An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Here’s part 8 of One Foot In Front of the Other!
Shadows Creeping Forward:
Leviathan overhears some low-ranking demons talking smack, and some of it just hits harder than it should. Thankfully, Mammon was around the corner to help.
Honestly, it was difficult to discern when the damage had started. Was it only recently, or was it something they had all missed? Maybe it had begun back when they were angels, with Raphael's cruel smiles and Sammael's dishonorable desires, Michael's unforgiving punishments and God's complete dismissal of them. It had probably begun even earlier than that, at least if they listened to Mammon talk about meeting Leviathan. Or heard the rumors about Simeon's odd creation, questions flitting about over the strangeness of Lucifer. How fire had rained in the Devildom the day a wingless angel had been gifted unto them, white hair and blue eyes that shimmered brightly. The complete normalcy that was Asmodeus's creation. The horror of the twins, one at sunrise, the other falling at sunset. And Lilith… sweet Lilith, born with nothing to view the wonders of the Celestial Realm with.
Either way, the disasters that had lead to the Fall, which had gifted them with the greatest gift and the worst timing ever. The horrors and terror that came with the war and the Fall only bestowed more damage onto the fragile brothers. The trauma eventually had climaxed, reaching a peak that Lucifer could no longer hold back and combat by himself. Everything was steadily falling apart and he ignored it, clinging to that desperate pride that kept him alive. Without it, he would have died years ago. How could he have been so unaware of his brother's needs? That disgusting trauma that had been hiding around the corner, just out of view from Lucifer's watchful eyes.
Lucifer certainly could see it know, watching Satan fall to pieces when he had thought Lucifer would die. Hearing Asmodeus tear himself up for not being more than he was. Watching the heartbreak on Beelzebub's face when he had eaten everything. The horror of Belphegor late at night, vengeful and angry at nothing and everything. Mammon's moments of instability and breaking down, shattered on the floor like glass before he forced himself back together. Leviathan's secrets and fears, worries that kept him awake and ate at his mind constantly.
The only way Lucifer knew to conquer the trauma…
It had all been because he was running late to class, literally. Leviathan darted up the stairs, cursing at every gasped pant, furious at himself for falling asleep. He knew he had classes today, so why had he stayed up all night? It wasn't even a new season of Capturable Pets! Leviathan dashed around the corner, almost colliding with a couple low-ranking demons.
“Oh! Sorry, sorry! I'm late!”
Leviathan slid around them, making it around the corner. He was gasping and sweaty when he leaned against the door to his Chemistry class. He was relieved that he had made it, only a couple of minutes late. Hand on the knob, Leviathan almost opened the door. His ears twitched, however, listening to the lower-ranking demons he had almost crashed into.
“Damn. Who does he think he is?”
Leviathan felt his eyes widen at their words, and his curiosity couldn't be fought back. Poking his head around the corner, Leviathan watched the three demons chat with each other, cursing him out and saying despicable things about his brothers. Leviathan felt his fury rise, his scales creeping up his neck. How dare they talk like that about his brothers? They were just envious of them!
“Hey, did you see how messy he looked?”
“Dude, he looked like a disaster!”
They all started laughing, and Leviathan suddenly felt very small. He could understand them making fun of him, after all, just look at him! He was a weebish loser. What more did they need to tease him over?
“Man, I wish I could wear my uniform that sloppily.”
“I think he's wearing it like that ‘cause he's chubby.”
Leviathan flinched, backing into the classroom door, eyes wide. No way. They couldn't be serious. There was no way he had heard that. Maybe his anxiety was making him hear things that weren't there?
“He's gotta be! I mean, he can't even jog.”
“Yeah, he's definitely outta shape.”
The rest of their words just went through one ear and out the other. Leviathan couldn't focus. Everything was bright and distracting, like shattered glass suspended in the air. The world was a roar in his head, and he suddenly felt very nauseous. Swallowing thickly, Leviathan shoved himself off of the door, unable to see clearly. His vision was swimming, or maybe he was shaking? It could have been either option.
He couldn't just stand by and do nothing, but what could he even do? He couldn't even open his mouth to speak! Leviathan gasped, the world crashing back into sounds and colors. He cringed, slapping his hands over his eyes, far to sensitive to comprehend the brightness and colors. The sounds were better than the view. Speaking of, the sounds were panicked and loud, like something was beating up someone else.
