. It tickles in every bone, and my whole being vibrates:

“If you do not feel the pain you cannot feel the joy.” 

I let go of the tea: I hear the cup breaking. 

“You are my soil to self-love!” I shout, almost manic:

“If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have been able to see the contrasts! One can also get lost in the light of the ego! The darkness is the soil we need to use to reach the light - in equal portions!”

The dark lady smiles, a most glorious laugh - and all that I know of darkness becomes gold.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 15

[mycosmicbackyard]

The Therapists.

When I stand yet alone again, I try to remember what she - or what I - said.

"... left is one... sun! Go through the sun!"

I immediately turn around to try to find out what she was talking about. Did she perhaps mean the golden colors here - is there a door I can enter?

Yes. Three entrances. But none of them feel right... if not...

I look at the monolith and react when I see a symbol of a sun. Eagerly I trace the pattern with my finger, finding out that it seems like a path. First through one portal, then another.

I then turn around once more and head for the door in the middle. Intuitively I feel that this has something to do with the middle road between darkness and light. As soon as I enter the entrance in the middle, I see a new one; this has the symbol of a sun over it.

I run as I am eager to find out. It looks like I am entering a type of temple garden. Around me, I see several columns - all with ancient hieroglyphs lined up like in a book. I remember what I have read about the Mystery Schools in old times, so I feel the goosebumps on my arms.

Alongside the walls are little roads of water, and as I hear it dribbling, I feel content. Until I hear a moan somewhere further inside the temple garden.

When I get to the source, I see that we are not alone; three individuals clothed in white draperies are sitting around the patient, and I immediately recognize them.

"No... It can't be!!" I eagerly whisper to myself.

At the same time, one of them spots me. He waves with his hand to show me that I have to come closer, and I do without hesitating.

He stands up and whispers.

"I have to go and get some herbs. I need you to take my place for a while."

I take a step backward. "What? I cannot... I... have never healed as you do! I'll ruin the balance of three for sure!" I shake my head, as to confirm my belief of me not being able to lay my hands on this sick individual lying on the floor.

The stranger shakes his head. "You'll have to. You know you can, as I know you can. Don't you remember?"

I open my mouth to say "no," but I realize that the other two are looking at me, and therefore I don't feel like it. Instead, I take the strangers place, put my hands where I know they should be, and close my eyes. A feeling of shame creeps up my cheeks, through my temples and further back on my head. My hairline tickles, and I slowly breathe in.

I start to listen to the stranger's footsteps, as I hope that he returns soon.

I am after all - not worthy of this.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 17 

[mycosmicbackyard]

The Lady of Gold.

I close my eyes as the golden light fills the room - being used to the darkness, I am in pain for some moments.  I use my hand as protection and wait. When ready, I see a great hall with walls, and columns covered in gold. As I take my first step towards the woman hovering above the floor, a great echo hits the walls - it is like each step that I take is confirmed by the universal plan of existence!

For some reason, I want to look up. I get touched by how the stars still are there, following my every path, looking at my life from an angle of great love. I also love how the light hits the walls and continues upwards towards the sky. This, for some reason, reminds me of an old, Egyptian temple. I look around, trying to find some clues - and of course: I find the monolith. I also see the entrance towards Naos - the most sacred part of an Egyptian temple. I suddenly feel nervous, and I swallow as I start to walk again - each step slamming back against me, as a 

Question - Answer

or an 

Action - Consequence

Until I stand there, in front of the woman, who, only moments earlier - looked like a dark lady, a tired version of myself. Now, she looks like a queen. 

Her soft smile makes me want to laugh nervously. She still wears my face!

She salutes me. I mirror her actions. 

“Do you understand?” she asks, looking at me with depth. 

I let myself think. I frown. Breathe in, then out. 

“You were - a dark part of me. Something happened to you - or me - or...”

She nods, and her previous chuckling as the dark lady is absent. I start to wonder why.

She answers. “It is because you have lifted one of your dark aspects into the light. It is a very demanding process, and I am not just the beginning of something else. In time, you will see that I go back to a little more darker state - until I reach the golden middle-way. I will get my giggling back then.”

I don’t know what to say. My darkness had more humor than my light? I start to laugh, and suddenly I am very grateful for being on both sides in a way.

