Pairings: CJ Braxton x Y/N Female reader
Series Summary: Y/N is a psychology major assigned to shadow CJ at The Stand, unaware he's the one who basically saved her life four years before. CJ is unaware that she's the one who left a notable impact on him over the phone four years ago. As they navigate the work at The Stand, they develop a spark that demands revelation and connection.
Word Count: 3,145
Tags/Warnings: Angst (so much angst), depression, mentions self-unaliving (sorry!), passing of parent
A/N: Comments, Likes, Reblogs, Kind feedback are always highly appreciated. Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Evidently my muse won't shut up, so here we go! A new story in a new setting! I hope you all enjoy!
Note: The poem is obviously from Taylor Swift's "Snow On The Beach"! I do not claim it, only used it for the sake of the story! In fact, it inspired a bit of this series!
Dividers: credit to @saradika-graphics
Chapter One: Four Years Ago
“The Stand, teen helpline, how can I help you tonight?” CJ said automatically as soon as he picked up the phone ringing by his desk.
Y/N hesitated. Did she actually dare to speak? Did she dare to try and get help? The silence stretched out, and she wasn’t sure how to begin.
“I—I’m sorry, this was a mistake,” she finally said.
“It's okay,” CJ said. “Let’s take a breath. Why did you call?” The soft tone was comforting.
Y/N closed her eyes tight, trying to articulate her messed up feelings. She sniffed and wiped away a tear. “Um… l-last year, my mom died. And today was…” She couldn’t even say it.
“The anniversary?” CJ said gently, having a suspicion of what she was driving at.
“Yeah,” she whispered into the phone. “It’s also my birthday.” The tears began to spill unhindered. “Yay… happy birthday, right?”
“Birthdays can be tough,” CJ said empathetically. “Especially if it reminds you of a loss. Do you have any plans for the day, maybe distract yourself?”
“N-not really,” she admitted.
“It’s okay. Sometimes the best distraction is just talking to someone. You’re not alone—you’ve got me,” CJ said, giving a small smile, even though he knew she couldn’t see it.
“No offense, but you’re paid to do this,” she replied. “Doesn’t quite make it altruistic of you.”
“True, I am paid to listen,” CJ said, “But it still doesn't mean I’m just going to be going through the motions. And I’m sure I’m not the only one at The Stand who actually cares about a little more than a paycheck.”
Y/N winced. He was trying to be nice and she just kept wrecking it. She sniffed again and whispered, “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” CJ said, still talking in a soft and soothing tone. “I won’t try to guilt you for feeling the things you do, and I’m not going to expect you to be over your mother’s death immediately.”
“You’d be the first then,” she said bitterly. “My father already remarried.”
CJ could tell she’s holding back some bitter feelings. “I'm assuming he did it quite quickly?” CJ sighed.
“Yeah, pretty much.” She sniffed, wished she could stop crying. “Tried to get me to come to the wedding and I didn’t want to. Instead of talking to me, he… he threatened my college fund. Because god forbid Henry L/N actually bother to talk to his daughter. Or grieve with her. Or even just… or even wish me a happy birthday.”
CJ couldn’t help but to feel a little bit of anger towards her father for how he behaved towards her. “Sounds like he's a real piece of work,” CJ said. “No wonder he had to go and remarry immediately. He probably can't deal with being alone.”
That actually got a chuckle out of her. “God, no. He’s absolutely helpless when it takes to taking care of anything.”
“Let me guess,” CJ said, giving a small chuckle as well. “Your mom did all the housework, cooking, grocery shopping, and general upkeep.”
“She even fixed the cars,” she said, and there was a tinge of awe and respect for her late mother.
“It sounds like your mom was quite the woman,” CJ said, “I’m sorry for your loss, and the... unfortunate change in your relationship with your father. That can make things complicated.”
“It… it wouldn’t be so bad if my father just pretended to care. He doesn’t even do that.” She let out a long sigh. “He wants me to study business so I can excel and all that crap.”
“Sounds like he’s just planning his next inheritance,” CJ said, “What about you? What do you want to study?”
Rachel was silent for a moment. “Um. This is going to sound dumb.” She cleared her throat. “I want to be a writer.”
“A writer? I think that sounds great!" CJ said quickly, giving an encouraging little laugh. “Don’t let your dad convince you to do something that's just going to make him look good. You should be able to decide what path is best for you, not just something that makes your parent proud of you.”
