Yeshua… Pantocrator. My dear rabbi.
I am not kind like you. I don't know if I ever will be. I have much of the fire and passion of my Dennitsa. My Star, who rebelled against Yahweh out of righteous anger. You understand that. You always have.
You did not turn your face at my connection with Dennitsa and my misotheism. You were even curious. "For one who loves another has fulfilled the law". And Dennitsa always calls you "He". Even I don't do that.
I don't know if I can become like your Beloved Yohanan. For now I'm more like Shaul. So I understand him a little. But maybe the two of you will reconcile my heart.
But I try to live as you willed. When your face is before me, you always smile at me and your eyes are full of that all-consuming, immovable love. And I smile back at you. For I love you. Light of the World and Lightbearer, I can only hope you will both be with me.
"I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not, how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, can I do better?"
"I want to see with my own eyes how the doe will lie down beside the lion and how the slaughtered man will stand up and embrace the one who killed him. I want to be here when everyone suddenly knows what it was all for".
