#clarkkftw

[sexceptionul]

Guys! I changed my URL to petrichor-ic, so if you're looking for me, that's where I am. :)

[itsahardrockpunk]

dear GOD - WHY?

I JUST WANT TO THROW MY COMPUTER AGAINST A WALL

I'M SORRY KATIE

I AM SO SORRY

If you are mad at me or got mad at me, I am so sorry.

I told you I'd come back and check on you and send you messages... I sent you at least one but you never replied.

I thought I sent two.

I'm never doing another follow forever again.

But I still follow your heart with mine and I hope you know that.

[spookyexpectations]

clarkkftw said: You deserve this vacation so much, seriously. I’m sincerely sorry for your loss, and you know if you ever need anything you can always come to me! Have tons of fun in Puerto Rico, love you!! xx

I appreciate this, love! It's okay. I went on a long rant about the whole thing on my alternative blog (vexingfitness), because I sort of look at this blog as a fandom blog... But the other one has all my personal stuff on it.

I posted that just to let people know that I wasn't dead for the next week. :)

[itsahardrockpunk]

Oh, I'm so afraid to open my inbox what if Katie answered me back what if she doesn't like me of course she still does what 

and then I'm just like SHUT UP AND FACE YOURSELF OH MY GOSH AND IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN HER

[itsahardrockpunk]

Okay so maybe I use you all to make me feel better but I'm having my four wisdom teeth pulled out tomorrow annnd 

I'M FREAKING OUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY FRIEND'S CONVINCE ME IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY AND I BELIEVE THEM

BUT I AM STILL SCARED

[itsahardrockpunk]

ok so i just left my inbox and went to my dash after answering two questions and then there was another "1" at my inbox/mail picture at the top of the page annnd

KAATTIIEEE

[itsahardrockpunk]

What's wrong? You won't have a panic attack, I promise! You'll be fine, we're all here for you. Whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask me! I'm here to listen, talk, whatever!

Oh my gosh Oh my gosh. all the love upon you all of it

Thanks. I have this awful fear thing about dying. And it gets to me when I'm stressed and just... *PUSH* gets me right over the edge.

I know I'm really young and in all likelihood I won't die until many many years from now... but... I'm going to die and that's the thing it scares me so much and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it because it's going to happen no matter what and I believe in Heaven, I really do. But i have doubts right now and it's just.

I don't want to doubt. But I do. Idk if you're religious or not, sorry.

So... that's the thing. that's what I'm scared of. And it freaks me out because even though I know I'm really young, I feel like it's closing in on me and my throat gets tight and I want to cry and I just don't know what to do except feel what I do and be scared. I don't know.

It comes and goes and I can handle it even around people to where I can actually function while I'm having a panic attack, but it's still really uncomfortable.

But thank you thank you so much. I really really appreciate you. I appreciate all of you who reach out to me and I think I got two questions about this (including this lovely one from lovely Katie) and you are so sweet and kind and thank you for thinking of me I just... I need it. <3

[itsahardrockpunk]

I need somebody to tell me I'm not going to have a panic attack.