“I don’t even know I’m any good,” she said, protesting weakly.
“Well the only way to find out is to try,” CJ said with a soft smile, “Are you currently trying to pursue writing? Or is your dad pressuring you not to?”
She hesitated again. “I…” She bit her lip. “You know the college newspaper? The Explorer?”
“Yeah?” CJ said, recognizing the name of the student-run local newspaper. “What about it?”
“They’re having a contest.” She picked at a piece of lint on her blanket. “I… didn’t tell my father but I sent in a submission for a poem. I find out tomorrow if I win.”
“Well,” CJ said with a soft smile, not wanting to get her hopes up just in case. “I hope you win. It sounds like he’s not been very supportive of your writing—did he just tell you not to pursue it at all?”
“Basically, he said I should live with my feet on the ground and not in the clouds,” she said with a scoff.
“Well, I think he’s wrong,” CJ said quickly. “You should be able to chase your dreams, and if he doesn’t support you, I’m sure there’s tons of other people out there who would love to take his place. I bet you’re a wonderful writer, and I wouldn’t be shocked if you win.”
“You don’t even know what I wrote,” she argued half-heatedly. “How could you be so sure of that?”
“Well, I just have a hunch,” CJ said. “You’re articulate, and I’m sure your poem is full of emotion. Do you mind telling me what your poem is about?”
“It’s about what seems to be impossible, like snow on the beach. Seeing something so special and rare and incredible,” she said timidly, feeling a bit embarrassed to tell him about it.
CJ was intrigued by this, and he could appreciate the poetic quality. “That sounds like an amazing subject,” he encouraged. “When did you write this poem? I’m sure you’ve worked hard on it.”
“It was something I worked on for the last few months,” she admitted. “I kept trying it over and over. I sent in the final draft just hours shy of the deadline. I just wanted it to be perfect.”
“Well, I think your hard work shows,” CJ said. “I just have this gut feeling that it’ll be good enough—and even if it’s not, you can always just keep improving. You know what they say: Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
She chuckled. “I could easily counter that supposedly God built the world in six days. But I get your point.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not sure about how long it took for the world to be built,” CJ said, amused at her remark. “But what I meant was, you can’t create something amazing instantly—you have to just keep working on it. And from the way you’ve described this poem, it seems like you’ve put your heart and soul into making it.”
“I did,” she said softly. “My mom was the dreamer. She was an amazing artist. Actually duplicated the look of the stag from Bambi. And she did it from memory.”
“That sounds like quite the talent,” CJ said, impressed. “Did you ever take after her? Do you do any art?”
“I can do Hangman stick people really well,” she said by way of answer.
CJ gave a little chuckle in response to her answer. “So what are your plans for tomorrow?” CJ asked. “I assume you’ll be checking to see if you won the contest?”
“Definitely that,” she said. “They announce the winners in the morning edition so I may just be up with the birds at why-six-o-clock and run to the nearest newsstand.”
CJ chuckled at her description. “Just hearing you say that makes me think even more that you’re going to do really well. What are you going to do if you do win?”
“Um, you mean besides faint?” she asked.
CJ gave a small laugh. “That’s one way to react, I guess,” he said. “If you were to win, would you consider continuing to pursue writing and submitting other works for contests in the future?”
Evidently that never occurred to her. “I… I don’t know. I didn’t even think that far.”
CJ gave a soft smile. “Well, I think it’d be great if you did,’ he said. “Whether it’s writing poetry, essays, short stories—whatever takes your fancy, I think you should consider submitting for more contests. I bet you’d do really well.”
She smiled faintly. “Maybe.” She paused, then said, “I guess I just didn’t think beyond just making it past today.”
CJ seemed to take notice of the hint of sadness in her voice. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I know being stuck in the present is something a lot of people go through—it’s easy to fall into the mindset of just surviving every day.”
“It’s… it’s been really hard.” Did she dare tell him? Should she? It would change everything for her, even as far as her whole life.
CJ could tell that there’s more going on here, but given that it was her decision, he was not going to force her to tell him anything just yet. “Can I ask you a quick question?”
“Um. Sure.”
“Does anyone else know about this poem you sent it?” CJ asked.
“No… just you,” she admitted.
“Can I make a request?” he said.
Rachel blinked. “Sure… I guess.”
“Since it seems like you care a lot about this poem…” he started to say. “Would you mind reading it to me?”
