Thats So True
summary: when the night of the winter ball approaches and you and clark still haven't spoken, painful truths are revealed, and you must decide what's best for you. hi y'all, here is the very requested part 2 to "fade into you" but inspired by gracie abrams "Thats So True"!! (3k words) warnings: angst, drinking, longing, swearing, yelling, bittersweet ending, mdni
You push the vintage set of silver flower earrings into place, making sure they sit perfectly straight before taking in your appearance in your vanity mirror. Your floor length purple dress, which has a cascade of silver gems scattered across the skirt, shimmers against the golden light emanating from the lamp in your room.
You take in your matching light purple eyeshadow and false lashes – which make your eyes appear much bigger than they really are – before quickly looking over at your clock. 7:20. He was going to be here any minute.
You slip on your pair of Mary Jane heels with a silver flower buckle, and grab your black Coach purse before ensuring everything you’ll need is in there; lipgloss, perfume, eyeliner, house keys, ticket – perfect.
You waltz over to your bed to grab your phone, checking for any new messages before sliding it into your bag and heading downstairs to wait. You examine your hair in the living room mirror, ensuring each silver pin is as meticulously placed as when you first did it, before you begin pacing around the room in anticipation. By the time 7:30 comes around, you see a familiar car pull into your driveway and hear a knock at the door.
Chad stands there patiently in a plain black suit paired with a purple tie that vaguely matches your dress, and a white corsage in hand. “You look beautiful” he smiles, and you give him your most convincing smile in return. You were dreading this.
“Thank you, you look handsome yourself” you grin before locking your front door behind you and following him up to his Jeep. He at least has the decency to open your door for you before walking around to his side of the car, and hopping in.
As he pulls out of your driveway, you can’t help but look over at Lana's house – her bedroom light was still on and from what you could tell, she was still getting ready. You look away almost immediately, and thank god that you left before Clark came by to pick her up – you didn't know if you’d be able to stomach that.
You two make small talk the entire way to the venue – which was just the smallville high gymnasium decorated with cheap lights, disco balls, and streamers. but what else were you expecting, really?
When you pull into the parking lot, you can already hear the music blasting from inside the venue and notice members of the dance committee collecting tickets at the door. Chad helps you out of the car, his hand resting on your lower back which makes you shiver slightly as he leads you both onwards to the front door.
You tune out the overly peppy sophomore at the front collecting tickets, and instead zone in on the banner hanging above the entrance that reads “smallville high presents the winter ball” in big blue lettering, something you just knew Lana helped make.
As you and Chad enter the venue and find your table, you check the placecards of the other people seated around you – praying that somehow the fates hadn't orchestrated some cruel trick on you. You seem to be in the clear until you turn to your left to see none other than the placecards for Clark Kent and Lana Lang at the table right next to yours. Dear god help me.
“I think I see some of the guys, I’m gonna go say hi” Chad smiles at you “do you wanna come?” he offers, looking down at you as you set your bag on the table. truly, you couldn't think of anything worse so you put on your best smile, “no, no thats alright! have fun!” you laugh, and he nods before jogging over to meet them by the entrance.
One of the waiters comes by with a plethora of drinks on a tray, allowing you to snag a fizzy red one that smelled faintly of apples. You hold the glass between two manicured fingers, your nails tapping along the rim as you wait for Chad to get back.
Unfortunately for you, he was nowhere to be seen – but the same thing couldn’t be said for Clark and Lana who had just entered the venue and were now scouting the area for their table. You jump up swiftly – doing your best to avoid running into any familiar faces and dodging waiters who were balancing horderves on one hand – making your way over to the dj booth which was set on the opposite side of the gym.
Lana is the first one to find their table, and they each take turns looking around at all of the other placecards in the vicinity. You suppose Clark had the same idea as you because as soon as his eyes lock on your placecard his body stills and he looks up, eyes darting around the venue.
His eyes meet yours a few seconds later, and you don’t do anything besides lift your glass up to your glossed lips and gulp down your drink – setting it on the tray of a passing waiter as you turn on your heels to go find Chad. This was going to be a long night.