She smiles now. “Yes - this is because you see the light as something serious - something to strive for, your morale, ethics, the right from wrong - the seriousness of life. You have never embraced your humor, so it fits into your darker aspects. When you have worked with this for some time - and your humor is out in the light - it will be present both places, in perfect balance.” 

I nod. “Wow, that actually sounds pretty awesome!”

She smiles. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“So,” I continue, looking down at the pink nebula tiles, “what’s next?”

She raises an arm and says:

Two out of three - is done!

Left is one

go through the Sun!”

And with that - the golden lady disappears.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 16 

[mycosmicbackyard]

A graveyard of thoughts.

“Ready for what?” I ask, suddenly with a bit of suspicion. I notice how one of the socks at the fireplace seems to disappear, being back again at the next moment.

I can see that his eyes are going back to that little bit of worried express that I saw some time ago. He looks at me with an almost nostalgic smile. 

“You know that humanity isn’t doing very well, right? How you have failed oh so many tests up to now - most of all because you all find yourselves to be the hopeless cause?”

I nod, experiencing a mix of worry as I remember the state Earth is in, as well as loads of confused thoughts fighting to get out.

The man stops smiling. He looks down at his hands. “As long as you give up on yourself there is nothing we can do to help. If you don’t want to, we cannot do.”

His words confuse me. I look at him with narrowed eyes, trying to extract all the essence of his thoughts.

“The only thing we can do is to talk to those who want to listen.”

I feel an urge to fight against myself. I don’t want to know about this. I don’t want to understand, nor take a statement in this. I suddenly feel powerless and weak.

But when I listen because of his strong eyes, because of this place where I am completely free, safe an in control of myself and my environment - I can hear what he is saying. Humanity has lost its way. The path we are taking now is filled with fear, pain, and uncertainty. Of a loss of knowledge. Loss of contact.

I understand what he is saying. 

“You can never save us.”¨

He shakes his head. “No, but that was never the intention. If you are going to take a step up on the evolutionary latter, you’ll have to take care of yourselves.”

I laugh. A sharp laughter this time. “We can barely be polite to each other. We kill and make others suffer. We are weak, all of us!”

He nods, and I find it difficult to stay in focus. “Indeed. But you must not forget all the good things happening all the time as well. It doesn’t help to lose hope. That is one of the downward spirals for humanity as a whole.”

I try to breathe deeply in and out. To keep calm and in balance. I notice that he looks at me with clear eyes. And he says:

“It looks like you have two more steps to go. It was difficult to tell, but now I do understand. You need to get past those first. It will be better, I promise. Just remember that you are in a safe place. This is the discovery of yourself.”

Then, in a poof, the man is gone again. So is the living room - the fireplace and the cosmic feelings. I suddenly stand in a graveyard.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 11

[mycosmicbackyard]

A bronzed telescope and a storyline in the stars.

The smell of the room witnesses an era of great wisdom. The man walks into the Observatory in front of me, managing around like he built the place. He lits fire in some ancient lamps, and the smell immediately fills the air and reminds me of long lost memories I’ve never had.

He continues into the end of the round room - bending over a desk with some scrolls on it. Then he nods and continues over to another desk.

I stand at the entrance, suddenly realizing that this is my place and that I should have known it the way he does. I also realize that I’ve never touched these scrolls before, nor have I been here. Who has then?

I hear him chuckle, and say: “That is why I am here!”

He turns around, and he smiles at me. I am beginning to get used to his soft, radiant smiles and before I open my mouth to ask what he means, he points up to the stars.

“Look!”

I walk slowly towards the bronzed telescope. The minute I touch it, the roof starts to move away silently. The sparkling sky sings to me, and I stand in awe to study the glimmering lights, all talking to me at the same time.

Tiny little stories, so far away, yet so very close.

I look into the telescope, and I see:

Glittered nebulas, songs of fog and skies meteorites dancing through vacuum of stories and I see golden, radiant lights, pulsating, some smaller than others, they are like little bronze bubbles and I open my mouth to ask what it is but I cannot seem to find any sound on my tongue.

I step back from the telescope, suddenly laughing, standing there with my mouth open, nothing to say, I am empty of words but full of fascination and awe!

