#christopher bangchan

[celestial-choc0late]

Bro he is so hot. This isn’t even fair. 😞

[secretsecretbunny]

Bangchan: enemies to lovers - for: @kirmizicicekler - I hope you like it!! 💕

Bonus: one year later 💕

masterlist

[channieschocco]

Never Alone (2) ~ Bangchan

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

✦ Synopsis: You're in the big city to finally see your first skz concert, and after you run into Bangchan, who is staying in the very same hotel as you, he invites you to spend time with him in his hotel room after the show.

✦ Word count: 2.1k

✦ Genres: Fluff, romance

✦ A little writer's note: I want to start by giving you all a HUGE APOLOGY because this fic was supposed to come out literal months ago. I've been the busiest I've ever been in my life and barely had enough time to sleep recently, so this fic has been put off for a bit. However, I felt super inspired last night to finish it up and post it, so here you go! If you have any ideas, requests, comments or anything at all, feel free to comment or send me an ask!! I hope you like the second part of my first series and enjoyyyy<3

The several lit candles around the hotel living room threw a flickering yet soothing light across the space, gently dancing over the walls and providing little scent from the few fragrant ones Chan had tried so hard to perfectly choose. When you glanced through the doorway to the room, your heart had gently clenched and you grinned. Not only because he was there, but because had set up such an appealing atmosphere for you.

“Cheesy,” you teased, stepping into the room, Chan behind you.

“I like candles,” he answered softly, the tips of his ears turning ever so slightly red, his hand on the back of his neck.

You turned around to face him and stepped closer, noticing the way he averted his gaze at your sight. “Aww,” you hummed. “I never really thought of you as the candle type.”

He scoffed. “They’re romantic, I’m romantic…it’s a perfect match, y’know?” He laughed, the contagious one that typically slipped out when his members were being fools or when he wanted to joke about something he previously said; the laugh that tickled stay’s mind in all the best places was the one you had the privilege of hearing right before you.

“Uh, we might as well sit,” Chan suggested, gesturing over to the couch once his laughter died down and the room fell silent.

“Right,” you agreed, striding across the room. 

You didn’t want to have to feel so awkward, but you don’t exactly get to meet the one person you idolize the most every day, let alone be invited to his hotel room, where it was romantically (?) decorated with candles. 

You plopped down on basically the exact opposite side of the couch of where Chan sat and he laughed. “You don’t have to sit all the way over there.”

You cringed. “I’m sorry,” you groaned into your hands. “It’s just, I—”

Before you could even finish, Chan swiped the hotel pillow that resembled a burnt toaster strudel out from beside you and placed himself right where it had been, discarding it somewhere on the other side of the couch. “‘It’s just, you what?’“ he asked. “If you’re uncomfortable we can do something else…”

Your face flushed at the lack of distance between the two of you and Chan grinned. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, barely able to look up at the patient face before you. “I just don’t want to be one of those fans, if you know what I mean? I don’t want to make this weird and embarrassing for me or for you.”

Chan brushed a stray lock of hair away from your cheek and tucked it behind your ear. “You know, if you were one of those fans, I’m almost one hundred percent sure that you wouldn’t be so concerned about being respectful and telling me that you don’t want to be rude in any way, right?”

It hadn’t occurred to you that maybe you were being kind and polite, and you felt the fear inside you evaporate as you looked up into his eyes. You huffed a slightly nervous laugh. “I guess so,” you affirmed. 

“And you aren’t making this awkward at all, believe me.” Chan flicked your nose. 

Oh god, he’s so…

You couldn’t even put into words what Chan was. Perfect? Stunning? Adorable? You could come up with as many as you wanted, but no word in the English language could even slightly describe the utter preciousness of Christopher Bahng. 

After a moment, he reached across you, picking up the remote up off of the couch cushion you were sitting on, and switched on the TV. You held your breath as his arm gently grazed your stomach and grinned, eyes flicking over to his head which was now at a much closer proximity than before.

Chan looked up, playfully catching your eye and smiling back. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” you repeated.

“Do you wanna…watch a movie or something?” he asked soon after. 

You blinked, searching your mind for an answer that wouldn’t sound entirely silly. “I’d like that a lot,” was what you had come up with in the end. After all, you were beginning to feel more comfortable with him by the minute, and it felt quite nice. 

It was the way he acted with such a calm aura surrounding him and all of the perfect things he said at the perfect times, that kept you waiting for more and more of the wonderful man before you. He made you feel so safe and so protected, even though you had only met mere hours ago. 

Maybe it was the fact that you had previously been a fan. Was that why you felt so connected to Chan? No. Definitely not. Though Chan was your idol, the one you had always looked up to, you could easily tell that anybody—not just the fans—would also feel just as at ease as you did now with him, because that was just the type of person Chan was. He was caring and gentle and funny, and he never hesitated to put anybody first. Chan was as selfless as they come and it only dragged you in even more.

He began to scroll through the streaming services found on the TV and stopped on one you both agreed possessed the highest quality movie collection. 

After clicking on a movie that seemed like the best possible background noise to your moment, Chan groaned and stretched his arms over his head, mesmerising you and each of your senses.

“You know, I think the stays would love to see you in that shirt,” you told him, a slight blush upon your cheeks. 

“The stays, huh?” Chan mused, looking downwards at the material. “How about you help me take some bubble photos, then?” he suggested. “So the stays can get a look.”

You gasped. “You’d let me help with bubble pictures?” 

“I mean, only because the stays must see me in this shirt.” He winked.

You gaped at him, mouth open in a round “O” as you tried to process his words.

“So it’s setted!” He stood up. “I’ll go get my phone, then.”

“Stop moving!” you giggled, Chan’s phone in your hands as you tried to take pictures of him on the hotel couch.

“I’m sorry!” he cried, trying to keep from laughing to attempt to pose for a sexy picture. 

“I think something’s missing,” you told him. The pictures were beyond gorgeous (like usual), but you felt like something could have been added for a little dusting of Chan’s typical flair. 

“Missing?” Chan wondered aloud. “What do you mean?”

You pondered for a moment, attempting to come up with what Chan needed. “You should put on something like…an accessory,” you stated. “That’s what’s missing.”

“You sound awfully confident about that,” Chan mused. “Gimmie a minute,” he said, then slipped out of the room and past another door, before fully going out of sight. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. Chan was fun and you absolutely adored spending time with him. More than you ever thought you would. He was so much more than his personality onstage and really seemed to be the sweetest man you’d ever come across. As you scrolled through the silly photos you’d taken on his phone, candids of Chan laughing or trying to smolder, a sense of sadness overwhelmed you, instead of happiness like you would have thought.

You knew he wouldn’t be here forever. He was a famous idol, one who was constantly working or on the road trying to promote something new and improved. He would never be home or take a rest or spend time with you again. He had a job ,and said job was more demanding than anything else. It was his true love, so who would you be to try and come between? The two of you didn’t even live in the same country, for God’s sake, so why was the aching feeling in your heart expecting to spend more time with him? You’d only known the man for mere hours, but Chan felt like home, and that hurt more than you could have ever expected it to.

Get it together, Y/N, you mentally scolded yourself. You sat up a little straighter on the couch, as you waited.

Moments later, the door to the room Chan had gone inside opened again and he stepped back out. You gazed up at him, searching for the improved look, but didn’t find anything…until you saw his face.

There was a pair of thin metal framed glasses resting upon his sexy nose, and your breath caught in your throat at the sight. A bit of his hair was lazily resting on his brow, making the view even more perfect.

“How’s this?” he asked.

You remained silent for a moment, unsure what to say.

“Are they that bad?” His face fell ever so slightly and you felt for sure that your heart had cracked clean open in your chest.

You shook your head. “This is so unfair,” you uttered. 

“What is?”

“Your glasses!” you exclaimed. “You can’t just spring this on me, Chan! I’m just an innocent little fangirl!”

He chuckled, moving across the room to eventually sit back down next to you on the couch. He tipped your chin upwards and smirked, his face only inches from yours. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you’re my fan, there can’t be much innocence left in you, sweetheart.”

You gasped audibly and shuddered, the close proximity being too much for your already-malfunctioning brain. 

He laughed again, the flirty demeanor evaporating in an instant and pulled you flush against his chest with his arms slowly and gently wrapping around your shoulders. He smelled like musk and vanilla and comfort and home.

“Chan—” you whispered.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he said into your neck. “Now let’s take some bubble photos, yeah?”