Think about your dumb face all the time,
Living in your glass house, I’m outside
An hour's gone by, and you’ve successfully avoided both Clark and Lana – well that's until you’re waiting in line for the bathroom and you hear a familiar voice behind you. “Hey! It’s been a while” lana smiles, tapping you on the shoulder.
She looks gorgeous, soft brown hair in an intricate updo and a soft pink dress that flows around her like a princess. You do your best to look excited to see her, “hey, yeah… how have you been?” you offer, but it feels like chewing on glass as you do.
You make small talk for a few moments before she perks up “I saw you’re sitting at the table next to us, but we haven’t been able to catch you all night” she laughs, and you bite your tongue before smiling. “Yeah, Chad and I have just been making the rounds – y’know how it is” you murmur and she nods softly.
A few moments later you feel your heart drop to the floor as another familiar voice chimes in, “Hey Lana, would you wanna dance?” Clark murmurs, and you can feel him standing behind you. “Sure, Clark” Lana smiles “the bathroom line isn’t moving anyways” she chuckles. But before she leaves, she turns to tap you on the shoulder, “I’ll see you later, kay?” she smiles and you nod stiffly, watching how Clark refuses to even look at you.
By the time you exit the restroom, the slow song Clark pulled Lana for is still crooning from the speakers, and you see them in the middle of the dancefloor, the lights illuminating them as they twirl around like some scene in a movie.
As they sway across the dance floor you see Clark turn to look at you, eyes zeroing in on yours as he dances with Lana. you want to move, run, something, but you feel rooted in place. You watch as he twirls her, dips her, holds her – all while he’s staring directly at you.
Did it just to hurt me, make me cry
Smiling through it all, yeah, that's my life
It's only when Chad comes up to you that you finally break away from the visual prison you’ve been put in. “Hey, a couple of the guys and their girls wanted to head out to the bar on third street – they uh, they don't ID on prom night” he laughs, and truthfully you would rather chew on your own hand, but anything is better than being here, so you weigh your options.
“Sounds great” you smile, and make a b-line to grab your stuff from the table before following him out of the venue. You zone out for most of the drive there – not that there's much to look at anyways, besides cows and trees – but you’re snapped out of it when you see the flickering old bar sign and a plethora of cars in the parking lot. You open your own car door this time, following Chad and his friends inside.
You all squish into a booth towards the back of the bar before placing your orders, all of which contain some type of alcohol. You hardly know any of the other girls here, so you sip on your beer quietly for about 30 minutes – paying little attention to whatever the group of girls next to you are gossiping about, before ordering yourself another.
The time drags on at snail pace, and part of you regrets coming at all but the tipsiness you’ve gained from the beers is enough to persuade you that maybe it wasn’t so bad. You’re just thankful when Chad tells his friends that you two should start heading home – much to the disappointment of his friends, who send a wave of “boo’s” his way – and he escorts you out of the bar and back into his car.
By now you’re sure that your judgment is at least a little bit impaired and that Chad probably shouldn't be driving, but to be fair you don’t really care. All you can focus on is how much you want to be home and get these god awful shoes off, so you rest your head on the window until you feel the car park in your driveway a few minutes later.
You give Chad a small wave and mutter a quick ‘get home safe’ before slamming his car door and walking up to your front door, examining his god awful parking job and jerky exit down the road. And as if things couldn't get worse, it’s only then that you notice Clark and Lana standing on her porch. Part of you prays they didn’t see that, but you also know that you're not that lucky.
Thankfully, you've missed the majority of their goodbye as Lana soon closes her front door, leaving Clark standing there in silence. You rummage through your purse attempting to get your keys out as quickly as possible, but end up dropping your bag entirely onto the floor in your hurry.
You bend down to pick it up before you feel a familiar presence next to you. This is not happening. “Hey, uh do you need help?” Clark mutters, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “No.” you hiss coldly, grabbing your purse and it’s spilled contents before finally finding your key. you move to unlock your door but halt when you feel Clark's hand rest on your shoulder.