Yes, and isn’t that wonderful, my dear? Hold onto that thought, for now, it begins!

He snaps his fingers, and suddenly the man is gone. I turn around several times but for no use. I find myself continuing to laugh as I have no idea what to do next.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 4

[mycosmicbackyard]

The room without being there.

As I walk out of the Observatory, on my way to the cozy fireplace, I turn left to walk beside the Fence of Memory. When I do, it instantly starts to blink - and it looks like it is being turned on like a television - the screen showing the universe zoomed out until it stops at something odd: it looks like a library floating out in space!

I have to stop and study this phenomenon. When I reach out my hand to try touch it, it feels hard and solid, and I realize that I am touching one of the shelves. It spins lightly around like it never reaches the ground, and when I grab the front of the shelf, it is instantly locked to my hand. When I take my hand back again, it immediately releases itself from my “grasp.” 

I now try to take out a book, and a purple one follows. I read the front of it: "Self Worth." I take the book with me as I walk back to the fireplace.

Wait - what fireplace? When I enter the room that I previously warmed myself in, where I ate a cup and drank a heavenly drink - it is no longer there. Instead, I am outside - but I am not cold. The tons of snow that I walk in isn’t raw, and I bend down to touch it: the same as I felt in the beginning - soft and warm and very mysterious!

I look around. It seems like I am in a garden. When I walk past some trees with layers of snow on them - I see a house with warm and inviting windows. I stare at the windows: inside I can see my living room, with the fireplace and everything that I have decorated. I walk around the house to find the door. But there is nothing there. 

The fireplace crackles like it did - and I can't get in there. I start to walk around in the garden to see what it is that I can do.

Halfway desperate I stand there without knowing what to do. Suddenly, I realize it.

I smile when I start to collect the snow that acts like it wants to be molded into some shape. I laugh a little, and then I begin to sing.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 6 

[mycosmicbackyard]

Self-Worth and Herbs

I breathe in slowly, close my eyes and try to focus on the task. As I breathe, I work hard with keeping my hands steady, breathing in warmth through them, out to this individual on the floor. I must remember how to breathe in, to choose the way of breathing. As I feel the air filling my lungs, I get the sensation of relaxing. My hands are warm, and the connection between this person lying there and me is tied up with threads of energy.

Then, I peek. I look at the two others who are sitting there, consumed by their concentration. I feel how they are centered - their mere presence makes me calm and content. That is when it hits me - I do not belong here - I am not good enough for this task - I am not enough.

The patient gasps, his eyes open, it looks like he is in great pain. The other two wake up from their trance - they look at him, comfort and keep him down and steady - but I, I want to withdraw my hands. Something keeps me in place, though. This feeling of not wanting to abandon me again. I have done that so many times before, each time more painful than the other - but I can change, and I want it to be different from now on. I know I cannot keep too big promises as I am a mere human being - but I can have the will and the true wish of wanting to change.

The picture dissolves. The temple is gone, so is the patient and the other two Therapists. I am left kneeling on a field of grass, summer wind touches my hair, sun laughs at my skin. I have a yellow dress, I want to stand up, but instead, I let myself fall to the ground - My face rests in the grass straws, some flowers, a couple that I have seen before - others not. I smell, I let my hands and fingers dig into the soil and roots, I release out a relieved sigh as I feel that I belong. 

When I roll around to face the sky and its answers, I see the last therapist stand there, looking down at me with a smile. I get up. In his hands, I can see several plants - or herbs - peeking up from his fingers. 

“It is good to have decided to want to change. The question is: what to do next? Not to get caught up in that question forever - just for a little while.”

He hands me the herbs, and as I feel their consistency within my hands, the landscape changes once again. Now, I sit on a roof, made out of glass. I can see my own Cosmic Backyard from here - my cozy fireplace, the observatory, the alien herbarium at the very beginning of the guiding tour... Those three herbs sparkle in a way, I have to pick them up and study them. Three different shapes, characteristics. While one is transparent, the other is light red, and the third is more of a purple color. 

As I study the herbs in my hands, I notice that someone is looking at me from the antique living room. I can see that it is my very old alien guide and great friend - T’lar.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017: Christmas Corner Part 18