“Stop it,” you said for the fifth time. “They’re perfect.”

“Are you sure?” He zoomed in on one of the photos. “You can see the pores on my nose,” he observed.

“And most of the world would pay to have your perfect little nose pores, Chan. Post them!”

“If you say so…”

He clicked a button and the pictures were instantly sent out to the fan base, along with a flirty message and a thank you to the ones who went to the concert earlier. 

Your phone buzzed over on the table and as you were burrowed in the couch cushions, you asked Chan to grab it for you, which he did without hesitation. What you didn’t expect, was for him to flip it around in his hand and check the notification. When he did, he laughed out loud.

“What’s so funny?” you asked him.

He flipped the screen around and showed you.

JYPBUBBLE

01:37 AM: 크리스 sent an image.

“You have my bubble?” 

You blushed. “Yes, I do, okay? God forbid a girl have her favorite idol’s bubble!”

“Aww, I’m your favorite.” He grinned dopily.

“You knew that already,” you snapped.

After a moment of silence, Chan spoke. “Say it for me, please?” 

You groaned, hiding your face in the pillow on your lap. “No.”

“Please?”

“This is manipulation!”

“Just do it for me, yeah?” He poked your ribcage. “If you don’t I'll…I’ll tickle you!” he blurted.

“Fine!” you exclaimed. “You’re my favorite idol ever, okay?!”

He giggled. “Yay.”

After that ordeal, the both of you began to actually watch the movie playing in front of you which you had abandoned earlier for the pictures. You spent several hours together, just talking and laughing and at one point, Chan even fell asleep on your shoulder. When four o’clock in the morning came around, that’s when he decided that you needed your beauty sleep—or at least a bit of it—and walked you back down to your room. 

“I really enjoyed spending tonight with you,” he said once the two of you had reached outside your door. “You’re amazing, Y/N.”

“You too, Chan,” you answered. “Thanks for inviting me over.”

He then leaned forward and placed a tiny kiss atop your nose, grinning at your surprised expression after, and opened up your door, motioning for you to go inside. 

“Bye, Y/N,” he said with a wink.

“Bye, Chan,” you replied, trying to ignore the sense of longing inside your heart. You wanted to stay with him. 

But when your door slowly clicked shut after you entered, the only thing you could remember was Chan and his hot glasses, as you touched your fingers to your nose in wonder. 

taglist: @fanficwriter5

[beingyoursnow]

You deserve all the happiness of the world 💖

[fanficfuelledfriendship]

Pretty In Blond

Pairing: Idol!BangchanxNon-IdolFem!reader

Warnings: Please see the masterlist warnings and spoiler warnings at the bottom of the masterlist.

Synopsis: Being the manager of Enhypen, you meet many different idols in many different places, but you never thought meeting the leader of Stray Kids at a party would end like this. Your story should have never led to this, but with a few drinks in your systems and a one-night stand, you two have trapped yourselves in an unforgiving cycle. Who knew he would be so tempting?

But who could blame you, Bangchan has always been pretty in blonde.

WC: 9.6k

Masterlist

Note: Last chapter AHHH. We hope you guys enjoyed our first story, we have more to come, and we hope you guys will continue to join us!

Chapter 7

I hate him. I should’ve never stopped hating him. This…This is my fault and I know it. I haven’t left my room in days, I barely open the door when Jackson knocks, and the boys are growing worried, but I can’t shake this guilt, this disgust, from my skin. I should have known, I should have. But I was stupid, I thought he might actually have cared, maybe he was changing, but what man changes so fast? I try to keep myself happy, to get myself on my feet some days; I know this isn’t good for the baby. Her mother can’t be wilting away like some widow when all she’s done is lose a three month boyfriend, not when she’s so close to giving birth. 

I sigh as Jackson once again knocks at my door, and as I stand from my bed, I can hear the rustle of the bags he’s carrying. Great, more food. More food I stare at in the dark instead of actually eating. As I open the door, he smiles with a slight tilt of his head, but I can barely bring myself to smile back. He says he understands, that I’m feeling worse than I would because of all my hormones, but I really don’t want him to understand. I feel terrible, and he’s making excuses for me. I’m losing my mind.

“Hey, Superstar. How you feeling?” He whispers, keeping his voice down as my apartment sits silent, desolate. I shrug as I take the bags from him, blowing the hair from my face. I sigh as it falls back into my eyes, dragging the bags into my kitchen. He follows behind me and shuts the door softly, leaning against the counter as I blow the hair from my face again, packing the things into my fridge.

“Feeling great.” I whisper back, anger suddenly rushing through my body as my hair once again falls into my eyes. But as I go to tie it, the band snaps around my wrist. I stand there for a moment, hands shaking as the band is strangled in between my fingers. Jackson slowly comes to me, taking the band from my hand as tears come to my eyes, bringing my arms down to my sides gently. I sniffle, dropping my head as I cry, slamming the fridge shut as I suddenly scream. This, a single band breaking around my wrist is my last straw of the day, and it’s barely started. 

Jackson hugs me as I cry, finally pushing the hair from my tear-stained face. I can’t remember when my head started hurting, or when my tears stopped because I had run out of strength to keep crying, but I ended up on my couch, having my hair braided back by Jackson as I stare out the window, watching the sun rise. I sniffle softly as I pick at my nails, chipping them for them to snag on my clothes later. I’ll probably cry about that as well later on. 

“Okay, I’m done.” He mumbles softly as he drops the braid, hugging me as I lean back against his chest, continuing to watch the world wake. He pets my hair, tucking any loose pieces behind my ears. I lick my lips, trying to form any type of sentence about something he would want to hear, like I’m okay, I’m getting better, I don’t need him to come see me everyday, but all I can say is, “Do you think…he feels bad?”, and I can feel his chest stutter underneath me. I close my eyes, already regretting my question as tears come back to my eyes. I knew he didn’t, if he did, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place. I can’t even imagine how Sarah was feeling in this moment.

“I think,” Jackson starts, pulling me from my thoughts. I open my eyes as I take in a breath, the sun shining brightly in my vision. “he feels bad he was caught…” Those were the very words I was hoping he wouldn’t tell me. Instantly, my lips curl up as I try to keep my tears to myself this time, covering my face quickly. This was hell. I sigh behind my palms, biting my lip to keep myself from saying anything stupid. Like that he called me that night, and I picked up, just to listen to him beg and apologize and hang up. I couldn’t even bring myself to speak, I felt sick hearing him plead on the other side of the phone. Jackson would kill me if he knew, or maybe he’d understand, just as he understands everything else.

I scoff to myself, wiping my tears quickly with heavy, frustrated hands, scratching my cheek with torn nails. Then, I groan, feeling as the baby suddenly kicked. She has been active recently, which normally, I would be incredibly excited for, my baby was healthy, coming along just fine. But now, every little movement annoys me, and I don’t want to feel this way to my baby, it makes me feel terrible. “I should eat something…” I whisper with a hoarse voice, forcing myself to my tired, swollen feet and dragging myself to the fridge once again, Jackson two steps behind me. 

“I can make you something.” “It’s fine.” I wave him off, taking out anything I can actually handle before nausea sinks in. He watches as I stand over the stove, staring down at the pot of cold water, waiting for it to boil. 

“Y/N, go sit down. I’ll do this.”

“It’s fine, Jackson, I can fucking do this.” I spit out, leaning my head on the edge of the fridge as I close my eyes, placing my hand on my stomach. “I’m sorry…” I mumble, and for a moment, I doubt he hears me when she stands silent. Maybe he finally realized I’m a terrible person…but instead, I feel his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it softly. 

“Go to sleep.” He whispers, and finally, I nod, dragging my feet against the cold tiles back to my room, listening to the soft clattering in my kitchen behind my closed door. I sigh as I lean my head against the door, the bed so close yet so far. The room is so dark with my blackout curtains, and my laptop sits open on my pillow. Just looking at the scene in front of me makes me irritated, my nails digging into my palms before I finally step to my bed, pushing my laptop aside and laying down, watching as it threatened to fall off my mattress. But I couldn’t care less. I turn my back to it, holding my stomach as my position grows more and more uncomfortable. 

The baby kicks again and I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I turn back onto my back, staring up at my dark ceiling, wishing something would just come and blow me up at this point. These are meant to be my happiest days, and I can’t even bring myself to pretend. What is wrong with me? I groan as I cover my face once again, wishing I could just…stop. I want to stop. Stop feeling bad for myself, stop caring about what happened, stop hating these precious moments. I just want to stop. Then, my phone rings. I hesitate to look at it as it lights up my room, but still, I take it into my hand, staring at the unknown number. I’ve gotten a call from it before, I called it myself, but I never saved it hoping the person on the other end would just forget about me. Sarah.