You whip around instantly, your eyes as fiery as you can muster, and he takes a small step back before his face hardens slightly. “Are you- are you drunk?” he asks, shock evident on his face, causing you to scoff “Are you fucking serious?" you laugh humourlessly, “The first time you talk to me, and that's what you have to say?”
His eyes widen and he raises both of his hands in surrender “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, geez.” You huff a fake laugh before your face turns stony "there's no fucking way you just said that” you scoff, unlocking your door. “You ignored me for weeks after you ruined our friendship, and now you wanna make sure that I’m okay?” you hiss.
He winces at your tone before looking down guiltily “I’m sorry-” “too fucking late, clark.” you interrupt, shaking your head before your hand comes up to rub your forehead “I’m not having this conversation with you” you mutter.
You’re about to slam the door before you hear him perk up “please” he shouts “please, just talk to me. I’m sorry. I know, I messed up–” “funny how you only realize you messed up once i’ve found someone else!” you shout, and he goes silent, looking down at his feet because deep down, he knows that you’re right.
“Go back to Lana, Clark” you scoff, “we both know that's all you ever wanted anyways” you mutter before slamming the door in his face. You don't even wait for a response before sliding down against it with your head in your hands, wondering how this even happened. What you don’t see is Lana watching the entire scene unfold from her bedroom window.
You’re an idiot, now I'm sure,
Now I’m positive, I should go and warn her.
The next morning you feel sunlight stream through the sheer curtains in your window and onto your face. And within a few moments it's apparent to you that you’ve fallen asleep in your makeup and clothing from the night before.
You drag yourself up from your bed, nearly tripping over your shoes in the process, as you make your way over to your bathroom. You stare at yourself in the mirror for a few minutes, taking in your smudged eyeshadow and lipstick before beginning to take out the clips from your tangled hair.
Once you finish, you carefully step into the shower, attempting to scrub away the awful memories from the night before. You lose track of time halfway through the shower, opting to just stand under the warm water for as long as possible, but you can't bring yourself to care – wanting nothing more than to avoid everyone, especially Clark, for the rest of your life. When you’re done, you step out and wrap yourself in a white fluffy towel, making your way over to your room to get ready for the rest of the day.
You walk over to your bed, searching for your phone to find 3 missed calls from none other than Clark himself. You scoff at your phone screen before tossing it back onto the bed and rummaging through your dresser drawers, pulling out a pair of low-rise bootcut jeans and a beaded navy blue tank top.
You get dressed swiftly, making sure to apply your favorite cherry lotion, and taking a seat at your vanity to continue your makeup and hair. By the time you finish, it’s around 11:00 am and you make your way down to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee.
You’re pulling out your milk and creamer when you hear two familiar voices talking in hushed tones from your kitchen window – which just so happens to face Lana's front door. “Clark, I can’t do this here” the tired voice of Lana Lang cuts through the previously peaceful morning air. “Lana, I'm sorry – please just know it’s not like that.”
“Clark, what am I supposed to think?” she scoffs in exasperation “if you don't want to be with me, then tell me. Don't leave me wondering if I'm the right girl for you.” she mutters, garden hose in hand as she continues watering the rose bushes next to her porch.
“Lana... you’re all i’ve ever wanted,” he whispers earnestly before Lana cuts in quietly “then why am I sensing a ‘but’ coming?" she huffs, looking up at him. “I just- I don't know what's going on with me, I’m sorry” he frowns, a hand resting on her shoulder like he’s begging her to stay and hear him out.
“I wanna believe you, Clark, I really do.” she whispers “but after last night, I just need time.” she says finally, breaking away from his grasp and walking back into her house.
You’re left standing still in your kitchen as you process their conversation, your focus no longer on the coffee you were in the middle of making. You only snap out of it when you notice Clark staring right at you through your window, a weak smile on his face as he waves awkwardly.
You just stare at him, just like he did to you weeks ago, before turning around and finishing your coffee, not bothering to look back as you make your way back up to your room for the rest of the day.