Leviathan tilted his head, trying to identify the sounds. He flinched when something touched his shoulder, instinctively hissing. Heat rose to his cheeks when he heard the gentle chuckle.
“Aw, why're ya hissin' at me?”
Leviathan stuck his tongue out at Mammon, earning a laugh as his response. Mammon’s hand clasped at Leviathan's forearm, his fingers gentle and barely there.
Leviathan swallowed, “I-I've got class-"
Leviathan pursed his lips, “But-"
“Ya ain't in no mindset ta do school.”
Leviathan nodded, “Yeah. I wanna go."
Mammon didn't respond, but Leviathan felt a gentle tug on his arm. He let himself be drug forward, hands still covering his eyes. They didn't speak, but Leviathan wasn't sure he could even come up with something to say that wasn't about what had happened. He was embarrassed and hurt, but he didn't want to dump it onto Mammon. Not after everything else that had been happening.
Leviathan heard a door open, and suddenly the world was brighter, even with his hands covering his eyes. Leviathan couldn't stop the noise that left his lips at the drastic change of lighting. Mammon stopped tugging him forward, then let go of his arm. Leviathan panicked slightly, tilting his head to try and locate Mammon.
“Hey, I’m right here. Can ya keep yer eyes closed for a sec, but move yer hands?”
Leviathan opened his mouth, then closed it. Mammon wasn't trying to hurt him. Swallowing, Leviathan squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, lowering his shaky hands. The light was almost too much to bear and then it wasn't. Everything was darker and dimmer. Leviathan pried an eye open just enough to see. The world was a tan color, and Mammon looked like the ancient paintings of Hercules, tanned and fit. Leviathan closed his eyes again, covering the sunglasses with his hands. He didn't want to look at Mammon anymore.
Leviathan nodded, “Home.”
Mammon’s fingers clasped Leviathan's arm again, “Okay. Let's get outta here.”
Mammon watched Leviathan, heart heavy and mind dark. Should he have intervened? Probably not. Watching those monsters say those harsh things about Leviathan just… sent him over the edge. How could anyone say such crushing things to such a wonderful person? It just didn't add up in Mammon's book. Leviathan was so kind and beautiful and amazing. Why couldn't the rest of the world see the demon that Mammon did? Sure he had his flaws, but who didn't?
Leviathan was curled up in the armchair that Belphegor usually slept in, staring off into space. He relaxed the second they crossed over the threshold of the House of Lamentation, but he hadn't said anything since. Mammon was trying not to ask him anything, but damnit, he needed to know if Leviathan heard those jerks. Finding him like that only made Mammon positive that he had heard them.
Mammon hadn't even known Leviathan had been listening to the demons, he just heard them talking bad and snapped. He hoped they were okay, but the nasty part of his soul was laughing with a greedy delight. Those losers wished they had what Mammon had. Quietly, Mammon agreed with the darkness, they did want what he had, but that was the issue. He had it, not them, so they were attacking Leviathan instead. Honestly, his brain made that sound so accurate, but he knew it was so much more than that.
Tapping his fingers on the arm of the sofa, Mammon worried and stewed. Maybe getting something to eat would make Leviathan feel better. They still had (hopefully Beel hadn't found them) those fish crackers Leviathan liked. They tasted like cheese to Mammon, but maybe he just didn't have the refined palette of a sea demon. Jumping up to his feet, Mammon padded over to Leviathan, tapping the chair to get his attention.
Physically, the only thing that moved was Leviathan's eyes, everything else didn't move. Mammon fought back his concerns, instead he put on a bright smile.
Leviathan looked numb, his eyes looking away from Mammon. He didn't voice any kind of response. Mammon swallowed another wave of concern, choosing to get that crackers instead. Maybe if he got the food, Leviathan would want to eat? Yeah, that could work. Mammon dashed into the kitchen, tugging open cabinets and drawers, trying to remember where he had hidden the crackers. His D.D.D. chose that moment to bing with notifications. Cursing, Mammon tugged the device out of his pocket, swiping it open and reading the messages.