I sigh as I read her number over and over again, then finally, I answer, bringing it to my ear. I have no idea what she might want with me, maybe she’s going to brag about how she and Bangchan got back together. But when she says, “Open the door.” before I could say a word, my body runs cold. How on earth would she have found me? This has to be some sort of horror scene in a movie. I stutter out an “Okay.” before bringing myself to my feet. I’m hesitant to step forward, but still, I bring myself to the door, opening it slowly. Suddenly, she barges inside, looking around my vacant apartment with a grimace on her face. 

“He was not joking…” She mutters, turning to me. She might as well have jumped from her own skin with the look she gave me, her hand on her chest. “Jesus…You look…nice.” She smiles, suddenly bringing me into a hug, kissing my cheek. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment before Jackson comes from the kitchen, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door frame. 

“You’re here to help her. Not make things worse.” He says and she turns to him, tsking softly. 

“Yeah, I know.” “What is happening?” Is all I can say as I stare at the two of them, Jackson stepping towards me before taking my hands. 

“I think…you should hangout. Just the two of you. Girl time, ya know?” “I fucked her boyfriend. You want to leave me alone with her?” “I’m not gonna kill you.” She speaks up, scoffing as my eyes slowly come to hers, blinking softly. “Look,” She starts, pushing Jackson out of the way and taking my hands instead, caressing the skin with her thumbs. I look down at them as she continues. “I know…that I should probably feel mad towards you, but it’s clear you didn’t know about me…for the most part.” She mumbles the last part and my eyes squeeze shut as I thin my lips. “So, I don’t want you wallowing in guilt and depression over a man who doesn’t even have the decency to tell you the truth.” She says as her hands come up to cup my face, raising my gaze to her. “Fuck him and fuck this funk you’re in. I’m gonna help you. Like…a super cool therapist.” She smiles, and I stare, admiring her for a moment. How Bangchan went from her to me is outstanding. I’m…just not her. 

I nod softly, and her smile widens a little more as she pats my cheeks, turning back to Jackson. “You can leave now.” “I’m in the middle of cooking.”

She groans loudly, taking my hand. “Fine, but when you’re done, leave us.” She speaks dramatically as she brings me to the livingroom, sitting me down on the couch. “As for you,” She begins as she rummages through her giant purse, pulling out a pack of gum and a nail file. “I’m gonna make you pretty again. I’ve seen your potential, and you’re not…that right now.” She’s honest, I kind of like it. I nod as she hands me some gum, popping it into my mouth before I give her my hands and she begins to file my nails.

I glance over to Jackson one last time and he smiles with a shrug, leaving us as he continues to cook. I sit there confused for the most part, still trying to think of how she could possibly want to help me in this moment. But, she’s nice about it, gentle with my hands when I tell her I’m sensitive and making jokes as we watch her current favorite show. I feel like I have a friend, a real girl friend who doesn’t just want to get close to Enhypen this time…which has happened way too many times sadly. 

Sarah, she’s kind to me, trying her best to make me forget that I’m actively rotting in a world of my own creation. She tries to remind me that he did this, that he was the one who played us both, but I can’t shake this terrible feeling clinging to my shoulders. But, just for a moment, as I sit on the couch next to her and Jackson, watching the TV as we all eat breakfast, I can feel the weight of it growing lighter, and I sigh, leaning back against the cushions as I feel my bones relax for the first time in a while. 

A smile even threatens to spread across my face as I feel her kick again, and his name slips from my mind slowly. I’m calm, and it feels amazing. Slowly, I close my eyes, and as I drift into a light sleep, I imagine the future I’m going to have with her, with the boys and my friends, and my body runs warm, a soft happiness rushing through me. 

Then, finally, every emotion stopped when week 40 hit me like a truck. My body was begging to get this baby out of me, and she was refusing to leave. Push after push, scream after scream, I grew tired and annoyed with everyone trying to ‘encourage’ me. But finally, with an irritated scream and one final push, I heard it, I heard her. Even in my vexed state, I couldn’t find her cries annoying, all I wanted was her in my arms. But my eyes were quick to close, and the sweat on my body attempted to calm my burning skin as the nurses attempted to keep me from losing my mind. My body twisted in pain, and I could only hope this pain left me by the time I inevitably woke up from my struggle nap. 

But sadly, my body still shivers in haunting pains as I open my eyes, glancing to the door as I listen to Jackson argue with people outside. The nurse stands next to me, holding my baby wrapped in a blanket as she smiles at me, attempting to distract me from the obvious fight in front of me. Hesitantly, I attempt to sit up, hissing softly as I move my legs. The nurse advises me to stay as still as possible, but I ignore her, holding out my arms. She sighs with another smile, slowly handing me my baby. I look over her face, watching as it contorts, threatening to cry again. She’s perfect. I can feel tears come back to my eyes as I run a soft finger over her cheek. I sniffle, holding her head to my chest as I look back to the door, sighing as I continue to watch him. 

“Leave, leave, leave she doesn’t–”

“Please, I just want to make sure everything's okay.” I tense at the voice. Who called him? Thirteen weeks no contact, and he shows up here, now? Who called him?

“Everything is fine, Christopher, leave.” Jackson continues fighting, blocking the door with his body as Bangchan attempts to crawl his way inside. Suddenly, he stops pushing, and I can hear the softest sigh escape from his lips. 

“Please…” I close my eyes as I listen to him, sighing once again as I look to the nurse, thinning my lips. 

“Just let him in.” I mumble with a sore throat, and the nurse quickly moves to the door, instructing Jackson to sit quietly on the side while the father of the baby finally enters the room. I glance at Bangchan as he stands in the doorway, biting his nail as he looks over the both of us, furrowing his brows. 

“Holy shit…Holy shit.” He rushes over to us, and quickly, I cover my baby’s ears, shushing him softly. 

“Stop swearing at my baby.” 

“Sorry, sorry…she’s beautiful.” He whispers, and I look to her again, smiling gently as a soft “I know.” leaves my lips. I can hear the softest sound of his fingers fluttering together, like he’s tempted to place a hand on her, touch her head and run a finger over her cheek like I did, but he doesn’t move. I look back up to him, thinning my lips as I take a breath in. 

“…Sarah’s out there.” I mention, knowing he had to have passed her when he came in, she never left the door. He also thins his lips, nodding gently. 

“I saw.” He mumbles, but his eyes were quick to venture back down to my daughter, his smile quickly coming back to his face. I cock a brow as I nod to myself, adjusting my daughter gently. 

“Did you talk to her?” I ask as I look away from him, and he hums, shoving his hands into his pockets as he shifts on his feet, clearing his throat. 

“I don't have anything left to say to her…I said everything she wanted to hear.” 

“Did you mean it?” I quickly respond, bringing my eyes to him as he looks at me, giving me the softest nod he could. His lips part for a moment, and I can see the gears in his head twist like he had something big to say, but all that left his lips was “I did.” and I hummed, scanning over his face. Maybe his eyes would tell me he didn’t, that he just said shit to get her off his back, but I didn’t see anything, and that bothered me more than I thought it would. 

“Can I hold her?” He asks as he removes his hands from his pockets as if I was ready to hand her over. But, despite my arms threatening to tighten around her, I nod, sighing softly as I hand her over. He holds her so gently, keeping her as close as he possibly can as a smile breaks over his lips again. I can see a shine come to his eyes, and he sniffles as he tries to hold back his tears of joy. “Wow…how, how are you feeling?” He suddenly asks me, rocking his daughter as she coos in his arms. I roll my eyes, scoffing as I look down to the hospital blanket, tilting my head. 

“Amazing.” I speak sarcastically, laying my head back against the pillow. He huffs gently, licking his lips as he furrows his brows. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” He whispers, and I shrug, pushing my hair from my face. 

“I…genuinely didn’t need you here, Chris. I did this…on my own. Just like I thought I would.” I mumble with a smile, watching as his eyes glazed over again. My smile drops for a moment, but I attempt to keep it up. I was happy to do this alone, this is how I envisioned it most of my life. I didn’t feel bad, I didn’t feel like he needed to be here. Either way, my baby was coming, and that’s all I could have asked for. 

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly says, and finally my smile breaks. I take in a sharp breath through my teeth as I look away once again, picking at my weak nails. 

