#chronically ill tw

[sundiyal]

My health scares the crud out of me when this stuff happens. My biggest fears are leaving my partner alone and not being able to finish our creative projects togehter

The thought of something happening to me and leaving my partner alone to cope with it literally breaks my heart. I want to stay as healthy as I can for myself AND them because I want to live a long happy life with them, ive had a very hard life and the moment things started getting good for me THATS when my health originally took a decline a few years ago. Its devastating. Idk if its because I was finally safe amd my body was able to leave survival mode or what but its just devestating.

As for creating, ive basically been held down from working on sootfell and my other projects my whole life by my abusers and the people who groomed me online (and offline) and I do NOT want to die now that im finally getting somewhere with it. Im FINALLY healing and I REFUSE to let this take me!!! This is MY life!!!!

[sundiyal]

bahhhh my tests came back non conconclusive >_<

i had to go to the hospital because my blood pressure has been sky high ever since I got sick (im a cardiologist patient)

ive had it under control for a good long while so....idk. the docs took ten (10!!!!!!!) vials of blood from me i thought I was gonna shrivel up! thankfully they didn't see anything wrong with my labs or xray but I gotta get set up with a new pcp in a few days because im living in a new area and being uninsured stinks! :( they were super nice to me though and gave me a paper of a place to go to in a few days for a followup which my last doctors did NOT do! SO im super grateful for that <3

they gave me some meds for heart failure and im feeling a lot better and my blood pressure is out of crisis range! I only have a month supply tho so I gotta get on the ball to find a doctor Dx and I am so scared of doctors because I have a history of them just not listening to me but isn't that just how Americas health care system is in general at this point hfhdhf.

I just wanna know wtf happened because my bp never gets this high. It was 198 over 115!! My diastolic was sort of managable but my systolic was just EVERYWHERE. Ive had it under control for so long, I take losartan and its been great up until about 3 days ago when it just started getting bad out of nowhere

Im okay at least!! Just...confused? XD Like body pls give me a break!

I'm gonna take a bit to rest but im really excited to finish my art fight pieces before the month is over and respond to comments ;w;