That surprised her. “You want to hear the poem?”
“If that’s okay with you,” CJ said. “I’d love to hear the poem you've been working on.”
After a long moment of astonishment, some rustling of papers could be heard. Then she took deep breath.
“One night, a few moons ago
I saw flecks of what could’ve been lights
But it might have been you
Passing by unbeknownst to me
Life is emotionally abusive
And time can’t stop me quite like you did
And it’s like snow at the beach
Weird but fuckin’ beautiful
Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful
You wanting me tonight feels impossible
But it’s coming down, no sound, it’s all around
I searched the aurora borealis green
I’ve never seen someone lit from within
Burning out my periphery
It’s fine to take it until you make it
Til you do, til it’s true”
CJ was completely immersed in the poem. It’s not his usual fare—usually the poems he heard from the helpline were full of hopeless feelings and misery, nothing like the more optimistic tone of this one. It’s almost like it was meant to be read out loud—it had the perfect rhythm and flow.
“Wow…” he finally said, his soft smile growing wider. “That was incredible.”
Rachel found herself blushing, glad he can’t see her through the phone. “Thank you,” she said shyly.
“Honestly,” CJ said earnestly. “If you do win, I hope you stick with writing poetry. It makes me happy that there are still some people out there who want to try and see the world through a brighter perspective.” He paused. “Is it really okay if I ask another question?”
“I’ll think about it,” she said in regards to the first part, about continuing poetry. “And um, sure, ask.”
“Are you open to my honest opinion on the poem?”
She hesitated, then went for it. “Yes.”
“Well...” CJ took a deep breath, hesitating on how he should phrase what he wanted to say. “I know you said you were trying to get it right, but I just wanted to let you know—I think that it’s perfect already. It doesn’t need to be edited or made better—it’s already flawless.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “I… wow. That… that was really nice of you.”
“It's honest,” he said. “And I just think that you should know that.”
She smiled shakily, then glanced down at her lap. “Can… can I tell you something?”
CJ’s smile widens, giving an encouraging nod. “Of course, I’m all ears.”
She cleared her throat, deciding to be fully honest. “I… I didn’t know what was going to happen w-when I called The Stand. I was… just in a bad spot and scaring myself.”
CJ didn’t let on the fact that he could’ve guessed that, considering the state she was in when she first started talking to him. “Well, I’m glad you called—even if you didn’t know it was going to help you. But are you still in that bad spot? You said you were frightening yourself—what do you mean by that?”
There was a long, quiet pause. “I… I was thinking of… of ending it.”
CJ can’t help but feel concerned and a little shocked when he heard that. “You were considering...” He trails off, not being able to say it.
She sniffed and let out a shaky breath. “Yeah…. I even… I even got a bottle of… something.”
His body tensed a bit when she said that. “Can I be honest with you?”
“…yeah,” she answered softly. Hesitant as to what he would say.
He took deep breath. “That really terrifies me. I don’t want that to be a path that you go down, because that’s the path where the light gets shut off forever—and it sounds like you have so much light left to show the world. What made you think about ending it?”
The tears came at once, flooding her vision. “I was just…” Her voice shook, thick with emotion. “I was just so tired of hurting. I’m all alone here at the college and… it just feels dark.”
CJ was heartbroken to heard her like this. He knew that there were probably many more students like this out there—lost, sad, and alone. He’s experienced plenty of dark days himself, though never quite to this point.
“I know the feeling," he said solemnly. “I know the feeling when it feels like it’s just going to hurt forever, and when it seems like the walls are closing in around you.”
“That’s why I called,” she whispered over the phone. “It felt like I was drowning.”
“Well, I’m glad you called,” CJ said quickly. “Because if you didn’t, you might have actually gone through with...”
He trails off, not wanting to say the words out loud like she did, not wanting to put the idea in her mind.
“The thing is—I know you’re in a really dark spot right now,” he continued softly. “But it really seems like you have the potential to do incredible things if you hang in there. You’ve got to give yourself another chance, just like this poem.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” she admitted shakily. “It just feels really lonely and dark. I don’t have friends here. Hell, even the guy I’m crushing on doesn’t even know I’m alive.”
“Yeah, it does sound like you’re in a pretty bad spot,” CJ admitted, sympathizing with her about the lack of friends. “And you’re saying you have a crush on a guy but he doesn’t even know who you are?”