“I know. Deep down, I know. The problem is that on the surface…I can’t believe you.” I mutter, glancing to Jackson. He’s stiff in his seat as his eyes slowly fall to mine, shaking his head gently. I nod, taking in another breath as I smile at Bangchan. “But I know…” I give him another shrug, and a smile comes back to his lips. He sighs, giving his daughter one last look. 

“I should go.” He hums, attempting to give our daughter back to me, but I shake my head, yawning. 

“You can stay, be with your baby girl. I’m going to rest. Again.” I groan quietly as I shift in my bed, pain surging through my body again as I attempt to get comfortable. He sighs once again, and I can hear his faint steps as he paces around the room, shushing our baby back to sleep. Slowly, I fall back to sleep, holding my pillow tightly as my mind attempts to slow itself. But no matter how much I nap, I’m still tired. I take in a small breath as I’m woken up again, groaning as I hide my face from the bright light above me. “Where is my baby?” I whisper, watching as Jackson casts me in his shadow, guarding my eyes. 

“He has her.” He mumbles; there’s still some slight annoyance in his voice. I laugh slightly at it, nodding gently. 

“She’s okay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay.” He smiles, petting my head as I close my eyes again, bringing my blanket up to my chin. 

“Good, good.” The words fall from my mouth as my brain attempts to drag me back into sleep, my lids growing heavier, and as Jackson goes silent, I nearly fall back asleep. But then, he clicked his tongue, taking in a soft breath before patting my head gently. 

“The rest of them are here as well.” It takes a moment for the words to wrap around my brain, but as they do, my eyes shoot open and I quickly turn onto my back despite everything. 

“…Stray kids is in my fucking delivery room.” I whisper and he laughs, shaking his head gently as he attempts to calm me. 

“No they're outside…with the boys.” He includes, and my hands come to my face, dragging down my features tiredly. 

“Jesus.” I whisper, placing my hands back into my lap as I glance to the door, narrowing my eyes as I watch Jungwon slowly peek his head into the window, hiding himself as he notices me. I shake my head, pushing my hair from my face as Jackson slowly holds up a paper bag, my brow rising with it in confusion. He places it down into my lap, quickly unfolding it and taking out a fry, bringing it to my mouth.

“He got you food.” He says as I bite down on it, and I’m tempted to spit it out. I glare at him, swallowing the fry begrudgingly and quickly go for more; I would rather have another baby with him than eat the hospital food. I sigh as I chew on my fries, furrowing my brows as I stare up at the ceiling. 

“God, what is he doing?” I mumble to myself, but Jackson still shrugs, running his fingers through his hair as he leans against the wall. 

“He’s trying to get you back.” We both look at each other, staring at the other as we struggle to hold back our smiles. Finally, I break, laughing as I shake my head. 

“…That fucking asshole.” I groan, hiding my face in my pillow. His laughs die down as his hand comes back to my hair, massaging my head. 

“Him and Sarah seem alright.” He suddenly mentions, and I can’t ignore the cold rush consuming my body. I can feel the shiver in my body beg to be recognized, hoping I would acknowledge how every word of that sentence made me feel sick, but instead I simply hummed. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, saw them laughing. She is in love with your baby.” I smile at this, shrugging softly.

“Yeah well she’s cute, can’t blame her.” I speak confidently, already loving the beautiful attention my baby was getting. I tap my fingers against my blanket, suddenly pushing my food to the side. “I want her.” I state, missing the feeling of having her in my arms, of hearing her. Jackson quickly takes his hand from my hair and rushes to the door, dragging Bangchan back into the room. Quickly, he hands my baby to me, and my smile comes back to my face. “Hi baby, my little girl.” She coos at me and my heart twists in delight, she was just so cute. 

“I’m gonna head out, get the boys some food.” Bagnchan speaks up, suddenly pushing my hair from my eyes so I can watch my baby girl better. I tense slightly at his touch, but I still give him a slight smile as I look to him, nodding gently. 

“Okay…get me something.” I speak softly, and he cocks a brow at me, glancing at the paper bag still full of food. 

“I got you something.” 

“Get me more, I just gave birth, that takes a lot of energy.” I pout softly, and he sighs, crossing his arms. 

“Will do.” He smiles, giving my baby one last touch before he rushes from the room. I hum as I look back to her, caressing her cheek. 

“God, I’m such a fucking idiot.” I say in a baby voice as she stares at me, her face scrunching slightly. 

“No swearing in front of the baby.” Jackson reminds me, mocking my tone when I told Bangchan the same thing. I look to him, pouting again as he tilts his head. “But you are.” He confirms, and I let out a fake cry. I look back to her with slight panic as she makes the same noise, shushing her softly as I cradle her a little closer. She slowly calms, closing her eyes. 

“She looks like him.” I whisper, a slight frown coming to my face as I take in a breath through my teeth, thinning my lips. 

“Does that make you mad?” Jackson asks me, and I’m hesitant to answer. I feel no anger towards her, how could I? But I feel something deep in my heart.

“…No, just makes me a little sad. But it's okay, because she's not him.” I reassure, I would not grow resentful towards my own child, not when she’s the most precious thing in my life. I won’t look at her and see him when she grows, I refuse to do so. 

“You think she's gonna wonder about him?” I groan quietly at Jackson’s question, squeezing my eyes shut as he laughs. 

“God she was just born, let me not think about the future for two seconds.” But that’s all I was going to think about, because that’s all I had with her. There was no now when the days ended quicker than they came, there was only her future, our future. When I finally left the hospital and brought her home, I assumed it would be hard my first few days, maybe even weeks, and I was completely correct. It hurts to sit with her, it hurts to stand with her, it hurts to pee, and it hurts to lay down. I cannot do anything without pain attempting to ruin my days. Jackson has been with me since I left, bringing my painkillers and a heating pad just to keep me comfortable, but nothing was working. 

“Who knew babies were so hard to take care of?” I complained as I closed my bedroom door behind me, dragging myself to the couch beside him. I hiss as I sit next to him, groaning as I lay my head on his shoulder. 

“Dude, it’s been two days.” He mumbles as he places his phone down, patting my thigh gently as he turns the TV on, attempting to entertain me while my baby rests. 

“Two days of constant crying…from both of us.” I remind him, staring at the TV as its sound drowns into the background of my own mind. He pats my thigh again, suddenly standing and laying my head down. 

“You need a break.” He says as he walks to the kitchen, rummaging through my fridge. I slowly flip onto my stomach, watching him as I lean my chin on the arm rest. 

“No no, I’m joking. She’s just…really hungry.” I mumble as I adjust myself, sighing as I pout. He looks back to me, arms full of food as he tilts his head. 

“Well, she's a growing girl. She's gonna need a lot of food.” He reminds me, and I groan, hiding my face in the pillow beneath me. My groaning only grows louder as I pull at my hair. 

“And I’m not providing.” I raise my voice, Jackson quick to shush me in hopes that she stays asleep. I flip onto my back as he slowly comes back, standing over me with a smile. 

“There’s always formula.” He suggests, and I cover my face, groaning once again. 

“I’m thinking about it…Just don't want the switch to make her sick.” 

“Again, it’s been two days.” He nudges me, quickly going  back to the kitchen as I smack him with the pillow, rolling my eyes. 

“Let a mother worry, jeez.” I speak, stiffening as my phone suddenly goes off. He pauses his cooking and turns to me, watching as I quickly sit up and check my messages. 

“Who’s that?” He asks curiously, leaning against the counter. 

“No one, just her father.” I mutter, slamming my phone down as he pretends to wretch in my sink. “God, okay, okay I get it.” He laughs at me, quickly going back to cooking. 

“He’s coming to see her?”

“Yeah, I have to do a few things and it's cold so I don't want to take her out.” I stand from the couch with a grunt, pushing my hair from my face as I sigh. I step to the kitchen, standing next to him with crossed arms. 

“I mean, I’m here.” 

“I know, but I’m giving her time to hangout with her father because he sure as hell isn't gonna do it with me.” I scoff and he laughs again, shaking his head. 

“Fair enough.” He shrugs, looking to me with a smile. I glance at him, smiling back as I place my head on his shoulder, watching him cook. It wasn’t long after lunch that Bangchan showed up and I had sent Jackson on his way. His knock on the door was silent and I was quick to bring myself to my feet, swiftly unlocking the door and letting him in. 

“Hey.” I mumble as I tie my hair back, tucking the rest behind my ears as I wander back into the livingroom, listening to him lock the door. 

