Distanza significa fare il conto alla rovescia, a volte per mesi, per passare uno, due o massimo tre giorni con le persone a cui vuoi bene. Distanza significa prendere la rincorsa per abbracciare quelle persone, rischiare di cadere ma non farsi male, perché la felicità non può far male, per poi singhiozzare in quello che sai essere l'ultimo abbraccio. E in quel momento odi la gente intorno, i treni e le stazioni, le case e le strade, i km che tornano e la malinconia che t'assale. Distanza significa tornare a casa e sentirti vuoto, passare il resto della settimana a piangere davanti ad un sms, una fotografia, un ricordo, un oggetto trovato in valigia. Distanza significa lasciarsi ma non lasciarsi davvero, sorridere assieme per poi piangere assieme. Significa sperare subito in un'altra data, in un altro conto alla rovescia. Per rivivere tutto di nuovo perché la tua casa è lì con loro e ci ritornerai sempre, per sempre.
Sorry... I just have to get that off of my soul...
I fucking HATE looking like a foreigner... I hate my skincolour, my dark hair and my dark eyes...
...
Since you are probally asking yourself why the fuck am I writing this...:
The vacation was ok... It was a 5 star hotel...well, no, a 5 star hotel ON A FREAKING SHIP! But the end of the vacation....is just a "no". And to make it clear. My dad is from Egypt, my mom from austria, I was born in austria, my dad is living in austria for allready a fucking long time...
So we went back from the ship and were about to leave italy by train and go back to Austria (after waiting from 12 h in venecia).
But than they told us that our Sleeping wagon we had acctually booked is broken and we have to sleep in the Wagons wich are made for sitting.....Just to tell you, the whole trip back home took like 12-14 hours...
So my dad told them "I have childrens, and I am over 50 years old, some of us have to work tomorow, we can't sleep like that" and the woman told him that they still have place in another sleeping wagon wich we can use... but after some time of waiting she told us to go back to the sitting wagon and sleep there... we didn't know what happened and why she did say that.
My mom was in a rage, she screamed at the staff and the woman screamed back at her, my brother cried, I was fucking tired.... after some time we tried to ask them why we didn't get the place in the sleeping wagon wich she did promise us and she told us that there came another family from austria with 3 little children and they had to use it.... I was ok with that excuse... But I was wondering why they only told us that after my mom asked... when my dad asked they just acted like "well shit happens, go back to your seat" (my dad has a typical foreigner accent)
So after that terible night we finally arrived austria....and I did see the family wich got our place....
They were 3 people. A young woman, a young man and a 17 years old boy....... and they spoke and looked like the typical austrians....
The thing I noticed else was that every other passanger who did actually book a place in the broken sleeping wagon and who did look like a austrian and speak like one did get a place in the sleeping wagon... the others (like the italians wich did go on vacation to austria) did not....
So well...yeah I thougth "shit happens" ...
Than when we reaced the trainstation one of the people who work in my uncles resturaunt came to pic us up. He was so nice... He took all our packages and he was a real gentleman, he even did gave me some sweets and said "here, eat, you look tired" while we were waiting for my brother to come to the car.....then the man suddenly screamed: "get in the car! We are leaving!" and I said " But my brother isn't here!"...and than I noticed why he wanted to leave so fast...
...
the police came.
They told us that the wheel of our car doesn't have enougth air... and asked him if he has a residence permit in austria... he gave them his card and everything... and then they said they had to take him with them.... because something is wrong....
Then I said to the police "See? That's what you get for looking like a foraigen in austria.... that's what you get..." and I started to cry...the police just looked at me ... a bit shocked I guess because they were wondering why I speak in a austrian accent....
then we went back home...without the man...he went with the police...
...
And I just wished I could talk to the only person I really trust, so I did turn my skype on....but since timezones are an asshole I had to wait ... and I fell asleep.....
...
after waking up again I saw that she was online and I was just about to write something when she posted that she had to go now.... and befor I even colud type one letter she left....
It's not her fault... I know she had to leave for the weekend... but I'm just starting to ask myslfe why.
I'm trying to help people all the time, I'm working myself to death to help the people.... and what do I get for it? They thank my by treating me like I don't belong in this country, llike I should be ashamed of my body, my eyes, my skin colour my dark hair my family.... everything
And just when I was about to send this my computer died..... seriously... why does the world hate me so much. You know what, fuck it, I hate this world as well... So many rasistic assholes everywhere!
I just can't and won't and ....
My back hurts,... I have bad depressions right now...... I just don't want to anymore.....
I'm sorry, normally I don't talk about my real live on tumblr but that just....that just killed me ...I am tired......fucking tired.....