Mammon sighed, tossing his phone onto the counter, continuing his search for fish-shaped snacks. His phone kept binging and making noise but Mammon ignored it, having bigger problems on his hands than Lucifer yelling at him. After what felt like hours, Mammon tugged the bag out of the wall, shouting with glee. He surveyed the damage, noting the missing wall panel. He'd have to fix that later. Until then, he'd give Lucifer a quick answer.
Lucifer: Mammon, I swear if you're playing hooky I'll kill you.
Lucifer: I know your online you idiot.
Lucifer: I CAN SEE YOU ARE ACTIVE
Lucifer: For Diavolo's sake, answer the damn text!
Mammon: Chill, I was busy. Levi needed to go home. So I took him.
Mammon left it at that, shoving his phone back into his pocket, ignoring the notifications. Scurrying back into the living room, Mammon hefted his prize into the air, drawing Leviathan's attention.
“Ta-da! Just lookit what the Great Mammon found!”
Leviathan blinked, “Okay?”
Mammon fought down his excitement over Leviathan speaking, trying to remain eager over crackers.
“I figured you'd like ta share ‘em with me.”
Leviathan shook his head, scrunching himself up smaller into the armchair, “No.”
Mammon paused for a second, then bounced over to his brother, “C'mon, I know ya love these things!”
Leviathan curled in on himself, “I'm not hungry.”
“Mammon.” Mammon flinched at the tone Leviathan used, lowering the bag in defeat.
Leviathan turned his gaze away from Mammon, “Can you go away.”
Mammon tensed, “Wha? Hang on-"
“Leave me alone already! I don't wanna even look at you!”
Mammon recoiled, heart hammering in his chest. Leviathan's eyes were teary and his voice had been thick with tears, but his voice was angry and hurtful. Was he really that annoying, caring about Leviathan like any good person would? Hell, he'd thought they were reforging their original bond. They had been getting closer, cuddling and sleeping together like they did every night on the beach that first week. He could feel his own tears building up, but he refused to let Leviathan see that.
“Alright. Fine. Ya don't need me.”
Mammon felt that stab, but it only added to his anger this time, “Well jokes on ya, Levi! Ya don't own the fucking room!”
Leviathan curled up smaller, his hands coming up to cover his ears, “Don't yell at me.”
“Yer the one who started it!”
Leviathan slapped his hands over his ears, “Get the hell out.”
Mammon tossed the bag of crackers back in the general direction of the kitchen, “I’m just tryin' ta help ya, but nah, I ain't good enough!”
“This has nothing to do with your inferiority complex. I want you out.”
The simple way Leviathan was saying the words made Mammon angry. He was supposed to be made and shouting, like he always did when they fought. He didn't want to be the only one shouting and yelling, because then he was no better than Raphael. But he was mad, mad at the demons he'd beat up, mad at Leviathan for shunning his care, mad at the universe.
“Maybe I wouldn't care so damn much if you weren't mine!”
Leviathan flinched, bolting upright, “Oh, don't you fucking dare. Don't go there."
Mammon gestured around, “I ain't goin' anywhere, and ya ain't the boss’a me!”
Leviathan glared, “Just leave me alone! I don't-"
“Don't wanna look at my stupid face? Yeah, I heard ya loud and clear!”
“I didn't say that,” Leviathan was crying now, big fat tears that rolled down his cheeks. “You know I didn't say that!”
Mammon couldn't find it in himself to care, “That's what it feels like! Why're ya always makin' me out ta be the bad guy?! I’ve been here for ya since day-fucking-one!”
Leviathan swiped angrily at his face, “I don't wanna talk to you! I don't wanna talk at all!”
Mammon scoffed, “Then why're ya talkin'-"
Leviathan was suddenly in Mammon's face, his orange eyes shimmery and slowly fading into purple, “Because you won't let it go, you fucking piece of shit! I hate when you get mad because it's all about you!”
Mammon shoved Leviathan back, growling with rage. Leviathan hissed, snapping his teeth at Mammon in retaliation. Mammon could feel his demon form coming over him, and Leviathan had transformed a second before. Hissing louder, Leviathan glared at Mammon, his tail thrashing behind him. Mammon growled, his wings tense. He could almost taste the power in the room, the sheer magnitude of a demon brawl.
Mammon balked at that, taking a step backwards in realization.