“Hey, how is she?” He quickly follows behind me, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms. I sigh softly as I close up her final bottle, quickly putting it into the fridge. 

“Sleeping, she’s eaten, theres…there’s milk in the fridge.” I gesture to the two bottles, one barely full. I scratch my temple as I look at them, letting out a soft exhale.

“Are you okay?” He steps closer to me, leaning against the counter as he looks me over, tilting his head. 

“Yeah just… there’s not much.” I whisper with a scoff, shutting the fridge in frustration. 

“No problem, I have formula.” He says as he rummages through the plastic bag hanging from his arm, quickly pulling out a small tub of formula. 

“You brought your own?”I raise a brow, hugging myself as he nods, placing that one on the table before fishing for another. 

“I assumed you'd be a little tired of pumping, sounds like a nightmare.” He mumbles, placing the rest of them onto the table. I scoff slightly as I look over the amount of formula he brought. 

“I can do it.” I mutter, and he looks up from his bag, handing me a protein bar. 

“I know you can, this is just in case.” He smiles thinly, tossing the bag away before sneaking to my bedroom door, opening it softly. He smiles as he peaks inside, looking over his daughter. I notice the way his hand tightens around the knob before he closes the door, turning to me. “Go do your thing, she’ll be good when you get here. I’ll make sure she’s taken care of.” He speaks with a nod, and I nod back, tapping the protein bar against my palm. 

“Okay, thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me, I’m her dad. I should be doing this when you can’t.” He speaks as he opens the front door for me, and a soft “Right…” slips from my lips before I step out, standing there as he locks the door. I exhale gently, quickly opening the protein bar and biting into it, rushing down the hall. I stay out much longer than I need to, in reality, I’m nervous to go back, to see him with her, to see him in general. I should have just asked Jackson to stay, but I can’t deprive a man time with his daughter. I'd feel cruel, and as I make my way back home, I feel ever more cruel to myself. It would be easier if we were friendly, if I was able to push everything aside just to keep him in her life, but that would be oh so cruel. When I get home, I sit in my car for a while, playing with the full cigarette box I bought just for the feel. I can’t smell like smoke holding her. I sigh as I force myself from the car, dragging my feet as I walk down the hall to my door. Again, I stand there for a moment, not even attempting to search for my keys as the apartment sits silent on the other side of the door. Finally, I step inside, slowly bringing myself to my room. She sleeps on his chest as he lays in my bed, bringing his gaze from the ceiling to me. I take in a deep breath, taking my sweater from my body and tossing it aside. 

“Move over.” I speak up, and he quickly sits up. 

“I can go.” 

“Just move, jackass, I’m tired.” I wave him over and he moves. I lay next to him, looking up at her as she holds his shirt, drooling on him. I smile for a moment before I turn onto my back, staring up at my dark ceiling. He sits still next to me, and I can feel how his hesitant hand plays with the tips of my hair, wishing to feel more. It’s silent for a while, but my heart is loud in my ears. I want to say something, my body is begging me to say something even though I shouldn’t. “You’re stepping up a little too late, ya know that.” But I can’t keep my mouth shut at times. He hums in response, curling the ends of my hair around his finger tips. 

“I know.” His words are always so simple. He knows. He knew. He always did. “But a little too late is still better than never.” He whispers, and I can’t help but scoff. I turn onto my side to look to him, tucking my hair behind my ear. 

“You’d think that wouldn’t you?” I mumble, and I watch as his brows furrow softly, finally bringing his fingers from my hair to caress her head gently. 

“I’m trying, Y/N.” 

“I wish you were trying when you promise to never fuck up again.” I suddenly sit up, and I can’t help but feel terrible. What was I doing? Why couldn’t I shut up just once. 

“Really, right now?” 

“Yes, now. Always, Chris. I told you I wasn’t gonna forget.”

“And I understand that but you’re gonna wake her.” I take in a breath at this, and my heart stops for a moment as I look to her. Then, like an unstoppable flood, my eyes blur as tears threaten to spill from them. I scoff, balling my fist into the sheets. 

“You’re right…You’re right.” Then, I stand, wiping the tears from my face as I open my bedroom door. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Somewhere where I won’t wake her.” I spit out as I rush from the room, and he is quick to follow behind me, placing her gently in her crib before joining me into the living room. 

“Hey hey, I’m sorry.” 

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry. Okay? I am.” He cups my face, but I push his hands away, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. 

“Fuck. You.” 

“Sit–sit down.” He takes a hold of my arms, forcing me to my couch as my tears grow heavier. “I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry. I fucked up, a lot. I didn’t just fuck up with Sarah, but I fucked up with you, with her.” He speaks as he kneels in front of me, cupping my face and wiping my tears with his thumbs. They’re soft against my cheek, and I hate it. “I fucked up…so much, and I regret every fucking minute of it.” He whispers, kissing my forehead gently before holding my head to his chest, shushing me as he pets my head. 

“Then why did you do it…twice?” I sob out, holding his arm tightly. I know my nails hurt him, but he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“B-Because I’m selfish, I’m a self-centered asshole just like you said but I want to change. I really…really do.” He reassures, and my crying pauses. I sniffle harshly as I take myself from his hold, wiping my tears with my shirt. Slowly, I look to him with a red face, my lips quivering softly. 

“You’re the most self-centered asshole I’ve ever fucking met.” I whisper, my words breaking in my throat as my cries beg to replace them again. “You know you can’t change.”

“I can, I swear I can.”

“You swore…months ago. And look at you now.” I stand from the couch as I throw my arms into the air, slamming them down as my frustration only grows. “Still the same, self-centered, loser, asshole you were when we fucking started.” My voice begins to raise and I can’t stop it. My head spins for a moment, and all I want to do is sleep in silence. “Leave, please.” It sounds more like a plea than a demand when I speak it, but either way, it means the same thing. 

“Y/N–”

“Leave God Dammit just leave!” I yell, and instantly my hands come to my mouth, and I can hear her cries begin. They’re almost as loud as mine as I bring my hands to my hair, pulling harshly. “Shit, shit shit!” Quickly, I run for my baby, bringing me from her crib and holding her close, rocking her gently. “I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I whisper against her skin as I kiss her head, watching Bangchan in the doorway. “You’re not changing for me, Chris. You’re changing to make yourself feel better, and the faster you admit that the faster we can be done with this shit.” I speak my final words for the night, stepping back as he brings himself closer, hesitantly cupping my face once again. 

“Okay.” He whispers, placing a soft kiss on her head before caressing my cheek gently one last time, and then, he kisses me, and I don’t pull back. It’s soft, nightmarishly soft, and when he’s gone it felt as if he was never there. “Goodnight.” Then he leaves me, and I stay up, watching the sun rise as I hold her to my racing heart, wanting to keep her asleep for as long as I could. Jackson joins me in the morning, and as I feed her, staring at the TV, a thought comes to me. 

“You think life would be better if I had just killed myself?” I barely realize I speak before Jackson places his phone down, taking me out of my dissociated state. 

“What? Y/N what the fuck are you talking about?” There’s concern in his voice, and I hate the sound of it. I don’t want him to be concerned about me, I feel terrible every time. 

“Like…at any time before this.” I mumble as I lay my head back against the couch cushion, the floor uncomfortable underneath me, but I don’t have the strength to bring myself up. 

“Stop, no, stop talking, actually.” He instructs and I thin my lips, closing my eyes. I nod as I take in a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry, I’m tired.” I mumble, and then suddenly, he takes the bottle from my hand, and then my baby, and I stare down at my empty arms, my brows furrowing. 

“Go nap.” He instructs once again, continuing to feed her. I turn to him, reaching for my child. 

“I can’t, I have a baby.”

“Go. Nap. Now.”

“Jackson, I need to do this.”

“I am here, I will take care of her while you rest you clearly fucking need it.” He won’t even listen to me. What kind of mother am I if I can’t even feed my own baby. Even then, I stand from the floor, dragging my feet beneath me. But then, I stop, and I turn to Jackson. 

“He kissed me.” I whisper, almost praying he hadn’t heard me. But he raises his head, slight shocked confusion written across his face. 

“What?” He mumbles, and I shrug as my hands find their ways into my pockets, leaning against the wall. 

