Things You Don’t Expect To Learn When You Start Working At A Craft Store
1. People can get upset about the color of glitter.
2. SO MANY PEOPLE MAKE SLIME. Like, pretty much everybody. It’s shocking. Where does it all end up? Are there just huge piles of slime out there, somewhere?
3. There are people who do not want to save money, even when they are shopping in a store that literally makes in almost impossible not to save money. They will reject coupons. They will reject the savings programs. They don’t want to know about sales. They treat discounts like insults.
4. Seriously, though, people can get really, really upset about glitter.
5. We are essentially a secret makers’ concierge service. People call and ask us if we have pretty much everything. About 60% of the time we do; when we don’t, we are super good at guessing where it could be found in town.
6. Coupon people are no joke. Their game is real. Respect.
7. I mean, if somebody is getting upset about glitter- whether we have the right color in the big jars, or if it’s big flake or little flakes, you know, glitter questions- I start wondering if they have a super-blissful life, and this is just what conflict looks like to them, right? Like maybe this really is what Mary’s Very Bad Afternoon At Michael’s looks like, I don’t know. Some folks have that sort of life. Or maybe it’s that she’s having SUCH a shit week/ month/ year and this glitter thing is just the cherry on her shitcake and she’s decided somebody else is going to eat it today, damnit. Either way, it’s glitter. I don’t know what to do for you other than show it to you and hope you work it out.
8. Folks really, really want purchases to be bagged. That’s cool! It’s my job and I don’t mind at all, but if your item is too big or an awkward shape for a bag, it gets weird. I don’t mind giving you seven rolls of gift wrap in a large bag, but you try carrying that out the door any way except the exact way you would have carried it WITHOUT a bag. If you manage to do that without dropping anything, I’ll scan a coupon worth 20% off your entire purchase (INCLUDING SALE ITEMS) the next time you swing by, bud.
9. Everybody looks at the 3lb Gummy Bear in the impulse aisle, but only college students purchase them. Nobody buys the 2lb peppermint sticks.
10. Every so often a customer will apologize to me while I am working the register. I think what they’re mostly expressing is compassion for the experience of being a retail laborer in December, which is so sweet! The wording is confusing, though, especially when it’s just a straightforward apology while they’re putting things on the counter. I mean, are they sorry or are they out buying things? Are they sorry for giving me a job? I fucking love money. Also, I’m safe behind the counter. They’re the ones who are actually in the wild. Folks should really be apologizing to the floor workers. Maybe bring them a shot or too, actually. Whiskey is better than apologies.