“Ah, hell. Leviathan hang on-"
Leviathan screeched in Infernal, hissing and gnashing his teeth in defensive rage. Mammon winced at the volume of Leviathan's screech, ignoring the words. If they fought, they'd set back everything they had just recovered in the past few months. Mammon didn't want to lose that, not now. Granted, he was still furious at Leviathan, but if they both went and cooled off, maybe it would make sense?
“Levi, please don't jump me. I don't wanna hurt ya.”
Mammon let his demon form fade away, holding his hands up, “D'ya really wanna fight me?”
Leviathan paused, his tail twitching, “No? Not really.”
The sea demon dropped out of his defensive stance, plopping onto the floor. His demon form rippled away, like a mirage in the desert, leaving Leviathan in his RAD uniform, looking more exhausted than he had earlier. Mammon sat across from him, “Sorry. I didn't mean ta make it about me.”
Leviathan shrugged, “Okay. I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have gotten mad.”
Mammon knit his brows, “Why shouldn't ya get mad?”
Leviathan drew his legs up to his chest, the way he did when he was uncomfortable, “It was crackers.”
Mammon snorted, “So? Satan's gotten angry over grass before.”
Leviathan almost smiled at that, his lips twitching upwards for a second, “Yeah. He was kinda young though.”
Leviathan rolled his eyes, “I meant the first time!”
Mammon snickered, “Man, how many times has he gotten mad about grass?”
Mammon sighed, nudging Leviathan's ankle with his toes, “Ya doin' better know?”
Leviathan shrugged, “I guess. I kinda just wanna go to bed.”
Mammon nodded, “I feel ya. So, did'ja hear-"
Leviathan lifted his hand to Mammon's lips, effectively cutting him off. His eyes were shiny with tears, but his voice was steady.
“Yes, I heard them. They were talking about you guys too. Stupid normies.”
Mammon smiled against Leviathan's hand, “Mmhm.”
Leviathan lowered his hand, standing up, “I think I'm gonna go to bed.”
Mammon gave a little wave, “Have a nice nap! If ya have any weird dreams, I'm askin' Belphie about it!”
Leviathan groaned, heading up the stairs, “That was once, you jerkwad!”
Mammon laughed, “Like Luci dreamin' I was a pineapple?”
Mammon snorted, watching Leviathan disappear from sight. He'd be okay. Mammon would make sure of that.
Curled up in the darkest corner of his room, Leviathan wondered how he had ever gotten this deep into his own head. It shouldn't have been that dramatic, let alone so psychologically damaging. How had he let this happen? Why had he let the scathing words get under his skin, piercing into his mind and destroying what little self-love he had ever gained?
Leviathan sniffled, swiping a loose sleeve across his eyes, feeling hopeless and disgusting. If Mammon could see him now, what would he say? Leviathan wasn't even sure when he had left the living room. Did Mammon just presume he was okay, like everyone else did? It didn't make him feel better to believe that. Drawing his legs closer to his chest, Leviathan cried. It was horrible and disgusting, but he cried and cried and cried.
No one really cared about him anyway. Mammon was just using him to help with his growing issues and trauma. He played him for a fool, just like he always did. Once a manipulative greed demon, always a manipulative greed demon. Mammon was just playing with his feelings and mind to try and get something from him. Everything was all the same, they weren't growing closer or bonding. They would never be like they had been when they were angels. Never.
Everything was throbbing and in pain, but Leviathan just kept crying. He couldn't stop his tears or his cries. He must have looked pathetic, but he was the only one who even cared, right? That wasn't entirely true though. People still cared about what he looked like, and the things he did. He just couldn't win. No matter what he did, no one cared about him the way he wanted them too. He was never good enough, and everyone made sure that he knew it.
The world was blurry and fuzzy, but that could have just been from his tears. Leviathan wrapped his arms around his legs, lifting his head up in an attempt to see clearly. Everything was smudgy and fuzzy, like he was just waking up. He was tired, exhausted actually, so maybe he did need to go to bed. If only he could get Belphegor to spell him to sleep for a thousand years, that way he wouldn't have to deal with the stupidity of judgement and jealousy. It wasn't his fault that he felt sick when he looked at his brothers, their perfection teasing and mocking him. What was he supposed to do about it? No one liked him anyway. It didn't even matter anymore.