“Yeah.” She wiped at the tears on her cheeks. “He’s in my English 203 class.”
“And what’s so special about him that makes you have a crush on him?” CJ asked, trying to understand.
“He’s… he’s got this smile that seriously lights up a room,” she said hesitatingly. If she knew she was talking to the very guy she was crushing on, Y/N would’ve fainted. Or screamed and hung up.
“And he’s in your English class? He must be pretty smart then, right?”
“I think so anyway,” she said. “He’s got this self-deprecation thing going on, as though he feels he isn’t.”
CJ laughed at this—it sounded a lot like his own way of coping. “I get it,” he said with a sympathetic laugh, though he didn’t reveal that that’s how he saw himself as well.
“And he’s got a nice smile as well, and he’s smart?” he continued, trying to imagine who could fit this description so perfectly.
“Yeah… and really nice. He’s usually the first to jump up and help if the professor asks for it,” she said. “I like that. He’s not even doing it to butter her up either.”
“And he’s kind? It sounds almost like you’re not even talking about a college student, but some angelic being,” he teased, his curiosity growing as they discuss this unknown man. “Like something out of a fairy tale.
“Well, it’s pretty obvious why you have a crush on this guy—he sounds like the full package,” he said.
“Yeah,” she said with a despondent sigh.
“Listen,” CJ said gently, “maybe he doesn’t know you like him. He could be crushing on you too and you both aren’t aware of it.”
She let out a soft laugh. “You mean like a rom-com?”
“Yeah! You never know.” He smiled a bit. “You’ve got a lot going on for you… don’t give up, please.”
Y/N took a shaky breath, sniffled, and wiped her eyes. “Thank you,” she said shakily, her voice thick with emotion.
“For what?” CJ asked, his voice low and soft.
“For listening. I know it won’t fix everything, but… it helped me,” Y/N whispered. “Thank you.”
CJ felt his heart clench. She sounded like a sweet girl who was just in a bad spot. If it hadn’t been against the rules, he would reach out to her outside of the helpline, be a friend, hell, maybe even date her because she sounded so incredible.
“You’re very welcome,” he whispered. “If you ever need to talk to someone… we’re here. I’m here.”
Y/N smiled tremulously. “I’ll remember that.” She took another breath. “Thank you, again…. G-goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” he whispered.
The line went quiet. CJ hated himself so much in that moment. He didn’t get her name. He didn’t know who the guy in English 203 she was talking about, her crush. He… didn’t even get her phone number.
The next morning, he went out and grabbed a copy of The Explorer to see if the girl won. He saw her poem, Snow On The Beach, as the winner. But no name. They only put her initials. He cut it out, framed it no less, and kept it by his desk at The Stand.
Absurdly, for the next four years, he would obsessively answer every call, wondering if it was her. He never forgot her.
And when Y/N came into The Stand for her practicum, he didn’t know it was her—and she didn’t know it was him.
To be continued….
Tag List:
Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this series! Or you can use my tag list!
Hi ! I’m coming back into the jjba fandom and found your art again (so happy I followed you !^^) do you have any Joseph/Caesar fanfics to recommend ? Thank you (^｡^)
Hii ! Apologies it’s been a while !
Sadly I don’t have many fics to recommend at the moment :’’’I
If you check my tags (or tags in general) for fics you should find a few that I like.
Among others, when I need a pick me up, I like to reread fics by @creeshtar (all of them are awesome, I swear, it’s like heart medecine).
..I was about to list titles from various authors, but realized they’re actually pretty old and popular, (I might even have shared them several times already) so you must have read them already 🙈 (I must admit I reread a lot of old fics, bc some are just too good and bring sm comfort !)
Random and I don’t know if I’ve recommended these ones yet, but, I’ll say :
Dancing on Quicksand by flowersforjoy (rated Teen)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/12939273
it’s cute af, it’s fun and fresh, it’s short, they’re so silly and sweet and quick to fight and make up 💕💕 I just love the vibe-! the spark !! ⚡️
It’s All In The Family by panathema (rated Teen)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678718
I’ll never say enough how @panathema is one of my all time favorite writers, so f talented, everything I read from them unlocks a richness of emotions to feel in my heart. This story is super well written, extremely gorgeous, in a slow, dim light, way. kinda bittersweet.. tbh Iv had to build a sequel in my head to appease the yearning .