Kicking back on your couch,
making eyes from across the room
A few days later you run into Clark at your favorite coffee shop – literally. You’re turning the corner, a few inches away from the door as it swings open, smacking you right in the middle of your face as you double back in pain.
“Oh my god, are you alright?” you hear the familiar voice of Clark ring out as he crouches next to you. “This has to be some fucking sick joke” you groan as you stand up, rubbing your forehead as you glare up at Clark – who, for what it's worth, looks extremely apologetic.
“I wasn’t watching where I was going, it was a mistake- I’m so sorry” he murmurs, looking over your head for any injuries as you roll your eyes, pushing past him “yeah, where have I heard that before?” you mutter, walking up to the register to order.
“A large iced flat white, please” you smile to the woman on the register before fishing out a couple of dollars from your purse – but to your annoyance, you’re beaten by Clark who hands a five dollar bill to the cashier with an apologetic look on his face and a small mutter of “keep the change”.
“Thanks” you scoff at him, with no real gratitude in your voice as you go find a table, Clark hot on your heels. “I was thinking we could talk” he smiles innocently – it’s that same dopey smile you used to find endearing, but now it just makes you roll your eyes.
“You wanna talk, Clark?” you hiss, “Fine, let's talk. Let's talk about how you abandoned me, ignored me, and humiliated me. Is that what you wanted to discuss?” you growl, and he at least has the decency to look disappointed in himself as he nods “yeah, something like that.” he whispers before looking over at you. “I know I fucked up, and what I did is unforgivable – I just want you to know that I am sorry. more than I can even begin to express. I never should’ve treated you that way.” he frowns.
You just stare at him blankly, refusing to show your cards as you contemplate a response. “Y’know” you whisper, “the me 2 weeks ago would’ve loved to hear you say that” you admit softly, eyes zeroing in on the scratches decorating the old wooden table. “All she wanted from you was an apology, for you to finally choose her.”
He perks up at this, a small smile edging its way onto his face before you continue, “but that girl isn’t me anymore, Clark” you frown, voice hardening as you look at him. “That girl withered away, along with every bit of self respect she never had.” you tell him, watching the smile disappear completely from his face.
“You had a chance to fix things – hell, you had a chance to not ruin them at all. We both know I’ve given you plenty of chances, Clark” you mutter before standing up, your cup in hand. “And I’m done giving them away now.” you tell him finally, grabbing your purse from the edge of the table and walking out of the coffee shop, leaving him to sit in his own silence.
Made it out alive, but I think I lost it,
Said that I was fine, said it from my coffin
The next few weeks go by in a blur – between your impending midterms and starting your new job you’ve had no time to dwell on the situation with Clark. The only thing you knew was that he didn’t come by to visit Lana anymore, making your time at home much more enjoyable to say the least.
Sure you missed him, but you didn’t miss the way he made you feel. Sometimes you’d still think of him; whenever you saw someone eating an apple tart, or when you'd see black cat wandering the neighborhood which bore a striking resemblance to the stuffed animal he once won you, but it didn't hurt anymore.
You’d even met someone – and sure, he wasn't Clark, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. He was reliable. A trait that you’d missed dearly between your wavering relationship with your ever-absent parents and your even more wavering relationship with Clark.
Maybe one day you could become friends again and things could go back to how they used to be – no strings attached, no feelings – but now wasn't the time. At least, not for you.
While you forced yourself to move on, all Clark could do was regret every choice he’s ever made until now. He missed you. He missed your laugh, the way you would get flour everywhere while baking, the way you forced him to watch awful rom coms with you, sitting in your room with you while you updated your Myspace page, going to the farmers market togetjer every saturday, he missed all of it.
Now instead of spending his nights with you, he spends his nights in the loft of his barn looking at your house through his telescope, watching you spend your nights with someone else – someone who wasn't, and who would never be, him. All while praying that he could take it all back.
Catch me on your ceiling,
thats your prize, thats your price.