“He kissed me goodbye last night…both of us. Like he was…good to me.” I scoffed out, looking down to the ground. I watch as my feet shift, tapping against the hardwood floor. “He cupped my cheek and kissed me so softly I swear I barely felt his lips and now I want to die.” My throat closes as tears come to my eyes, and I let out an annoyed sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I’m so fucking pathetic, Jackson. I’m so…God.” Suddenly, I crouch and hide my face in my hands, feeling as my tears fall through the cracks of my fingers and onto my socks. Jackson stands quickly, kneeling the both of them next to me. 

“Hey hey it’s okay. You’re okay.” He comforts, rubbing my back gently. Quickly she begins to cry without her food, and my head shoots up, instantly rising to my feet and grabbing the bottle from the couch, quickly giving it back to her. 

“Oh God, I’m sorry baby.” I whisper as I once again try to take her back but Jackson turns from me, shaking his head. 

“No, sleep, I’ll take care of her.” He cocks his head to my bedroom, and finally, I give up, nodding and I clear my face. 

“Okay…Okay.” I mumble as I leave them, closing my door behind me. I can’t remember when I fell asleep, it must have been the moment my head hit the pillow, I was exhausted, and it’s only been three days. I can’t remember when I woke up either, but when I opened my eyes, the moon replaced the sun in the sky and my baby was sleeping in her cradle, silent and comfortable. I grunt as I sit up, dragging myself back out into the living room. 

“How are you feeling?” Jackson asks me as I join him on the couch, smiling softly as I push my messy hair from my face. 

“Like the worst mom on the planet, I can’t believe I slept for that long.” I grumble, licking my lips as I lay my head back, crossing my arms. 

“I can, you really needed it.” I scoff at his words, waving him off as I say “It’s all this postpartum shit…I’ll get over it.” It was true, I couldn’t be feeling like this just because it was my hormone crash, and I was going to get back to normal soon. Jackson continues to look at me, brushing my hair from my face. “You scared me.” He whispers, and I turn to him, taking in a soft breath I hug him. 

“I’m sorry.” I mumble as he hugs me back, patting my hair gently. 

“You’re strong, you know that? So strong.” He tells me, whispering into my hair as I hug him a little tighter. “And you’re not pathetic.” I laugh at this, shaking my head gently. 

“I really am.” 

“You’re not, you’re just…still holding onto the promise he made you.” He mutters, and I finally release him, placing my hands in my lap. 

“And that makes me pathetic.” 

“That makes you hopeful.” He places a hand on my shoulder, massaging it gently as I sigh. Once again, my eyes drift to the floor, but tears refuse to come this time. “You'll get through this, with or without him. One kiss doesn’t change you.” His words are encouraging, he means so well every time he talks. 

“But a baby does…” So why can’t I just take his words without having something to ruin it? It always confuses me, but that’s just me I guess. But he was right, I would get through this, things would get better for me, I just need to get myself back on my feet, I need to be better. I would get the hand of this, I would be the mother I knew I would be, and as the month flew by, I was slowly becoming her. A month would pass, and then another, and as the new year rolled around and my ten month mark arrived, I was calm, capable, and willing to live, which is all I needed. 

“Hey.” Sarah says as she knocks on my open bedroom door, watching me fold my laundry. I quickly look up from it, humming softly. 

“Hey whatsup? Everything okay?” I speak as I continue, glancing up as she checks her nails, picking at them gently. 

“Yeah…just wanted to let you know your baby is standing.” Instantly the clothes fall from my hands. 

“What!?” I exclaim before rushing from my room, watching as my daughter held onto the couch as tight as she could, her legs barely able to keep her up properly. “Holy shit.” I cover my mouth as I furrow my brows with happiness. “Oh my God, my baby is walking.” My muffled words make Sarah hum as she tilts her head, recording her. 

“Technically she’s…dragging herself on the couch.” 

“Same thing.” I quickly interject, leaning against the wall with a content sigh, my smile never falling. “She’s so amazing.” I mumble, and Sarah quickly stops recording, shoving her phone into her pocket. 

“She really is…I’m sure someone else…would be dying to know about this.” Her words die down into a mumble as I turn to her, whining as I slide down the wall, hugging myself. 

“What are you doing to me?” 

“I’m just trying to keep everything civil.” I look up to her through my lashes as she thins her lips, suddenly flashing me a bright smile. I flash one back only to drop it instantly, scoffing as I brush my face from my face. 

“Remember when he–”

“Shush, I can hate him all I want because I don’t have his DNA walking around my apartment.” She gestures to my baby, both of us watching as she falls. I sigh as I bring myself to my feet, holding her as she continues to grab for the couch, and then my hair, holding anything she can get her grumpy hands on. “And you can hate him too, just…a little less.” I glare at her, and then a thought hits me. I look her over, raising my brows as I scoff. 

“Oh my God, you want me to invite him over so we’ll fight and you can have the baby for yourself.” I speak up and she gasps, bringing her hand to her chest. 

“How could you possibly have known that?” She plays along, and we laugh, suddenly stopping as a knock comes to the door. Gently, I hand her my daughter, shaking my head gently.

“Well jokes on you, I blocked his number…again.” I confess, giving her one last smile before I open the door, my lips dropping as a certain blonde stands before me. “Hey…” The words whisper from my tongue as all the air is knocked from my lungs. He smiles at me softly, awkwardly shifting as I simply stare. 

“Hey.” He responds, and as Sarah joins me at the door, I’m brought back into reality.

“What uh…what are you doing here?” I ask as I shove my hands into my pockets, picking at my cuticles nervously. He hums as he looks at the bag in his hand, holding it up. 

“Just wanted to check in, got a little something for her.” Slowly, he pulls out a sweet pink set for our baby, and quickly, Sarah takes it into her hands, looking it over. 

“Oh cute.” She coos, and as I glance at her, she suddenly clears her throat, shaking her head. “Not…Not cute.” She backtracks, handing it back to Bangchan. 

“Thank you, Chris. I’m sure she’ll love it.” I sigh out with a half-assed smile, watching as he nodded. He continues to rummage through the bag, it seemed pretty full. 

“I got baby food as well–”

“I have.” I don’t let him finish though, it’s been three months since we’ve spoken, what could he possibly want right now. He thins his lips, nodding gently as he puts the set back into the bag. 

“Right.” We stand in silence for a moment, Sarah scoffing at the two of us as she rolls her eyes. 

“Chris.” She speaks up to gain his attention, suddenly handing him my baby. “Did you come by just so you could see her?” She speaks with a gentle pout, placing a hand on his shoulder. He’s quick to shrug it off, scoffing at her. 

“What, no, I have better things to do then…worry about what Y/N is doing.”

“I meant the baby.” She corrects him, and he falls silent. As Sarah’s smile widens from ear to ear, I sigh, opening the door a little more. 

“Come in.” I allow, he was already holding my baby. Swiftly, he follows us inside. “Sit with her while I make dinner, yeah?” I request, and he was quick to comply, sitting on the couch as Sarah stands next to me, watching me prep dinner. 

“He so wants you.” She suddenly whispers and I tsk at her, nudging her with my elbow as a quiet “Shut up.” leaves me. She turns to face him, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. “Look at him, buying you food and clothes when he knows you already have, getting all defensive.” She continues, keeping her voice as low as she could. Again, I tsk, rolling my eyes. 

“Whose side are you on?” 

“The side that gets you a little less tense.” Now it’s her turn to playfully nudge me, biting her lips gently. 

“Well, him being here has me tense.”

“And I’m sure he could change that.” I turn to her, pinching her softly. She yelps as she tries to get away, holding her hands up in surrender. 

“I’m joking, I’m joking.” She laughs, and I sigh, going back to prepping. 

“You’re like the worst ex ever, you’re supposed to be making him a monster.” I bring our words back to a whisper, and she scoffs, continuing to stare at him. 

“Well, he does that all on his own, he doesn't need my help for that.” She tells me, and I cock a brow, nodding gently. 

“You’re right about that.” I mumble, taking a knife into my hand.

“But…you like evil people.” She retorts, holding my arm tightly as she lays her head on my shoulder, watching the knife as closely as me. 

“I liked one and look where that got me.”

“Oh, I know, I would never want a beautiful baby and a totally super hot, super cool bestfriend.” She says with a smile, poking my cheek as I side-eye her. 

“Harharhar, it also got me stuck with a cheating asshole of a father for her.” I remind her once again, but then, my knife begins to slow. I glance over my shoulder, watching as she held onto his finger with a smile, attempting to bite it gently. “He’s cleaned up a bit…” I sigh out, and Sarah shakes me. 

“Now we're talking.” I shush her as her voice raises slightly, trying my best to keep this conversation between us. 

“But, that doesn’t mean I’m going to invite him back into my life.” I quickly defend myself, and she scoffs at her again, blowing a raspberry lazily.

“He’s already in your life.” She gestures towards him, and finally, he looks to us, tilting his head in confusion. 

“What are you two talking about?” Slowly, Sarah turns to him, a disgusted look painted over her features. 

“Oh my God, can you mind your business?” She spits out, and a small “Sorry.” melts from him before she scoffs again, turning back to me. For a moment, I thought it was over, that our conversation had died down. “Sleep with him.” But Sarah was never done when you expected her to be. 

“What!?” Her forwardness shocks me for a moment and she quickly removes the knife from my hand, interlocking our fingers as she turns to an even more confused Bangchan. 

“Excuse us for a moment.” She says before rushing us to my room, closing the door behind us. 

“You have lost your goddamn mind, Sarah, I will not.” I say as I sit down, and she grabs my shoulders, shaking me again. 

“It’s either him, or we find you someone new because you need a break and you can’t keep using Jackson as a replacement father.” Her words hit a little hard because, damn were they true. Jackson had been such a big help in the earlier days, and I am grateful, as grateful as I could be. But he can’t do this forever, I can’t have him do this forever no matter how much he says he’s okay with it. “Okay, look, maybe don't sleep with him, but y’all gotta be a okayish terms for this little girl. He will help you when you are tired. We’ve seen it.” I sigh as I sadly agree with her, it would be easier if I was at least…okay with seeing him. “Plus, he’s totally obsessed with you. I’m sure he thinks about you every night, and dreams about everything you guys did together and maybe he wants another baby–”

“Ew, ew, ew stop, I get it.” I push her hands from my shoulder and scoff with a smile, shaking my head as my fingers come to my temples. “I’ll be friendly, but I won’t be his friend.” I offer, and instantly she boos me. I put my hands up in defense, shrugging gently. “That’s all I can offer.” I stand confidently on my point, and with a pout, she groans, pushing me softly. 

“God, fine.” She rolls her eyes, taking my hand and bringing us back into the kitchen. Then, Bangchan stands from the couch, hesitantly stepping towards me. 

“Hey uh, when was the last time you took her out?” He asks in a soft voice, and my brow twitches at it, thinning my lips as I think. 

“Last night.”

“Mind if I take her out again, just for a little walk around the block?” My brows raise at his request, but as I lick my lips, I nod, placing my hand on my hip. 

“Uh…yeah, sure.”

“We should all go!” Sarah suddenly speaks up, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the front door, quickly unlocking it. Awkwardly, me and Bangchan put our shoes on, and then, Sarah gasps, biting her nail. “Oh shit, but who's gonna watch the food?” I glare at her as her lips curve, clasping her hands together. “You two go, I’ll stay here.” She speaks the very words I was hoping wouldn’t leave her lips, and as Bangchan places our daughter into her stroller and steps past me, I lean into her ear. 

“You are such a traitor.” 

“Blah blah blah, just go.” I give her one last look before stepping out myself, sighing as I let go of the doorknob. I quickly follow him outside, shivering as the night air drifts through the two of us. It’s quiet out, neither of our lips willing to move first, but someone would have to speak. It was always inevitable. 

“How have you been feeling?” He asks me, and I puff up my cheeks, exhaling as I cock my brows. 

“Good, good. It’s getting easier.” 

“That’s good to hear.” Then silence finds us again, and I know it’s my turn to talk. I click my tongue hesitantly, picking at my cuticles again as I force the words from my throat. 

“…How have you been?” I glance at him, and he lowers his head to try and hide his smile, licking his lips to erase it from his face. 

“Doing the same stuff I always do.” He admits, and I nod to this, a smile coming to my lips as well. He takes in a gentle breath as he raises the hood of the stroller, his smile quickly coming back. “She’s amazing…”

“I know…She really is.” We admire our daughter in a growing comfortable silence. Then, he looks in front of him, sighing into the cold air. 

“I’m changing.” He says to me, and I can feel my heart pound a little harder. I put my cold hands into my jacket, also looking ahead. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah…I am. I have been. Not to make myself feel better,” He begins, suddenly stopping the stroller. I take a few more steps before I stop as well, closing my eyes as I let a quick prayer play through my head. Then, I turn to him, raising my chin just a little higher. “But for you, both of you.” He gives me a thin smile, suddenly rummaging through his pocket. “Here.” He pulls something out, hidden in the palm of his hand before he gives it to me. The promise ring he had given me sits in my shaking, dry hand, glimmering in the moonlight. “You don’t have to wear it, or fuck, even keep it, but I mean my promise this time. I’m changing for everyone. For a better future.” He says this so confidently, and for the first time in a while, I feel like change might be in his future. I take in a shaking breath through my teeth as I look up to him, trying my best to keep my lips from quivering as freezing tears come to my eyes. I scoff as a smile breaks over my face, shoving the ring into my pocket before cupping his face, suddenly bringing him into a kiss. An embarrassingly comforting kiss. As we break away, I lean my forehead against his, a stuttering sigh leaving my lips. 

“God, I hate you.”

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Tag List: @alondra6011 @cchapssaltteok

[his-angell]

"You'll get used to it, sweetheart." (c.bc)

plot; A trip with her boyfriend to his hometown sounded like a dream. She was so glad to be able to spend more time with him. But.. Maybe less time with the bugs.. paring; Christopher Bahng x fem!reader genre; crack, fluff, smidge of angst if you squint word count; 1k warnings; bugs, cursing, pet names, 3rd pov request?; yes! request found here

A trip to Chan's hometown was a dream. Finally being able to spend time with him and see where he grew up? That's literal heaven. Plus, she's always wanted to travel to Australia.. It seemed beautiful. So hey, it was a win win for her. Or so she thought. She didn't really believe that the bugs there were that horrible. She always saw online that they were bad, but she didn't really think it could be that horrible. They were only some silly bugs! Shes pretty much gotten used to most of the bugs where she lived. So, these can't be much worse, right? Getting used to the bugs didn't mean she was completely fear free of them though.. She still hated them with a passion.

After a relaxing dinner with Chan's family, they had decided to go take a walk, just the two of them. It was fall, so it wasn't too hot, or too cold. It was perfect. (y/n) listened happily to her boyfriend talk about how he missed his mom and dad so much. He was talking about fond memories he had walking down the trail they were on.

"I love listening to you talk," (y/n) butted in, squeezing his hand lightly. A light blush took over Chan's cheeks. He laughed nervously and waved his free hand. "Yeah, whatever." He huffed. "I ramble. Besides, my voice is not that-" He was cut off by the shorter woman slapping his arm. "Yah! Don't even start on that. Your voice is literally my favorite thing in the world." She huffed and rolled her eyes. He knew how much she hated when he talked bad about himself.

Chan chuckled and shook his head softly. They decided to take a seat down on a bench. They were sitting in a comfortable silence, gazing over at the clouds that passed over. The sun was setting, and it basked the sky in beautiful oranges and pinks. (y/n) looked down when she felt something tickle her thigh. She felt a hot rush over her body as she stared at the fat beetle on her thigh. She whined and quickly swiped it away.

Chan frowned and looked at her. "You alright?" He chuckled softly. "Why are the bugs so- Ugly-" (y/n) grumbled and shuttered slightly. God- She hated bugs.. There was something about them that freaked her out so bad. She huffed and ran a hand through her hair. Chan only laughed softly at her and patted her head. "You'll get used to it, sweetheart." He hummed. Would she thoughh? Definitely not was the correct answer..

That was just one time that the bugs bothered her. Over the trip, they were outside a lot. Whether it be walks, or eating outside at a fancy restaurant. There was no getting away from them. While she tried really hard to just ignore them, she wasn't able to. Whether it be a bug on the ground, or the table. Hell, even when she saw it on some strangers arm, she would scoot or step away. She couldn't stand it. They were big and ugly.

Chan was talking to his mother, and (y/n) was sparking conversations with his sister. They were sitting out on a patio. They had gone out to this lounge spot. It was really pretty. Hannah paused mid sentence to point at (y/n)'s shoulder. "Okay, don't freak out, but there's a huge spider on your arm." She laughed nervously. (y/n) tensed up and clenched her eyes shut. She couldn't even look at it, more less move to swat it away. "Chris-" She whined quietly.

Chan hummed and looked over. His smile faltered at the sight of his girlfriend tensed up with her eyes clamped shut. He glanced at Hannah, who pointed at the spider again. Chan looked and blinked at it. Yikes. He hated bugs as much as the next person, but he kinda got used to them. He knew how bad (y/n) hated bugs. "Why aren't you doing anything?!" (y/n) spat through gritted teeth, opening her eyes to look at him.

Hannah pursed her lips to stop herself from laughing. She wasn't aware of (y/n)'s fear of the insects. She cleared her throat and moved to go sit by their mother. Chan gently took a deep breath and grabbed a napkin. He reached over and grabbed the spider, crushing it inside the napkin. He got up, throwing it away. He sat back down and gently wiped her shoulder. "All gone, jagi." He kissed her head. (y/n) slowly nodded and shuttered. "Ick.. Ick!" She whined and wiped herself off.

Chan chuckled softly and patted her head. "Not used to it then?" He snickered. (y/n) glared at him. "I don't understand how I ever could get used to it. They're actually disgusting." She laughed quietly. She sighed softly and patted his cheek. "Good thing I have my big strong boyfriend to get them for me," She clicked her tongue and huffed. Chan rolled his eyes softly and shook his head softly. "Ah, I see what I am now. I'm only here to save you from the bugs." He grabbed his drink and took a sip from it. She nodded slowly and raised her eyebrows. "Wasn't that obvious?" She hummed. Chan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I cannot with you." He tutted. "You love me." She kissed his cheek. "That I do, sweetheart," He kissed her head gently.

That's pretty much how the rest of the trip went. It was perfect, all because she had her lovely boyfriend to protect her from all the bugs. Anytime one flew by her, she would move to the other side of Chan and he would laugh and swat it away. He would tease her endlessly throughout the trip and even when they got home. All out of love of course. He never knew someone could be that worried about a little tiny thing. Truth was, those things are not tiny.. He's just oddly used to it..

...

thank you, annon for the requestt!! i hope it lived up to your wishess! muah muah! stay safee! <3

all writing rights are reserved to @his-angell do not repost or translate my work without my permission. reblogs are appreciated.

[changbinshearteubeateu]

So so so Ahem.... 🤭🤭

What do you think of this teasing smile and this handsome face stays 😜😜😉😉

I just want to say LOVELYYYY.....❣️❣️

[kucikitty]

---✿❀Desperate Bangchan❀✿---

Photos not mine, I only edit them;

•| ⊱✿⊰ |• Pairing; Sub!Bangchan x Dom!GN!Reader

•| ⊱✿⊰ |• Warnings; smut, dirty talk, pet names, submissive bangchan, dominant reader, needy, swear words, slight oral - m!receiving (Just the tip lol)

•| ⊱✿⊰ |• Word Count; 1226

•| ⊱✿⊰ |• Author's Note; Hope you all enjoy! Just a quick little drabble I put together this morning~

!! •| ⊱✿⊰ |• !! My blog is 18+!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. AGE IN BIO OR PINNED! MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!! Thank you~

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Bangchan is kneeled in front of you, ready and obedient for whatever you decide to do with him next. You reach out and your thumb dances across his bottom lip. The static buzzing with every touch you give him. He’s obsessed with you, he craves you. Always. You leave him wanting more every time. You go to pull your hand back but he’s quick. His fingers wrap around your wrist holding you in place, your thumb still resting on his plush pillowy lips. He kisses the tip slowly, sensually, dragging your thumb down. His bottom lip drags with it then flicks back into place. He blinks up at you, his doe eyes stare at yours with need. He holds your eyes in his as he wraps his lips around your thumb. The suction is light but it gets needier with every second that goes by. He wishes it was your clit instead but beggars can’t be choosers. He’ll take anything you give him, as long as he’s able to have anything of you he’s satisfied. 

You’re mesmerized. The pure ecstasy on his face over something so minimal is slowly driving you insane. You knew he was pussy whipped but you didn’t realize it was this bad. Truth be told it turned you on so much more. How far was he willing to go to be with you? Would he do anything you asked? A simple yes, he would. He’d walk to the ends of the earth, jump off a cliff, grovel on his knees if you asked him to. 

Whilst his tongue danced around your thumb you brought your free hand up and combed your fingers through the bangs laid on his forehead. The sensation caused him to purr, a low groan rumbling in his throat. His eyes held yours with desperation, he wanted more but he didn’t want to be selfish. It’s your pleasure before his, always. Although he couldn’t help the slight thrusts into the crowded air, he needed relief, bad. And you were right there to give it to him. 

You could see the strain on his face, it was devilish to witness. You almost wanted to leave him here, carnal for more. But with the way he was acting you didn’t know if you could. Because truth be told you were just as turned on as he is. There’s nothing more satisfying than having a man like him at your beck and call. You’re gonna have fun with this one, it was an opportunity you refused to pass up. 

You pulled back your thumb that was still in between his beautiful lips, his hold on your wrist getting tighter. He didn’t want to let go yet, it’s too soon. But with the sharp look you gave him he accepted defeat, he didn’t want to disappoint you. Especially when he was so close to having you, it’d ruin him. 

You smiled softly at his disheveled state. His messy hair, blown eyes and wet lips pulled apart and panting. 

“Such a good puppy for me, yeah?” You whisper. 

His eyes lit up at the pet name, he’d like whatever you decided to call him but there was something about the word puppy that drove him wild. The slew of bangs on his forehead bounced up and down when he nodded in response. Any praise from you was better than anything on this planet, he was determined to receive more. To be a good boy for you. 

You leaned down to his kneeled form, your face hovering above his, lips inches away. Just a little more and your lips would meet. The urge he must resist to lean forward and push his lips into yours was the hardest thing he’s had to do in a while. 

You smirk at his desperation, god he was so delicious, “Since you’re such a good puppy how ‘bout you sit on the edge of the bed for me, hm?” 

He didn’t have to be told twice, tripping over his feet as he stood up, he stumbled to the edge of the bed and sat obediently. His fingers splayed across the sheets, rubbing against the fabric, his nerves are on fire. 

You stand straight up once again, a smirk dances across your lips at his eagerness. Slowly making your way to him, you let your hips sway with every step. Your hard stare has him trapped, like Medusa has laid her cold eyes on him and turned him into stone, he was still. When you reach him you extend your hand out, he grabs it softly and kisses the back of it. You smile at his quick obedience. 

Suddenly you drop to your knees in front of him and push his thighs apart. You make your way in between his spread out form, your nails digging into his jeans as you squeeze his thick thighs. He stops breathing, stunned at your sudden decision. You’re in between his legs and he has no idea how to breathe. 

“Ah-“ A whimper escapes his lips when you lean down and press a kiss to his bulge. 

He’s so hard it hurts, his fingers dig into the sheets more, he wants it bad. You gleam at his sounds, you need to draw more out and you need it now. 

You nuzzle your face into his bulge, the rough fabric of his jeans scratching at your face but that’s the least of your concern. When you look up at him his head is thrown back. Hot harsh breaths coming out from his mouth, he doesn’t know how much longer he can last. Even with you just looking at him he can blow his load, you were addicting. 

Your slight giggle grabs his attention and he whips his head back down to look at you, although he wishes he hadn’t. Your chin is resting on his painfully hard bulge and your eyes full of sin, teasing him. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

You squeeze at his thighs again, “Since you’ve been such a good puppy I think I should reward you.” You lift your head up and make quick work at his belt, “I’m gonna shove your cock so far down my throat, the only thing you’re gonna think of is me.” 

You slide the belt out of the hoops and start unbuttoning his jeans, “The only name you’re gonna chant is mine.” His hips lift as you pull down his pants along with his underwear, his cock springs free, “I’m going to consume your entire being and you’re gonna love every second of it.” 

His bottom lip quivers when you wrap your hand around the base of his cock, “You already consume me, every day.” His voice shakes. 

You give his tip a soft kiss and he almost busts right then and there, “Is that so?” You ask. 

His bottom lip is pulled between his teeth, almost drawing blood. His breath is uneven, “Y-yes. No one else can make me feel like you do.” 

You wrap your lips around his tip and suck harshly, he cries out. The electrifying sensation only lasts a couple of seconds before you pull back, enjoying every second of his disheveled state. 

“Mm you got that right.” You moan out, “Now puppy, let me show you exactly why no one else can do what I can do.” 

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© 2024 KUCIKITTY. DO NOT COPY, REPUBLISH OR TRANSLATE MY WORK ANYWHERE